The Killing: Undertow

[Note: Sorry for the extreme lateness of this review. My computer's been in the shop this past week to have a new hard drive installed after my last one failed.]

“By the weekend I'm gonna be working as a security guard at the Space Needle.”

Well, thank God that's finally over with. Okay, technically its not really over yet. There are bound to be some serious repercussions for the bad decisions some of our characters made in this episode.

So it turns out Rosie really did just stop by Bennet's place to drop off some school books. The reason Bennet was acting all shifty was because he and Mohammed were trying to help another young girl escape from her circumcision loving parents. And his reward for being such a good Samaritan? Bennet ended up like the other guy in the story, the one who was beaten to pulp and left by the side of the road to die. Is he dead? Possibly. I'm just glad that now we know for certain that Bennet Ahmed didn't kill Rosie Larsen. He didn't do it. The end. Now, lets get back to the issue of those expensive shoes...

It was shame to see Stan became that man again. It was even more of a shame that, of all people, it was Mitch who virtually pushed him into making such a boneheaded decision. This is all cruelly ironic since she and Rosie were the reasons Stan stopped being that man in the first place.

What's worse is that all the bad decisions these people made were the results of a rather preposterous coincidence. The writers really are asking a lot if they expect us to swallow that Rosie and the Somalian girl both just happened to own the exact same t-shirt. Honestly, that's the sort of hackneyed plot twist I'd expect CSI: Random City to resort to. It was nothing more than a deliberate false clue, planted there with no other purpose than to make a certain character look more guilty than they actually are. This was done with more ambiguity in the Danish series. There it was never made clear if it was the murdered girl's shirt or if the mother was just saying it was in order to bring about justice for her daughter.

With only four episodes left this season I am starting to worry that they won't be able to wrap this mystery up in a satisfying way. There no getting away from the fact that the show has now become a chore to get through. The pace has started pick up somewhat in the last few episodes but is it a case of too little too late? Going by recent viewing figures a lot of people have already decided that they don't give a damn who killed Rosie Larsen.

It is obvious that the bosses at AMC wanted The Killing to become the sort of watercooler drama that everyone is talking about. But that honour has, rather deservedly, gone to Game of Thrones instead. My parents always used to say that “I want doesn't always get.” And don't I know it. I'm still waiting for that Sega Mega Drive I wanted for my eleventh birthday.

Notes and Quotes

--Jumperwatch: After a brief cameo at the start Chestnut is sadly replaced by the latest addition to the Sarah Linden autumn collection, a rather disappointing grey turtle neck.

--There is obviously something seriously wrong with Belko. He was practically rabid when he and Stan were attacking Bennet. When Stan wouldn't let him beat up the teacher he started beating up a rock instead. A freakin' rock!

--I am loving the new and improved Linden/Holder partnership. The make much more effective crime fighting team now that they actually trust one another. Linden is even covering for Holder's screw ups.

Linden: “It was my idea, I told him to set up the tap.”
Lt. Oaks: “You're supposed to keep him from screwing up not show him how.”

Linden: “Anything?”
Holder: “I got nothing from these Deadliest Catch fools.”

Linden: “If you don't talk we will have to hand you over to the FBI.”
Holder: “Yeah, and those Virginia farm boys, they're going to pull some crazy Guantanamo rendition shit on your ass.”

Eureka: Family Reunion

... in which an overhaul of the Cryogenics unit reveals that Fargo’s missing grandfather has been frozen for the last fifty years. Meanwhile Jo and Zoe try to uncover the identity of the mystery woman to whom Carter is sending flowers.

Field of Dreams

[During the break between our spring finales and the start of our summer shows, I'm going to post a few reviews of my favorite movies.]

Terence: "It's unbelievable."
Ray: "It's more than that. It's perfect."

Field of Dreams has a deceptively simple and somewhat idiotic plot. When he was young, Ray Kinsella (Kevin Costner) rejected his father's baseball dreams, but didn't replace them with dreams of his own. One day in his cornfield in Iowa, Ray hears a voice saying, "If you build it, he will come." Ray plows over some of his corn and builds a baseball diamond, enduring the ridicule of his neighbors as well as the very real possibility of losing his farm. After the ghosts of the infamous 1919 Chicago White Sox come to play in the field (giving a whole new meaning to the term "dream team"), Ray goes on a bizarre road trip to Boston to find and help a writer who was famous in the sixties, which leads him to a ghost in a small town in Minnesota. In the process of doing these illogical things, Ray finally makes peace with himself and inadvertently attains his fondest wish.

I have trouble connecting with fantasy that doesn't have vampires in it. I'm more of a sci-fi fan. But Field of Dreams is a fantasy nearly everyone can relate to, because it's grounded in reality. It's about seeing our parents as people, about accepting their dreams as well as realizing our own. It's about the importance of following an irresistible impulse, doing what's right, and taking a leap of faith, even when it can cost you everything. The resolution never fails to move me, even though I've seen it a dozen times.

Ray Liotta is perfect as the ghost of Shoeless Joe; he has this supernatural, all knowing but I'm-really-just-a-guy feel to him. James Earl Jones is memorable as the bitter, disillusioned J.D. Salinger-like writer who rediscovers his purpose in life. Amy Madigan is great fun as Ray's outspoken, supportive wife; I always enjoy her big scene at the PTA meeting. And Burt Lancaster is touching as Doc Graham; I always loved the little story about the blue hats. Kevin Costner does a great job as Ray, too; this is one of his three best movies, in my opinion. (The other two? The Untouchables and Bull Durham.)

Field of Dreams makes you feel like you did when you were a child, the world was full of wonder, and anything was possible. (In other words, like the people in that line of cars.) It's such a memorable little movie that it's become a part of American culture. It brings the biggest mystery of life literally into our back yard while giving us a story that is joyful, poignant and beautiful. (You could say that I like this one, huh?)

Quotes:

Annie: "If you build what, who will come?"
Ray: "He didn't say."
Annie: "I hate it when that happens."

Annie: "What if the Voice calls while you're gone?"
Ray: "Take a message."

Ray: (smiling) "I have just created something totally illogical."

Shoeless Joe: "Is this heaven?"
Ray: "No. It's Iowa."

Mark: "You don't know the first thing about farming."
Ray: "Yes, I do. I know a lot about farming. I know more than you think I know."
Mark: "Then how could you plow under your major crop?"
Ray: "What's a crop?"

Ray: "The Voice is back."
Annie: "Oh, lord. You don't have to build a football field now, do you?"

Annie: "If you experienced even a little bit of the sixties, you would feel the same way, too."
Woman: (indignantly) "I experienced the sixties!"
Annie: "No, I think you had two fifties and moved right into the seventies."

