Glee: Hairography

Brittany: "It's like cool epilepsy."

Oy. "Hairography" was definitely, well, hairy. While there were some good moments and cute one-liners in the episode, overall, I didn't love it. I almost think this one should have been titled "Wheels", because it felt like everyone was spinning their wheels in the mud but getting nowhere.

The entire time I was watching, I felt this nagging sense of deja vu. I finally realized why everything felt familiar - this episode was Acafellas, Part 2. Getting bashed over the head again with the writers' subtlety and grace this week brought back the pain of that episode - which I mercifully had no memory thanks to the original head trauma.

I Don't Think You're Ready For This Jelly...
So kids, in case you didn't catch it, tonight was about distraction. Distracting your husband from the truth with a really ugly old car (Terri). Distracting the judges from your lack of confidence with really ugly wigs (Will). Distracting Finn so that he wouldn't notice her playing house with his best friend with Rachel in a really ugly catsuit (Quinn). Distracting the viewers so they wouldn't notice that Sectionals is never coming and the writers are running out of ideas with a really gimmicky episode about distraction.

Oy. When I get a chance, I'm going to go back and count how many times that word was uttered in "Hairography" - they didn't even bother with handy synonyms this time around.

Besides the fact that the Theme of the Week/Afterschool Special message to "be yourself" was overly preachy, I also didn't dig this episode because nothing moved. We were teased that the truth might come out with Terri, that Quinn might keep the baby and choose Puck, that Finn was actually interested in Rachel - but in the end, everything stayed exactly where it has been for months. Yes, months. I'm all for a natural progression and not rushing through a storyline, but I'm losing my patience. WHEN is Terri going to be found out? WHEN will the Rachel-Finn-Quinn-Puck rectangle dynamics change? WHEN is Sectionals going to happen? And WHEN is Sue going to reveal her endgame?

True Colors?
Not all of the episode was bad. Kurt had some fantabulous one liners, and it was nice to see just how much Terri genuinely loves Will. (Although, again, retread of "Acafellas".) I actually really liked the scenes where Quinn and Puck were babysitting ("What's that smell?" "Soap.") and I really liked that Puck is still the horny, MILF-loving teenage punk he's always been. If he had miraculously grown up and fallen for Quinn, it would have been sweet, but a fairy tale.

Unfortunately, we already know all this about these characters. The depth, complexities, insecurities have been revealed and shown. Not only did the plot not further, none of the characters grew. Sue was back to her old scheming ways, Will back to his old lack of confidence and desperate need to do anything to win. If this episode had come earlier in the season, it might have been fine. But it's no longer enough for me, not after I've seen what this cast and these writers can do.

The only true bright spot I found in "Hairography" was the continued exchanges between Rachel and Kurt. When she told Kurt that she would still win Finn's affection because she was a girl, the way his face fell made me think that he's finally taking it to heart. (Although, call me pessimistic, but given the way that they've treated Puck's character, I wouldn't be surprised if Kurt was back to his old antics again next week.) I also really loved the moment at the end when Rachel and Kurt look at each other across the hall, and give each other a small wave.

Bootylicious!
But there were two redeeming parts for "Hairography" - the performances of the Jane Adams Academy, and the school for the deaf (didn't catch the name). I have really, really, really missed seeing other Glee Clubs perform. OK, I'll be honest. I just really, really, really want to see Vocal Adrenaline again, because they are dynamite. But finally seeing the competition was good too.

The "Bootylicious" routine reminded me a lot of "Push It" from "Acafellas" - totally, inappropriately sexed up, with lyrics that I never needed to see in Close Caption. (I too am 1/2 deaf, although not from scarlet fever or as ridiculous as the director.) Since I love hip hop, and New Directions admittedly has no dance skills, it was great to see some actual dancing, hair and all. This is in direct contrast with the "Hair/Crazy In Love" number by our McKinley kids - which seemed to take Brittany's directive to "pretend like you've been tasered" a little too literally.

Even if the "Imagine" piece was blatantly emotionally manipulative, I still enjoyed it. It doesn't hurt that it's such a wonderful song. I'm glad that they didn't make the deaf kids amazing vocalists - that would have been too cliche. Having them sign and sing "Imagine" off tune instead was fantastic. The combination of McKinley and deaf kids singing was beautiful, but the whole time, I was wondering why the deaf kids weren't offended that Mercedes just got up and crashed their number.

Music Roundup:

• + 5 for the Jane Adams Bootylicious routine, hair, booty shaking and all. I didn't realize just how whitewashed McKinley is until I saw it (and yes, I know Mercedes tries to point that out almost every week).
• Another +1 because they kept the "I don't think you're ready for this jelly". They censored Mr. Shue with "Gold Digger", I expected it to always happen.
• +5 for the "Imagine" piece. Artie is a fantastic singer.
• -10 for the "Hair" idea altogether. Mr. Shue - if you are trying to distract the judges from your supposed faults (dancing), why put the guys in ugly wigs? It's one thing to have the girls toss their hair, but the boys looked ridiculous. But +3 because Puck's Slash wig was just too awesome, so only -7 in the end.
• +1 for "True Colors". I liked the visuals, but Tina wasn't really strong enough for this number, and it was Shameless Emotional Manipulation #2 of the evening.
• +1 for attempting a mashup with Beyonce and "Hair", -1 because it didn't really work, and not just because of the wigs. Mashups do seem to be their specialty, and in general, I like them.
• Oh, and what's with the Beyonce fascination? I'm pretty sure this is the fourth Beyonce song they've performed, and two in one night?? No points, just saying.
• +1 for a cute and timely accoustic rendition of "Papa Don't Preach", but -1 because it was way too cheerful and would have been more powerful if it reflected how Quinn actually felt. Even.
• Overall tally: 5. Not a strong night musically, I'm afraid. I didn't rush out to download anything off iTunes this week.

GLEEK of the Week
Before we wrap up, I need to give a shout out to our comedic MVP this episode: Kendra. She had one zinger after another tonight - which was very welcome, especially with Sue being uncharacteristically sober.

Bits & Pieces
-- Kendra: "Mom smoked and drank a bottle of Reuniti every night when she was pregnant with us, and we're TOTALLY normal!!!" That explains a lot.

-- Kurt: "Rachel somehow managers to dress like a grandmother and a toddler at the same time." Too true! He nailed it!

-- BTW, that periwinkle pant suit totally made me laugh out loud.

-- Quinn: "What are you doing Friday night?"
Puck: "The usual - stand outside 7-Eleven looking depressed until someone offers to buy me beer."

-- Will: "Brittany, take it away."
Brittany: "Take what away?"

-- Kurt: "Most of the time I find it hard to be in the same room with you. Especially this one, which looks like where Strawberry Shortcake and Holly Hobbie come to hook up."

-- Terri: "You don't drink diet soda, do you? Because it causes male pattern baldness."
Quinn: "The baby's a girl."

-- Kurt: "Looks like someone is running for drama queen."

-- Ms. Hitchens: "You're a good kid, why did you try to rob a bank?"
Aphasia: "Because, Ms. Hitchens, that's where they keep the money."

-- The soap line was great, but isn't it kind of illegal to be bathing minors you don't know? Maybe I just watched too much Law & Order: SVU over the holiday weekend.

Overall, meh. 2.5 wigs out of 4.

Dexter: Lost Boys

Trinity: "You're a dear boy, Arthur. So innocent, kind-hearted. Promise me you'll always stay that way."

This episode had me on the edge of my seat with my stomach churning, even though I was fairly certain Dexter would rescue the boy in time. Which, of course, he did.

Doctor Who: The Fires of Pompeii

Donna: "You fought it off with a water pistol! I bloody love you!"

Russell T. Davies got the idea for a story based in Pompeii after watching the BBC documentary “Pompeii: The Last Day”. It was filmed at Cinecittà studios, Rome, and reused some of the sets from the now cancelled HBO/BBC series Rome -- hence its semi-authentic feel. Visually, too, this was a handsome episode. The costumes, the Pyrovile, the exploding volcano... the sheer attention to detail... all made for an impressive viewing experience.

