Farscape: Family Ties


Before Moya’s crew can use their newly acquired navigational charts to escape the asteroid field, Rygel steals a transport pod and surrenders himself to Scorpius and Crais intending to betray his shipmates in exchange for his freedom. When things don’t go as planned, the crew forges a surprising alliance and devises a desperate escape plan.

Wow. Just wow. My expectations for the season finale were high after the awesomeness of ‘Nerve’ and ‘The Hidden Memory,’ and ‘Family Ties’ did not disappoint. It was funny, poignant, and action-packed; chock full of unexpected twists and turns, shocking alliances, and not-so-shocking betrayals. Even better, the episode managed to give us an exciting, make-or-break escape attempt without sacrificing the quiet moments between characters --- moments built on character arcs and relationships developed over the entire season, which completely earned their emotional impact. And, oh yeah, it ended with a killer cliffhanger. In other words, quintessential Farscape.

What I love about this show is that it never forgets that the best stories are built on strong characters and relationships, and this hour was jam-packed with fantastic moments, large and small, that prove the point. I could easily spend the rest of this review discussing all the ones that made me smile, cry, or hoot with glee. John and Aeryn discussing their fathers. John and Zhaan saying goodbye. Chiana attempting to thank John with --- ahem --- favors. Aeryn and Crais on Talyn. Crais being deemed irrevocably contaminated. John and Aeryn refusing to say goodbye. John and D’Argo on the transport. Scorpius growling when he knew Crichton bested him. The Gammak Base exploding while Scorpius looking on in disgust. Aeryn pleading with Crais not to take Talyn away from his mother. And on and on ...

But my top three moments were Aeryn and Pilot in Pilot’s den, Crais’s arrival on Moya, and Crais and Crichton in the brig. All three of these scenes worked so wonderfully because of the character histories and their shared experience this season.

The scene between Aeryn and Pilot never fails to make me cry. I’m tempted to say I’m just a sucker for Claudia Black’s waterworks, but this moment so beautifully reflected their history and the bond they’ve developed, that I probably would have cried regardless. I was incredibly touched by Pilot hesitantly noting that Aeryn could easily save herself and her gentle reassurance that she wouldn’t abandon them, but when Pilot said that Moya “doesn’t want her son named by the Peacekeepers” --- wow. Such a simple statement, but one that says so much about how far they’ve come, especially Aeryn. Her response couldn’t have been more perfect. “Please tell Moya, that it remains my honor to name her son. It will be a good, strong name that he will bear proudly. In freedom. If I have anything to say about it.” So powerful. So deeply felt. OK, I’m crying again. Fantastic stuff.

Then there was Crais’s arrival --- what’s not to love about this scene? From “And please, whatever your reaction, don’t let it include weapons fire” to “By the goddess, that’s insane” to “There is much in life that is unfair. We are all proof of that,” the scene was impossibly tense, surprising, and funny. Plus, it included the shocking reveal that Crais knew D’Argo was falsely imprisoned and gave all of them the brief satisfaction of D’Argo’s “unarmed” vengeance. Hell, yeah.

As for the moment between Crichton and Crais, I loved it because it was so completely unexpected. After all they’ve been through, who would have thought we’d see Crichton and Crais calmly and earnestly discussing what brought them to this point and the terrible toll it’s taken? Or that we’d ever see Crais acknowledge his brother’s death was an accident and express a modicum of remorse for his actions? “I understand you didn’t mean to kill my brother. It was accident. I realize that now, as I look back and try to understand it all.” Scorpius really did a number on Crais. Nothing like “feeling your mortality” to put things into perspective. “I thought it was about my brother. It should have been about my brother. Somewhere along the way my priorities decayed. I realized, I’d become more concerned with my own image and career.” This is a very intriguing turn for the character, and despite his self-interested betrayal in the end, I look forward to seeing more of the new Crais.

Other Thoughts

Rygel can be such a little bastard. Not that we didn’t already know this, but damn, Sparky. Selling out Moya and your shipmates after all they’ve done for you? That’s cold. And he was so absolutely remorseless about it. “You bet your shiny blue ass, I did. But I didn’t. So make the most of it now.” At least until Crichton called him out and told him good intentions start at the beginning of the day, not after you’ve been caught. That seemed to give him a twinge of shame. And in the end he did refuse to leave when the going got rough. We’ll see how long this latest turn for the better lasts.

I loved the reference to the “alien girl” Scorpius adopted and his query about what happened to the security officer he detailed to her. Tee hee!

Scorpius apparently can read minds or body language. He definitely knew when Rygel was lying. Crais noted that Scorpius is a “Scarran half-breed.” Scarrans must be hella scary.

I liked that they returned, one last time, to Crichton recording notes in a bottle for his dad. “Why don’t I just start screaming and leave him a really happy memory?”

We finally got confirmation that Aeryn did meet “Jack” in ‘A Human Reaction.’

We also got some new tidbits about Aeryn’s history. She knows almost nothing about her parents, but she does know she was not the result of a genetic birthing to fill the ranks. Her parents cared for each other and chose to have her.

One look at Crais on Talyn, and it was obviously trouble. He perked right up and seemed much more the confident captain. He even tried to woo Aeryn into escaping with him. They should have known he’d try to steal the ship.

I still want to know where the hell Stark is. They obviously weren’t all that far from the Gammak Base, so where did he get off to? Did he take a transport?

I loved the detonation effect when the transport hit the moon’s surface. “Ignition. Look at that mother burn! Woo hoo!”

I confess. I got teary when Rygel said “Goodbye,” as Moya starburst away.

I’m sad that Crichton’s good luck charm is gone! Wasn’t that his mother’s wedding ring?

Quotes

Damn, I just wanted to quote this whole freaking episode. I tried to limit myself to the choicest selections, but this section is still kind of long.

D’Argo (to Rygel): [Unintelligible threats in alien language.]
Crichton: “What the hell did you just say?”
Chiana: “Something about his corpse, and a ... bodily function.”
Crichton: “Oh, that’ll help.”

Crichton (re: Rygel’s plan): “Is it possible he’s just stalling for us?”
[Incredulous looks all around.]

Crichton: “Well, I can tell you this for free: I will not be taken alive. I’ve been in their goddamn chair and I’m not going back in it.”

Crichton: “If we’re gonna go down, I wanna go down swinging.”
D’Argo: “Then we shall do so together.”
Aeryn: “Oh. Just to be in the warm glow of all this testosterone.”

Chiana: “Don’t tell me how to lie. It’s one of the best things I do!”

Crichton: “Well, it’s a Jerry Springer kind of family. But for what it’s worth, Zhaan, you are family.”

Aeryn: “When I was very young, one night, a soldier appeared over my bunk. Battle-hardened. Scarred.”
Crichton: “Cool. Your father.”
Aeryn: “My mother.”

Aeryn: “So. Is there anything you want to say to me?”
Crais: “I think we covered it all when you left me for dead in the Aurora Chair.”
Aeryn: “Good.”

Zhaan (disgusted): “So you decided to take pity on poor, Captain Crais.”
Rygel: “I don’t take pity on orphans, much less that butcher.”

D’Argo: “I thought I would live much longer.”
Aeryn: “I never thought I would live this long.”

Chiana: “You saved my life.”
Crichton: “Pass it on.”
Chiana: “What?”
Crichton: “When someone else needs it, return the favor. You pass it on.”

Crais: “Your intelligence would qualify significantly for promotion.”
Aeryn: “Pity. I don’t think a referral from you would mean anything now.”

Crichton: “Sparky, Spanky, Fluffy, Buckwheat the Sixteenth ... you tried to sell us out.”
Rygel: “But I didn’t, did I?”
Crichton: “They weren’t buying. Were they?”

D’Argo (re: Zhaan’s pre-battle blessing): “I hate this stuff.”
Crichton: “Chicks love it.”

Crichton: “How you doing?”
D’Argo: “I have to pee.”
This quote would be funny all on its own, but I recently re-watched The Right Stuff, so I found it even funnier.

Braca: “What should we do?”
Scorpius: “Admire Crichton his strategy. [...] I cannot risk killing the knowledge that he possesses. [Voice lowers to a scary grumble] And he knows that.”

Crichton: “How come I’m not afraid?”
D’Argo: “Fear accompanies the possibility of death. Calm shepherds its certainty.”
Crichton: “I love hanging with you, man.”

Aeryn: “You cannot take a child from its mother!”
Crais: “You forget. It was done to me, and it was done to you.”

Crichton: “Rygel, this is not the time to give up selfishness. Starburst!”

Final Analysis: Despite a cliffhanger ending that left me teary and mentally screaming “Noooo!!!” this season finale satisfied on nearly every level.

Eureka: Alienated


... in which Spencer hijacks a Global Dynamics satellite for his illicit movie night, causing a weapons demonstration to go awry during a U.S. Congressman’s budget review tour.

Vampire Diaries: The House Guest


“You deserved it.”

Fire theme, anyone? Caroline’s eternal flame continues to burn for Matt, Luka underwent some poetic fire-justice, and Elijah is immune to the flamethrower. Too bad, Mark Greig: it was a good idea.

Supernatural: The French Mistake


Dean: "I feel like this whole place is bad-touching me."

This episode wasn't just out of the box; it carried itself out to the UPS truck. I'll be the first to admit that it didn't advance the core story a whole heckuva lot, but sometimes funny and clever are enough.

Glee: Blame It On The Alcohol


“My nose is still filled with the acrid stench of teen vomit.”