Annie: "Omigod. As a small boy, he had a bat named Rosebud."

Doc Graham: "This is my most special place in all the world, Ray. Once a place touches you like this, the wind never blows so cold again."

Four out of four bats named Rosebud,

Billie

(This is one of Billie's favorite movies.)

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Game of Thrones: A Golden Crown

“Thunk.”

It’s hard to go wrong with Jane Espenson. She’s written for nearly every show we cover (including the upcoming Torchwood: Miracle Day), and she manages to inject humor into even the most dire of situations without ever losing the tone appropriate to a specific show. She succeeds because she seems to have an incisive understanding of the characters she writes for: her episodes reveal new aspects of old friends in a way that makes those aspects seem familiar. Above all, she lets her characters make jokes (rather than the slapstick approach of the author making the character a joke) and she trusts our basic human impulse to giggle nervously in the face of despair. In case you can’t tell, I loved this episode.

Doctor Who: The Almost People (2)

Doctor: “Would you like a Jelly Baby?”

Matthew Graham's definitely gone up in my estimations. I liked this episode a lot. Admittedly, it had some problems. The dialogue was occasionally clunky, the CGI predictably rubbish, and there was far too much telling rather than showing. ("Who are the real monsters?") But these are minor gripes in what was, an otherwise, event laden episode. And now we know who died back in episode one, the question must surely be: what has happened to Amy?

The Killing: Pilot

“Mrs Larsen, do you have a daughter?”

The Danish series Forbrydelsen (The Crime) is one of the best crime dramas of the last few years. Powered by a phenomenal performance by Sofie Gråbøl as Detective Inspector Sarah Lund and her now legendary jumpers (jumpers are cool), it plays out like a Scandinavian cross between Twin Peaks and State of Play.

One of the great things about Forbrydelsen is that it shuns all sense of instant gratification that your typical CBS crime procedural show revels in. The longer format and measured pace allowed for greater depth and more emphasis on character. Here all crimes aren't solved in less than 45 minutes thanks to flashy forensic magic. Also, the victim’s family aren't used simply to provide teary-eyed exposition and additional motivation for the hero go out and catch the killer. This is a show that doesn't shy away from showing the devastating effect the loss of a loved one can have on a family and can be brutally honest in its portrayal of grief.

AMC's remake relocates the action from the damp city of Copenhagen to the equally damp city of Seattle (actually the immensely damp city of Vancouver). The basic premise remains the same as the original; one murder case, told across an entire season with each episode covering a single day of the investigation. The plot is divided into the same three distinct but connected strands; the police investigation into the murder, the family's struggle to cope with their devastating loss and the election campaign of a city councilman to be mayor.

Much like Syfy's retuning of Being Human, which had the misfortune to premiere at the same time as the original was airing its blistering third season, The Killing suffers from some unfortunate timing. The Danish series had only just finished its run here in the UK and was still very fresh in my mind when I sat down to watch the remake. At first I was going to give it a miss, figuring that no matter how good it turned out to be The Killing would never be able to reach the same quality as Forbrydelsen. But curiosity eventually got the better of me.

The first time I watched this pilot I didn’t enjoy it. Not because I thought it was bad. Like all AMC shows The Killing is exceptional well made and brilliantly acted by a cast made up of people I like. I’m certain that, if, like a lot of viewers, I’d come to it with zero knowledge of the original I would’ve loved it straight away. But I didn’t, so I couldn’t. So far The Killing is offering me nothing I haven't seen before and done better with more interesting accents and character names that you could have fun trying to pronounce properly. The pilot is virtually a shot for shot, word for word remake. Even the music is exactly the same, which is no surprise since composer Frans Bak also did the music for the Danish series.

So why should a devoted jumper fanatic like me bother sticking with The Killing?

Well, first of all there is that great cast (more on them further down). Secondly, the producers of this version have stated quite vocally that they plan to use the original as a starting point and that the identity of the killer and the motivation for the murder will be different. I hope that's true because I'm not looking to watch the exact same show again only in a different language. And thirdly, the jumpers. I know I've said this before but jumpers really are just as cool as bowties. And fezzes. And Stetsons. And bunk beds.

Who's Who

Rosie Larsen – The Victim

The murdered girl. Despite what AMC's marketing department might think its unlikely that Rosie is gonna be a Laura Palmer for the 21st century. So far we know very little about Rosie Larsen. She's something of an enigma wrapped in a puzzle, trapped in the boot of a car at the bottom of a lake.

Sarah Linden – The Detective

The driving force of the series is Mireille Enos as Det. Sarah Linden. She’s the stoic type who solemnly stares into the middle distance a lot, no doubt haunted by all the horrible things she’s seen while on the job. Or its constipation. I have a little trouble telling which is which. I want to like Linden but I feel like I’d be betraying Sofie Gråbøl if I did. It’s like Tennant/Smith all over again except I’m not instantly falling in love with Enos the same way I did with Matt Smith.

Stephen Holder – The Detective's Partner/Replacement

I might be frosty towards Linden but I’m having no such problem with her partner/replacement, the remarkably tactless Stephen Holder, brilliantly played by Joel Kinnerman. Holder is a former undercover cop with a cockish attitude and tendency to treat everyone he meets like they’re a suspect. In the grand tradition of police dramas Linden and Holder a mismatched pair but thanks to the performance of the actors they don’t easily slip into buddy cop clichés.

Stanley and Mitch Larsen – The Victim's Parents

Rosie’s parents. They are as much victims of this crime as she is. Their entire world has been shattered by her murder. Although it can be uncomfortable to watch at times, this is the series' strongest storyline. Much of this is thanks to the exceptional performances of Michelle Forbes and Brent Sexton as Mitch and Stanley. What can I say about Michelle Forbes that hasn’t been said before? The woman is just incredible. She’s been one of my favourite actresses since her Next Gen days and this is some of the best work she’s ever done.

Darren Richmond – A Professional Dullard

Richmond is a handsome and idealistic city councilman and mayoral candidate. Despite Billy Campbell’s best efforts, Richmond is duller than an episode of Boardwalk Empire with all the interesting bits (basically, all the violence and nudity) edited out. But at least he's not as repulsive as Jamie and Gwen, his campaign staff. Jamie, in particular, is a rather loathsome little gerbil. He was practically foaming at the mouth about exploiting Rosie’s disappearance for political gain. Well congratulations, Jamie, you got your wish. The kid turned up dead and in one of your campaign cars. So, now what are you going to do?