RTD originally intended to run the story as part of the show's first season, but it was later replaced by ”Boom Town”. Which makes you wonder how this episode would have fared with Billie and Chris at the helm. Would it have been better? Worse? I guess we'll never know. But it was a pretty fine yarn in its own right.

The Doctor/companion dynamic was different from the get-go. Both Rose and Martha have questioned the Doctor's wisdom before -- but, when it comes to being headstrong, Donna's in a class of her own. She was completely disinterested in the Doctor's "fixed point in time” spiel. All she cared about was the impending carnage of Volcano Day. And to his credit, the Doctor, rather than ignoring the plight of Caecilius and Co (admittedly, with some hefty prompting from Donna), eventually went back and saved them all. Which only goes to prove that he needs someone there to keep him grounded.

Tate had a pretty strong episode, overall. Her handling of the story's weightier elements was spot on -- from her horror at the looming destruction of the city -- to her helplessness at preventing the inevitable human cost. Her comedic timing was, likewise, impeccable. James Moran's script was choc-o-block full of linguistic gags, all delivered with enthusiastic aplomb by Tennant and Tate. I'm not so sure the visual gags worked as well, however. Where did the Doctor get a water pistol from at such short notice (and 2000 years before they'd been invented)? TK Maximus, perhaps?

And Donna asked the question tonight that's perplexed mankind for decades. If the TARDIS translates English into Latin, and vice versa, then what would happen if someone spoke actual Latin? The answer... nobody would have a clue what they were talking about. Phil Cornell's character thought Donna was speaking Celtic. But why would the TARDIS assign random accents to different speakers? Cornell's stallholder had a decidedly cockney twang to him.

Also of note, particularly as these are retro reviews, is companion-to-be Karen Gillan's appearance as the soothsayer. Karen will be playing Amy Pond (the new Doctor's companion) from 2010 onwards. She was hard to recognise under all the makeup, but she was there nevertheless. And Torchwood fans will no doubt have recognised Peter Capaldi as Caecilius (Mr Frobisher from the "Children of Earth" mini-series).

And she's returning, is she? Is there really only the Doctor who doesn't know who this “she” is?

Bits and pieces:

-- The Doctor's joked that Donna's was from Barcelona... a tip of the hat to 70's British comedy show Fawlty Towers.

-- Lucius' comment that "she is returning", was a reference to Rose's scheduled reappearance later in the season.

-- The Doctor presumably spoke to Lucius in Latin, meaning his pun on the likeness of the words "sun" and "son" wouldn't have made sense. In Latin, the two words sound quite different.

-- What happened to the TARDIS' chameleon circuit? How comes Caecilius could see it in order to buy it?

-- Dextrus' comment that Donna had "something on her back" was a reference to future season four story "Turn Left".

Billie says...

I'm almost ashamed to admit that this one got to me. I loved Donna in this episode. She simply could not deal with the concept of twenty thousand people dying, and couldn't stop trying to do something about it. She made the Doctor see that one family instead of the big picture. Just save *someone*.

And I liked the rest of the episode, too. Maybe it was the superior sets and the clever dialogue on top of the tremendous tragedy. Maybe it was the cool-looking volcano aliens. Maybe it was Tate and Tennant, who ran around Pompeii in tandem and bounced lines off each other like they'd been working together forever. I liked the Latin/Celtic continuing joke. I liked the family and their household gods. I even liked the water pistol, illogical as it was.

Didn't Captain Jack say back in season one that he often pulled his con in Pompeii on Volcano Day? Too bad they didn't run into him.

Quotes:

Donna: "Should I change my clothes?"
The Doctor: "Nah, anything goes in Rome. It's like Soho, only bigger."

Donna: "Have you been here before?"
Doctor: "Yes, I have, and before you ask, that fire had nothing to do with me. Well, a little bit."

Caecilius: "Who are you?"
Doctor: "I am... Spartacus."
Donna: "And so am I."
Caecilius: "Mr and Mrs Spartacus?"
The Doctor: "Oh, no no no no no, we're not married."
Caecilius: "Oh, brother and sister? Yes, of course, you look very much alike."
Doctor and Donna: "Really?"

The Doctor: "Did you think of moving away? Oh no, then again, San Francisco."
Caecilius: "That's a new restaurant in Naples, isn't it?"

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Doctor Who: Partners In Crime

Donna: "I'm waving at fat."

After "The Runaway Bride," I was unsure whether having Catherine Tate as a permanent companion would be good for the show. There's already a thick seam of humour running through New Who -- would the introduction of a renowned comedienne upset the already precarious balance of humour and drama? Thankfully, her character this season was a far cry from the Donna we saw back in "The Runaway Bride". This was a more vulnerable and wistful Donna. Gone is the shouting fishwife. And I have to say, I think it was a change for the better.

Glee: Ballads

Will: "Ballad. Who knows what this word means?"
Brittany: "It's a male duck."

If "Vitamin D" was the comedic gold standard of Glee's first season, then "Ballads" is certainly its emotional one. I think tonight's episode is about as close as the show has come to achieving the near-perfection of the series Pilot. Without question, Will, Mercedes and Finn delivered their best musical performances to date. Artie was pretty darn impressive, but "Confessions" was just too awesome to be beat.

In "Ballads" - defined as a story told through song - Mr. Shue asked the kids to practice expressing themselves musically in preparation for the never-coming Sectionals. With Rachel's self esteem and popularity issues, Kurt's unrequited crush on a straight boy, Puck's resentment of his best friend, who "gets everything", and Finn, Quinn, and "Babygate", as Mercedes calls it - "Ballads" let loose a dam of pent-up frustrations and finally allowed the truth to come tumbling out.

"Crush"
Tonight, Glee's signature "bop bops" and awkwardly inappropriate moments were back in all their glory with two doomed crushes: Rachel's on Mr. Shue, and Kurt's with Finn. I never thought I'd miss the squirming and cringing uncomfortableness of a watching a sure-fire train wreck, but oddly, Glee hasn't felt quite right without them. Maybe it's because high school - and, in fact, life - just isn't realistic without them. Maybe it's because "Push It" has recently been topping my playlist, and I totally crack up every time I hear Artie's "Holla!

I could not stop laughing (and squirming) at Will's face during the "Endless Love" duet. Matt Morrison thus far has played the straight man to all the kooks around him (the scene with Tanaka's athlete foot issue and Will's cookie comes to mind), but his expression was priceless. Of course, my favorite part of the scene was when Tina pulled out "Other Asian" from the hat. LOL. See? He'll never have a name!

I also loved Will's desperate attempt at discouraging Rachel with a brilliant mashup of "Don't Stand So Close To Me/Young Girl". Of course it failed miserably - even I fall in love with that man every time he sings, and I’m not a 16 year old girl with a crush. "So, Rachel, do you think you understood the message I was trying to get across with that ballad?" Will asks. "Yes," she answers earnestly, "I'm very young and you can't stand too close to me." (I should mention that I've been looking forward to this episode ever since that line aired on the preview.)

More awkward uncomfortableness ensued with Kurt's futile attempt to convince Finn that he should give up girls because they suck. Sure, it didn't have a snowball's chance in LA, but you know what? It was real. I wonder how many gay teenage kids, still coming to terms with their sexuality and who don't fully understand the complexities of love, are as naive as Kurt and think this would work? I can't say, but I can tell you that when I was a teenager, I thought up all manners of crazy schemes to get my crushes to like me.

The "Crush" section would not be complete without a shout out to Suzie Pepper, portrayed with quivering insanity by Sarah Drew of Mad Men. The midnight call, those horrible socks, and cheesiest of the cheesy "More Than Words" on her headphone - all too funny. But in the end, it was the Pepper-Berry showdown that brought Rachel back to reality. "Let me tell you a few things I've learned from 2 years of intense psychotherapy and an esophagus transplant," offered a surprisingly insightful and helpful Suzie. "You need to find some self-respect, Rachel. Get that mildly attractive groove back... Let me be a cautionary tale." That's one of the things I love most about Glee - just when you think things are heading for a plot cliche, the writers pull a 180, and show us humanity at its best.