New Directions discover the delights of the wet devil just as Figgins decides it’s alcohol awareness week, and Sue tries to get Will to check into rehab just as he plans a massive night out with Coach Bieste. The designated drivers look on in horror as we look on with glee.

It was a Berry Good Beer

It was hella fun seeing our beloved New Directions get a little bit wasted, so it didn’t matter that the rise in alcohol-related incidents at McKinley came out of nowhere. I particularly enjoyed Finn’s rundown of the type of drunks the girls became (go go Stripper Brittany), especially since Rachel was the worst of them all. Kudos Lea Michele for doing a great job – I was not only cringing through every scene with the Needy-Girl Drunk, it was also comic gold dust and dare I say it, even oddly sexy. No I don’t dare – alcohol is bad gentle readers, baaaad; well illustrated by the actions of the Blaine and New Directions throughout the episode. Sometimes Glee’s moral messages can be a little unsubtle or heavy-handed, but this week they got the perfect balance. It wasn’t necessary to lay it on thick about how dangerous alcohol can be, the way everyone changed (or vomited) when drunk was warning enough. Figgins did a good job of adding to the comedy while providing a semi-authority figure in place of Will, who seems to have finally hit rock bottom in failing to cope with his myriad problems.

Singing the Roadhouse Booze

Not only did Glee get its message across through the students, Will also behaved atrociously this week, and it made for brilliant TV. After scenes of him hitting on Emma, spotlight from his kids, getting bumpy with Terri and making generally bad decisions all through this season, I thought it was entirely plausible that he would go completely off the rails on a night out. The fact that it involved cowboy hats and a mechanical bull just made it doubly as amusing to watch. Unfortunately he took it too far with the drunk dial, and waaay too far not taking his grading papers seriously. I was pleased when Bieste kissed Will and said ‘I love you’ by way of goodnight; the writers seem to be picking up the thread of that very unwise Will and Bieste kiss in the locker room in Never Been Kissed after all. I’m glad – Bieste is a very sensitive woman and completely understandable that she should develop feelings for the man who first kissed her and who is (most of the time) a genuinely lovely guy. Good luck solving That problem with a kiss, Will.

Bye Bi Blainey

Under Finn’s classification system, I guess Blaine would be closest to a stripper drunk – his libido went so haywire that he got flirty with Finn then Frenchy with Rachel. Drunk Blaine was a lot of fun to watch, and further served to illustrate the damage that can be done with a little booze. Blaine’s experimenting with Rachel could have turned out much worse, but thankfully the only damage done was a little argument between him and Kurt. Kurt’s line: “bisexual is a term that gay guys in high school use when they wanna hold hands with girls and feel normal” was pretty out there. Sure it can be a stepping stone to coming out as gay for some people (I thought I was bi for about 6 months during secondary school – turned out I just liked the girl’s hair) but some people genuinely are bi so I thought that the episode making light of Blaine’s flirtation with bisexuality was a little biphobic. However, it worked very well in the context of the episode with Kurt so desperate for Blaine to be gay and Rachel searching for life experiences to write about in song.

Loved

- Thanks for explaining how Sue got to be Aural Intensity’s Director. That clumsy guy, falling down Two sets of stairs
- Rachel citing Carol King and Gerry Goffin and Joni Mitchell as song writing greats
- We got another awesome group phone call split screen scene – “Noah, it’s Santitney and Artcedes”
- Rachel stepping in front of the Rachel painting. Terrifying and hilarious!
- Rachel’s completely hideous ‘party dress’ – underlining how much she will Never be a fashion icon
- Santana + Britney x Belly Button Tequila Slammers = What I will dream about tonight and hereafter
- Puck finally got Lauren’s bosom for a pillow during Don’t You Want Me
- Great to see New Directions letting go and having fun like that.
- AWWW tousled, sleepy dust, hungover Blaine
- The giant post-drinking sunglasses were only topped by Brittany’s amazing hat-animal!
- Bieste had an insane amount of meat for her lunch
- Kurt was so unsubtle, prying about Rachel and Blaine’s date: “Oh, was that tonight?!”
- Scenes with Burt and Kurt are always gems. He’s a great dad to make soufflĂ© with his kid.
- Some moments in this episode were so ridiculous you just had to laugh, like Kurt making his dad agree to educate himself about gay sex just so he could educate Kurt?
- Becky’s xylophone
- Will’s drunk-dial. So utterly cringeworthy and yet somehow adorable
- Santana says ‘cool beans’! I say that all the time, maybe we’re destined to be together?

Didn’t Love

- Not only does Kurt use the phrase ‘fag hag’ but he shortens it to ‘hag’. Gross.
- In fact Kurt was a real bitch in that whole scene. But I loved it really!
- Don’t cry Santana! She started right after Will mentioned how many people are killed via alcohol poisoning every year. Could that have hit a nerve?

Songs I wished were in this episode: Barenaked Ladies – Alcohol, Rihanna – Cheers (Drink to That), Frank Sinatra – One For My Baby. Has anyone got any more?

Glee Against the Mus....hic!

My Hairband – Rachel Berry
Well done Rachel, that was simply beautiful. That deserves an A+

Don't You Want Me - Human League (Rachel and Blaine)
Wow Blaine is getting to warble a lot this season. Such a fun performance with the audience reacting in different ways; Kurt turned green with envy and Mercedes just sat there grinning like a loon. Blaine and Rachel sound great together and their drunkenness added to the cheesy goodness. I wish that one day I’ll walk into a karaoke bar and find these two going at it. A-

Blame It – Jamie Foxx (Artie, Mercedes, Santana and Puck)
Awesome staging with the rotating sofas and red lights, even if those were . What with this and the glowing Bieber ceiling from last week (Somebody to Love), Will’s really making use of the appropriation of the Cheerios’ budget. Grade B

One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer – (Will and Bieste)
Was Will a really gay drunk, or am I projecting? Anyway I liked that Bieste’s singing debut was so well worked into the story, unlike Lauren’s last week. Song itself was a perfect fit, but not all that riveting. C+

Tik and also, Tok – Kee Dollar Sign Ha (Brittany and New Directions)
Not only did Brittany look the part, but her choreography stomped on Ke$ha’s drunken ass. That is until she vomited what looked like blueberry cement all over Rachel; that was the ultimate Ke$ha homage. Poor Rachel – “Guys! I’m meltiiiiing”. On the downside, this was very similar to the original song. B+

Quotes for Gleeks:

Rachel: “Brittany, remember the rules: no sitting on anything!”

Rachel: “Your face tastes awesome.”
Mike: “I told my mum I had the flu and she made me a traditional tea made out of panda hair”

Artie: “How about some Bloody Marys y’all?”

Rachel: “Mr Shue? First of all that vest is very cute – you are all kinds of awesome

Blaine: “I'd say ‘bye’ but I wouldn't wanna make you angry.”

MC: “Welcome everybody to Rosalita’s Roadhouse, where the men are men and the sheep are nervous!”

Rachel: “...frankly I did expect a little snog as the date drew to a close, but I guess the timing just wasn’t right”
Kurt: “Or the blood alcohol level”

Will: “Yay, happy face...Ok....*burp*”

Burt: “I don’t know what two guys do when they’re together! You know I sat through that whole Brokeback Mountain – from what I gather, something went down in the tent.”

Brittany: “Ke$ha has been a culture icon for weeks.”

Rachel: “I have mixed us a playful showbiz cocktail of what was left in my dads’ liquor cabinet. There’s some brandy and vermouth and port wine and scotch in here and also some kool aid and some crumbled up oreos.”
Santana: “Oh my god this tastes like cough syrup.”
Rachel: “There’s also cough syrup in here.” Anyone for a Racheltini?

Figgins: “And now, performing the hit song Tik and also Tok, by rapper Ke and dollar sign ha, New Directions.”

Brittany: “Everybody drink responsibly.”

Will: “...hey and I rode a bull and I was thinking of you!”
Quinn: “There’s a fair amount of the pot calling the kettle black right now.”
Brittany: “That is so racist!”

Santana: “But if you don’t drink what will you have to live for?”

...and the Quote of the Week -
Santana: “Oh you’re one to talk! How about you crack a 4 Loco Count Boozy von Drunk-a-ton?”

I lost count of the number of times I burst out laughing during this episode. In fact, I even found it hard to see through my tears of laughter at one point. Any Glee episode that can do that while working thematically and providing my ipod with the auditory equivalent of a rejuvenating seaweed wrap deserves four out of four spinning bottles. Now I’m off to find me some frozen yoghurt. Until next week, hic!

Smallville: Masquerade


Oliver: "This is definitely the most romantic of my recent kidnappings."

Even with all of the dead bodies, this episode was so much fun. At least until the end.

Being Human: The Longest Day

Nina : “What's your manager's number, Wendy? I'm going to unleash a shit-storm!”

Things are looking decidedly bleak for Mitchell. The sins of the past two seasons are catching up with him. Herrick's back and living in the attic. Nina's knows about Mitchell's part in the box tunnel massacre. George is threatening to disown him. There was only Cara who seemed vaguely pleased to see him... right before she committed suicide. It's like all of Mitchell's nightmares are coming true. Let's hope he doesn't hear about The Real Hustle being fake or it'll be curtains. There's only so much a man can take.