Notes and Quotes

--Jumperwatch: Like her Danish counterpart Sarah Linden has a fondness for the type of distinctive knitwear you only wear at Christmas because it was a gift and you don't want to offend Auntie Sheila. What makes this all so cool is that Linden, like Lund, doesn't seem to give a damn how unfashionable she is. Her current choice is okay but I can’t see anyone wanting to pay hundreds of dollars for it. Not like this beauty.

--Mireille Enos was actually pregnant at the time this pilot was shot.

--I do like the title sequence. Good title sequences are rare these days.

--It is one of the fundamental universal truths that man is incapable of fixing anything with tape (unless he’s MacGyver, who could fix a nuclear reactor with tape).

--Due South and BSG fans will no doubt recognize Callum Keith Rennie as Linden’s fiancé while Gary Caulk (Lt. Oaks) has been in loads of things, most notably The Dead Zone and SG-1.

--Caprica fans will no doubt recognize Jasper’s house as same one that was used for the Greystone’s home.

Richmond: “I’ll not exploit a family’s tragedy for a soundbite”

Holder: “Nice weather, ocean, beaches, hate that shit.”

Linden: “You think homicide’s going to be any different?”
Holder: “At least you got a bad guy.”
Linden: “Yeah, who’s that?”

Fraser: “My name Fraser, not Osama.”

Holder: “Guy lose his wallet while he was getting his knob polished?”

Jamie: “Election is in twenty-six days we don’t have time to be jerking off here.”
Gwen: “Well, not an image I want in my head.”

Holder: “You sure he stayed in last night?”
Mitch: “Yeah, I’m sure.”
Holder: “How?”
Mitch: “How do you think?”

Terry: “What’d the cops say?”
Mitch: “Nothing, they just asked me a load of bullshit as usual.”

Glee: New York

“I see it now. I don’t have to choose between my career and love.”

12th Place? TWELVTH FRAKKING PLACE? I know that the show choir competitions employ judges with incredibly dubious credentials, but was the decision making done by a troupe of drunken mongooses? I understand that if New Directions won Nationals, the series would basically have nowhere else to go (except international competitions!), but damn, they were so good, I really felt they might win.

New Directions in New York

It was so much fun to see our favourite glee club gallivanting around NYC, looking more a lot colourful than they usually do. It lent a ‘school trip’ air to the episode. With most school trips the singing is confined to the bus journey, but it felt right that New Directions would burst into song in the middle of Times Square. The school trip feeling continued as Puck tried to score some booze, everyone bunked off song writing in order to go enjoy the city. Several of the scenes and performances were odes to New York in one way or another; in fact much of the episode was a love letter to the Big Apple. Finn and Rachel met in central park in a beautiful scene with bubbles and balloons on bow bridge, dined at Sardi’s and met Patti LuPone. As if that wasn’t enough, Rachel and Kurt breakfasted at Tiffany’s (well, outside it) and broke into the Wicked theatre.

Boulevard of Broadway Dreams

Ironically, Will and Rachel, the two main characters struggling with their dreams of Broadway, were discovered by Glee creator Ryan Murphy on Broadway. This episode seemed like a sly tip of the hat to two performers who really can make the screen or stage come alive with their talent. Will’s scenes felt like they needed another reappearance of April to make them more believable, Matthew Morrison is a great performer but it was still just him singing on an empty stage. Will gave up his Broadway dreams for his kids rather easily. I am a little disappointed; it felt like that plot was tied up too quickly and neatly. I am so glad that Kurt also got to sing on Broadway since for me, he has been the heart of this season and has grown so much over the course of it. He not only has big dreams of his own, but is the one who helps Rachel realise hers. He’s a star. You know, when you stop and think about it, Kurt Hummel’s had a pretty good year.

Nationals (No Public Displays of Affection Please)

It’s hard to think about Nationals without getting annoyed that New Directions placed so low on the rankings, especially since they wrote their own material (When did they finally get down to it? The songs were amazing!). It was nice that Rachel reconciled with Sunshine, but I expected her to have a larger role in the series finale since she made such a big impact at the beginning of the season, their scene in this episode relied too much upon events all the way back in Audition. It also felt too unbelievable that Sunshine would be upset enough to want to be deported and then be that easily consoled by Rachel. Dustin Goolsby’s scene with Will was similarly strange. Dustin didn’t gloat, didn’t seem threatened or adversarial. Why would they chat at a bar together when Captain Smarmy was planning on telling New Directions about Will’s plans to leave anyway?

For me, the best parts of the Nationals storyline were centred on Finn and Rachel. Their pre-curtain up chat felt so much more real than the equivalent at the end of Season One. The following performance was more charged with emotion as a result, and perfectly finished by their beautiful but ill-timed kiss. I am finally properly on board the Finchel love train. Jesse was pretty unimpressive in comparison, but he was right, that kiss cost New Directions the Top 10 Showcase. I am glad they didn’t show too much of the understandable fallout from that disappointment and instead focused on the sweet Blaine/Kurt, Brittany/Santana, Sam/Mercedes scenes. Of course, Finn and Rachel’s talk in the library ended with them getting back together. Everybody say ‘Ahhh’!

Loved

- “My cup, my cup, saying what’s up to my cup, my cup, more of a friend than a silly pup...” Way better than My Headband. I think that's where Brittany drew her inspiration!

- Rachel and Kurt talking about achieving their Broadway destiny in front of Tiffany’s & Co. while Moon River played on the soundtrack, then singing Wicked together. Hell, even I want to move to NYC with them!

- Even though I didn’t like Quinn’s bratty, entitled rant, I appreciated the feeling that Quinn, Brittany and Santana are still a little clique – the popular girls, ex-cheerleaders, The Plastics. I’d like to see more scenes with the three of them together.

- Below, I have a moan about some characters disappearing or not being treated well. Not so with Blaine. Even in the final episode they managed to fit him in, Hurrah! Blaine and Kurt aren’t just an adorable couple, they’re also role models, and a symbol of hope to many young gay, bi or unsure people out there. Their declaration of love was so sweet.

- Speaking of cute couples, Brittany and Santana are so great together. I am glad they focused on their friendship rather than their romantic love, as there wasn’t time to do it justice in this episode.

- Santana was being held back by three people when screaming at Rachel in Spanish, Grr! I’m looking forward to finding out more about the cause of her general angriness next season.

Didn’t Love

I thought about doing two versions of this review, a cynical one, highlighting the many overtly cheesy, overly emotional or politically plotted moments, and a more gleeful one. However Glee isn’t suitable programming for grumpy young men, so I’ll reserve my cynicism for this section.