"I'll Stand By You"
But for all the lightheartedness of high school crushes, the heart of "Ballads" was Finn's and Quinn's individual struggles with her pregnancy. Finn, in a surprising burst of frustration, lashes out at Kurt (who found it "fantastically compelling and inappropriate"). I knew that he’s been trying his best to be responsible and supportive, despite Quinn constantly taking things out on him, but I did not realize just how upset this kid was at the prospect of giving up his daughter, or how much he already loves her. It was amazingly touching, and wonderfully underscored by a heartfelt rendition of "I'll Stand By You" - which as I mentioned before, is easily Corey Montieth's best performance to date.

This week, Glee continues it's focus on family dynamics. While everyone's been wrapped up with the Finn-Quinn-Puck baby drama (and how it will tie into Terri's deception), I think we've forgotten just how scary it is for two teenagers to be having a kid. In addition to sobering weight and responsibility of parenthood, they must feel terribly alone, hiding it from the people that they need the most for fear of getting in trouble - their parents. It's clear that Finn wanted his mom to know - otherwise, would Finn have left his laptop open? - and very likely that Quinn was hoping that her mother would guess and help her.

The marked contrast between the two families was interesting. Finn's mother has been portrayed as not having a lot of money, and somewhat "white trash" - she wears too much tacky denim, was into that lawn painter guy with the mullet, and seems to be constantly doing laundry. Yet, without question, she loves and will stand by her son. I almost lost it first watching her hold a sobbing Finn, trying desperately to hold it together and be strong for him, and then when she welcomed Quinn with open arms.

On the other hand, Quinn's family clearly has money; they are concerned about status and debutante balls, they’re conservative, religious, watch Glen Beck, and, I suspect, not natural blonds. Everything about them come across as superficial, judgmental, and cold - from the old, dark wood of their decor, which just screams male-dominated household, to the seating arrangement at the massive dining table. And they kind of reminded me of Josh Groban and his "blowsy alcoholics". I wasn't surprised that they were not supportive when they found out about Quinn's pregnancy, although I didn't expect the father to kick out Quinn, and the mother to actually choose her husband over her own daughter.

I do have to admit, though, that the scene where Quinn's parents are confronting the two kids wasn't quite as powerful as it could have been. The writing was pretty solid, and I thought that the reactions of all 4 were completely understandable. Unfortunately, I just didn't think Diana Agron's acting skills were strong enough for that scene. I actually found Rachel tearing up at the end with Mr. Shue to be more heart-tugging.

"Lean On Me"
For me, the final number, "Lean On Me", captured everything that makes Glee so wonderful: it was an authentic and emotional ensemble piece, uplifting and hopeful during somber times, filled with heart, camraderie and, yes, glee. It was able to communicate the club's support of Finn and Quinn in a way that words cannot do. From a musical standpoint, I loved it because it brought something new to a classic - I loved the "hum hum hum hum" opening and the gospel-like crescendo at the end. Mercedes perfectly hit all of her high notes, and I saw Brittany actually hug Rachel in the middle! I have to say, I misted up at least 2 or 3 times during the episode, but managed to hold it together until this song - then I just started crying with no shame.

"Endless Love"
The song wasn't completely relevant to the storyline, so I saved it for last. During the episode, the song was diluted by the voiceovers (which were so funny, especially the totally random Puck "total commando" one), as well as the crazy close ups of Rachel's and Shue's faces. But then I downloaded the full version on iTunes, and it completely blew me away.

It's the first number to feature our Broadway giants Lea Michele and Matt Morrison, and it is amazing. Lea is always great on all of her numbers, but I didn't realize until I heard this song just how much she's been holding back. Matt Morrison is honestly the only one who can match her talent, and listening to these two go toe to toe was incredible. (Have I mentioned that I fall a little bit more in love with him every time he sings??) Even if you don't download the full version, at least listen to the preview. It's fantastic.

Last, But Not Least…
Without question, the best scene of the episode was when Mercedes confronted Puck. I was expecting her to be speechless, and thought she'd immediately start gossiping about it with Tina or Kurt. But it was really mature and sobering; I actually stood up and started cheering her when she gave it to Puck straight:

"You need to get something through your mohawk real quick. You're the baby's daddy, but it takes a lot more to be a father, and that's role's already been cast because Quinn chose Finn. You need to accept that and move on, because you have no business messing up that girl's life more than you already have."

Bits & Pieces:
-- No Sue. I missed her on principle, but it was such a great episode that I didn't even realize until the end.

-- Finn: "I have to go, they'll think I'm pooping."

-- Terri was back in shallow, evil shrew form tonight, but I did enjoy her lines. In particular: "Listen, you little psycho. This is Will's wife, and if I don't get enough sleep, my antidepressants don't work. And then I'll go crazy and I'll kill you."

-- Man, I hate "More Than Words". Whiniest. Song. Ever.

-- Kurt: "You do well with classics, especially of the soft rock mode."

-- OK, the one thing that took away from the powerfulness of "I'll Stand By You" was when Finn did the Reach To Nowhere at the sonogram.

-- Tina: "All the baby drama is making my rosacea act up." Hmmm... didn't see her and Artie interacting all night.

-- Quinn's Dad: "He wears a helmet when he plays, right?"

-- Brittany: "I bet the duck is in the hat."

-- Rachel: "Wow, I never noticed this before because he's always trying to destroy my career, but Mr. Shue has really nice eyes."

-- Emma: "I too am very curious about the power of the ballad. I'm thinking about doing some career counseling in song... SAT prep perhaps... I'm sitting."

-- Finn: "You think I should bring a gun?"

-- Will: "I'm taking Rachel home."
Terri: "Can you ask her to dust the blinds in the craft room first?"

-- I have the same notebook Rachel was carrying in the hallway. In fact, it's my Glee review notebook :-)

-- Rachel's Flowers: "Sorry I've been acting crazy!"

-- Kurt: "Your t-zone is dangerously dry." Finn looks down at his crotch.

-- P.S. I loved Kurt's robe and full skin care kit in the football locker room.

-- In this week's fashion report: Emma had on a pair of gorgeous shoes during Will's "Young Girl" performance. Kurt sported two very nice pea coats - one trimmed with red, one in red tartan. But that weird Peter Pan outfit he was wearing during Finn's solo? Ugh. Lose the long, asymmetrical tunic.

All in all, a strong, solid, emotionally rewarding episode. I think part of the reason "Ballads" worked so well is because, like the characters, the writers are probably better at expressing emotion through music then words. It's clear that all of the songs chosen for this week were carefully thought through, and it's refreshing to have the music carry the story, rather then just part of the plot (e.g., a Glee Club is supposed to perform, a homework assignment). Hats off to the writers, all of the singers, and especially Corey Montieth for an exceptional outing.

Four out of four male ducks.

V: It's Only the Beginning

I'll come right out and say it: I was not impressed with "It's Only the Beginning." In fact, my opinion of the show is getting worse with each episode. I thought the premier was good, and the 2nd episode not too bad. But it's just gone downhill from there for me.

Before I dive into my review, I should post a disclaimer. Despite my guest writer status at Billie Doux, I am not generally a fan of science fiction. With the exception of Battlestar Galactica (which, I think we can all agree, was exceptional for any genre), the only 2 shows I've ever watched knowing it was sci-fi-ish are Dollhouse, because of Joss Whedon, and Fringe, because of JJ Abrams.

So it's entirely possible that I don't love the show because of that. Or it may just be because last night's episode continued V's downward decline in quality. If the show runners were hoping that "It's Only the Beginning" would be compelling enough to lure viewers back after the Winter Olympics, I think that they will be sorely disappointed. It just didn't feel like anything significant happened - certainly not a game changer or a cliff hanger where I'm dying to see what comes next.

Maybe I'm wrong, maybe you guys can help me understand how the things that happened tonight made an important plot advance. Erica discovered that Ryan is a V. The Fantastic Four (as I liked to call them) suspected that the V's were going to do something bad to humans via their vitamin shots, so they broke into a warehouse, where they discovered that the mysterious bad stuff - R26 - was being put into human-produced flu vaccines. Sneaky ones, those V's are. Ryan's fiance is pregnant with a mutant baby. Someone - can't remember his name - sacrifices himself so that Joshua won't be discovered.

