Persons Unknown: Exit One

“Do you believe in the process?”

Our heroes are running ragged. They’ve been in a state of high alert for a couple of weeks now, and they’re starting to crack. Tori, Blackham, and Charlie are starting to occupy their default panic positions of desperation; Janet and Joe are working out their problem-solving issues; and Renbe…well, I guess I was wrong about him.

Vampires

We love vampires. Well, we love some vampires more than others. And the rest? We love syphilis more than we love them. (Ew, syphilis.) In fact, we love some vampires so much that we're declaring July [2010] our first-ever Vampire Month. Look for movie reviews, book reviews, and interviews with the writers about which vampires they love more than syphilis. (Ew.) And, of course, stay tuned for more retro Vampire Diaries and Moonlight reviews, as well as new reviews of that little show called True Blood. In the meantime, click for a complete compendium of all our vampire coverage since the dawn of mankind. Well, since the dawn of the site.

The Latest: Buffy Quotes For All Occasions by Billie Doux

TV Shows

Angel
Buffy
True Blood
Vampire Diaries
Supernatural (Hey, there's a vampire episode! It counts!)
Moonlight

Book Reviews

Justin Cronin, The Passage
Charlaine Harris, The Sookie Stackhouse Series
Stephanie Meyer, Twilight, New Moon, and So On

Movie Reviews

From Dusk Till Dawn
Let Me In

Writers vs. Vampires: Blog to the Death

Billie on Vampires
Jess on Vampires
Josie on Vampires

True Blood: It Hurts Me Too

Lorena: "The only way to show your love for a human is to stay away. Forever."

I apologize in advance for the pun, but that final sex scene was really twisted. And it had to be frustrating for Bill, who wanted Lorena to suffer, not get off on it. Maybe she considers a flaming lamp in the face as foreplay.

Wonderfalls: Cocktail Bunny

Objects: Brass Monkey, Cocktail Bunny
Missions: “Tell him nothing,” “Save him from her,” “She’s going to kill him,” and “Lick the light switch”

Star Trek: The Conscience of the King

Lenore: "All this power surging and throbbing and under control. Are you like that, Captain?"

Not a very good episode. But it's nice to think that live theater will make it to the stars.

About Us: Paul Kelly

This is the last in our "About Us" series. Meet Paul Kelly!

What area of the world do you live in, and what do you do? (Because we all know you don't make any money doing this.)

I live in England; more specifically, in "God's own county". I'm mostly a music teacher, though I do post the occasional article in my local rag.

Vampire Diaries: You’re Undead to Me

“What do we really know about him, anyway?”

Take that, dramatic irony! Since the beginning, we’ve known about Stefan and Damon, but our heroine hasn’t. What really matters, though, isn’t that Stefan drinks bunny blood and requires a 1000 SPF ring. He’s a Seinfeld fan, and a good cook. He still struggles with that lying thing, though. Like having his brother locked in the basement.

Wonderfalls: Lying Pig

Objects: Mounted Fish, Wax Lion, Lying Pig, Shirt Serpent
Missions: “Mend what was broken,” “Spit out your gum,” “Check out time,” and ”Get to the church on time”

Doctor Who: The Pandorica Opens

Unknown voice: 'Silence will fall.'

This was a massive episode. Not only were the stakes enormous and the cliff-hanger whopping, we were treated to perhaps the biggest assembly of Doctor Who baddies the show has ever seen. Not just fifth season villains, either—we got to see Autons, Cybermen, Sycorax, Daleks, Judoon, Sontarans, and a whole host of other nasties too numerous to mention (except I do mention them later). It was like fanfic times 10 to the power of 23 (I did the math.) I also totally had several nerdgasms.

Star Trek: The Menagerie

[This is the only two-parter in the original series. I'm reviewing them together.]

Spock: "Don't stop me. Don't let him stop me. It's your career, and Captain Pike's life."

Persons Unknown: The Way Through

“I hate this place.”

I’ve mentioned elsewhere how much it irks me when the writers don’t seem to realize that the characters interact off-screen. Consider me irked.

True Blood: Beautifully Broken

Eric: "You're going to invite me in so I can protect you. Or have passionate, primal sex with you."

