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Doctor Who: Daleks in Manhattan

Martha: "I've always wanted to go to New York. I mean, the real New York, not the new new new new new one."

Is it sacrilege for a new fan of Doctor Who to state up front that I've completely had it with the Daleks? I realize they're the iconic Doctor Who villain, yadda yadda yadda, but they just do nothing for me. I thought the way they were treated in the smarter season one episode (appropriately named "Dalek") would have been a great way to address them and phase them out. But no. They just keep coming back. I want something new, dammit!

Stephen King’s The Waste Lands (Dark Tower III)

How can we live a life that has changed? How can we be ourselves with any certainty, if the past has been mis-remembered? What if it’s been altered? Or deleted?

Surely most of you have experienced this as much as I have. Some recollections are so real to me that I don’t question their reality—but the other participants in those recollections seem to have experienced a different situation entirely, or one with the same dialogues and stage directions, but different intonations, motivations, expressions, and emotions.

Doctor Who: Gridlock

Doctor: "Just what every city needs: cats in charge."

And it's back to New Earth.

Buffy Season Eight: Predators and Prey

Buffy: "Fine. You can keep the island. Now give me back my nerd."

Synopsis:

Andrew rushes into Slayer Central with news that he has a lead on rogue slayer Simone Doffler; Simone's lieutenant, Nisha, has gotten ensnared in the trap of a Ragna spider demon.

Doctor Who: The Shakespeare Code

Doctor: "The play's the thing! And yes, you can have that."

Okay, so it was Shakespeare in Love with aliens. I still found it to be one of the more enjoyable trips to the past. There were lots of witty lines, I never stopped smiling, and the story never stopped moving.

True Blood: Hard-Hearted Hannah

Daphne: "What? You don't like drums?"
Sam: "It's just that in my experience, no good can come from drum music."

Whoa. All of a sudden, everything changed from sexy and funny, to creepy and scary.

Doctor Who: Smith and Jones

Doctor: "I'm the Doctor."
Martha: "Me too, if I ever pass my exams."

There was a lot I liked about this one.

The structure of this episode was a deliberate callback to "Rose" (and probably to many episodes introducing a new companion). Big public building that she works in, terrible alien threat. He even yelled "Run!" and grabbed her hand to pull her along.

Buffy Season Eight: Swell

Harmony: "These slayers hacked, burned, and blew up millions of fluffy stuffed kitties! And why? Because they had tiny little fangs! They hate us so much they're killing toys now."
Larry King: "Well, that's just mean."

Synopsis:

The slayers in Tokyo, led by Satsu, are tracking down a huge monster that has ripped off an armored car. Kennedy drops in (literally, by parachute) to check up on them. The monster ripped off a small bag labeled "Santorio Corp." that contains a small stuffed animal toy: a white vampire kitten. It's a prototype of a new toy called "Vampy Cat" due to hit the stores next week, which explains why it was in an armored car, I suppose. Satsu and Kennedy take down the monster and take the Vampy Cat back to the slayer lair.

Buffy Season Eight: Harmonic Divergence

Harmony: "Everyone's curious about us vamps these days. I think I fingered a zeitgeist."

Synopsis:

Harmony and her two Pomeranians try to get into a club called "Elite," and are rejected. With lots of famous people and paparazzi around, Harmony picks up Andy Dick, takes him into an alley and bites him. Someone takes her photo. Headline: "Hot vamp gets taste of A. Dick."

Torchwood: Children of Earth, Day 5

Gwen: "I'm recording this in case anyone ever finds it. So you can see... you can see how the world ended."

It would have been wrong to tack a feel-good ending as a conclusion to this incredibly dark and heavy mini-series. The ending they gave us made sense. But my word, it was depressing.

Torchwood: Children of Earth, Day 4

"If we can't identify the lowest-achieving ten percent of this country's children, then what are the school league tables for?"

Holy wow.

Torchwood: Children of Earth, Day 3

Gwen: "What do we do? Just sit here?"
Jack: "Worse than that, do I have to stay in these clothes?"