Part of the problem for me is that I have yet to connect with any of the characters. By episode 4, we should have some understanding of who they are, but they all still feel very surface to me. I feel like we are more told who they are than shown. The V's are like Dennis Hopper. Whenever he shows up in a movie, you just know that he's the crazy evil guy - it doesn't matter what or why. On the flip side, the good guys are the good guys because they're human, not because any of the 4 main protagonists have displayed any characteristics that make me root for them. In fact, if humans were really this annoying and boring, I'm not entirely sure why we want the race to survive.

I can't recall who said it, but unlike one of the reviewers/commenters, I find the familiarity of the actors to be distracting. With the exception of Anna, either the writing or the acting isn't strong enough to break my association with their previous characters. Case in point: I think Elizabeth Mitchell is the strongest actor on the show, but I can't figure out if I find Erica to be flat because the character hasn't been well developed, or if because Juliet is one of the most complex, intriguing characters I've ever come across.

The end result is that, well, I just don't care what happens to them. So, the V's are sucking Tyler into The Dark Side with teenage boy hormones and cool looking engines. OK, great. Maybe then he'll be less whiny. So, Georgie got shot. And? Maybe then he'll be less whiny. So, Father Jack got shanked in a church by a V. Honestly, serves him right. I was like, DOOD - seriously. If a random person comes knocking in the middle of the night RIGHT AFTER YOU JUST BLEW UP AN ENEMY BUILDING, YOU DO NOT APPROACH HIM UNARMED. You especially DO NOT PUT DOWN THE GUN YOU WERE JUST HOLDING.

*Bangs head on table*

Scene by scene, "It's Only the Beginning" played like a smorgasbord of plot cliches. Borrowing/retelling isn't necessarily bad in itself, but the problem is that the rip offs aren't amounting to anything. Instead of moving us towards a more cohesive plot, I feel a little like the writers are just throwing everything cool they've ever seen at the wall and hoping something sticks.

Fundamentally, I think my issue with the show is that I don't know what it is or where it's going. As drnanamom pointed out, V isn't a reimagining a la Battlestar Galactica. But I don't agree that it is a cheesy, crappy sci-fi show - it takes itself too seriously. So, what is it trying to accomplish? If it is trying to deliver a political message, what is it? If they are trying to bring the V of the 80's to a new generation, the pace at which they are doing it isn't doing it justice. It almost feels like they are rushing through the original story so that they can get it over with. And then... what? Add something more? Take it into a completely different direction? If so, why rehash it at all?

The mediocrity of "It's Only the Beginning" highlights V's (possibly) fatal flaw: the writers/producers don't seem to grasp the importance of timing or pacing. As we all know, a lot is riding on this episode - the show has been declining in ratings since the premier, and it has to pull viewers back after a long hiatus. In this position, this episode needed to be explosive, thrilling, compelling, gasp-out-loud, throw-something-at-the-tv-because-you-can't-wait-for-the-next episode good. The writers should have pulled out all the stops - even cliched, cheesy shows know how to use cheap shock value to engage the viewers. But it was merely... meh. Did they know that this episode was going to be pivotal to the show's survival? If they did, it certainly didn't come across.

I can't say that I'll be returning in the spring, if it even comes back. It's disappointing, since the original is forever etched in my mind as one of the scariest things I've ever seen. Perhaps Ron Moore forever ruined remakes for me, but I honestly believe that if you don't have a clear vision of what you want the updated version to be, then just leave it in peace.

So says the faux sci-fi viewer.

Doctor Who: Voyage of the Damned (Christmas Special 2007)

Astrid: "That's a spaceship?"
Doctor: "Oy! Don't knock it!"

Well, this year's Christmas Special was definitely more festive than "The Runaway Bride" (not terribly difficult, I know). It started off well. There were some nice costumes, and a beautifully realised set (somewhat reminiscent of Cameron's movie, Titanic). So, visually, there was a lot to like about this episode.

Heroes: Thanksgiving

Sylar: "You have raised the evil incarnate bar to an entirely new level. Thank you for giving me something to strive for."

At last, my favorite Heroes character has returned. It's been too long, Mister Muggles.

This episode was actually quite a bit fun. Mama Petrelli took dysfunctional family Thanksgivings to a whole new level. She finally revealed the body switching brain-washing plot over catered turkey, and "Nathan" and Peter were supposed to just keep eating? Who's ready for pie?

I rather liked that Hiro was so angry and proactive for a change. He still doesn't have Charlie -- but he did save Edgar, and now Lydia knows the truth. The field scene with the glowing weeds where Samuel killed his brother was actually quite striking. How long is this carnival arc supposed to last, again?

My favorite was the Bennet family dinner with everyone bringing their new honey: Noah even provided Gretchen for Claire. Kate from Angel was back, and Sandra has found the perfect man: legume-intolerant Doug, who has his very own Muggles-ette. Claire watched Noah and Sandra sniping at each other as if she were watching a really uncomfortable and awkward show. Her completely freaking out Doug was funny.

Claire seems to be going through Buffy's first semester in college. She has to lie to everyone and can never be herself, and her secret life keeps intruding into everything. Guess it's time to find the carnival. Gretchen, you should have stayed home. Non-super people hanging around super people tend to wind up toast.

How long is this carnival arc again?

All of my Heroes reviews, most of them longer than this, are archived here.
(Season 4, episode 10)

Fringe: August

“Who are these people?”

Fox was marketing this episode as, if not life-changing, at least show-changing. The Observer! More information! Answers, answers, answers! [Say that last bit like an announcer at a monster-truck rally.] What we got was a pretty standard stand-alone: guy does something weird, Fringe Division tries to figure it out and discovers there’s a twist, guy is neutralized and we’ve all learned something about ourselves. What we haven’t learned more about, though, is the Pattern or the coming War or even what the Observers are up to.

Dexter: Hungry Man

Dexter: "I just don't want to do any damage."
Rita: "You're a parent. Parents do damage."

Disturbing. Also shocking. I had trouble sleeping after I saw this one. And that's not something I've ever said about a Thanksgiving episode of anything.

Doctor Who: Time Crash (Children in Need Special)

Tenth Doctor: "Wibbly wobbly..."
Both Doctors: "Timey wimey!"

I love the Children In Need specials. Despite being irregular, they're always of a decent quality and, although seldom giving us anything significant in terms of plot development, they always entertain. And what's not to like about seeing Peter Davison gracing our screens again? Sure he's a bit older and little heavier. But the man's still got it.

Stargate Universe: Life

I’ve grown to enjoy Stargate Universe overall, but after reading the teaser blurb for ‘Life,’ I was not looking forward to the episode. The notion of Scott and Wray visiting their loved ones on Earth via the communication stones was seriously unappealing. I detest the stones, and had little confidence that this episode would do anything to address the serious moral and ethical problems with their use. Plus, I’m not a big fan of Scott’s, so spending extended getting-to-know-you time with his character was not high on my list. In fact, we postponed watching this episode until Sunday night, because we just couldn’t muster up the interest to watch before then.

So, my expectations going into the episode were pretty darn low, and sadly, ‘Life’ did not “disappoint.” The episode had some interesting elements (namely Rush’s chair discovery and Camille’s evolving mental state), but the rest of the story left me largely bored or irritated.

Smallville: Pandora

"Kneel before Kal-El."

And it's the apocalyptic future! I love it when they do the alternate-timeline no-consequences anything-goes sort of thing on Smallville. We get to see the good stuff that we know we'll never see in the actual series. It's the bread-and-butter of comic book plots.

FlashForward: Believe

“Love crazy.”

I’ve been thinking a lot about DrNanaMom’s V review: we’ve been spoiled by so much great science fiction lately, and it’s hard to deal with some shows that are just good, but not stellar. This idea kept occurring and re-occurring as I watched this week’s FlashForward—and then I had a brainstorm: is this science fiction? Sometimes, it’s a police procedural, especially when Mark and Demitri are the focus. Sometimes it’s a medical procedural, too: the House-style ‘what’s killing the patient?!’ episode from a few weeks ago comes to mind.


Or is it a drama? This episode felt very Grey’s Anatomy to me (and the Grey’s that followed FlashForward this week actually dealt with alcoholism and compressed a month of action into one episode, too). The conceit is very SF—mental time travel, basically—but the guiding principle seems to be people struggling with their own craziness and the craziness of the people around them. And if that doesn’t define drama, then what does?