- How could New Directions rank TWELVTH? This was so implausible that it almost feels like the writers were saying “Oh come on, you didn’t think they’d stand a chance at winning when it’s only the end of Season Two?” I also don’t love this because I take it to mean that they might not win at Nationals until the last series of Glee.

- Quinn’s threatening talk at the end of last episode was basically for nothing. She didn’t have a plan for New York, or if she did it wasn’t revealed. Instead, her anger was conveniently located in the ends of her hair which was trimmed, and her vengeance-y power was gone. Poor Samson, I mean Quinn. Her character has not been treated very justly by the writers this season.

- Artie rolling around that fountain sculpture! I mean what if he had fallen off! And how’d he get up there in the first place?

- It seems like Coach Bieste and to a lesser extent Emma were just put on hold as characters towards the end of this season. Emma is still a virgin; why did Carl and Holly break it off with their respective partners if Will and Emma’s relationship didn’t develop? Dave Karofsky is still in the closet, and so is Santana. Bieste had her first kiss from Will, and then drunkenly told him she loved him. What happened there?

Glee Against the Music

Brittany, Artie and Puck - My Cup:
I decided to give this a song review slot since I actually really enjoyed it! But that was mainly Brittany’s sassy dancing and everyone’s ‘Huh?’ faces. Grade B

Madonna - I Love New York / New York, New York from On The Town (New Directions):
Rather dodgy mash-up, at least to begin with, but it got better. The staging was clearly epic. I particularly enjoyed the skipping through central park with balloons and flowers in front of mounted police, and the girls on the red steps in Times Square. They looked very girl-band-y (yes, that is a word), especially with their multi-coloured New York garb. Grade B

Matthew Morrison - Still Got Tonight (Will):
This song perfectly suited Will (for obvious reasons), and his performance was thrilling. He was really good, and the song was just long enough to get into and not feel cut short. Two complaints, the lack of staging and the overuse of auto-tune! B+

Bella Notte from Lady And The Tramp (Puck, Artie, Sam and Mike):
After I got over my confusion about whether Finn had asked Puck & Co. to serenade them, it created a magical atmosphere for Finn and Rachel’s almost kiss. My heart did a little flip-flop when Finn whispered “Take a chance on me”. And Puck can play accordion too! What’s next, French horn? Grade B

For Good from Wicked (Kurt and Rachel):
Good idea Kurt, seriously good idea. This really did feel a little bit like Kurt and Rachel fulfilling their destiny. Not only was their performance stunning, but the song fit the situation so well. What great acting as well as singing, they were so full of emotion. Grade A

Yeah! - Usher ft.Lil Jon & Ludacris (possiblySingaz Wit Attitude):
Yeeeeah. Good singing, great dancing etc, but why were they all wearing maternity dresses? I enjoyed the performance at the time, but afterwards I wished they had cut this out in order to fill out some of the threadbare plots in this episode. Grade C.

Glee - As Long As You're There (Vocal Adrenaline):
I didn’t realise this was another Glee original song until after watching the episode, but it does stand up with the other originals. What it doesn’t compare to is Bohemian Rhapsody, and neither did the staging, compared to Vocal Adrenaline’s winning performance at the end of Season One. It was also a lot shorter. If it wasn’t for adorable Sunshine, I wouldn’t have been that impressed at all. Grade B-

Finn and Rachel – Pretending:
This was great! If Glee can keep doing original songs of this calibre, that fit their leading man and woman like a glove, I am going to have to write a thank you note on behalf of my mp3 player. The intensity of the performance was amped up by Finn and Rachel’s conversation beforehand, and I really felt the heat of that kiss. Grade B+

New Directions - Light Up the World:
Just like Loser Like Me, this was a pure, unadulterated dose of Glee. The ensemble performance really worked, and the choreography was definitely better than what we’re used to, a far cry from the infamous Reach to Nowhere. The girls’ dresses were gorgeous too. Grade A-

Quotes for Gleeks

Rachel: “He did seem crazy. He charged my credit card by swiping it through his butt crack.”

Kurt: “I feel like Eloise.”
Brittany: “I have pills for that.”

Puck: “You need to ask her out tonight. Take her on one of those big awful dates you see on those unwatchable romantic comedies that you grow a vagina with if you watch all the way through.”

Dustin Goolsby: “They're hideous. My kids are at least attractive. Yours look like they haven't been baked properly.”

Kurt: “I'm spending my summer composing Pip, Pip, Hooray! The Broadway musical about Pippa Middleton.”

Santana (in Spanish): “Do you know what goes down in Lima Heights Adjacent? Bad things!”

Blaine: “I love you.”
Kurt: “I love you too. You know, when you stop and think about it, Kurt Hummel’s had a pretty good year.”

Brittany: “I know I’m going to be a bridesmaid at Mike and Tina’s wedding. And I’m going to be anxiously waiting just like everyone else to see if their babies are Asian too.”

And that’s it! Glee’s sophomore year is over. There were some patchy parts to this episode, but it tried to cram an awful lot into 45 minutes, and according to the internet, some important scenes got cut. I wish it could have been longer. Maybe I just want more Glee. It’s going to be a long summer, maybe it’s time to re-watch from the beginning. From the top!

Star Trek: A Private Little War

Kirk: "A balance of power. The trickiest, most difficult, dirtiest game of them all, but the only one that preserves both sides."

When you get past the mildly silly white fur monster with horns, the bad wigs, and the wiggling root used to heal Kirk, this is actually a very good episode with something important to say.

Eureka: Noche de Suenos

... in which some of the town’s residents begin having the same dreams.

I Am Number Four

"My entire childhood has been an episode of X-Files."

If you've been hanging around this site for awhile, you know I'm not big with the snark. But this movie just yanked the snark right out of me.

I Am Number Four was so obviously intended to cash in on the Twilight franchise, but with sexy teenage aliens instead of sexy faux-teenage vampires. The movie is very young adult and very blond, and of course, the superpowered very important alien is in hiding and running for his life, but insists on attending high school. If they were going to try for anything resembling realism, they would be acting like Sarah Connor, using every skill and subterfuge possible to hide... well, okay, John Connor went to high school, too. But he was human, underage and didn't look 23, so he had an excuse.

The lead actor (Alex Pettyfer as the titular Number Four) was... well, I was going to say abysmal, but maybe he was just boring. Pretty much every one of the supporting actors was a better actor than he was, and that included the dog. (I liked the dog.) I especially liked Number Six. Actually, this movie should have been written around her (I Am Number Six) instead of him, except that girls don't tend to be the lead in movies about aliens.