I'm enjoying this miniseries so much.

Torchwood: Children of Earth, Day 2

Lois: "I didn't sign the official secrets act to cover up murder. And I didn't take the job to commit treason on my second day."

What a fabulous kick butt rescue-Jack-at-all-costs episode.

Torchwood: Children of Earth, Day 1

[Repetition alert! Paul Kelly reviewed Children of Earth a couple of weeks ago when it aired on British television. I'm doing it, too, because I plan to review all of Torchwood. I have not yet read Paul's reviews because (1) I avoid spoilers, and (2) I never read other people's reviews before writing my own. It'll be interesting to see if we hit the same points.]

Jack: "Actually, I found a grey hair."
Alice: "Well, that is the end of the world."

True Blood: Never Let Me Go

Bill: "I can't lose you."
Sookie: "You never will."

The plot thickens. Suddenly we have makers all over the place.

Rome Seasons One and Two

“You look like laundry.”

Costume dramas and toga parties aren’t for everyone. But even if Gladiator left you cold, Caligula left you cringing, and I, Claudius left you feeling overly-British, HBO’s now-defunct series Rome is still worth checking out during the summer television wasteland.

Doctor Who: The Runaway Bride

Doctor: "With this ring, I thee bio damp."
Donna: "For better or for worse."

I always tell myself that Doctor Who is fantasy, not science fiction. Torchwood cannot drill a hole to the center of the earth. Spider babies cannot exist in a molten core. The Doctor cannot pinpoint a moment however many billion years ago it was when the bits of rock that make up our planet began to coalesce; I tend to think that would be a very slow process, too.

Highlander: Endgame

(This review includes spoilers.)

Connor: "In the end, there can be only one. And that has to be you."

Endgame was a valiant but ultimately unsuccessful attempt to reboot the Highlander movie franchise and replace Connor MacLeod with Duncan. How I wish it had worked.

Doctor Who: Doomsday

Rose: 'I love you.'
Doctor: 'Quite right, too. And I suppose, if it's my last chance to say it. Rose Tyler...'

Season two's been a mixed bag for Rose. Her enthusiasm and growth throughout season one were a pleasure to behold, but this season the writers have seemed uncertain of what to do with her. In fact, she's been downright annoying at times, so perhaps now was the right time for Billie's departure. That's not to say she won't be missed, she's was instrumental in reviving a much loved British institution and breathing life into arguably the best loved companion since Sarah Jane. But it's better to bow out when you're on top, and Rose definitely went out with a bang.

Stephen King’s The Drawing of the Three (The Dark Tower II)

“If you have given up your heart for the Tower, Roland, you have already lost.”

And so our tale resumes. When last we saw Roland, he was asleep on a beach—sleep occasioned by the longest night of his life, spent talking to the man in black. When he awakes, the man in black appears to have died, skeletonized, and partially disintegrated. Without an intrepid CSI-tech handy, Roland assumes that appearances are reality.

Reality, of course, is precisely the topic of this installment of the Dark Tower series. Walter (the man in black) had drawn three cards for Roland in their Oceanside parley: The Hanged Man, The Lady of the Shadows, and Death: “Death, gunslinger. But not for you.”

Roland’s encounter with the lobstrosities destroys his red right hand and nearly kills him. What pulls him back together is the discovery of a magical door, jamb-less, hing-less, and existing in only two dimensions. He opens it, and we get one of the funniest lines in the whole damn series:

“The gunslinger looked, froze, uttered the first scream of terror in his adult life, and slammed the door.”

Slapstick is such a visual medium that it rarely works in novels. So when it does, I’m happy. This door gives us Eddie, a pre-gentrification Brooklynite with a nasty heroin habit and a heart of gold. But more importantly—well, maybe—we get a sense of the stakes of the game. The door opens into Eddie’s head, but it also opens into Eddie’s reality. That reality, as far as most casual readers can tell, is our own. Once Roland and Eddie get to know each other (more below) Roland explains the nature of his quest to his young new friend:

"If we win through this, Eddie, you’ll see something beyond all the beliefs of all your dreams.”
“What thing?”
“The Dark Tower.”
What is it?”
“I don’t know that, either—except that it may be a kind of…of a bolt. A central linchpin that holds all existence together. All existence, all time, all size.”