This week, we learned more about Bryce, and we watched him try to understand his FlashForward, and to make it happen. He and Keiko had a Sliding Doors-style near miss, but now that she’s in LA maybe they’ll have a chance to dine at a Best of LA restaurant. His FlashForward was just absurd, though: Keiko, who did seem pretty neat in her FlashBacks, did nothing but giggle and wiggle her eyes around for 2 minutes and 17 seconds. I was embarrassed for her. Plus, is their Flash just them finally meeting? Is that worth crossing the Pacific for? Especially when he’s got a sexy candy striper closer to home?

We also learned more about Aaron and his struggles with his daughter’s drama. Yes, you read that right: his struggles with her problems. NewsFlash, Aaron: it’s not about you. Help her, don’t attack her. What kind of father are you? Yes, I got a little het up about Aaron’s self-centered reaction to his daughter’s obvious cries for help. Is this a nuanced portrait of a father struggling with his own complicity in his daughter’s anguish? Or is it a feeble attempt to keep the drama focused on our main characters?

Our C-storyline followed Mark in his quest to understand who texted Olivia about him FallingOff the wagon in his flash. Mark, Aaron, and Bryce are all dealing with the craziness that relates to the women in their lives, and trying to figure out what they saw in their flashes and how it relates to their current inner turmoil. This show has some great actresses, but so far has only focused on Janis—all the other women are thought about and worried about by their menfolk, but they don’t get much time in the spotlight. I wish they did.

A few recurring questions, um, recurred this week: what’s up with Demitri’s anonymous phone call? Who’s that guy in the stadium? Who texted Olivia? Who is taking care of Mark and Olivia’s daughter now that Nicole works at the hospital? Why do they show us FlashBacks of something that just happened 10 minutes ago? Do they think we have the short-term memory of gerbils? Where’s Dominic Monaghan?

Flashes:

• The credits showed a flash of Keiko’s tattoo—have all of the openers featured a glimpse of an important object? That tattoo is also our symbol of the week: a permanent bodily marker of a nearly illogical faith.

• Was that really a CAT scan of a kidney?

• Mark: “If we can see the ring so well, why can’t we see his face?” I’m so glad he said that: it was exactly what he was thinking.

• Kitchen Guy: “I think he wants a virgin.”

• Here’s a puzzler: why have all of the titles used mostly consonants? Do they add up to something, like the shots of frogs and apples and butterflies on Fringe? (So far, the letters and numbers are: NMGD WTP 137S BS GST SMaSC TG PCWC B. It looks like an evil flight confirmation code.)

Many of us seem to be losing faith in FlashForward; I was trying desperately to keep the faith. To believe. But this episode felt very inconsequential and rather boring. No FlashForward next week, because of the Thanksgiving holiday.

Two out of four convenient candy stripers.

(Season One, Episode Nine)

Supernatural: Abandon All Hope

Crowley: "What if I give you this thing, and you go kill the Devil?"

With an episode title like "Abandon All Hope", you know it's not going to end well. And sure enough, it didn't end well.

NewsFlash: Chuck Premiere Date

Great news, Chuck fans. NBC has (finally) settled on a date for the third season premiere: January 10th. The weird part? That's a Sunday. Chuck is kicking off the season with a 2-hour premiere; regular episodes will air on Mondays at 8pm.

NewsFlash: Lost returns in February

We finally have a date! And it's not going to run on Thursday!

According to the Sci-Fi Wire, Lost returns with a one-hour recap special at 8:00 ET/PT, and a two-hour season premiere at 9:00, on February 2 (Groundhog Day!), 2010. It will then air on Tuesdays at 9:00.

The cast list is intriguing. "Lost stars Naveen Andrews as Sayid, Nestor Carbonell as Richard Alpert, Emilie de Ravin as Claire, Michael Emerson as Ben, Jeff Fahey as Frank Lapidus, Matthew Fox as Jack, Jorge Garcia as Hurley, Josh Holloway as Sawyer, Daniel Dae Kim as Jin, Yunjin Kim as Sun, Ken Leung as Miles, Evangeline Lilly as Kate, Terry O'Quinn as Locke and Zuleikha Robinson as Ilana."

It's coming!

Heroes: Brother's Keeper

So, let me see. Matt is officially dead, except he's not. Mohinder is officially dead, except he's not. Nathan is actually dead, except Sylar still thinks he's Nathan. Claire got frozen and dismantled, but she's just fine.

I enjoyed this episode. It was fun and somewhat exciting and it seemed to be going somewhere. I kept hoping we'd arrive -- that Sylar would take back his body, but not yet; they're going to drag this out awhile longer. Smart of Peter to touch Nathan/Sylar and suck up those powers again. Do you think we're finally going to get the massive Peter versus Sylar fight we didn't really get in season one? If we don't get it this season, we probably won't get it at all, because I seriously doubt Heroes is getting a fifth season.

Mohinder, whom I always sort of liked but must admit I didn't miss, was his old, obsessed, self-righteous self. Good for Hiro for stashing him out of the way in a padded cell. That'll teach Mohinder to show some gratitude when someone freaking saves his life, huh? Maybe that's why I haven't missed him.

But at least Hiro made me smile again. Tracy and Claire were oddly fun together; just two blond superwomen bonding over a bath, tea and a severed foot. I also liked the Nathan Peter Sylar Matt scene. And Samuel is finally turning into the massive threat we always assumed he'd be. It's just taking a bit too long.

All of my Heroes reviews, most of them longer than this, are archived here.
(Season 4, episode 9)

V: A Bright New Day

I have to start this review with some provisos. I never saw the original V series and I love crappy, escapist sci-fi. I think that in recent years we have been spoilt by intelligent, well-acted, well thought out science fiction. V is not this. It is splashy, exotic and full of stolen threads from other sci-fi shows. That said, as I mentioned, I love crappy, escapist sci-fi, and there are a few interesting things that keep V interesting and watchable.

First, I love the obvious spin doctoring that goes on by the V's. They show how easy it is to turn the truth on its head, to fool people with false promises (with a few real ones thrown in) and to generally lie on a continuous basis but very convincingly. Someone in the blog comments mentioned that the original V was about what an attempted fascist takeover of the United States might look like. I think this modern version is following suit but this is the new face of fascism, a kinder, gentler, don't worry about the truth, actually don't worry about anything kind of fascism. I think the control of the media is also key here and I enjoyed watching the spin doctor, (journalist Chad) admire and then become wary of Anna as she takes spin doctoring to new heights with her turn-around of the grieving widow Mary Faulkner from figurehead of the protest against the V's to supporter. One of my favorite parts of this episode was watching Anna practice her emotional response to the widow, figuring out what would work best to turn the conversation to her favor.

On a more personal note, this show really creeps me out because I think I have already met some V's. You know, those really, really nice people who smile all the time. The ones that would stab you in the back and then apologize for messing up your clothes. Are they aliens or are we more lizard like than we would want to admit?

As in all good science fiction, the aliens are there to hold a mirror up to us and these creatures know us better than we know ourselves. We may be, as one V says, "naturally mistrusting," but it seems if you feed us the right line and give us a bit of technology most of us, even the bright lawyer ladies, are going to jump on your bandwagon. It is ham-handed in showing us how we easily we can be duped and how quickly we swallow half truths but the message is there and subtlety is not always required in primetime.

I agree with the other reviewers who talked about the clunky dialogue. This is accompanied by some pretty clunky plot devices. Some glaring issues for me were when Erica left our favorite priest in her home alone with access to an FBI database (not a great decision, I don’t care if he's a priest). Erica looking at the V's surveillance cameras and obviously being captured on film (isn’t somebody watching those surveillance thingys). And I spent almost 5 minutes worried about Dale coming after Erica (no worries, that issue got wrapped up in a much too clean bow).

The rip-offs from previous science fiction shows were pretty obvious. We are now dealing with some version of Star Trek's "borg" although the bliss piece is a nice touch and I swear the Cyrus guy was channeling Cypher from The Matrix – even the names are close. Perhaps this is a clever call out to the sci-fi fans rather than wholesale plagiarism.