When I think of True Blood, the word that usually springs to mind is "outrageous." This episode was definitely outrageous.

Wonderfalls: Safety Canary

Objects: Safety Canary, Lovesick Ass, Mounted Fish
Missions: “Take a picture” and “Save the lovebirds”

About Us: Serena Yang

Here's the next installment in our "about us" series. Meet Serena Yang!

What area of the world do you live in, and what do you do? (Because we all know you don't make any money doing this.)

I live in a small island that is like nowhere else on Earth, where people wear edible clothes, drink Starbucks while biking to work, and pass by naked men with nothing on but a purple cape without even blinking. Welcome to San Francisco.

Professionally, I yell at people, color code, and herd cats. I recently got promoted, so now I can add "being overhead" to the list.

Vampire Diaries: Family Ties

“Here’s to history repeating itself.”

Much to my surprise, I find myself really liking this episode upon re-watching. It sets up the rules of the universe, and it does so with some serious tongue-in-cheek. Everything that happens in this episode gets pay-off later in the season.

Star Trek: The Corbomite Maneuver

Spock: "A very interesting game, this poker."

What is the Enterprise's mission? Seek out new life and new civilizations, and boldly go where no one has gone before. Not take over planets, blow stuff up, and screw with the cultures of indigenous peoples.

Wonderfalls: Lovesick Ass

Objects: Barrel Bear, Lovesick Ass
Missions: “Girl needs a boy” and “Girl needs a donut”

Doctor Who: The Lodger

Craig: 'Has anyone ever told you that you're a bit weird?'
Doctor: 'They never really stop.'

A brilliant beginning, an embarrassing middle, and a disappointing ending. But enough about the England game—what about Doctor Who? (Boom tish!) Tonight's episode was a serviceable, if companion-lite, story about the joys of normal life, the intricacies of making an omelette, and how not to blow up the solar system. At times, it felt a little light on plot—but it was so full of humour that I didn't give a monkey's.

Persons Unknown: The Edge

Safely ensconced in the warm blanky of the second episode, we can now indulge in some actual information. None of it is real information, of course, since Persons Unknown is still shocking and dissembling. But if you haven’t seen the pilot (but plan to), don’t read this review yet. Otherwise, onwards and upwards:

True Blood: Bad Blood

Arlene: "I'm sorry you fell in love with a serial killer, all right? But honestly, who here hasn't?"

Definitely fast-moving and fun to watch, and I wasn't bored for a moment. In fact, there was so much going on that I almost couldn't track it. Maybe I should watch the episode a few more times, paying close attention to a couple of scenes in particular. Was there a lot of male nudity in this episode, or what?

Stargate Universe: Incursion, Part 2

‘Incursion’ was a fairly absorbing two-part episode. It feels like so much has happened in the last two weeks, although I’m not sure if a whole lot actually has. We had a major invasion last week and some pretty riveting action near the end of this week, but other than that it was mostly negotiation, threats, trading supplies and hostages, standing at the ends of long corridors, opening and closing a lot of doors, and periodic power outages. Is that really a lot of action? Perhaps after a season spent largely on slower, introspective, character-focused stories, two hours of primarily plot-driven material were bound to feel intense and action-packed in comparison. Maybe it was all the running at the very end, or the fairly dramatic change in the power structure. Perhaps it was just that so much happened in those last ten minutes that it made the whole two-parter feel a lot more gripping.

Star Trek: Dagger of the Mind

McCoy: "It's hard to believe that a man could die of loneliness."
Kirk: "Not when you've sat in that room."

The future we see in Star Trek is idealized, a best possible, where human beings are nearly as good as we can be. That's the main reason why it appealed so strongly to so many fans over the years. I like that it included the humane, medical treatment of prisoners, because it makes sense. "Clean, decent hospitals for sick minds," indeed.

Wonderfalls: Barrel Bear

Objects: Barrel Bear, Mounted Fish
Missions: “Give it back to her” and “It’s never too late”

The Passage by Justin Cronin

“When daybreak found him he would be no more.”