So I spent most of the movie waiting for the Timothy Olyphant scenes. (He was basically doing Obi Wan. Enough said.) Jake Abel, the third Winchester brother from Supernatural, got to be inexplicably nasty; Kevin Durand (Keamy from Lost and Joshua from Dark Angel) got to do a lot of mugging and overacting while wearing scary alien makeup. Dianna Agron from Glee was completely wasted; they gave her a Veronica Mars-like obsession with photography, but that was pretty much it -- although they did sneak in the movie version of Glee slushies. The only character I really liked was the dog.

The writing consisted of cliched, rubber stamped lines that we've heard a thousand times before. And there was practically nothing resembling background on the aliens. Was I supposed to read the book or books before watching the movie? Why did they have numbers instead of names? Why were they being eliminated in numerical order? How could Number Four be stupid enough to stop and develop photos while running for his life? Why did the producers of this movie think that we'd care about Number Four without anything resembling good writing, good acting, and/or charm, like, say, Starman? And who thought of those embarrassing subcutaneous flashlights in his hands?

Well, it wasn't a complete loss. I did like the dog.

One and a half out of four Twilight ripoffs,

Billie

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NewsFlash: Torchwood trailer

I know I'm being repetitive, and it's going to suck if it turns out terribly, but I am very excited about the return of Torchwood. And we finally have a trailer! "I'm Welsh."





Enjoy. Anticipate. Subscribe to Starz.

Doctor Who: The Rebel Flesh (1)

Doctor: “Human lives are amazing. Are you surprised they walked off with them?”

Matthew Graham's first effort at a Doctor Who script ("Fear Her") was an anomaly in that, despite Graham's impeccable writing pedigree, it was absolute tosh. No writer, no matter how talented, can pull off a scribble monster. True, the minuscule (some may say non-existent) visual effects budget didn't help matters. But it was still pretty bad. Thankfully, tonight's episode went a long way toward making amends. It wasn't perfect. But I didn't herniate myself from weeping at it either; which is always a bonus.

Eureka: Duck, Duck, Goose

... in which space junk orbiting the planet begins crashing down on Eureka on the day of the Tesla School science fair.

Supernatural: The Man Who Knew Too Much

Bartender: "Honestly, I'm dying to know how it all turns out."

I've been confused all season about where they were going with Castiel. But I bet if I rewatched the season now, it would make sense. His search for God, his disappointment, mortgaging the moral high ground by dealing with Crowley. And it all came down to this.

Supernatural: Let It Bleed

Dean: "I lost control for a minute. And I just wanted to say that I'm sorry."

It was a dark and stormy night. Okay, I couldn't resist opening my review with this. And I wanted to leave spoiler space before saying...

The Killing: Stonewalled

“I should've known, subtlety isn't exactly your strong suit.”

As some of you might have guessed I've not been feeling much love for The Killing lately. For the last three weeks the police have been circling around their prime suspect but are still no closer to knowing for certain whether or not Bennet killed Rosie. If it turns out that he's just another red herring (something that is looking increasingly likely) then at least a third of the season has been wasted chasing after false leads.

Even though I'm not happy about it I do understand why the writers are dragging this storyline out. This is a serialized show after all. They've got to try and stretch this all out for thirteen weeks and sometimes that can mean cougars encounters and episodes about tattoos. Maybe it would've been better if they hadn't bothered. Is there really anything wrong with revealing the identity of the killer sooner rather than later? It's something that both Dexter and Spiral have done in the past and neither of those shows suffered as a result. If anything, they both benefited because of it.

Oh well, could’a, would’a, should’a...

The Investigation

What 'Stonewalled' might have lacked in major plot developments it more than made up for it with some terrific character development for Linden and Holder. Mireille Enos and Joel Kinnaman both got the chance to shine in this episode, Kinnaman especially. I haven't exactly been equal in my distribution of praise when it comes to the cast. I'm often so busy gushing about Forbes and Sexton that I tend to neglect everyone else.

Might've took me eight episodes but I'm finally starting to warm up to Mireille Enos as Sarah Linden. She's still something of an inferior Sarah Lund clone but I'm not as bothered by that as I used to be. The Rosie Larsen case has become an obsession for our knitwear loving heroine. Everything else, including her son and fiancée, has become a secondary priority to her. All that matters is solving this case. Linden's put too much of herself into this investigation to quit now. And as a result she's starting to crack up bit by bit. She's not as stoic as she once was and her methods are a little more reckless.

But on a brighter note, at least her relationship with Holder has now improved.

Right from the start the two of them have had a tense relationship, one built on mistrust and lack of respect. Linden treats Holder like he's her personal dogsbody, often sending him off to run errands that she's too busy to do herself. She's frustrated by his less than professional attitude causing her to doubts his skills as an investigator. But Linden's finally got to see her partner in a whole new light as she followed him to the Narcotics Anonymous meeting and heard his confession. Kinnaman fully deserves a gold acting star for that scene. 

Now their trust issues have been sorted out Linden and Holder have come to a new understanding with each other. She's finally starting to realise that, for all his personality faults, Holder is actually a capable detective. Something he demonstrated again tonight by getting that wire put on Bennet's phone (all that talk of wires and judges really made be nostalgic for Baltimore).

The Larsen Family

While Linden and Holder were growing stronger as a couple, Stan and Mitch were slowly falling apart. After briefly reconnecting yesterday/last week, Mitch has retreated back in the sanctuary of Rosie's room. Meanwhile, Stan is struggling to look after the boys and run his business.

Mitch's detachment from reality and her parental responsibilities has been obvious for weeks. I don't think it was really necessary to put the boys in danger just to tell us that. Worst of all we didn't get to see Mitch's reaction to what she'd done. I wasn't even sure she was aware of what had happened. I'm still not quite sure. When Stan confronted her about it she reacted almost like someone who didn't seem to care. Considering what she's been going through right now I can't see Mitch as the type of person who would reacting indifferently to her children being put in danger.

I can understand Stan's reasoning for packing up Rosie's stuff. If nearly killing her remaining children doesn't shock her out of her apathy then maybe dismantling her sanctuary will. But all this led to were bitter recriminations and further estrangement.

The Richmond Campaign

Closed until something interesting or relevant to everything else happens.

Notes and Quotes

--Jumperwatch: No change from last week. Chestnut must be getting seriously smelly by now.

--The intense focus on Bennet has also meant that clues that seemed important a few weeks ago, such as the expensive shoes, the key and Rosie's film, have all been virtually forgotten.

--How exactly it is in the public interest to show pictures of Rosie's murder?

--Holder has now been clean for six months. He was raised by his sister, Liz, who sacrificed her youth to look after him. He repaid her by stealing from her and his nephew to feed his addiction.