There aren't enough superlatives to describe Jason Watkins' performance this week. He played Uncle Billy, the blank-faced amnesiac, to absolute perfection. I almost bought his innocence, too. Then he smiled, and the old Herrick was back. Nina should have taken more notice of his cold dismissal of Cara. That wasn't the behaviour of a sweet old man. It was of a monster remembering who he is. And who he is, is a killer.

Herrick's dress sense seemed to reflect his mental confusion. What was up with that shirt and those pyjama bottoms? Still, anything's better than more of his bare arse. How many male buttocks have we been subjected to this season? Herrick living upstairs is a preposterous turn of events. Already, he's managing to strip away all that Mitchell holds dear. No wonder Mitchell feels like he's losing his mind. Who could have predicted a week ago that within seven days Herrick would be living under their roof, and have the support of half its occupants?

I do love Nina, but she disappointed me a little tonight. Not because she acted out of character. Her betrayal was completely understandable. But because she trusted Mitchell and George so little. She had in her possession the pieces of the puzzle, but assembled them in the wrong order. Herrick's playing everyone like a musical director conducting an orchestra. Only Annie was able to see through the façade. Maybe her gullibility last season has made her wary. But, at least it means Mitchell has an ally.

Which is more than he deserves after the way he treated Annie. I knew he'd blow it. To be fair, I don't think we've ever seen him under this much pressure. Which is a nice reversal of expectations. I assumed Mitchell would be in for an easy ride this season. A bit of soul searching. A spot of the smoochies. Yet, his relationship with Annie is currently hanging by a thread, as is his friendship with George and Nina. How did that happen? Mitchell admitted in “Adam's Family” that the gang are the only thing keeping him grounded. If his accountability to them vanishes, what's keeping him from going all Angelus again?

I guess the answer's Annie. Despite being at rock-bottom, at least he managed to tell her how he feels. He sees their relationship as forever. (Awww.) As long as Annie's there, Mitchell has a reason to stay on the wagon. I was relieved that he chose George, too. But it's severely restricted his options with Herrick. He can't kill him. But he can torture him. The mystery of Herrick's resurrection is a secret worth uncovering -- especially with a prophesied death sentence hanging over his head.

I was also unhappy with the way Nina treated Wendy. I know it was mostly played for laughs, but Nicola Walker did such a fine job of bringing Wendy to life that I really felt for her. She was the model of an overworked, under-appreciated, downtrodden social worker... perpetually exhausted, fearful of negative press, but, ultimately, a caring and sweet individual (albeit off her tits on red bull). I was quite moved by her breakdown in the car, and by Annie's silent support. It just seemed incongruous that Nina would manipulate someone so obviously on the brink of despair. And all for Uncle Billy... a man she barely knows?

The problem is, Nina can't help but care. It's in her nature; even when that concern is misplaced. I think it was Mitchell's insincerity that got to her in the end. That and George's unwavering loyalty to him. Is George the kind of man she wants as a father to her child? A man who can sentence an old man to death and then look the other way? Nina doesn't know Herrick the way the others do. But, George and Mitchell's terrified reaction to him should have given her reason for pause. When Mitchell first saw Herrick he was like a man possessed. What could possibly cause such a reaction in Mitchell, a man more than capable of handling himself?

George's ultimatum was also something of a surprise. George knows Mitchell better than anyone. He knows what he's been through and has been there through the hard times. So why the tough love? Did he really think it would bring Mitchell to his senses? Or is he simply putting Nina and their baby first? Maybe both. But if someone doesn't kill Herrick soon, he'll be too powerful to stop. What will they do then? Enlist the help of the Old Ones? Mitchell described Herrick as a vampire at the height of his powers. Is he megalomaniacal enough to take on the Old Ones? That would make for an interesting finale.

Is Nina really the little bullet? They're throwing red herrings all over the place at the moment. Last week it was McNair. Now it's Nina. Who will it be next week, I wonder? There's only George and Tom left.

Bits and Pieces:

-- I don't think I've ever seen a more stereotypical psych ward. Every single person seemed mad to the extreme. Even the staff were do-twatting-lally

-- How creepy was George bonding with Herrick over fatherhood? Herrick knew exactly what to say to get George onside. And George fell for it.

-- George's Star of David doesn't work on Herrick. I wonder why?

-- There was something grotesque about Mitchell beating the crap out of a defenseless and confused Herrick. It's probably the most disturbing thing I've seen on the show. (Worse than Herrick's arse.)

-- I loved that Herrick couldn't fool Annie. What he said should have played on her fears and weaknesses. She does feel ignored, inconsequential and worthless. But she saw right through it. Good on you, Annie!

-- Herrick can't kill Annie or Mitchell. It's all about saving the dogs. Why can't George and Nina see that?

-- When Wendy first arrived George seemed to be channelling David Brent.

-- Wendy's computer rage made me laugh. I've heard that Windows error sound so many times.

-- Uncle Billy shaking hands with Wendy was just priceless. His face was so empty.

Quotes:

Annie: “We're going to have to have a treat tonight. Big tea, major pudding and, oh, just happy times. Ohh, and Jenga! I'll see you back at the house.”
Nina: (to herself) “Pissing Jenga.”

George: “It's the Jehovah's, isn't it? I knew I shouldn't have been nice.”

Annie: “It's social services, it's got to be. She looks knackered and she has terrible hair.”

Herrick: “Don't you look ugly when you're crying?”

Wendy: "Barbara, can I call you back? I'm just actually on the toilet... doing an actual wee.”

Annie: “Mmm, a knee-trembler by the bins. It's enough to put stars in any girl's eyes.”

Mitchell: “You want every little corner of me. But I just don't want to give it.”

Mitchell: “I was in love with the idea of being your hero. Your rescuer. Your saviour. That's what I was in love with. Not you. It's for the best. One day you'll realise.”

Cara: “I'm nothing without you.”
Herrick: “Well, then. You are nothing.”

Mitchell: “I think there's a poison in you that has nothing to do with being a vampire. So, yeah. I think you do enjoy it.”

Mitchell: “Nina, a little bullet. I'm going to make you so very happy.”

Annie: “What am I? Onto you... is what I am. I'm onto you... little man.”

Mitchell: "I feel like I'm losing my mind. I'm so tired and I'm losing everything.”

Mitchell: "George. I choose you.”

Eureka: Before I Forget


... in which friends from Henry’s past arrive to demonstrate an indestructible force field body armor prototype for the military. Meanwhile, Carter and others begin to experience moments of lost time.

NewsFlash: Three Fun Facts


Got the Tuesday blues? This might make you feel better.

According to TVLine and Blastr, the upper reaches of your cable guide (well, your cable guide if you are in the US) are getting that much cooler in the coming months:

1. Stargate: Universe returns Monday, March 7th for the last 10 episodes.

2. The SyFy Channel will start airing Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles reruns Thursday, April 7th.

3. The Science Channel is airing Firefly starting Sunday, March 6th. (The Science Channel? What is that?)

Star Trek: Obsession


Spock: "Do you smell something?"

A fluffy white cloud. Perhaps not as effective a villain as Ricardo Montalban. Although there was definitely a resemblance to Moby Dick. Well, it was big and white, wasn't it?

Farscape: Bone to be Wild


While hiding from Crais’s command carrier in an asteroid field, Moya receives a distress call from a nearby asteroid. Zhaan, D’Argo, and Crichton respond to the call and become potential prey for a very hungry predator. Meanwhile, Aeryn helps Moya to bond with her offspring, and Crais must contend with Scorpius’s efforts to undermine his command.

‘Bone to be Wild’ is a much better episode than I remembered. I thought it was a stand-alone episode featuring a seemingly helpless female creature who turned out to be a dangerous predator, but there was a lot more to it. The A-plot had way more twists and turns than I recalled, and I completely forgot that the episode also continued to build on the major events of the last several episodes. Even better, all three stories did a nice job tying into one of the series’ core themes --- identity.

Down on the asteroid, our understanding of Zhaan’s identity was completely reshaped with the revelation that she’s highly evolved plant life. Plants developing sentience and evolving into humanoid form is a really cool concept, and as Crichton points out, it certainly explains Zhaan’s photogasms. Although the episode briefly touches on the idea that Crichton inherently sees plants as a “lesser life form,” the reveal doesn’t really change his (or our) perceptions of Zhaan’s worth as a free and sentient being. Nonetheless, it does add a fascinating new layer to our beautiful blue priestess.

The ground-based story also toyed with our perceptions of M’Lee and Br’Nee, continually shifting our point of view regarding just whose side our heroes should be on. I really enjoyed the constant change ups, which resulted in a much more intriguing and complex situation than “tricksy native predator feasts on newcomers.” Although, Br’Nee miniaturizing Zhaan and turning her into one of his specimens did undercut the complexity a bit. Until then, you could maybe accept his arguments that the scientific value of his people’s research outweighed their callous treatment of M’Lee’s people. But once Zhaan’s life and freedom were at stake, he just became an evil bastard who deserved to be put down. No more moral ambiguity for Moya’s crew, and a nice snack to tide M’Lee over until the arrival of the tasty Peacekeepers.

The whole situation presents an interesting parallel to Scorpius’s wormhole research. It’s possible the “weapon” he’s supposedly devising serves a larger public benefit. Perhaps he believes it does. We don’t really know anything about it at this point. But if he’s willing to sacrifice Crichton’s life in pursuit of his larger scientific aims, then he’s nothing but a calculating, evil bastard as far as the audience is concerned.