The Dark Tower is the center of the universe: it stands at the center of a series of wheels stack one on the other. Picture a wagonwheel—it’s helpful for the next book. Passage from one wheel or level of existence to another is possible through these doors, although who put them there, when, and why, is never really cleared up. The similarities between Roland’s world and our own, things like “Hey Jude” and a distant Arthurian past, point to the slipperiness of the levels and the likelihood that many, many people have traveled from one wheel to another.

A rudimentary time-travel is possible through these doors, as well. Eddie hails from the 1980s, but the next door leads to Odetta, who is mourning the recent death of “America’s last gunslinger,” John F. Kennedy. The final door, Death/The Pusher, leads to the 1970s. What Roland and his growing band of merry sidekicks can’t seem to do, however, is travel through time in Roland’s own world—the doors just don’t work that way.

The counterpoints to this large-scale picture of the Dark Tower universe are Eddie and Odetta (The Lady of the Shadows), both unwillingly shanghaied into Roland’s level of the Tower, both eventually his tried and true companions—his ka-mates. Sadly, this part of the book is also the part I like least: Eddie’s battle with heroin is rather dull reading, despite the exciting shoot-out at the mob boss’s restaurant. And Odetta/Detta/Susannah’s multiple personality disorder drives me absolutely batty. (And yes, it’s MPD, not schizophrenia, which is hearing voices and experiencing delusions, not having more than one persona.)

Both Eddie’s and Susannah’s angst seems unnecessarily drawn out; the “Detta” personality’s pseudo-ebonics just grates—as Eddie points out somewhere, it sounds like a caricature, not a person. But somehow, despite the unnecessary lengths we’re forced to undergo, I do come to feel extremely attached to both of these characters, if not by the end of this book, definitely by the end of The Waste Lands. So all that characterization and personal growth has a payoff, it’s just not evident here.

In fact, payoff is something of a problem for this installment, which ends with a different type of drawing for the final card, Death. Roland and Eddie slip back into America-level to take down Jack Mort, who, it turns out, injured Susannah twice: once, a blow to the head in childhood that lead to her split personality, and a second time, when he pushed her in front of the subway—which resulted in her losing most of her legs. Roland doesn’t draw Jack Mort into his world; he draws his gun and shoots him down (and then throws him in front of a convenient subway train).

Killing Jack Mort, however, has some radical consequences, and it’s these consequences that make this book relevant to Lost. Jack Mort was the Pusher who killed Jake (this guy really got around). So if Roland kills Mort before he has a chance to push Jake…

“Thoughts of what might happen if he stopped the man in black from murdering Jake did not come until later—the possible paradox, the fistula in time and dimension which might cancel out everything that had happened after he had arrived at the way station…What changes? Impossible even to speculate on them…If it sent all to hell, the hell with it.”

It’s worth it to Roland to save Jake, even if it means never having met him, even if it means ripping a hole in the fabric of reality (as they say in Angel, Season Four). The consequences of Roland’s actions are left unstated—like this season of Lost, we have to wait for the next installment before we have any idea what the results will be.

But the lengths Roland goes to, and the risks he runs, to save his beloved Jake also encapsulate this novel’s greatest boon: we get to know our hero, and we see that he is a man of great loyalty, strong love, and caring devotion to the people that destiny, or ka, bring into his orbit. He is a pure man, although not an innocent one. His character is strong, forthright. He is willing to risk even himself, and his quest, for his ka-mates.