--Linden, I hope this will teach you to have all your sensitive case files password protected from now on.

Holder: “Yo, it's called a detective shield, Einstein. As in tonight's breaking news federal agents makes asses of themselves jumping two homicide cops.”

Principle Myers: “No one's accusing you, Mr Ahmed.”
--Apart from the police, the Mayor, the press, Belko, Belko's mate at the school...

Linden: “Why don't you make yourself useful and stay here and do nothing.”

Mitch: “And he's still out there. You still haven't arrested him. You've done nothing.”

FBI Agent: “You just broke chain of custody.”
Linden: “Too bad it's your ass.”

Linden: “You have any idea what you put that girl's family through?”
Jack “Figures, you only care about other people's families.”

Stan: “We gotta focus on the future, Mitch.”
Mitch: “The Future? It's been a week.”
Stan: “I know what happened this morning. The boys could've been... we have responsibilities, Mitch.”
Mitch: “I'm not the one taking responsibility? You let her stay home that weekend.”
Stan: “And if weren't so strict, maybe she wouldn't have hid things from us.”

Holder: “Is there something you want to ask me?”
Linden: “Not anymore.”
Holder: “Good, 'cause what you see is what you get.”

Before I go I'd just like to apologise for the lateness of this review.

Game of Thrones: The Wolf and the Lion

“The seed is strong.”

It just gets better and better, doesn’t it? The latest installment of Game of Thrones was sharply drawn, in no small part because the action centered on Westeros, specifically King’s Landing and the off-kilter crazyland of the Eyrie.

Star Trek: The Immunity Syndrome

Spock: "Tell Doctor McCoy he should have wished me luck."

Ah, yes. The giant amoeba episode.

Eureka: Games People Play

... in which Carter must cope with Zoe’s impending return to L.A.

Glee: Funeral

“I miss my sister.”

Sue-neral

Poor Jean. Poor Sue. It’s completely believable that Jean could die, and yet it made for quite a shock. Sue was understandably angry and confused, but we got to see her more human side as she reached out to Will, Kurt and Finn. She also admirably focussed on the inspiration that Jean gave her rather than wallowing completely in grief. At the same time, Sue’s suffering brought us closer to her and made her much easier to care about than the fairly deranged caricature she’s been for several of the recent episodes. While it was extremely sad, Jean’s death was the perfect catalyst for Sue to turn over a new, less diabolical leaf, which was about damn time since her anti-glee club antics this Season have been much less entertaining than in Season One. Sue’s hug with Becky was just lovely, and their reconciliation was the perfect way to begin healing the part of hole left by Jean’s passing.

St. Finchel

Just as Finn gets rid of his significant other, Rachel reunites with hers. I could roll my eyes at the constant obstacles keeping Finn and Rachel apart, but I am enjoying Jesse’s return too much to mind much. His plan to simultaneously pit the glee club against each other, while winning Rachel’s favour and schmooches by convincing New Directions to compete for Nationals solos was simple yet effective. It also gave Jesse a chance to become hated by most of the rest of the club, setting us up for some intense St. Berry vs Finchel action next week. Jesse has become one of those villains that are fun to watch and fun to hate, which are the kind of villains Glee should always be aiming for. I’d seen that potential with Honey Badger, but it seems she’s leaving quietly. I hope that Jesse will go out with a bang. After all, we don’t know for sure if he’s parted ways with Vocal Adrenaline do we?

Loved

- Will really is going to try out Broadway, but apparently only for the summer. Maybe he will land a starring role, thereby creating a cliffhanger about whether he will return for Season Three. I’m sure he will though!

- Becky getting more to do! We got to meet her mother too, which is not something you can say for most of New Directions.

- Apparently, this quote came just before an ad break. Clever.
Jesse: “Usually at this point the reality show would go to commercial and we would take a five-minute break to regroup and get touch-ups done on our makeup.”

- Original songs for Nationals! Do I love this? I don’t know, I think it depends on whether they can come up with something really impressive.

- In an already terk-jerking plot, Sue’s fear that Jean’s funeral wouldn’t be well attended, and the subsequent full house, oh I’m welling up again just writing about it!

- Will has a whole wardrobe of vests... of course he does.

Didn’t Love

- Given that New Directions are going to NYC, this was probably our last chance to see Bieste this Season. The writers have seemingly forgotten her, and dropped the possible plotline regarding her feelings for Will. Boo!

- Quinn has gotten a bum deal with her relationship, and now Finn’s woken the dragon. I don’t want to dislike Quinn, but she hasn’t been easy to like recently. What is she going to do in New York?

- Not a single mention of the Karofsky/Santana coming out plots this week. Well, Santana damn well better come out in NYC!

Glee Against the Music

Back To Black - Amy Winehouse (Santana):
After Santana referred to the pianist as furniture a couple of weeks ago, this week she was all over the musicans! Strange, still she did a great job with the song. Maybe it wasn’t quite as good as Valerie from Special Education, but Santana should definitely get first dibs on Winehouse songs in the future. At the same time, I felt Jesse’s criticism about the lack of emotion was slightly valid. Grade B

Some People from Gypsy (Kurt):
Strange how 3/4 of the contenders chose a song by an artist/from a show they’d already done songs from. Unfortunately for Kurt, this wasn’t quite as impressive as Rose’s Turn from Laryngitis. Grade B-

Try A Little Tenderness - Otis Redding (Mercedes):
Wow. If I had been the reality TV show judge, I would have awarded Mercedes top marks for that performance. In my opinion this was even better than Ain’t No Way from A Night of Neglect. Grade A-

My Man from Funny Girl (Rachel):
This was stellar, but it wasn’t Rachel’s best Barbra performance to date (that would be Don’t Rain on My Parade from Sectionals), and I don’t think she deserved to win the competition. My favourite part was the slow-mo Finn-grin that made it perfectly clear who Rachel was singing about. Grade B+

Pure Imagination from Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory (New Directions):
This was beautiful. I was both impressed by the performance and how with a little set-up, the writers managed to turn it into the absolute perfect song to eulogise Jean. The montage of clips of her with Sue and the cheerleading pom-poms got me quite choked up. Ok, I admit it, I’m a sap. But this was definitely beautiful. Grade A-

Quotes for Gleeks

Jesse: “I don’t think I need to do much tricking to get you to do something stupid, Finn.”

Jesse: “I thought we were in it to win the whole damn thing. And there’s only one way we can do that.”
Brittany: “Poison darts?”

Sue: “I'm allergic to pansies. And I don't mean that as a swipe to either of you.”