Of course, that doesn’t mean we can’t appreciate his manipulation of Crais. Call it schadenfreude or my sense of poetic justice, but I was practically gleeful watching Crais’s world and identity get slowly stripped away. It’s only right that he should suffer the same fate as Aeryn, but in a more insidious and demoralizing fashion. Aeryn was exiled; Crais is steadily being reduced to a powerless puppet, forced to sit by while Scorpius usurps his command. When he sat there at the end, reduced to an impotent shell of a man, telling his second-in-command “My orders … are do as he says,” I almost felt bad for him. Almost.

Meanwhile, Aeryn got to use her newly cemented sense of identity to help Moya’s offspring figure out his place in the world. They had a nice little bonding moment when she tried to gain his trust by telling him that though they may both come from the Peacekeepers, they are different. “Look, it’s true. In a perverse way, you do come from them. But so do I.” I was also quite moved by Aeryn’s reaction to Moya’s request that Aeryn choose a name for her son. This is obviously an incredible honor, and Claudia Black sold the moment beautifully. She can say so much with a slight smile and a simple welling of the eyes. Very poignant.

Other Thoughts

The offspring looks so tiny next to Moya!

Gigi Edgley is officially in the main cast! Woo hoo!

Welcome, Braca! (Crais’s second in command.)

Scorpius’s plan to panic Moya’s offspring was pretty damn smart and almost certainly would have worked. Crais made a critical error ignoring the suggestion.

I was surprised to see Crais still in command at the beginning of the episode. Scorpius seemed so powerful on the Gammak Base that I expected him to strip Crais’s command after what he saw in the Aurora Chair. Apparently he’s from a different “branch of the service,” and his special privileges don’t extend to removing command carrier captains without getting orders from higher up. I guess he just decided to see if he could control Crais before filing his report.

Scorpius’s cool calculation is pretty darn scary, but don’t make him angry. You wouldn’t like him when he’s angry. “Why must you force me to display my physical superiority to your kind as well?” What the heck is he?

D’Argo is such a whiny baby when he doesn’t feel well or things aren’t going his way. Man up, dude.

Zhaan can make herself invisible. Huh. Did we know that before? Is that something she’s always been able to do, or a power that comes with now being a tenth level Pa’u?

Crichton seems to be wearing Larraq’s commando uniform full-time now. All that leather probably offers better protection than his white t-shirt and tan cargo pants.

Where the heck was Stark? Did they drop him and Gilina’s body off somewhere after making their initial escape?

Rygel is exceedingly handsy with Chiana. She probably should snap off his hand and “use it as a good luck charm.”

M’Lee was played by Francesca Buller, Ben Browder’s real-life wife. (She’s also featured in a recurring role later in the series.) That must have been weird, given how crazy her costume was.

Quotes

Chiana: “Distress call? Directed at us?”
Crichton: “[Bursts out laughing.] How stupid is that?”

Scorpius: “I’ve never understood the need of some warriors to memorialize their conquests. Does displaying this … decaying flesh remind you of past instances, when you were powerful?”

Crais: “You have directly questioned my command.”
Scorpius: “Your command begs question.”

Crichton: “How did you survive? [She looks down in shame and sadness.] M’Lee?”
M’Lee: “In the end, we only had each other.”

Aeryn (on Moya’s offspring): “Amongst all these Peacekeeper systems, I feel quite at home.”
Rygel: “We couldn’t be happier, honestly. You deserve a home where you’re wanted.”
Ouch! That’s cold, Sparky.

Chiana: “[Smacks Rygel in the back of the head] You oughta keep one foot out of your mouth. You may need it to run.”

Zhaan: “… it may not be entirely unreasonable to ---“
Crichton: “To murder sentient beings in order to save a few stinking plants?”
Zhaan (stung): “How animal-centric of you, John.”
Crichton: “I’m sorry, Zhaan. I forgot. You’re …”
Zhaan (biting): “I am a ‘stinking plant.’”

Scorpius: “[Tosses something at Crais.] My report. To High Command.”
Crais: “Should I bother reading it?”
Scorpius: “To what end? You’ll hear it all multiple times at your inquest.”

Br’Nee: “She’s not dead, nor will any harm come to her.”
Crichton: “She’s in a test tube, Jack.”
Br’Nee: “Through her we might discover medical cures even our future dreamers dare not envision. Is that not a fair tradeoff?”
Crichton: “Not to her. And not to me.”

Final Analysis: A solid follow-up to ‘The Hidden Memory,’ with a lot more story and depth than I remembered.

Fringe: 6B


“What if this is not about physics, but about people?”

That quote? The rules of the game. How should we understand those rules? That is still up for grabs. This episode had me anguished at first, but it is nonetheless a vital clue to larger goals of the show. Are those goals in line with my expectations? Only time will tell.

Supernatural: Mannequin 3, The Reckoning


Dean: "I don't like the way Kim Cattrall is looking at me."

Mildly creepy. Somewhat funny. And unfortunately, sort of sad.

Vampire Diaries: The Dinner Party


“Thus ending our werewolf chapter and bringing us to Elijah.”

I’m starting to feel like my Vampire Diaries reviews are getting a bit redundant. But I can’t help it—this has been a wonderful season, and every episode leaves me with a big wacky grin on my face. Can the show possibly keep this up?

Glee: Comeback


Did the Glee writers just dump lots of plot ideas together, cross their fingers and hope a coherent episode would emerge? Sorry writers, it doesn’t work that way.

Comeback or Cutbacks?

The individual plotlines may have been compelling if properly supported by other plots. For example, the trend-setting plot might have worked better in an episode devoted to Gaga, known for her crazy fashion, rather than Bieber, known for his bad haircut. Alas, this episode was a mish-mash of disparate threads that, rather than being woven into a pair of attractive arm-warmers remained a messy tangle of disparate threads.

Whilst I initially thought this episode was going to be about Justin Bieber and suicide (I can see how those would be closely linked in many people’s minds), we got trend-setting, diva-offs, heartwarming cancer ward camp fires and Lauren’s first song thrown into the mix. Maybe they should have stuck with Bieber and self-harm? Speaking of which, what is the big deal with Bieber anyway? I am glad they didn’t devote the whole episode to him but they focused on him just as much as Gaga. Unlike Gaga, there wasn’t much fun to be had with Bieber – after mocking, parodying, and finally exaggerating his ability to make girls turn into screaming Bieber-zombies, the only things to focus on were the Bieber hair (Mark Salling, you should have refused to wear that wig) and his songs, which I admittedly don’t mind. Perhaps this part of the episode works better if you actually are a Bieber-phile, but I just found the girls (even pull-no-punches Lauren) turning into melted butter watching The Justin Bieber Experience a little unbelievable and slightly degrading.
Oh dear, this review seems to be becoming a rant. Let’s press on!

Sue-icide, or Character Assassination?

Were those gummy vitamins ever meant to work, Sue? Whilst I am glad she lives to scheme another day, I thought it was a) ridiculous that Sue would ever resort to such measures to end her suffering/cry for help, and b) unlikely that she wouldn’t go to the healthy supply of much more potent and dangerous substances that I’m sure she has tucked away somewhere.
Apparently, what Emma thought Sue needed was a shot of┣▇g̅l̲e̲̅e̲̅▇▇═─ to bring her out of her funk. Did Sue agree to it because it was her plan all along, or did she see the opportunity to destroy them from within and take it? Doesn’t matter too much, since she went about it in a pretty lacklustre way, causing only a minor rift between Rachel and Mercedes; at least they are firm friends now.

The trip to the hospital was a bit cringeworthy. Sometimes Glee gets very self-aware – it seemed we were being told that Sue needed to sing with cancer patient kids to see her problems in perspective, in that scene in the hallway – she denied it and Will said that was not the point of the visit, but it was, wasn’t it? The trip to the ‘house of sad’ did inspire her, to magically become the director of a rival glee club. Oh well. Let’s ignore the fairly large question of ‘How?’ and move straight on to the glorious future when Sue’s and Will’s rival glee clubs will clash on the streets with high notes making car windows shatter and Molotov-slushies being lobbed back and forth.

Loved

- Sue’s ‘underwear’ during I Know What Boys Like. Was that a whip to go with the mask?
- Finn’s Mighty Morphin Power Rangers T-shirt
- Mercedes and Rachel's contrasting advice to Sue on how to be a diva.
- Puck is still into Lauren and she’s still not putting out. Good girl, make him beg.
- Lauren wrestling was pretty cool. As was Puck's erection comment.
- Sam’s Na’vi speak. But he hasn’t done it for months!
- Brittany does look fabulous all the time.
- Santana is back to full sexy bitch power and poor Sammy is her plaything.
- When Quinn whispers, her voice is Really sexy!

Didn’t Love


- Sue-icide? Not remotely plausible. Even if she was just hatching an evil plot/crying out for help.
- Glee does Bieber? Not remotely laudable.
- Kids with cancer, cut to 'funny' scene about fashion? Not working for me.
- When is Brittany so mean? That’s just not like her.
- How the hell did Sue get to be the director of a glee club at a different school? Ah, never mind, it’s Glee.

Glee Against the Music

Baby – Justin Bieber (Sam):
Well, at least the vocals were good. There’s a reason why this song received the most hits on YouTube (even if I don’t know what the reason is), but Glee, did you really have to go there? Minus one for going there. Minus one for Sam’s Bieber bob. Minus one for the girls all going crazy for it. I’m neutral on the dance-moves. I guess that’s a Grade C.