Roland’s interior voice, early in the novel tells him:

“Don’t make the mistake of putting your heart near [Eddie’s] hand…There is steel in him…But there is weakness as well.”
But by the end of the next novel, we will see Roland’s inability to prevent himself from opening his heart to his ka-mates, and, in this novel, we’re beginning to see how that is the necessary requirement for him to reach the Dark Tower.

Random Thoughts:

• This is a damn hard installment to review, as all of the threads that begin in this novel carry over into the first part of The Waste Lands. I would have reviewed them together, except that the second part of The Waste Lands is really the first part of the Wolves of the Calla, which leads into the Song of Susannah…and then I just got confused.

• I’ve got it in my head to finish all my Dark Tower reviews before Comic-Con next week. No, I’m not going. Why not? Because by the time I realized I should buy a ticket, they were all sold out. (If you happen to have an extra, though, email me....) Maybe next year. I’ve said that four years in a row.

• Speaking of Comic-Con, with the implicit Lostiness of any ComiCon comment (ComiComment?), I’ve always wondered how the Lost Powers that Be, who own the rights to the series, would cast Roland, Eddie, and Susannah. My votes are for Alexis Denisof as Roland and Gina Torres as Susannah.

• No, I’m not dead, for those of you who have been wondering. I moved, and then I came down with a horrible bout of the dreaded lazy virus. If you’re not familiar with the disease, symptoms include re-watching the entire run of Angel, reading every Douglas Preston/Lincoln Child thriller (even though they are truly awful), and not wearing any make-up for weeks. It’s been delightful.

Josie Kafka is a full-time cat servant and part-time rogue demon hunter. (What's a rogue demon?)

Doctor Who: Army of Ghosts

Doctor: 'How long you going to stay with me?'
Rose: 'Forever.'

'Army of Ghosts' and 'Doomsday' will forever be remembered as Rose's swansong. It was the end of a two year adventure which saw her transformed from inexperienced shop girl into seasoned time traveller. Rose swearing to stay with the Doctor forever, shows us just how strong her commitment to that new life is. She's in it for the long haul. Her and the Doctor are as 'together' as they're ever likely to be—but that's all about to change. Rose's monologue at the start of the episode prepares us for the worst. And despite the Doctor's reassurances to the contrary, it appears that the Beast was right, after all. Rose is going to die.

Warehouse 13: Pilot

Warehouse 13 is SyFy's first new series under their somewhat clumsy rebranding attempt. The previews of this new series led me to believe it would be a bit like Sanctuary which I couldn't get into. However, the cast ably pulled off a very strong pilot episode. The series is about an Area 51-ish place similar to the last scene in Raiders of The Lost Ark (there's a nice scene with a familiar object) in that its a government storage facility for all sorts of supernatural and paranormal items.

True Blood: Shake and Fingerpop

Sookie: "Isn't it exciting? Our first trip together? Oh come on, Bill. I was almost killed last night. Again. At least give me this."

Absolutely nuts. I loved it.

Highlander: Not to Be

Duncan: "I'm Duncan MacLeod of the clan MacLeod."
Methos: "Never heard of you."

Again, I really had trouble with this.

Highlander: To Be

Duncan: "I have no choice."
Methos: "That is existentially inaccurate."

Please, no. Anything but It's a Wonderful Life. For me, an aspiring television critic, it's like Indiana Jones and the snakes. Why did it have to be snakes?

Torchwood: Children Of Earth (Day Five)

Jack: "You said yourself, the world is going to hell any second. Before it does, give us a moment of grace. Just take Gwen home, please. I can't look at her any more."

I was in tears with this one. A tragic finale really. In the end the children were saved. But the cost was so terribly high, that it was difficult to see it as a victory. Steven's gone. Ianto's gone. Jack's gone. Torchwood is seemingly in tatters. I feel quite glum.

Torchwood: Children Of Earth (Day Four)

Ianto: “Don't forget me.”
Jack: “I never could.”