On the positive side, we got to see Erica kick some ass as her FBI agent self. We got to see Alan Tudyk be very lizard-like and complain about how humans smell. And I should also mention that we have two strong female leads going head to head in a prime time science fiction show. Morena Baccarin and Elizabeth Mitchell continue to wow me with their acting capacity. So this show is really a very mixed bag. It can make you think one minute, and then go off the rails into bland primetime escapism.

I will keep watching because, as I said, I love this kind of crappy stuff (I grew up with the Original Star Trek, which was the originator of the ham-handed social message). Who knows? The writers may get better, and it looks like the teen heartthrob is going to be eaten or some version of that – worth staying tuned for.

Smallville: Idol

Tell me again why there haven't been episodes centered around Lois this season until now?

We had Lois in therapy, which was just funny waiting to happen. We're finally exploring one of the big recurring themes in the Superman story -- Lois being caught between two completely different men who happen to be the same guy. And we even had Lois and Clark love scenes! Really! Can you believe it?

Dexter: Road Kill

Dexter: "You stepped off a roof."
Trinity: "It was a mistake. We all make them."

Does Dexter have a soul? He isn't sure he does. But he certainly had a crisis of conscience over killing Farrow. And let's face it: compared to Trinity, Dexter looks like the picture of sanity.

Fringe: Of Human Action

“Massive Dynamic. It was just a name, until now.”

Massive Dynamic and Fringe Division teamed up this week to solve a kidnapping: at first blush, it looks like two used car salesmen kidnapped an innocent teenager. But, surprisingly, there’s more to the story: the kid is the kidnapper, and he’s controlling the adults around him. Mostly, he just needs them to drive him places, but that leads to all sorts of wacky shenanigans.

2012

“Today, we are one family.”

There’s nothing like a global disaster to bring people together. Not all people, of course. Just some people. Nice people. Unobjectionable people. Normal Joes and regular gals and spunky precocious children. The people who really matter: they’re the ones who should be given exemption from aliens/global blizzards/invading British/gigantic apes/saber-tooth tigers/Armageddon.

Of course, the rich want exemptions, too, and in 2012 they do what they can to ride out the apocalypse on their Lear Jets and in their private government-funded bunkers. Well, so I hear. I haven’t actually seen the movie. But that doesn’t mean I can’t review it.


But I’m willing to bet those wealthy sons of bitches don’t make it: probably once they’re all in a room, the room explodes. Or maybe it’s a more insidious death: tongues of fire that actually consume instead of just creating a second Pentecost? Who knows? Who cares?

John Cusack cares. Well, not about the rich people. He cares about the survival of his family, which includes his kids, Spunky 1 and Spunky 2. Now, maybe they’re not both his children: no disaster movie is complete without an adopted member, orphaned via catastrophe. Then again, maybe they are: the spawn of his sad-sack loins, the future of the human race, the continuation of the patrilineal line. Amanda Peet, his wife—she also cares. Not having seen the film, I’m not sure if she makes it or not. Maybe they’re divorced and they reconcile as the world burns around them. Yeah, I’ll bet that’s it.

Chiwetel Ejiofor cares. I think he’s the Cassandra: the voice of doom that no one heeds. He’s also a phenomenal actor, and I hope he made a lot of money doing this film so that he can afford to be in the Dollhouse webisode third season. (No, there is no talk of a web-only third season of Dollhouse. The rumor starts here!)

Roland Emmerich cares. Not about the death of nearly 7 billion people. He cares about blowin’ stuff up. He cares about box-office draw. And he cares about special effects.

And wow! Are they incredible or what? I never get sick of watching the continents crumble into the ocean, cities torn asunder by earthquakes, the South Pole extending to the upper Midwest, the Hollywood sign falling down…I wonder if they showed a shot of New Orleans drowning under the rising Gulf? No? Too soon? I certainly hope so. I do know that they show southeast Asia engulfed by a tsunami. I guess it’s not too soon when it’s not America.

Roland Emmerich movies have taught me much about this world. Without Jon Cusack/Dennis Quaid/Mel Gibson/Will Smith/Kurt Russell, the human race would collapse under its own global warming/global freezing/desire to tax tea and stamps/alien invasion/military injustice in the face of an interstellar civilization. Our modern heroes must possess only one useful skill (such as knowing how to fly/knowing a lot about weather/being Australian/kickin’ alien butt/having sparkly blue eyes), a dark-ish secret, and a stubborn desire to take care of themselves and their family. Because without them, the world really would end.

We go to these movies because they’re big, they’re loud, and it’s fun to watch stuff blow up. We enjoy the heartfelt platitudes mouthed by the sacrificial leader. We enjoy the idea that we, too, will find love amidst the rubble. We enjoy the idea that it could be us up there, the Normal Joes and average gals, the last vestiges of civilization, the omega people, free from the burden of snarky waitresses, annoying co-workers, traffic, and finding affordable yet stylish boots.

We go because it’s mindless, because we know that if and when the world ends, it won’t happen to us. Or our spunky children. Maybe their children’s children, but we’ll be long gone by then. So we enjoy ourselves, we eat sugary snacks, we drink sugary drinks, we watch out sugary movie, and we’re reminded of what really matters. Sugary destruction.

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Stargate Universe: Time

I enjoyed ‘Time,’ even though the ending felt like a bit of a cop out. I guess we are just supposed to assume that Scott’s last recording does the trick and the next time through the loop the Destiny crew gets it right. Or they screw it up again and send another kino back, and so on, until they do get it right, and next week we’ll be back to the full parasite-free crew.

What I really liked about the episode (aside from getting to see Chloe die --- twice!!), was that once again they gave the typical Stargate formula (go through the gate, get into trouble, get out of trouble, go back through the gate) a twist by using the predicament to provide more character insight. We got to know Eli and T.J. better, and I thought we had some nice, small moments with Greer and Rush.

Supernatural: The Real Ghostbusters

Chuck: "The way I look at it, it's really not jumping the shark if you never come back down."

I've been to more than my fair share of sci-fi conventions. I've worn a Star Fleet uniform in public, danced the night away with guys dressed like Klingons, and spent hours in autograph lines. And I know that con-goers are not treated well in the television/movie world. We're usually portrayed as immature, unattractive, detail-obsessed losers who can't function in the real world. So I went into this episode with some apprehension.

FlashForward: Playing Cards with Coyote

"Everything's back to being up to us again."

There's something that's just not working for me.

I'm getting tired of everyone's knee-jerk reaction to their FlashForward. If it's not "I have to prevent it," it's "fate rules us all." I sort of want to shake them all and say, will you just live your lives already? But, see, how people react to the knowledge of their future is the basic premise of the series. It's a very cool premise. Are they just not handling it as well as they could? Is there a lack of "compelling" on the part of the characters?

Maybe it's that they're hitting and missing. I felt that "No More Good Days", "Black Swan" and "Gimme Some Truth" were really good. This episode just felt like something to slog through in order to get to the end, and I didn't really want to review it. When I contrast that to how I felt about the Supernatural episode that aired directly afterward, there's just no comparison. I'm not going to keep reviewing a show that I don't love. Gimme some love, people.

While the rest of the world has apparently gotten Al's memo to Celia (and how did it get to her if he didn't know her last name?), Aaron still believes that his flashforward is the be all and end all. I guess I can get that, considering how his daughter Tracy (Ruby from Supernatural) is actually alive and all. Apparently, the Blackwater-like corporation of evil, Jericho, tried to have her taken out. Their mercenaries, who conveniently have star tatts on their arms so that we can easily identify them, also appear to be working with Simon's organization -- was it Milos that he called it? And of course, Simon's organization caused the FlashForward, while working on a mysterious superweapon. I think. It all feels like interconnected evil. I could just be jumping to conclusions, though.

So far, Simon has shown up to harass Lloyd, say something tantalizing, and leave. At least this time we got a pointless card game, where we learned that Lloyd has principles (except that he cheats at cards), and doesn't care about either money or Simon's opinion of him. I am assuming that "Playing Cards with Coyote" was a reference to Simon being a nasty, scavenging predator who eats cats in the valley, not a flattering portrait of our beloved Dominic Monaghan. Why hasn't Simon just had Lloyd killed, already? Especially when he has access to plenty of star-tatted mercenaries to do the job?