Will: “It just feels like I'm telling one of my children that they're my favorite.”
Jesse: “Well that's what my parents told me, in front of my siblings. Sure, some might say it led to my brother's whippet addiction, and my sister's bulimia, but my parents owed them the truth.”

Sue: “Oh William, I wouldn't dare lean on you. You have so much grease in your hair, I'd probably slide right off.”

Jesse: “I took a class at UCLA in Judging for Reality TV Shows, so I’m totally ready to give feedback that’s both blistering and unhelpful.

Jesse: “Do you know what happens in Vocal Adrenaline if someone dies during a number? They use them as a prop like Weekend at Bernies.”

Kurt: “Jesse St. James totally Jesse St. Sucks!”

Sue: “Honey Badger, I am lactating with rage!”

Brittany: “Jesse, maybe you can come on Fondue for Two and judge my cat.”

So we have one funny Quote of the Week:

Kurt: “You had feelings for him; he made breakfast on your head.”

And one not so funny but very memorable Quote of the Week:

Sue: “I miss my sister. Every night at 10 or so she used to call me on the phone and when I asked her why she told me that her body told her she wanted to hear my voice.”
Will: (reading) “I miss my sister. The smell of her shampoo, the way she could always convince me to read her another book. When you love someone like I loved her, they’re a part of you. It’s like you’re attached by this invisible tether and no matter how far away you are, you can always feel them. And now every time I reach for that tether, I know there’s no one on the other end and I feel like I’m falling into nothingness. Then I remember Jean, I remember a life led with no enemies, no resentments, no regrets and I’m inspired to get up out of bed and go on. I miss my sister so much. It feels like a piece of me has been ripped off. Just one more time I want to hold her. Ten more seconds, is that too much to ask? For 10 more seconds to hold her? But I can’t, and I won’t, and the only thing keeping me from being swallowed whole by sadness is that Jean would kill me if I did. So for now I’m just gonna miss her. I love you, Jeanie. Rest in peace.”

I was initially apprehensive about a Glee episode involving a funeral – Glee isn’t Glee unless it’s funny, and funerals shouldn’t be funny, unless it’s Friends and someone is falling into a grave. But the pieces fell into place and found myself giggling one minute and sniffling the next.

Four out of four much-loved and well-worn VHS copies of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

Haven: Welcome to Haven

Hello, Everyone! This is my first review of my first series. I’ve been hanging around the Billie-verse for a while but have finally gotten up the courage and found the time to become a reviewer myself. Considering the calibre of the reviews on this site, you will not be surprised that I am just a bit intimidated (well, more than just a bit). So here goes - the first episode of Haven, a Showcase series based on an obscure Stephen King novel The Colorado Kid. (I am a huge Stephen King fan - I can’t really admit this to my more “learned” friends.)

The set-up for this show is a mess of bits and pieces of shows already running, shows past, and several cliches. We have a plucky blonde FBI agent - Audrey - investigating weird stuff (Fringe anyone?) We have a good guy - Nathan - a handsome, clean-cut Haven police officer, and a bad boy - Duke - a handsome, shifty but charming smuggler. This sets up a classic triangle (always good in melodrama - even weird stuff melodrama). You might get the impression from this paragraph that I think Haven is just a hack job, boring, and predictable, but you would be wrong. Haven does what all Stephen King’s work does. It takes the standard stories, sometimes outright stealing them, and gives them depth and a twist. It uses cliches in new and interesting ways and it brings us a cast of characters, good and bad, that we want to get to know and love and/or hate.

Let’s take Audrey, the plucky blonde FBI agent who is an orphan, by the way (or as she says “a free agent”). I love this character. One of the first things that happens in the episode is she is driven off the road because a huge crack appears. There she is teetering in her car over a cliff above the ocean. Playing on the radio is “Love Will Keep Us Together” by the Captain and Tenille. Audrey reaches forward, risking a plummet to her death, to turn off the radio saying “I’m not going to die to this!”

Nathan, the good, handsome Haven police officer comes to her rescue, but when Audrey sees a gun on his belt she pulls hers out and they face each other in a stand-off, gun to gun. She goes for her badge and when Nathan tells her to keep it slow she quips - “What am I going to do? Pull out another gun?” (Hint for later reviews - remember this quote)

At another point in the episode she emerges from Duke’s bedroom on his boat after almost drowning. This handsome guy has saved her life, done her laundry and made her coffee. He has even replaced her phone. Does she swoon into his arms with gratitude? No. She wants to know if he has an alibi and sarcastically comments that he’s given her “a princess phone”.

Now, a little bit about our two-sides-of-a-coin leading men. Nathan is a Haven native and has lived there all his life. He has idiopathic neuropathy, which means he can’t feel anything, including Audrey shutting his hand in the door, getting hit by a truck in a crazy, psychic fog, and anything else you can think of. Duke comes into the episode a little later. He and Nathan grew up together but don’t like each other much. Duke is the bad guy smuggler that Nathan is always trying to arrest. But in standard, weird-stuff melodramatic style, he’s a bad guy who does good things, like saving Audrey from drowning when she gets hit by freak psychic lightening.

In great Stephen King style there is also a cast of quirky characters. Nathan’s dad, “The Chief,” is a crusty old police captain, who denigrates his son and Audrey equally. David Teagues and his brother Vince publish the Haven Herald and get around town on a yellow tandem bike. Conrad is a troubled Vietnam vet who instructs people to “maintain the perimeter” when they get too close to him, and Marion owns the local antique store and, by the way, can control the weather (although she isn’t aware of this until the end of the episode).

There seem to be two plots running simultaneously in this episode. A deeper continuous mystery (where have I heard this before?) and a single episode mystery. The single episode mystery is fairly interesting, with some twists and turns that were predictable but enlivened with what most of us would see as crazy weather--but which the locals just accept as what to expect in New England. The deeper mystery just gets an initial set-up. Audrey is shown an old newspaper with a picture of a woman who looks remarkably like her and a headline - “Who Killed the Colorado Kid?” Is it her mother? An aunt? Audrey decides to take some vacation time to find out more. At the end of the episode, she is telling her boss (a mysterious African American man - seriously - Fringe anyone?), that she is going to take some vacation time, and we see that he is actually watching her from just outside the town. He then calls an unknown person to let them know that Audrey is staying and can maybe help them with their troubles. Obviously, something weirdly melodramatic is going on.

Finally, a word about the setting. The scenery is breathtaking and is enough to get me to watch the show. Nice to know that it is actually filmed in Nova Scotia (yes I am a proud Canadian) which has some of the most beautiful scenery in the world.