The Passage has a lot to live up to. Author Justin Cronin, who has written two other novels that no one has read, received a mammoth advance for this vampire-apocalypse novel. He signed a movie deal that guaranteed he’ll be able to afford college and grad school for his kids. Oh, yeah: this 766-page doorstop? It’s just the first in a trilogy. The Passage has gotten decent reviews, some better than others, and has garnered more than a few comparisons to Stephen King’s The Stand. But none of that information answers the one question that matters: should you read it?

Star Trek: Miri

McCoy: "A child entering puberty on this planet means a death sentence."

This is another episode in the "don't bother watching" category. And it's too bad, because it could have been cool. The idea of a society of nearly immortal children with their own customs and language had real dramatic Lord of the Flies like possibilities, and all they did was put them in weird clothes and use words like "grups," "onlies" and "foolies." The plot was focused entirely and way too predictably on curing the immortality plague before Yeoman Rand's legs were completely ruined and Kirk would never be tempted to look at her again.

Vampire Diaries: Friday Night Bites

“If you want to live a normal, happy human life, then I want that for you.”

This is the football episode. The required football episode. Even Glee has one. But football episodes aren’t ever just about men in codpieces throwing balls around and slapping one another on the butt. They’re also about models of friendship and relationships: here, Elena and Bonnie, Tyler and Matt, and Stefan and Damon, the self-described loner with a penchant for crosswords. Above all, this episode details the havoc that supernatural beings cause for traditional forms of relationships.

NewsFlash: Supernatural Anime

Supernatural is getting the anime treatment, according to the Anime News Network. They say that "the anime will be a 22-episode season that will cover the storyline of the live-action version's first two seasons." It will also include stuff not seen in the first two seasons, including Sam's and Dean's childhoods.

Thanks to Patryk for the heads up on this weird and interesting news!

Vampire Diaries: Night of the Comet

“Are you worried, Stefan? Scared we might be doomed to repeat the past?”

The first time I watched these first few episodes, they felt very 90s to me. I still can’t quite put my finger on why, although I think the music has something to do with it—even if the songs aren’t from the 90s, they’re very reminiscent of the one-off bands that populated the radio in my teenage years. But maybe it’s the earnestness of the show in general: witness the opening snippet of yet another couple attacked in the woods. Exactly what you think might happen? It happens.

Wonderfalls: Muffin Buffalo

Object: Muffin Buffalo, Barrel Bear, Mounted Fish
Missions: “Keep ‘em here,” “Untied shoelace --- staple it,” and “Give the lady a chair”

Doctor Who: Vincent and the Doctor

Van Gogh: 'I know how it will end... and it will not end well.'

I really didn't think I'd like this one. I'm not usually a fan of historical episodes. Despite being vaguely enjoyable, there's a sameness about them which irks me. The historical figures are often portrayed as caricatures, which is fine for comedic purposes, but it's hard to get emotionally involved when the characters don't feel like real people. You smile at the familiar references, you chuckle at the Doctor somehow being responsible for their most famous works or sayings, but ultimately, it all feels a little contrived. Well, not tonight. 'Vincent and the Doctor' was an absolute gem. It was funny, charming, exciting—yet had a poignancy and depth we seldom get to see in Doctor Who.

Glee: Journey

Will: "Inside, you're a really good person. I appreciate what you're doing for these kids. I won't forget it."
Sue: "I'm seriously gonna puke in your mouth."

And so the school year - and season - comes to an end.

Star Trek: What are Little Girls Made Of?

Korby: "You think I could love a machine?"
Christine: "Did you?"

I've always liked this one. Maybe it was the super whirly android maker. Maybe it was Lurch from The Addams Family in extreme make-up skulking around wearing a pink ruffled blouse.

Persons Unknown: Pilot

“What do you want from me?!”

The Usual Suspects is about the trust we put in stories and storytellers. In the main story, the five heroes join forces on the basis of what they know (that is, what they’re heard) about each other. In the frame narrative, the cops trust Verbal Kint to tell them the full story as best he can, and they trust themselves to figure out the rest. And, outside of all that, we viewers trust the writer and director to tell us what’s going on. On all three of those levels, trust gets misplaced—but with a happy result: a rollicking good story that doesn’t feel like a cheat.