Somebody to Love – Justin Bieber (Sam and Artie with Puck and Mike):
Again, the vocals were impressive. I enjoyed the choreography too, except for the chalk, which I liked until I realised that it was actually some magically disappearing dust that never seemed to get on the guys clothes. I wish my house was full of disappearing dust. Again with the inexplicable Bieber fever from the ladies. B-

Take Me or Leave Me – Rent (Rachel and Mercedes):
If I was in a theatrical, diva-y mood I might have liked this more. Instead it just felt out of place. I didn’t believe the girls were really upset with each other in the first place, let alone that admiration of the other’s talent made them warm to each other by the end of the song. C+

This Little Light of Mine – Harry Dixon Loes (Will, Sue and paediatric cancer ward kids):
This also might have worked if they had earned it. However, I was a little miffed that they casually mentioned that Will goes to the ward every month, when it’s never been mentioned before. Good for Will, but it felt very much like those incredibly adorable kids were being used in a cheap way, since the scene had little bearing on the rest of the episode, with Sue reverting to her glorious, evil self soon after, and the plot moving on to Brittany the ‘fashion institution’. D-

I Know What Boys Like – The Waitresses (Lauren):
Another song that felt like a spare part from another episode. I’ve never been fond of ‘talky songs’ (I’m looking at you, The Ting Tings) but Lauren did her best with bad material. The only part I really enjoyed was seeing New Directions and Sue in their underwear. D+

Sing – My Chemical Romance (New Directions and Sue):
Again, good vocals but I would have been more into it if Sue hadn’t been there in atrocious pyjamas. Though props for the Sue stripes. Actually no, I hated all the outfits. It also didn’t work having Sue in the midst of the kids singing when half an episode earlier she was pushing them into lockers. B-

Quotes for Gleeks:

Sue: “Yes losers, I’m committing Sue-icide.”

Sam: “Who’s more rock n’ roll than Justin Beiber? No one, that’s who.”

Puck: “Dude, that haircut makes your mouth look even bigger.”

Lauren: “Although my love would CRUSH him, I’m totally turned on by the Biebster... that is until I remember that he looks like he’s 12 and it’s kind of creepy.”

Santana: “But make no mistake, every time you open your humongous mouth to do an impression, or moisten an enormous stamp for a lazy giant, you take one step closer to everyone seeing that you are actually a dork.”

Santana: “Look, I know you’re as dumb as a bag of wet hair...”

Brittany: “Most teachers think by cutting class I may improve my grades.”

Santana: “I mean, my carousel horse sweater should make me look like an institutionalized toddler but no – I look hot and smart. I feel like Michelle Obama.”

Lauren: “Here’s how I see it. I know I’m the hottest bitch in this joint. If I was a country my flag would be a fist giving the world the finger.”

Sue: “So sorry for not being sorry for interrupting.”

Quote of the Week:
Rachel: "I want my allowance back right now!"
Brittany: "It's already gone, my uncle lost his job and his goat was going hungry, so I spent it on food for the goat. I mean sort of, the goat just ate the money."

If an episode about Sue-icide wasn’t enough of a downer, the highest grades I could give the songs this week were B minuses. That’s depressing – my ipod is cold and lonely. Two out of four ugly Bieber wigs. Maybe two and a half, but that's generous!

Being Human: The Pack

McNair: “You spilt my boy's blood. So I'm going to spill yours.”

After the relative lightness of the past two weeks, tonight's episode turned the chuckles down low and cranked up the drama. It's a testament to the show's quality that even the stand alones this season have been excellent. Each instalment seems an improvement on the last. Tonight's episode saw McNair and Tom finally meet potential pack mates George and Nina. Sadly, instead of creating harmony, it brought violence, revelations and grief. The wolves totally kicked arse tonight. Could McNair really take Mitchell in a fight? I'm guessing we'll find out before the season's over. My money's on Mitchell.

I may be in the minority, but, I quite like where they're going with Mitchell and Annie's relationship. I'll be the first to admit, I don't fully understanding what's going on. If they can kiss, then Annie's body must cause some friction? If Annie can carry cups of tea, then surely she can hold things? (Both literally and euphemistically.) Am I missing something obvious here? Why can't they have sex? Mitchell seemed to suggest that Annie's kisses felt like tickles. That works. Now tickle somewhere else.

If we learned anything from tonight's episode, it's that sex by proxy doesn't work. I can't imagine why either of them thought it would. Why would Mitchell want to have sex with some inebriated, puking stranger? (That question's for you, promiscuous Saturday night revellers.) And why would Annie want to stand by and watch? I get that she can feel "sexy vibes" through physical contact. But it all felt so awkward. (Which, of course, means big laughs for us.) For Mitchell, sex isn't an expression of love. It's a weapon for acquiring blood. It turns him into a monster. So, if Mitchell's better off without it, and Annie can't experience it an any meaningful way, then why not have them both abstain? It's a storyline we don't see explored that often. Except for on Buffy. And Twilight. Hmmm. Anyway...

I was relieved that, after learning the truth about his parents, Tom stayed with McNair. Yes, McNair has his problems (i.e. he's a killer). And, granted, he can't live up to his own standards. (What parent can?) But at least he was there for Tom. He provided a roof over his head, and raised him as best he could. Sure, the tetanus mobile isn't much of a home. But at least Tom's had the benefit of McNair's unique parental guidance. He actually seems reasonably well adjusted. (If a tad naive). I loved McNair's flowers and the bees talk. It's always fun watching a grown man squirm whilst talking about sex. (If, indeed, that's what he was talking about. I got confused by the genius of his metaphors).

In fact, I found McNair's semi-antiquated morals oddly charming. He wouldn't kill Mitchell in front of Annie. Nor was he happy with Mitchell swearing in front of the girls. Such gallantry. Which kind of makes you wonder where all his vampire hate comes from. There's obviously more to his story than we're currently privy to. Is McNair the one destined to kill Mitchell? Mitchell seems to think so. But, given his hatred of vampires, why would McNair help the Old Ones? (From whom retribution is coming.) Unless, of course, he's an unwitting participant in Mitchell's murder. That would work, I guess.

In reality, McNair and Mitchell aren't too dissimilar. Both have committed atrocities because of their afflictions. Both have lied to cover up their murderous deeds. Both use their adopted families as a restraint against their natures. So, what gives McNair the moral high ground over Mitchell? In many respects, McNair seems the worst of the two. At least McNair's condition only kicks in when there's a full moon. Mitchell's stuck with his 24/7. Which makes McNair's actions during the rest of the month less instinct and more willing intent. He kills because he chooses to kill.

I was a little disappointed that Mitchell saving McNair's life didn't wipe the slate clean. Mind you, if what Richard said about the Old Ones is true, then Mitchell's going to be up to his armpits in trouble quicker than you can say "mud wrestling lesbian twins" anyway. I'm glad Mitchell's rallying against the concept of fate. (Or is at least trying to.) Annie's defied it twice now. Why can't Mitchell? And what impact will Herrick and Cara's return have on the story? Answers next week, hopefully.

Bits and Pieces:

-- Three tracking badges on your woggle? George, you were clearly never a cub. A woggle is used to keep your neckerchief in place. It's not for putting badges on.

-- I loved Annie's mud wrestling lesbian twin sex talk. Now there's a DVD extra I'd like to see.

-- Hopefully Nina's baby survived her transformation. I wonder how it'll cope as Nina comes closer to term.

-- Mitchell, please throw the scrapbook out. You already know what's in it. Keeping it will only increase the likelihood of it being found... which, of course, is what's going to happen. Wobbliest floorboard ever!

-- How did "wolf shaped bullet" appear on the roof of that toy house? Was that all supposed to be in Mitchell's mind?

Quotes:

George: “If I had some stockings, I'd hand them over. Not that I do wear stockings... much.”

Annie: “Will you stop being so bloody Cranford about everything?”

George: “Oh, my God! I'm going to be a dad. I'm going to have to teach them to play football. I'm going to have to learn how to play football.”

McNair: “I'm coming for you, pal. You can't outrun me. You definitely can't outfight me. You can't even outlive me.”

George: “Just because we're not normal doesn't mean we can't be... normal.”

Annie: “Which one is it?”
George: “The Chubb! The Chubb!”
Annie: “What's a Chubb?”
George: “What it sounds like! The fat one.”

Mitchell: “I've got your back, Digby”.

Eureka: Many Happy Returns


... in which the recently deceased Susan Perkins seemingly returns from the dead.

Smallville: Beacon


Lionel: "Rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated."

I thought this episode was a joy. Although it's possible that I'm just experiencing some final season sentimentality.

Fringe: Immortality


“Guess who.”

Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god—and that’s just my reaction to the crawly bugs, which gave me some really horrible nightmares. Everything else? I’m not even sure of what to say: so many developments, so many possibilities, so much dramatic tension.

Supernatural: Unforgiven


Dean: "One of Dad's rules? You never use the same crapper twice."

This was a dark and dank monster-of-the-week episode with a really depressing twist. In fact, I felt cheated; I thought we were going to get season one Dean and Sam for awhile before things got dark and dank again.

Farscape: The Hidden Memory


As Moya goes into labor, Aeryn, D’Argo, and Zhaan attempt to rescue Crichton from the Gammak Base. Meanwhile, Gilina continues to help Crichton resist the Aurora Chair.

‘Nerve’ and ‘The Hidden Memory’ feel like they should have been the first season finale. Together, these episodes ramped up the story, delivered some satisfying resolution for several lingering threads, and left us with exciting fodder for what’s to come. Makes you wonder what they’ve got in store for the actual season finale!