(I am assuming "Playing Cards with Coyote" has nothing to do with the actor playing the president.)

Janis has come back to work and is already looking at sperm banks online. Okay, maybe I'm being too hard on this episode. They're trying to say that like Eloise Hawking told Desmond, the universe course-corrects; Janis would have wanted a baby, anyway, the future can be changed, but it tends to go in the direction it originally intended to go. But getting shot seems to be what made her want a baby in the first place, brush with death and all. In which case, in the FlashForward, she was in a universe where she hadn't gotten shot... okay, I have to stop now. I can't stand it.

Finally, there seem to be seven rings that apparently counteract the effect of the FlashForward. Seven rings to rule them all. I'm not sure I'm on board with magic rings, no matter what cool scientific principle is behind them.

Flashes:

-- There is apparently a mole at the FBI. Someone we know?

-- The reveal of all the guys with star tatts made me laugh out loud, even though I could tell it was coming.

-- Mark is still totally devoted to figuring out his Wall of Weird, while Olivia is tossing sexy undies Mark gave her in the trash to prevent future sex with Lloyd.

-- Simon has a god complex. That doesn't surprise me.

-- Olivia and Simon had a scene together. A little Lost reunion. Although I don't remember them ever having a scene together before. Well, except for via video in the Looking Glass.

-- Ingrid's business was called "Bird's Plus", with an incorrect apostrophe. I thought the birds were going to have something to do with the crows. Guess not.

-- "Something out of a Baldacci novel"? Who is Baldacci?

I really should watch the episode again, because I'm pretty sure I missed something important... but whatever it is, I'm sure you guys will tell me. :) Two out of four star tattoos,

Billie

Glee: Wheels

Sue: "If I have a pregnant girl doing a handspring into a double layout, the judges aren't going to be admiring her impeccable form, they're going to be wondering if the centrifugal force is going to make the baby's head start crowning."

What a wonderful and unexpected return from hiatus. I was expecting Glee to come back with a bang - all bite, snark, and over the top drama. Instead, we were treated to a sweet and sincere episode that focused on some of our supporting characters: Artie, Kurt, and Tina. What a way to get, er, rolling after the 3 week break.

Artie! Tina!
Artie has always been a favorite of mine. Every time I listen to the Glee version of "Push It", I crack up when I get to his "Holla!" And he's got incredible talent - just listen to his solo on the "It's My Life/Confessions" mash up. No offense to our resident Glee stud, but Artie totally punks Finn in that number.

So I was pretty excited to have an episode centered around Artie. There were so many excellent moments in this storyline, ranging from poignant (Artie's acoustic version of "Dancing with Myself"), brilliant (Mr. Schue's plan to have everyone be in a wheelchair for 3 hours/day), to plain hysterical (when Artie told Tina how he became handicapped, concluded with, "But I want to be very clear. I still have the use of my penis."). I especially liked watching the kids roll around the halls in wheelchairs, and seeing the challenges of not being able to reach, or being at waist height. It's a good thing that Rachel's dads are apparently rich; that girl gets more food on her clothes than an episode of Double Dare.

His crush on Tina was adorable, and I totally melted (puppy love!) when she kissed him. At first, I couldn't understand why he kept bringing up her stutter, but her admission that she was faking made sense. Even though I felt his reaction was a little harsh, I can totally understand where he's coming from: she was pushing away everything that he wished he could have, and she could be normal at any point, but he was still stuck being handicapped. I hope that he'll come around and forgive her - even if he identified with her initially because of their disabilities, the connection and the friendship is based on much more than that.

But I have to admit that Artie's story felt a little lacking. It might have been because he was sharing the episode with Kurt and Puck/Quinn, but I don't feel like I got to know his character any more then I already did. Sure, we found out how he became handicapped, but we didn't really learn about his history, how it changed him, etc. It would have been interesting to see if Artie would still be the jazz/Glee geek if he hadn't gotten into the accident.

Kurt! Kurt's Dad! Whose name I don't know!
There should definitely be more diva-offs in Glee's future - the Kurt/Rachel rivalry was terrific! And there are certainly more then enough divas to make for lots and lots of Broadway duets and Mariah Carey solos. I'm glad that Kurt finally had an opportunity to showcase his singing talent. Even though the "Single Ladies" episode was centered around him and his sexuality, he danced more then he sang. I have to say, hitting that high F was pretty impressive - I talk like Minnie Mouse and I can't even get close.

Of course, the best part about Kurt's storyline tonight - wanting to have the Wicked solo, even though it was a traditionally female part - was his relationship with his father. When we first met Kurt, I figured he had a rich, neglectful daddy, since he had that sweet car and all this designer clothes. Finding out that his dad owns an autobody shop and is sort of this guy's guy that works with his hands was a nice surprise.

The relationship between Kurt and his dad is a lovely anchor, in a show where most families are completely, outrageously dysfunctional (ahem, Terri). It also seems fairly realistic. Since I'm not a gay teenager in the middle of whitebread America, I can't comment on how realistic it is, but there are too many shows/stories where the focus is all about the character coming out, and whether or not their family will accept them. Once that happens - nothing. It was nice to watch Kurt's dad continue to struggle and understand his son's sexuality, the conflicting reactions he had to that phone call (both resentment at Kurt initially, then anger at the caller), and trying to support his son, even if he couldn't really understand why it was so important to him. Mike O'Malley did a knock out job - I hope we'll continue to see him.

I'm bummed that Kurt threw the diva-off, but his reasoning made me tear up. And Kurt changing from his Alexander McQueen sweater into coveralls to work on a car with his dad spoke volumes about their relationship. I'm hoping that we'll eventually get to see all of the kids with their families - especially Quinn.

Becky!
I'm going to skip the Quinn/Finn/Puck baby money storyline, and wrap up with some Becky moments. She wasn't a prominent character, but her role in the episode certainly revealed a lot about our other players.

First, Will. I'm really mixed about Will. I mean, he's an awesome guy, a teacher who really cares, and he does have the best intentions. As I said before, his wheelchair idea was brilliant. But let's be honest - sometimes, he's a dodohead. In a way, I like it - it's nice that he's far from perfect, and that he's human like the rest of us with good intentions. At the same time, he was judging Sue just as much as he accuses her of judging other people. I know he genuinely thought he was helping Becky when he chastised Sue for being so harsh, but he totally didn't get it: Becky does want to be treated like everyone else, Sue-torture or not. And let's not even talk about how he hasn't figured out that his wife has been faking a pregnancy for like 3 months!

The Sue reveal at the end was just... whoa. I don't want to say it was shocking, but I didn't see it coming at all. I totally misted up when she gave her sister the pom-pom, and the tenderness and love in her face when she read Little Red Riding Hood was probably the first genuine Sue moment we've seen. We started to see little cracks in her facade with the Sue-Will throwdown, and the Rod situation, but let's face it - the Rod/Sue storyline was cheesy and cheeky, and only showed that Sue could be vulnerable.

I do hope that the writers bring back inappropriately snarky Sue, though - we need that bite to balance the softness, and it's just not nearly as funny when she's a human being :-) And if Jane Lynch doesn't win an Emmy, I swear, I'll eat Kurt's tiara collection and puke it over the Emmy voters.

But I have to tell you, my favorite favorite moment was when Brittany bought Becky a cupcake. No analysis. It was just sweet and simple and wonderful.

The Music!
Here's this week's musical, er, score. (Sorry, I can't seem to stop punning tonight.)

+2 for Artie's acoustic version of "Dancing with Myself". It took me probably 20 seconds to even recognize it.

- 1 for replaying the original Billy Idol version while the kids were struggling with the wheelchairs. Hello, overkill? They did the same thing with "Single Ladies" - hilarious as it was, it lost it's impact by time #3

- 1 for the sluggish beginning of "Proud Mary", but +3 for when they cranked up the energy. It rocked.

-1 for the wheelchair choreography - interesting, but not exciting. I was expecting to see some wheelies. But +10 because their hands were so busy with the wheels that they couldn't reach anywhere.

+2 for giving Tina a chance to perform on "Proud Mary". She's pretty incredible. I was just thinking the other day that they need to have more females than Lea Michele singing.

+2 for the spliced in duet on "Defying Gravity", but -1 because it would have been more interesting if there was no Rachel singing at all this week.