Did they seriously kill Ianto? Is that what just happened? I kept on thinking... don't panic, he'll wake up any minute... they must surely have taken precautions against the virus (somehow)... a pill, maybe... they're just pretending. But Jack's face told a different story. He was absolutely devastated. So that's Suzie, Owen, Tosh and now, Ianto... all dead. At this rate there won't be enough people left for a fourth season. Now there's an unnerving thought.

Torchwood: Children Of Earth (Day Three)

The 456: “We are here!”

At first glance, the new Torchwood Hub (imaginatively named Hub 2) seemed a poor replacement for the now levelled Torchwood Three. No fancy gadgets, just a few old armchairs and a coffee making facility. But it's home now, and with the aid of some electricity and a laptop, Torchwood are back in business. Kind of. Jack still needed kitting out with some decent clobber. Thank God Ianto had the foresight to buy him some sensible clothes. Track suit bottoms? Still, I suppose we should be grateful he was wearing something.

Highlander: Indiscretions

Methos: "You know, we actually make a really good team. We could be like Scully and Mulder."
Joe: "Yeah, right."
Methos: "Sipowitz and Simone."
Joe: "Whatever."
Methos: "Caligula and Incitatus. Well, maybe not Incitatus, because he was a horse..."
Joe: "Will you shut up?"

By far and away the best episode of season six.

Highlander: Two of Hearts

Katherine: "Charity begins at home."

The fifth and final immortal babe audition episode: Claudia Christian as Katherine.

Torchwood: Children Of Earth (Day Two)

The 456: “We are coming... tomorrow.”

Not so long ago John Barrowman made the comment “as long as they pay me the right money, I'm ready to get out my cock and balls." All I can say is, he must currently possess a big fat wallet (no euphemism intended). It was brief... and mostly hidden by the letter X (I didn't zoom in, honestly). But they were definitely out, weren't they? I noticed, too, that Gwen couldn't resist a quick look later in the episode. Real subtle, Gwen. Seriously.

Highlander: Deadly Exposure

Duncan: "You're a madwoman. First you seduce me, then you betray me, and now you rescue me."
Reagan: "All part of a day's work."

Immortal babe audition episode number four: Sandra Hess as bounty hunter Reagan Cole.

Torchwood: Children Of Earth (Day One)

The 456: "We are coming. We are coming... back!"

Wow... that was pretty damn decent. I was unsure how well the mini-series format would suit Torchwood, but it actually worked rather well. I was listening to an interview with John Barrowman on Radio One this afternoon and he seemed to suggest that, in future, they may use the extended story-arc format again (assuming for a moment that Torchwood has a future). If tonight's episode was anything to go by, then bring it on!

Doctor Who: Fear Her

Rose: 'I was attacked by a pencil scribble?'

One thing I've found particularly frustrating this season is the show's general lack of consistency. How many times have we seen a potentially good storyline ruined by either poorly judged dialogue or a badly realised villain, or great characterisation nullified by poor storytelling? The thing that really irks me is, it doesn't have to be this way. They are capable of getting it right. 'School Reunion' and 'The Girl in the Fireplace' are proof positive they can crank out a good story—but they've so rarely hit the mark this season. Which is a shame for Billie and David, because they deserve better scripts than this.

Highlander: Justice

Katya: "I went from being her mother, to being her older sister, to her younger sister. But she was always my little girl."

Immortal babe audition episode number three: Justina Vail as Katya. I actually liked Katya. And Justina Vail did end up with a series, although it wasn't a Highlander spin-off; shortly after this episode aired, she landed the female lead in the science fiction series, Seven Days.

Doctor Who: Love & Monsters

Jackie: 'She's so far away. I get left here sometimes and I don't know where she is. Anything could be happening to her, anything. And I just go a bit mad.'

Three years on and I'm still in two minds about 'Love & Monsters'. Was it a clever experiment which paid off, or ill-conceived filler necessitated by a tight schedule and Tennant's inability to be in two places at once? I don't have a problem with the Doctor-lite episodes, but tonight's offering had more than its fair share of problems, and the source of those problems can be summed up in one word... Abzorbaloff.