‘The Hidden Memory’ fully lived up to the promise of ‘Nerve,’ with an even more exciting and action-packed hour. We got the twisty and exhilarating rescue of Crichton, as well as the birth of Moya’s offspring. We got Crais being tortured and exposed as a murderous traitor. We got Aeryn fully embracing her status as an ex-Peacekeeper. We got Gilina coping with her unrequited love for Crichton. We even got an intriguing glimpse behind Stark’s mask, both figuratively and literally.

I loved pretty much everything that happened down on the Gammak Base: Gilina tricking the chair; Scorpy torturing Crais; Stark revealing his true nature and easing Crichton’s pain; Aeryn taking out the security chief in Crichton’s cell; Aeryn confronting Crais; the firefight on the surface. In fact, the events down on the Gammak Base were so exciting and intense that I kept forgetting Moya was having her baby. I think it’s highly amusing that after all the drama Moya’s pregnancy has caused, the actual birth of her baby wasn’t an episode unto itself. It was just added on as one more thing the crew had to deal with in an already crappy situation. But kudos to Pilot, Rygel, and Chiana for holding down the fort --- especially Chiana, who really rose to the occasion by volunteering to climb into an access shaft with a frightened and heavily armed baby Leviathan. I guess she was being straight with Crichton when she said she wanted to do her part as a member of the crew. Huzzah!

About the only thing I didn’t care for down on the Gammak Base was Gilina’s hemming and hawing about whether Crichton loved her or Aeryn. As all you Chuck fans know, it totally irks me when people fixate on their relationship issues in the middle of an important mission. Shut up and focus! In this case, Gilina actually had a very valid point --- if she’s going to run off with them, she should know where she stands. Moreover, I really shouldn’t hate on such a smart and brave woman, especially after she pulled off that fantastically brilliant move with the fake chair memory. And yet ... I still did the little mental dance of joy when Scorpius gunned her down. At least she got to go out in a blaze of glory. And she got her kiss before dying. And she got to hold on to her hope that Crichton could have loved her, too, if things had been different. So it wasn’t all bad for her, right? (Yes, yes. I’m a terrible person.)

Back to things that made me happy (aside from Gilina’s demise), one of the best moments of the episode was Aeryn’s scene with Crais. Not only did she get to confront him for what he did to her, but she also got to wreak some seriously badass vengeance. “You know what I give you, Crais? Your life. I will make you watch … your life.” What an absolutely cathartic moment to hear Aeryn declare that everything he forced her to give up wasn’t worth a damn “and I don’t want to go back to your past.” I’m sure the sadness of what could have been will always be with her to a certain extent, but she’s finally accepted her fate and fully embraced her new life. Yea! You’ve come a long way, baby. Now you just need to open yourself up to love.

Other Thoughts

Congrats to Moya on the arrival of her seriously freaky offspring! A baby gunship. Oy! My children can be a troublesome twosome without any advanced weaponry, so I shudder to think of the growing pains we are going to have to endure with this “beast,” as D’Argo put it.

Scorpius is so delightfully evil! I know he’s seriously dangerous, but I loved him lording it over Crais. Especially his little smirk as Crais screamed in the chair. The enemy of my enemy is my friend? Not in the long term, I think, but for the moment, it was sweet to see Crais brought low.

I really liked the revelation that Stark is not as crazy as he initially appeared. I’m not sure he’s entirely sane either, but he’s a fascinating addition to the team. He seems to be made of light and has the power to grant serenity by sharing his thoughts. Very strange and intriguing. I’m more than curious about the memory of the “beautiful” place he saw as a boy that he was hiding from Scorpius. (I honestly don’t remember if we ever find out what that’s all about.)

I was very surprised that Zhaan went down to the planet while Moya was giving birth. Her alchemy skills came in handy, but it seems like her medical expertise might have been needed more on the ship. I guess since she isn’t a Leviathan midwife, she figured there wasn’t much she could do for Moya.

D’Argo’s line about “my Qualtha blade and I” being able to cut rocks for Zhaan was puzzling and a bit creepy. Was it supposed to be a come on? Even Zhaan looked perplexed!

The return of the “you fart helium?” gag was unexpectedly hilarious. “You’re disgusting!” Rygel’s hand on the steamy pod window a la Titanic was even funnier.

Loved Scorpius’s slow-mo walk through the flames and smoke in the aftermath of Crichton’s escape. We so haven’t seen the last of him.

Quotes

D’Argo (to Aeryn as they prepare to rescue Crichton): “If you can be an idiot, I can be an idiot.”

Crichton: “You like the chair?”
Stark: “Love the chair, love the chair, love the chair.”

Stark: “If you don’t stop, I’m gonna have to kill you.”
Crichton: “Give it a couple days. I think Scorpy and Peacekeeper Barbie’ll do it for you.”
There it is!

Rygel: “I think this is a trifle different, don’t you? My progeny were tiny. Tiny and handsome. Like their father.”

Stark: “It’s almost ironic. What made me a slave now keeps me alive.”
Crichton: “What made you a slave?”
Stark: “This. [Grabs face mask.] I’m of the Bannek slave race. Outsiders think that we do not feel, but it’s only that our feelings don’t always show. Just as this can hide our feelings, we’re also able to cloud thoughts from our minds.”

Stark: “Who is she?”
Crichton: “That is ... the radiant, Aeryn Sun.”

Crais: “Who are you?”
Aeryn: “I am irreversibly contaminated. Now do you know who I am?”

Aeryn: “Your oath means nothing to me, you made sure of that. You destroyed everything. I lost everything because of you. [...] Do you know what I learned while I was away from you? Everything I lost isn’t worth a damn. And I don’t want to go back to your past.”

Stark: “What was the secret you were keeping hidden from Scorpius down there?”
Crichton: “He thought it was about his Doomsday Device, about wormholes. It wasn’t. It was only about the time I kissed a girl.”
Stark (incredulous): “Really?”
Crichton: “Yeah.”
[Both burst out laughing.]

Chiana (re: Moya’s offspring): “'He.’ It’s a boy?”
Pilot: “Yes.”
Rygel: “A male. Excellent!”

Final Analysis: A fantastic, action-packed conclusion to a stellar two-parter.

Vampire Diaries: Crying Wolf


“Elena has to die.”

Isn’t this show wonderful? I experienced nearly every emotion watching this episode: fear, trepidation, glee, sympathy, rage... you get the picture. (Maybe Anna from V just needs to watch some sexy vampires.) In the middle of all that emotion-laden mythos, there were some delightful character moments. I love this show.

Eureka: Pilot


... in which U.S. Marshal Jack Carter finds himself stranded in a strange little town harboring a very big secret.

NewsFlash: Smallville finale news


Will he or won't he come back for the finale? That's been the question about Michael Rosenbaum's Lex Luthor, whose struggle with darkness was the main reason I got into Smallville in the first place. It hasn't been the same since his departure, and since the tenth season has been so good so far and John Glover (Lionel Luthor) has returned, I've been hoping Rosenbaum would relent and return for the end.

And guess what? It was just announced that Rosenbaum is indeed returning for the two hour Smallville series finale. What's interesting is that yesterday, I saw an article on EW that said Rosenbaum would *not* return. What happened? Did he see all the bad press it generated and change his mind?

Whatever. I'm just happy he's back because how could they end Smallville without him?

Glee: Silly Love Songs


Shall I compare Glee to a summer’s day?
Blaine art more lovely and more temperate.
Mean elf does shake the darling singing gay,
So medium drip hath him for Kurt to date.

Big Love for Lauren

I’m torn between Lauren and Blaine for most entertaining character this week. Lauren has had very little screen time in past weeks so I was surprised for her to be so central to the episode, and more surprised that she totally blew me away. Like Puck, I’m sort of fascinated by her. While I’m not sure how likely it is that he’d pursue her with such ardour, it sure makes for some amusing scenes. The hallway wrestling match was tops for me. Santana is so fierce that seeing her slammed into lockers and slung down the hall would have turned any man’s head... I’m just a little worried that Puck isn’t running away before he gets HIS heart torn out, literally!

On the serious side though, the issue of Lauren’s weight was handled quite sensitively, and I’d be interested to see it come up in a future episode. I don’t know how truthful it is that she looks how ‘America looks’, but if so, then she’s representative of a minority group just in the same way that lots of Glee characters are. I hope she sticks around.

Blaine’s Achy-Breaky Heart

I don’t know who I felt more sorry for here, Blaine for getting coldly rejected by a mean Dark Elf (he even had an elfey hood!) after baring his heart in song, or Kurt, suffering because said song was directed at Elrond instead of him. Their first scene with the coffee and the puppy love *thing* was nicely turned mirrored by Blaine’s revulsion at all things romantic in their return to the coffee shop. I liked that Kurt didn’t let the discussion go on (since really, with Blaine so wounded by love, it wasn’t the right time) but just alluded to the fact that he hopes they will end up together.

Blaine’s admission that he doesn’t really know what he’s doing seemed very heartfelt and just made him seem like more of a catch (oh, he’s so Sensitive!), cunning writers for excusing him from the incredible denseness he showed in not picking up on Kurt’s feelings sooner.
As a side note, I am glad Kurt isn’t a sucker for the Valentine’s Day commercial extravaganza. It’s nothing but an excuse to sell cards and chocolate (can you tell I don’t have plans for the 14th?).