The Vampire Diaries: Pilot

“I am a vampire, and this is my story.”

Luckily, Stefan’s opening lines aren’t really the show’s guiding principle. I say ‘luckily,’ because Stefan is not the most exciting of vampires, and he’s at his banal worst in this pilot. Now don’t get up in arms, Diarists (is that what we call ourselves?). I like The Vampire Diaries. I just don’t like it yet.

NewsFlash: Torchwood returns!

We are getting a fourth season of Torchwood! (Thanks for posting the news, Mark.) Ten episodes, starring John Barrowman and Eve Myles, and yay for that because I love them both. Apparently, Starz is going to run it in the U.S., and it might even be R-rated. Wow.

Yes, I'm definitely reviewing it. If I have to get Starz, I'll get Starz.

*happy dance*

Stargate Universe: Incursion, Part 1

Part 1 of ‘Incursion’ was another good episode with some very intense action and major story developments. Yet, it somehow managed to feel more like a staging episode and left me with little to offer in the way of critical commentary. I liked watching events unfold and was pleasantly surprised that the Lucian Alliance actually made it onto Destiny this week, but I ended up feeling like I need to see more before I can fully render an opinion. That happens to me a lot with two-part episodes.

Our New Look

UPDATE: Apparently, we're up! We're checking links and stuff now, but it looks like the migration worked. Yay!

If you see a broken link, let us know! Comment on the post itself, or right here.

On SUNDAY, JUNE 6, the Billie Doux blog is changing. It's getting reorganized and will have a whole new look. And all those reviews on my original site that no one can comment on, like all of Buffy, Angel, La Femme Nikita, Alias, earlier reviews of Lost, Supernatural, and so on? They're going up on the blog so you can comment on them and rate them.

So on SUNDAY, JUNE 6, expect the blog to be full of crazy as we bring up the new version, add widgets, fix broken links, and totally stress out. Fortunately, in cyberspace no one can hear you scream. Unless you do a podcast.

I wasn't able to finish posting everything in time for this revamp. But *everything* should be up on the blog by the end of the summer, and possibly sooner.

The reorganized and upgraded blog is the first step. Step two, later this summer, will be moving the entire blog to my domain name, billiedoux.com. All two thousand plus reviews will finally be under one roof. A whole new day. And a lot less work for me, believe it or not.

Comments about our new look are welcome. And please feel free to post comments about any broken links or other problems you might find -- here, or on the post itself. I get every comment that posted. Including the spam that we're being hit with. Which is why comments on older reviews are now moderated. (I wish we didn't have to do that, but you should see some of the spam we're getting. Except you really don't want to.)

I'd like to thank Josie Kafka for all of the work she did, and is doing, to make this happen. I've been sort of stuck for a long time with two sites and an unsatisfactory way of connecting and updating both of them, paralyzed with indecision about how to resolve the situation, and Josie and I together finally settled on a new direction. I can't wait for next fall, when I won't have to spend hours every week adding links and coding new reviews in HTML. I'll be able to spend a lot more time writing.

About Us: Jess Lynde

Here's the next installment in our "meet the writers" series. Meet Jess Lynde!

What area of the world do you live in, and what do you do? (Because we all know you don't make any money doing this.)

Western New York State. I’m a community/transportation planner by day (and sometimes by night for community meetings).

Star Trek: Mudd's Women

Spock: "I'm happy the affair is over. A most annoying, emotional episode."

I'm tempted to do a two-line review, on the order of "Don't bother watching this one because it's really awful. The end." But I guess I'll give it more than that.

Glee: Funk

Sue: "You know, for me trophies are like herpes. You can try to get rid of them but they just keep coming. Sue Sylvester has hourly flair ups of burning, itching, highly contagious talent."

Ugh. I am so annoyed with Fox.

Doctor Who: Cold Blood

Doctor: 'Yes, squeaky bum time.'

Virtually every TV paper this week gave tonight's episode a lukewarm reception. Some even went as far as saying that it was a disappointment after last week's 'suspenseful opener'. I respectfully disagree. Firstly, I didn't think last week's episode was particularly suspenseful, and secondly, I don't think tonight's episode suffered by way of comparison. Okay, so it wasn't marvellous—but there was more than enough content to keep me entertained, and plenty of mystery to keep me wondering.