Highlander: Unusual Suspects

Fitz: "She loves me, laddie. If there's one thing I know, it's women."

Highlander does Clue. Juliette in the music room with a clarinet. Fitz sure knew how to pick them, didn't he?

Warehouse 13

Season 1 | Season 2 |
Season 3 | Season 4 |
Season 5 | Cast |

[Programming note: Our Warehouse 13 coverage is extensive, but incomplete.]

Take one part The X-Files, two parts Eureka, add some steampunk touches, and voila! You get Warehouse 13 (2009-2014). Secret Service agents Myka Bering and Pete Latimer are tasked with identifying and retrieving dangerous artifacts – objects imbued with mystical or supernatural powers – for storage in a vast warehouse hidden in the barren hills of South Dakota. With the able assistance of their cranky supervisor, Artie Nielsen, and his spunky young protégé, Claudia Donovan, Pete and Myka protect the world from a fascinating array of seemingly ordinary items, often preventing disaster of epic proportions.

Season One

1.1 Pilot
1.2 Resonance
1.3 Magnetism
1.4 Claudia
1.5 Elements
1.6 Burnout
1.7 Implosion
1.8 Duped
1.9 Regrets
1.10 Breakdown
1.11 Nevermore
1.12 MacPherson
Warehouse 13 season one post-mortem by Jess Lynde

Season Two

2.1 Time Will Tell
2.2 Mild Mannered
2.3 Beyond Our Control
2.4 Age Before Beauty
2.5 13.1
2.6 Around the Bend
2.7 For the Team
2.8 Merge with Caution
2.9 Vendetta
2.10 Where and When
2.11 Buried
2.12 Reset
2.13 Secret Santa
Warehouse 13 season two part one by Jess Lynde
Warehouse 13 season two part two by Jess Lynde

Season Three

3.1 The New Guy
3.2 Trials
3.3 Love Sick
3.4 Queen for a Day
3.5 3... 2... 1
3.6 Don't Hate the Player
3.7 Past Imperfect
3.8 The 40th Floor
3.9 Shadows
3.10 Insatiable
3.11 Emily Lake
3.12 Stand
3.13 The Greatest Gift

Season Four

4.1 A New Hope
4.2 An Evil Within
4.3 Personal Effects
4.4 There's Always a Downside
4.5 No Pain, No Gain
4.6 Fractures
4.7 Endless Wonder
4.8 Second Chance
4.9 The Ones You Love
4.10 We All Fall Down
4.11 The Living and the Dead
4.12 Parks and Rehabilitation
4.13 The Big Snag
4.14 The Sky's the Limit
4.15 Instinct
4.16 Runaway
4.17 What Matters Most
4.18 Lost and Found
4.19 All the Time in the World
4.20 The Truth Hurts

Season Five

5.1 Endless Terror
5.2 Secret Services
5.3 A Faire to Remember
5.4 Savage Seduction
5.5 Cangku Shisi
5.6 Endless

Cast

Eddie McClintock (Pete Lattimer)
Joanne Kelly (Myka Bering)
Saul Rubinek (Artie Nielsen)
Genelle Williams (Leena)
Allison Scagliotti (Claudia Donovan)
Simon Reynolds (Daniel Dickenson)
CCH Pounder (Mrs. Irene Frederic)

Doctor Who: The Satan Pit

Beast: 'The lost girl. So far away from home. The valiant child, who will die in battle, so very soon.'

When this episode first aired, it was widely rumoured that Billie would be leaving the show at the end of the season, and this was our first possible hint as to the nature of her character's departure. Whatever happened to a nice gold watch and a box of chocolates?

Highlander: Black Tower

Marek: "Look around you, MacLeod. I told you I'd accomplish great things."
Duncan: "You make toys, Marek. Get over it."

Watching Adrian Paul do anything is rarely a waste of time, and this episode had its moments. But you know what? We've seen this episode already in season one: it was called "Bad Day in Building A." And wasn't there a movie with Bruce Willis?