The Love Pentagon, or Nobody Loves a Cheat

Oh Quinn, when will you learn? After cheating AND getting pregnant in Season One, she begins another affair with the guy she cheated on! Of course, she’s not the only one to blame. Rachel cheated too, Finn seemed happy enough to aid Quinn in her cheating, blame Santana for her vindictiveness (getting mono just to expose Finn and Quinn was going a bit too far), and blame Puck for being the perfect accessory to infidelity. You could even blame Sam for making Quinn kiss Finn. Or blame love for making fools of us all? Laying aside the blame, this storyline was classic Glee messiness, and some parts, especially Santana’s scheme and Finn’s kissing booth were completely brilliant. I’ve never been that invested in Rachel and Finn, but her insecurity about Quinn’s looks felt realistic, and I did feel a bit sorry for her when she found out her kisses didn’t make Finn see fireworks.

Lurrrved

- Lauren Zizes getting an expanded role in the series
- Not one but TWO Warblers songs this week. My ipod doesn’t know what’s hit it!
- Lauren Zizes throwing Santana into a wall
- Brittany’s outfit during P.Y.T. - she looks Damn Fine in street clothes.
- Santana’s inner monologue. That girl’s definitely going to marry well.
- Mercedes’ lecture about putting talent before love
- Nice pink sunnies in The Gap, Blaine
- When did Rachel and Mercedes get so close? Awesome that they were listening to 'Tell Him' when comforting Kurt.
- That look near the end between Sam and Santana. Anyone for a love hexagon?

Didn’t Lurrrve

- Raddest? Really Mike?
- Why would Finn have a present for Rachel behind his kissing booth? Nice necklace though.
- Mean Blaine for directing his “sometimes it (love) doesn’t come at all” at Santana. Miaow!
- Santana’s sexy candystriper outfit. When she looks that hot I fear for my sexuality.
- Mono being a central plot point and I’ve never even heard of it. Don’t you Americans ever kiss us Brits?
- Dark Elf mentioned Blaine being underage as a barrier to dating him. Really? What's the age of consent in the US?
- Blaine actually Liked the kissing bears? Ok, i wuv him, but they were disgusting!
- Sam was alone on Valentine’s Day? Where was Quinn?
- Lauren stood up Puck?! Wait, maybe I lurrrrve this!

Glee Against the Music

Fat Bottomed Girls - Queen (Puck and New Directions):
I want that red guitar. I can’t play guitar, but I want it. This was a good performance but a little bit cringeworthy for poor Lauren sitting through it. Grade C+

P.Y.T. (Pretty Young Thing) - Michael Jackson. (Artie and New Directions):
Artie’s voice and Mike’s awesome dance moves are a good combo. But I was disappointed there was no Tina and Artie duet while their respective partners danced around them. Grade B

When I Get You Alone - Robin Thicke (Blaine and the Warblers):
Not only is the song incredibly catchy, and another completely original a cappella arrangement, but the staging and choreography was much more advanced than most Glee numbers. From Blaine’s eagerness, and The Warblers’ dancing, Dark Elf’s indifference and Kurt’s displeasure, it was all perfectly done. Grade A

My Funny Valentine
- Babes In Arms (Tina):
I was actually quite relieved when she broke down into tears, because I wasn’t enjoying the song much at all. A good song to sing to comic Mike though. C-

Firework - Katy Perry (Rachel and New Directions):
Too much like the original, and too crowbar’d in with Finn and his fireworks. That walking in the hallway with the sparklers made Rachel seem like a happy witch. Grade C+

Silly Love Songs - Paul McCartney (Blaine and the Warblers):
Just wonderful. Grade A

Quotes for Gleeks in Love


Lauren: “Stare at me again, and I’ll break your nuts... also, these candies you gave me, they sucked.”
Puck: “But you ate all of them!”
Lauren: “I had to make sure they all sucked.”
Puck: *I’m in love with Lauren Zizes*

Blaine: “A medium drip and a grande non-fat mocha for this guy, and maybe I could get him to split one of those cupid cookies”
Kurt: “You know my coffee order?”
Blaine: “Of course I do....*Kurt starts to get his money*... Don’t even bother dummy it’s on me. Keep the change!”
Kurt: *to the cashier* “I do believe I have a new favourite holiday!”
*SWOON*

Santana: “Please, you people love me. I keep it real and I’m hilarious.”
Lauren: “Actually, you’re just a bitch!”

Rachel: “Maybe you’re right: maybe I am destined to play the title role in the Broadway musical version of Willow but the only job you’re going to have is working on a pole!”

Kurt:
I can see the appeal. That's quite a head of hair.
Blaine: “His name’s Jeremiah – if he and I got married, The Gap would give me 50% discount.”

Lauren: “You seriously think it’s that easy? I’m not desperate so if you really want this you best come correct ’cause I spell woman Z-I-Z-E-S. And I need to be wooed. You understand me? Woooooed.”

Mercedes: “Sometimes you have to choose between love and talent.”

Finn: “You’re a real star and you need to shine.”

Santana: “I won’t tell Lauren to look out for poachers who might mistake her for the endangered white rhino.”
Lauren: “I heard that. Don’t make me rip that weave out ‘yo head.”

Santana: “Wait, that’s weird. Quinn’s wearing her queen bitch smirk and Finn only wears that gassy infant look when he feels guilty about something. Holy sweet hell – they’re fooling around! I know what cheating looks like – I do it all the time.”

Puck:
“What is this place?”
Lauren
“It's a library. Haven't you been in here before? No? Ok, I don't understand - you said you wanted to ask me out but I see no envelope of cash, no muffin basket... ”

Santana: “Please. I’ve had mono so many times it turned into stereo.”

Lauren: “I don’t think you’re ready for this jelly.”

That was gloriously ridiculous, hilarious and surprisingly moving in parts. Glee is the perfect show to do a Valentine’s themed episode, and it didn’t disappoint.

Four out of four medium drips – what are those, anyway?

Smallville: Collateral


Chloe: "Whatever happens in cyberspace stays in cyberspace."

Smallville does The Matrix. If you're going to rip something off, do it well. Actually, they did it really well, so good for Smallville.

Glee: The Sue Sylvester Shuffle


┣▇g̅l̲e̲̅e̲̅▇▇═─ ....ahhhhh. This episode was a much needed dose of concentrated, unadulterated Glee which was just what I needed to knock my man flu on the head and shake off the winter blues. This episode saw the return of the football/cheerios/New Directions rivalry that has been part of previous episodes but never the sole focus, and never with such a big budget. Speaking of which – why weren’t all the Cheerios’ boobs shooting sparks dammit?!

Bigger is Better

The spectacular opening scene set the tone for the scale of the episode, and certainly had me wowed. I hope that the writers weren’t being self referential with Sue’s opening diatribe? Could people already be getting bored of Glee? Whatever the subtext, I was tickled by the text. Clearly, what Sue needed to jog her out of her gloom was Mama Cannon. What will happen to the babies now Mama isn’t ‘safe’ enough to be used in a school? Surely safety isn’t that much of an issue if girls are swirling rings of fire around their naked midriffs! Amusingly, Figgins only told Sue that she needed to get a student’s consent in order to fire them out of the suclear weapon, but it was still enough for Sue to go on a Super Bowl sized rampage. A bit OTT.
Thankfully most of the larger than life aspects of the episode worked wonders, with some incredible set pieces compliment by the plot, which I thought was much tighter than most episodes (or maybe I’ve just missed my Glee injection too much). While the theme of teamwork was hardly original, it wasn’t a theme-driven episode so it didn’t matter too much.

Karofsky and his Closet

Whilst I do enjoy seeing characters break out of their shells, and develop more than one dimension, the stubbornness and paranoia of Davey K when it came to anything he perceived as gay felt a little unrealistic at times. Would he not have wanted to do Thriller along with the rest of the team in the first place? Surely his reluctance made it more obvious to the rest of the team that something was going on with him. It was also hard to swallow that the rest of the guys would follow him out of the locker room and quit the football team without even a word? Especially since Puck then had an easy time convincing them to rejoin during halftime (cue the fastest makeup application ever!). I appreciate the commitment to see Karofsky’s storyline through writers, but could he please come out (or be outed) already? The fact that all the good work of Finn to build bridges between the clubs was undone by the end of the episode bugged me, and if Karofsky had shown some signs of growing, I would have appreciated it.

Loved

- Sue’s whole journal monologue: can’t lose combo of boobs and fire! racoon hormones! She’s 31?! Sue tattoo! How could so much goodness be crammed into one minute?
- Rachel and Lauren getting fierce as football girls
- Sue’s tracksuit coat with the arm stripes
- That Glee is equal opps with the slushies... but surely now Artie’s had more than anyone!
- The choreography in Thriller – completely unbelieveable that footballers could learn that in a week but I don’t care, it was brilliant.
- Tina having the courage to make a play for the ball. Asian vampires are the most vicious of all the vampires.
- Braaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaains!

Didn’t Love

- Finn running off during the big game meaning McKinley didn’t have enough players to keep playing. You’d think the other team would have noticed.
- Artie’s zombie makeup. Too realistic for me – it looked like his face had melted.
- In fact all of the zombie makeup. It’s horrible!
- How will Mama Cannon feed her baby cannons now? *sob*
- The completely dodgy hockey team hairdos, what a relief for Kurt to not have to be in the presence of those every day.
- The obvious subtext of Kurt bringing warm milk to Finn every night. Eek. Listen to your big gay mentor.
- I wasn’t that moved by Finn and Quinn rekindling their sparkage, but it made for an ok subplot.
- Karofsky generally being an A-hole and also joining in Thriller without makeup. That’s not allowed!