The Vampire Diaries

Season 1 | Season 2 |
Season 3 | Season 4 |
Season 5 | Season 6 |
Season 7 | Season 8 |
Related Links |
Articles | Cast |

The Vampire Diaries (2009-2017), based on L.J. Smith's series of books, is about the small town of Mystic Falls. The background is simple: Girl has vampire boyfriend. Vampire boyfriend has snarky vampire brother. Some friends with superpowers, and some friends without. VD started off slow, but by the middle of the first season it suddenly got good--and before I knew it, I was hooked.

Season One

1.1 Pilot
1.2 The Night of the Comet
1.3 Friday Night Bites
1.4 Family Ties
1.5 You're Undead to Me
1.6 Lost Girls
1.7 Haunted
1.8 162 Candles
1.9 History Repeating
1.10 The Turning Point
1.11 Bloodlines
1.12 Unpleasantville
1.13 Children of the Damned
1.14 Fool Me Once
1.15 A Few Good Men
1.16 There Goes the Neighborhood
1.17 Let the Right One In
1.18 Under Control
1.19 Miss Mystic Falls
1.20 Blood Brothers
1.21 Isobel
1.22 Founder's Day

Season Two

2.1 The Return
2.2 Brave New World
2.3 Bad Moon Rising
2.4 Memory Lane
2.5 Kill or Be Killed
2.6 Plan B
2.7 Masquerade
2.8 Rose
2.9 Katerina
2.10 The Sacrifice
2.11 By the Light of the Moon
2.12 The Descent
2.13 Daddy Issues
2.14 Crying Wolf
2.15 The Dinner Party
2.16 The House Guest
2.17 Know Thy Enemy
2.18 The Last Dance
2.19 Klaus
2.20 The Last Day
2.21 The Sun Also Rises
2.22 As I Lay Dying

Season Three

3.1 The Birthday
3.2 The Hybrid
3.3 The End of the Affair
3.4 Disturbing Behavior
3.5 The Reckoning
3.6 Smells Like Teen Spirit
3.7 Ghost World
3.8 Ordinary People
3.9 Homecoming
3.10 The New Deal
3.11 Our Town
3.12 The Ties That Bind
3.13 Bringing Out the Dead
3.14 Dangerous Liaisons
3.15 All My Children
3.16 1912
3.17 Break on Through
3.18 The Murder of One
3.19 Heart of Darkness
3.20 Do Not Go Gentle
3.21 Before Sunset
3.22 The Departed

Season Four

4.1 Growing Pains
4.2 Memorial
4.3 The Rager
4.4 The Five
4.5 The Killer
4.6 We All Go a Little Mad Sometimes
4.7 My Brother's Keeper
4.8 We'll Always Have Bourbon Street
4.9 O Come All Ye Faithful
4.10 After School Special
4.11 Catch Me If You Can
4.12 View to a Kill
4.13 Into the Wild
4.14 Down the Rabbit Hole
4.15 Stand by Me
4.16 Bring It On
4.17 Because the Night
4.18 American Gothic
4.19 Pictures of You
4.20 The Originals
4.21 She's Come Undone
4.22 The Walking Dead
4.23 Graduation

Season Five

5.1 I Know What You Did Last Summer
5.2 True Lies
5.3 Original Sin
5.4 For Whom the Bell Tolls
5.5 Monster's Ball
5.6 Handle with Care
5.7 Death and the Maiden
5.8 Dead Man on Campus
5.9 The Cell
5.10 Fifty Shades of Grayson
5.11 500 Years of Solitude
5.12 The Devil Inside
5.13 Total Eclipse of the Heart
5.14 No Exit
5.15 Gone Girl
5.16 While You Were Sleeping
5.17 Rescue Me
5.18 Resident Evil
5.19 Man on Fire
5.20 What Lies Beneath
5.21 Promised Land
5.22 Home