Total: 15. Not too bad, given the number of points they gain for excluding The Reach.

GLEEful Moments 'n Quotes:
-- No Emma, Ken, or Terri tonight (thank God), but we... got... SANDY!!! More Sandy! More Sandy!

-- Sandy (after Puck tells him a shark fractured his spinal cord): ''This is why I don't go to the aquarium."

-- Puck's good at 2 things: Lying, and crime. I have to admit, the pot cupcakes were rather ingenious, especially since Puck "[doesn't] put in enough to get you hallucinating... just enough to give you a wicked case of the munchies.

-- Baby with a mohawk! That would be so very awesome.

-- Brittany: "Most of us don’t know how to bake. I find (pause) recipes (pause) confusing."

-- Kurt: "At least you don't have to worry about me getting a girl pregnant."

-- Sue: "I’m about to projectile-express myself all over your Hush Puppies."

-- Rachel: "We didn't think you would take it personally."
Artie: ''Well, you're irritating most of the time, but don't take that personally."

This one was so good, I have to mention it again:
-- Artie: "But I want to be very clear. I still have the use of my penis."

-- Fashion of the week: What was with Quinn's outfit in the first scene? She looked like a walking US propaganda poster, all red, white and blue.

-- Kurt: "We all know I'm more popular than Rachel, and I dress better than her."

All in all, I thought it was a nice, sweet episode. I like it when Glee balances its crazy, snarky over-the-topness with some more low key episodes. I only wish that they had focused on Artie more. It did feel a little like they were trying to get all of the "miscellaneous" characters stories out so that they could move on.

2.5 out of 4 wheelchairs.

V: There is No Normal Anymore

Reviewing Note: Given our increasing show load here at Billie Doux, we are going to do things a little differently for V and rotate reviewers on a weekly basis.

‘There is No Normal Anymore’ wasn’t as entertaining as the pilot, but it was a decent enough follow-up to the events of that episode, particularly regarding the burgeoning resistance and the Visitors increasing foothold on Earth. The story feels a bit derivative and cliché at times (how could it not, since it is based on an old series?), but the writers are still managing to wring some tension of out the old “trust no one” chestnut. I felt just like Agent Erica --- suspicious of nearly everyone, particularly at the FBI office. Rekha Sharma (Tory, Battlestar Galactica) feels like a prime Visitor candidate, as does Father Jack’s fellow priest (he’s just way too cool with their arrival). After their private confrontation about her missing partner, I think maybe Erica’s boss (Roark Critchlow) is a normal human --- but I’m not 100 percent sure. Ack! They are everywhere!

I found some of the dialogue a bit forced and clunky at times. Even the excellent Elizabeth Mitchell couldn’t do much with some of the horribly ponderous and cheesy lines she was given. Especially in the scenes between Erica and Jack. “We can’t attack it head on. It’s too dangerous. I have to figure out what to do.” Oh, OK. Erica is in charge and has to figure out what to do. You go home, Jack.

Erica is almost as good a liar as Juliet from Lost. Almost. She’s not quite as stone cold. (How much do I love Elizabeth Mitchell for being able to convey such a subtle difference?!)

The parts with Rebellious Son Tyler and Lisa the Beautiful Blond Visitor are just painful to watch. I actually started yelling at the TV, “She’s a lizard, dude! Her insides are nowhere near as pretty as the outside!” Ugh. Those sequences feel make me feel like I’m watching some angsty teen drama. I kind of hope she eats him (or does something equally horrible) and we are done with Tyler. I’d rather watch Elizabeth Mitchell do the angry, grieving mother as resistance leader, instead of the distracted mom with the annoying teenage son.

My favorite moment was Erica’s nightmare that Dale had come back to kill her son with her gun. Oh, how I wish he had. At least the possibility remains, since we saw at the end that Dale lives to fight another day. (Yea! More Alan Tudyk!)

I also thought it was very interesting that Dale had been Erica’s partner for 7 years. And Morris Chestnut and Angelo said that the invasion was happening ahead of schedule. Wow. That’s some seriously advanced planning. Why go to so much trouble? Why not just invade? What exactly do they want the humans for? (I can’t remember from the original series. The mid '80s were a long time ago. Please no spoilers.)

I’m still loving Anna, particularly Morena Baccarin’s portrayal. So smooth and controlled, but still somehow lizard-like. And really scary.

The scenes with Journalist Chad were interesting. (“Abrogation? Nice. Do you have one of those word-a-day calendars?”) I can’t decide if he did what he did because he has suspicions and concerns, or if he really wanted to help Anna. I suspect he just wants to be in the driver’s seat, and not the one getting used and manipulated. “This one was a freebie. The next time you want my help, it’ll be on my terms.”

My household was less than impressed with the Visitor’s flying ball of death. Sure it looks cool, goes real fast, and gets super spiky, but we find it hard to believe the thing isn’t capable of capturing better images. With all that impressive Visitor technology --- including the awesome HD projection on the bottom of their ships, tech that makes people hallucinate snakes, and Anna's "closet" --- they can’t create a flying ball of death that gets clearer images? Please. They should have instantly been able to see who was in that warehouse meeting. I hate when the tech is illogically dumbed down to create plot tension.

Final Analysis: On the whole, not nearly as compelling as the first episode, but we’re in the transition phase. The resistance is just getting started. (Here’s hoping they can ramp it back up in the next two episodes, or viewership is going to take a hit when the show comes back in March!)

(Season 1, episode 2)

NewsFlash: Fox cancels Dollhouse

Fox, in a move that is surprising no one, is canceling Dollhouse. The good news is that all of the episodes will air, and that Joss Whedon will have enough advance notice to put a (hopefully) satisfying end to the series.

On Whedonesque, Joss Whedon commented:

Hmm. Apparently my news is not news.

I don't have a lot to say. I'm extremely proud of the people I've worked with: my star, my staff, my cast, my crew. I feel the show is getting better pretty much every week, and I think you'll agree in the coming months. I'm grateful that we got to put it on, and then come back and put it on again.

I'm off to pursue internet ventures/binge drinking. Possibly that relaxation thing I've read so much about. By the time the last episode airs, you'll know what my next project is. But for now there's a lot of work still to be done, and disappointment to bear.

Thank you all for your support, your patience, your excellent adverts. See you again. -j.

NewsFlash: Torchwood likely to return

I've been waiting for news about the fourth season of Torchwood for what seems like forever. Nothing is set in stone yet, but Russell T. Davies says that there may be good news about season four coming in January. (The article contains spoilers for Children of Earth; you've been warned.)

Heroes: Shadowboxing

The Haitian finally has a name: Rene. It's about time. Actually, it's really late. (This *was* the first time we heard it, wasn't it?)

The best part of this one was (again) Sylar and Matt wrestling for control of Matt's body and playing dirty mind tricks on each other. I was rather proud of Matt being willing to die in order to stop Sylar. (Not that I think Matt will die -- not with a healer and an immortal with magic blood in the cast.) By the time Matt is back in control, he's going to be wanted for every crime under the sun. Unless he mind controls everyone he meets from now on.

Claire left Gretchen alone, armed only with a plastic bottle of baby powder to use against invisible murderous psychopaths. I'm not surprised that the lesbian subplot is already over, because I would have left that dorm room permanently, too. Maybe Samuel's way really is the only way. I don't see how a killer supe like Becky can be successfully integrated into society.

As much as I enjoy seeing Peter saving lives and exploring new powers (and I do), the segments with our Italian eagle scout and Emma didn't seem to have much of a point. Other than Peter getting her over her withdrawal from life after her nephew's death, and practicing medicine again. Okay, maybe that was the point. Is this subplot over, now?

One thing Heroes has done better this season is concentrating on maybe three plots per episode instead of a dozen. I wish they'd done it much sooner.

Postscript. There have been a zillion articles on the internet in the past week about something that is going to happen on Heroes. I did see them, much against my will, and I know what the spoiler is. Please don't post anything about it in the comments so that we don't spoil everyone who *didn't* see the articles. Thanks.

Post postscript. I really liked the white shirt that Claire was wearing. I want it.

All of my Heroes reviews, most of them longer than this, are archived here.
(Season four, episode eight)