Glee Against the Music

"California Gurls" (Cheerios):
Loved the boobs and fire. It is an unbeatable combo, doncha know. The stunt cycles were a bit much but as a possible introduction to Glee for lots of Super Bowl viewers, probably a canny move. The blue wigs and sparky boob cones were also a nice tribute to Katy P. Grade B+

"Need You Now" - Lady Antebellum (Puck and Rachel):
I personally like the song and their performance was ok but what a terrible way to try and enthuse a bunch of footballers? They should have invited them to the boy’s It’s My Life/Confessions Part 2 mashup way back in Season 1. Grade C.

"She's Not There" - The Zombies (Titans):
I liked the performance more than the music; the song was fairly random (artist name aside) but the choreography with all the staggering and swinging arms was so much fun. Who thought that zombie footballers could be adorable. B+.

"Bills, Bills, Bills" - Destiny's Child (Blaine and the Warblers):
Ok, I admit that it pains me to see a Warblers number that has no relevance to the plot, but it was pretty inspired. A.

"Thriller" / "Heads will Roll" Michael Jackson / Yeah Yeah Yeahs mashup (Gleeks/Titans):
Everything I hoped it would be. Although the editors went a little crazy. A.

Quotes for Gleeks

Puck: "We used to be best friends ... before I got your girlfriend pregnant ... and then made out with your other girlfriend..."

Footballer: “If I have to stay I’m not singing no showtunes – that is the music of my oppressors.”

Sue: "You may just have a point. But to be sure, slap yourself with a chicken cutlet."

Sue: "Dear Journal, I am in crisis. Not even the can't-lose combination of boobs and fire can get me going anymore. Is it the raccoon hormones my new doctor gave me?"

Sue: "Enjoying the eavesdropping afforded me by the Swiss timepiece regularity and utter silence of my 2 p.m. ninja poops."

Brittany: "But I don't want to die yet. At least not until 'One Tree Hill' gets cancelled."
Sue: "Fine. To put your toddler, fist-sized mind at rest, we'll do one, final test run."

Sue: “This level of risk and danger makes me feel alive again.”
Principal Figgins: "But the risk and danger isn't to you!"
Sue: "That's the best part!"

Quinn: "If we go to our cheerleading competition, then we miss the halftime show, and we're out of glee club. I'm torn."
Santana: "Well, I'm not."
Brittany: "I'm Brittany."

Katie: "That's Barbara Walters. In the voting, you beat out (lots of people I’ve never heard of). How do you cope with that?"
Sue: "I've been drinking a lot of bleach."

Kurt: “Blaine and I love football. Well, Blaine loves football – I love scarves”.

Four out of four slaps with a chicken cutlet.

By the way, if you’re a Gleek, I’d appreciate if you’d go and inject the internet with this:
“By its very definition, ┣▇g̅l̲e̲̅e̲̅▇▇═─ is about opening your veins up to joy.”

Being Human: Type 4

Sasha: “Live Annie. Seize the day.”
Annie: “I will.”

Despite being mostly a stand-alone, tonight's episode had surprising depth. Sasha and Graham provided the perfect comedy foils for Mitchell and Annie. I'm not sure who was the most messed up: fanboy Siddion, or Sasha the chavalanche zombie. (Mentally, that is. Physically, Sasha wins hands down.) Sasha's dying words had a profound effect on Annie and Nina. Her carpe diem swansong forced them to reassess their choices and re-evaluate their relationships. For Mitchell, Graham's death was perhaps less of an epiphany. The shadow of his past still looms large -- and if that closing shot of Graham's scrapbook was anything to go by, Mitchell's past atrocities won't stay hidden for long.

What a gal Sasha was. She was loud, disparaging, violently drunk, visibly deteriorating, mostly dead and stank to high heaven. I think I'm in love. Which was more than could be said for our gang of grumpy supernaturals. Even Annie couldn't wait to get shot of her -- with her black teeth, loose toe nails, crunchy neck, and (slightly bloodshot) eye for Mitchell. If Annie hadn't (rather conveniently) stumbled across those hidden medical records and video footage, Sasha would have been out on her arse. Her soupiness was ruining the soft furnishings. But once Mitchell realised he was indirectly responsible for her condition, it was a whole new ball game. Mitchell storming purgatory two episodes ago somehow prevented souls from passing over; leaving Sasha existing in a body well past its sell-by date.

Sasha's slow deterioration was gruesome. I cringed at every squelch and broken bone. Annie's attempts at putting her back together were as hilarious as they were macabre. Even with a face-full of Polyfilla, and hair stuck on with Superglue, she looked horrific. Surely Annie could've done something with her teeth? She had a mouth like a bucket of frogs. The boys' reaction said it all. They were absolutely dumbfounded. Yet Sasha coped admirably with her own gradual putrefaction. She wasn't going to let a falling off face, and skin that would make a leech vomit, stop her from going out on the pull. Shame her only snog was part of a bet. Then her legs started snapping, her lungs started collapsing, and all manner of disgustingness ensued.

Sasha's deathbed scene was actually quite moving. She rued life's missed opportunities. She even regretted not loving dastardly Gethin more. And, again, I found myself warming to Annie this week. The minute she's involved in some proper drama, her character just clicks. Annie's promise to “seize the day” resulted in her telling Mitchell that she "fancied" him. Thankfully, Mitchell responded favourably. Earlier in the episode he admitted to George that he was terrified of losing her. Of course, he probably will. But for now he seems content to pursue a chance at happiness. At least they're both on the same page now. I had visions of Mitchell somehow screwing the moment up... and then us having to endure another five weeks of “will they, won't they” nonsense (when we all know they will, and just want them to either shut up or get on with it.)

Nina's back story was something of a shock. I'd always assumed Nina had led a fairly normal life prior to becoming infected. I wasn't expecting some dark revelation -- particularly pertaining to emotional and physical abuse. Is that where the scars on her stomach are from? Nina's spent half of her life believing she's worthless. Which actually sits quite nicely with her subdued personality. It isn't that she doesn't want George's baby -- nor is she afraid of what their baby might be. What scares her most is the prospect of becoming a mother. Will a dysfunctional childhood impact negatively on her ability to be a good parent? What if she turns out to be abusive too? In the end, it was Sasha's dying words which made the difference. George and Nina are going to have a little hairy baby!

Graham (AKA Siddion) turned out to be something of a tragic character. I found his hero-worship of Mitchell hilarious. He even had the same hair and jacket. Unfortunately for Mitchell, he also wanted his life. He wanted his house, his job, Annie, and his crown as the “King of Blood”. He probably had it in him, too. Killing his own children seemed to have unhinged him. Yet, despite his desire for carnage and chaos, he still felt the need to belong.

But why, knowing Mitchell's reputation, would he goad him on the train? Why try to blackmail him? And why would he leave such obvious clues? A scrapbook full of press clippings. A train timetable with the date and times of his planned attack written in Biro. All left in an unlocked locker? It was almost as if he wanted to be caught. After their conversation on the train, he must have known Mitchell would try to stop him. So why didn't he fight back? He didn't even seem particularly put out when Mitchell staked him. Did he have a death wish, or something?

I felt sorry for Mitchell, too. Killing Graham was an act of necessity. It was either that or sit back and watch him slaughter everyone on the train. He even wanted to come clean. He wanted to confess and have Annie forgive him. But Annie's high opinion of him made it impossible. She forgave him without listening. She kissed him without knowing. Annie believes Mitchell's evil deeds are in the distant past. They're not. They're recent. And Annie's going to be deeply unhappy when she finds out.

Bits and Pieces:

-- Why couldn't Sasha feel the pain of being stabbed through the stomach, yet could feel her bones breaking? And surely, with half your spine gone, you wouldn't be able to walk upright?

-- Loved the reference to Cara being “around somewhere, digging up trouble”. We all know who trouble is.

-- Why is their house always so dirty? The light switches are filthy. I'm a bloke and even I can't stand it. Annie. Nina. George. Get out a cloth, for Christ's sake!

-- Does no one say “fancy” any more? I'm pretty sure I heard it recently. Maybe it was me who said it.

-- I loved that shot of Graham massaging Annie's shoulders. Talk about getting your feet under the table. No wonder Mitchell opted for an impromptu game of the neck-grab game.

-- George taking a piss was like something out of Him and Her (also starring Russell Tovey.)

-- Annie and Mitchell will presumably have sex the conventional way. If they can kiss, then surely the business end will be functional too?

-- Tonight's Welsh actor cameo was Jonny Owen who played Banana Boat in Torchwood.

-- Loved the guys' night in. Beer, sofas and Radiohead. Yeah! Let's all just kill ourselves now.

-- Wipeout? Wipeout is nothing compared to The Real Hustle. Nothing! What an amateur.

Quotes:

Annie: “I'm a ghost, Mitchell's a vampire, and George and Nina are both werewolves.”
Sasha: “Fuck Off!”

Nina: “So we're a supernatural hostel now, are we? What next, a mummy?”

George: “No, she hasn’t told me she fancies you. She doesn’t need to. Her body language is deafening.”

Nina: “George, would you like to have a little hairy baby with me?”
George: “Yes I would.”

George: "They're dead. I think they've already had the worst life has to throw at them."