Season Six

6.1 I'll Remember
6.2 Yellow Ledbetter
6.3 Welcome to Paradise
6.4 Black Hole Sun
6.5 The World Has Turned and Left Me Here
6.6 The More You Ignore Me, The Closer I Get
6.7 Do You Remember the First Time?
6.8 Fade Into You
6.9 I Alone
6.10 Christmas through Your Eyes
6.11 Woke Up with a Monster
6.12 Prayer for the Dying
6.13 The Day I Tried to Live
6.14 Stay
6.15 Let Her Go
6.16 The Downward Spiral
6.17 A Bird in a Gilded Cage
6.18 I Could Never Love Like That
6.19 Because
6.20 I'd Leave My Happy Home For You
6.21 I'll Wed You in the Golden Summertime
6.22 I'm Thinking of You All the While

Season Seven

7.1 Day One of Twenty-Two Thousand, Give or Take
7.2 Never Let Me Go
7.3 Age of Innocence
7.4 I Carry Your Heart with Me
7.5 Live Through This
7.6 Best Served Cold
7.7 Mommie Dearest
7.8 Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me
7.9 Cold as Ice
7.10 Hell is Other People
7.11 Things We Lost in the Fire
7.12 Postcards from the Edge
7.13 This Woman's Work
7.14 Moonlight on the Bayou
7.15 I Would for You
7.16 Days of Future Past
7.17 I Went to the Woods
7.18 One Way or Another
7.19 Somebody that I Used to Know
7.20 Kill 'Em All
7.21 Requiem for a Dream
7.22 Gods & Monsters

Season Eight

8.1 Hello, Brother
8.2 Today Will Be Different
8.3 You Decided that I Was Worth Saving
8.4 An Eternity of Misery
8.5 Coming Home Was a Mistake
8.6 Detoured on Some Backwoods Path to Hell
8.7 The Next Time I Hurt Somebody, It Could Be You
8.8 We Have History Together
8.9 The Simple Intimacy of the Near Touch
8.10 Nostalgia's a Bitch
8.11 You Made a Choice to Be Good
8.12 What Are You?
8.13 The Lies Are Going to Catch Up with You
8.14 It's Been a Hell of a Ride
8.15 We're Planning a June Wedding
8.16 I Was Feeling Epic

Related Links

The Originals reviews
Cult pilot episode review

Articles

Doux Top Twenty! Number 11: The Vampire Diaries
Five TV Shows I Stopped Watching by Lamounier
Vampire Diaries/Originals Crossover Guide by Laure Mack
TB vs. VD: Which is More Infectious? (Discussion) by Josie Kafka
Holiday Gift Guide: The Vampire Diaries by Josie Kafka
Why VD Doesn't Suck by Josie Kafka
Vampire Diaries: Pilot by Billie Doux

Cast

Nina Dobrev (Elena Gilbert)
Paul Wesley (Stefan Salvatore)
Ian Somerhalder (Damon Salvatore)
Steven R. McQueen (Jeremy Gilbert)
Kat Graham (Bonnie Bennett)
Candice Accola (Caroline Forbes)
Zach Roerig (Matt Donovan)
Michael Trevino (Tyler Lockwood)

Persons Unknown

Reviews | Cast |

Persons Unknown is a 13-episode series that aired in summer 2010. Seven people are trapped in a town--they've got a night clerk and a Chinese restaurant at their beck and call, but very few answers and lots of questions. Written by Christopher McQuarrie of The Usual Suspects, it had some interesting actors and a lot of potential. It didn't live up to its potential.

Reviews

1.1 Pilot
1.2 The Edge
1.3 The Way Through
1.4 Exit One
1.5 Incoming
1.6 The Truth
1.7 Smoke and Steel
1.8 Saved
1.9 Static
1.10 Identity
1.11 Seven Sacrifices
1.12/1.13 And Then There Was One/Shadows in the Cave

Cast

Jason Wiles (Joe Tucker)
Daisy Betts (Janet Cooper)
Chadwick Boseman (Graham McNair)
Lola Glaudini (Kat Damatto)
Tina Holmes (Moira Doherty)
Kate Miner (Tori Fairchild)
Gerald Kyd (Mark Renbe)
Sean O'Bryan (Bill Blackham)
Alan Ruck (Charlie Morse)
Kandyse McClure (Erika Taylor)