Bits and Pieces

There is only one person in the whole show who actually has a New England accent - Conrad.

Nathan likes pancakes - not lobster - pancakes. This is not unusual. I remember a friend from the Maritimes telling me that when they were growing up only the poor kids brought lobster sandwiches to school. The well-off kids brought bologna.

Eric Balfour who plays Duke - had a small part as Jesse in Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Quotes

The Chief: “Keep looking all you want, he’s pretty dead. Tends not to change much.”

Audrey: "Is this Santa Barbara?"
Marion: "Yes, have you been there?"
Audrey: "Twice, once for a pedophile and the other for a serial killer."

Audrey: “A princess phone, seriously?”
Duke: "You really need to work on your thank-yous."

Audrey: “He’s not all bad. He saved my life and then he served me coffee.”

The Chief: “Oh your meds just kicked in, did they.”

All in all I enjoyed this episode, even with the cliches and standard plots. Three out of four troubles.

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Summer Shows, Exclamation Point

I used to refer to summer as the "television wasteland." Not any more. Just take a look at what summer 2011 has in store for us.






Covert Affairs

Returns
Tuesday, June 7
on USA

This Alias wannabe hasn't quite caught me yet, but it has likable leads (particularly Chris Gorham as Augie) and doesn't put me to sleep. Season two might be when this show takes off. Or not. If only Piper Perabo didn't look and act so much like Jennifer Garner. It drives me nuts.

Are we covering it? Not yet.




Falling Skies

Premieres
Sunday, June 19
on TNT

Falling Skies is a new alien invasion/apocalypse-type show starring Noah Wyle, who should have made enough money off fifteen seasons of ER to never have to work again. (Maybe he lost a fortune in the stock market.) It certainly sounds intriguing and quite possibly my cup of tea, but I'm getting Jericho vibes. Let's hope I'm wrong.

Are we covering it? Actually, I think I just might review the premiere.





Wilfred

Premieres
Thursday, June 23
on FX

Wilfred is about a guy named Ryan (Elijah Wood) who sees his neighbor's dog as a man in a dog suit (Jason Gann). This feels like a one-joke show and I honestly don't have any idea whether it will work or not. But I do know that every time I see an ad for it, it makes me laugh out loud.

Are we covering it? It's a half-hour comedy, which just isn't us, so probably not. But you never can tell. We'll see how it goes.




True Blood

Returns
Sunday, June 26
on HBO

True Blood is about a mind-reading waitress named Sookie Stackhouse who lives in a world where vampires have come out of the coffin and are trying to integrate into society. It's sexy, obscene, violent and terribly funny, and I get a huge charge out of it. And Eric Northman is my favorite vampire since Spike.

Are we covering it? Absolutely. I reviewed the first three seasons and I'm certainly not planning to stop now.




Leverage

Returns
Sunday, June 26
on TNT

So it's not really a genre show. Leverage is just fun to watch. It's about five former outlaws who con criminals in order to help the hopeless. And it stars Christian Kane, who was one of my favorites on Angel.

Are we covering it? No. But it would be nice if we could.




Torchwood

Returns
Friday, July 8
on Starz and the BBC

Torchwood is the spinoff series of Doctor Who starring John Barrowman as 51st century time agent Captain Jack Harkness. We've been waiting two years for another season after the incredible miniseries Torchwood: Children of Earth, and we're finally getting it this summer.

Are we covering it? Absolutely. And since it will be airing on Starz and the BBC at the same time, I won't have to wait like I did with Children of Earth.





Warehouse 13

Returns
Monday, July 11
on SyFy

Warehouse 13 is about two secret service agents who locate mystical, supernatural and dangerous artifacts that (of course) wreak havoc until they are found and safely stored in a huge, secret storage facility.

Are we covering it? Yes, we are. Starting this summer, Jess Lynde will be reviewing Warehouse 13 for us. She'll also be covering....



Eureka

Returns
Monday, July 11
on SyFy

Eureka is a small town in the Pacific Northwest where America's greatest geniuses live, work, and make a lot of dangerous and exotic mistakes. It's a wonderful geekfest of a show, and we've recently added it to the site; Jess Lynde will be reviewing Eureka for us this summer, and may even catch up with retro reviews before the second half of the fourth season starts airing.




Alphas

Premieres
Monday, July 11
on SyFy

Okay, it's yet another X-Men/Heroes sort of show. But this is the SyFy channel, so maybe they'll do it right this time. They certainly pulled off a major casting coup with David Staithairn as the lead. Just that makes me want to give it a try.

Are we covering it? I'm certain we'll be covering the premiere. More than that? Only if one of us falls in love with it.



Haven

Returns
Friday, July 15
on SyFy

Haven is yet another series based on a work by Stephen King. It's about an FBI agent (Emily Rose) searching for clues to her past while working in a very strange town in Maine full of people with frightening supernatural afflictions.

I enjoyed Haven last summer -- especially the last few episodes, when the arc story started coming together -- and I'm happy to announce that we'll be covering the second season this summer. Dr. Nana Mom, who has reviewed an odd episode and movie for us in the past, will be taking on Haven.


Reality shows? What are they?

I confess. I like HGTV and the Food Channel. I particularly like the hot guys on Over Your Head and Income Property, because how can you not like a man who can successfully renovate a bathroom in twenty-two minutes? And Iron Chef America is always so much fun, and so true to life. (Yes, I can make five distinct and unusual dishes featuring squid, snails, or eggnog served on ice sculpture in only an hour. Why do you ask?)

So every summer, I enjoy my two favorite reality show competitions: The Next Food Network Star and HGTV Design Star. Summer fun for everyone.

The Next Food Network Star returns Sunday, June 5 on the Food network.
http://www.foodnetwork.com/the-next-food-network-star/index.html

HGTV Design Star returns... actually, when does it return? Shouldn't the date be listed prominently on their site? What sort of fly by night outfit are they?
http://www.hgtv.com/hgtv-design-star/show/index.html

So I hope you all will be watching some great summer shows with us here at douxreviews.com. Do stop by.

Doctor Who: The Doctor's Wife

Idris: “Oh, my beautiful idiot. You've got what you've always had. You've got me.”

It's virtually impossible for me to criticise any part of tonight's episode. I loved every last minute of it. Let's face it, expectations over this episode were impossibly high. Once word got out that Neil Gaiman was on the writing team, fans have talked about little else. Recipient of numerous prestigious writing awards (Hugo, Bram Stoker and Nebula, to name but a few), Gaiman's a doyen of the fantasy fiction genre. Add Moffat to the mix and it's a Marvel Team-Up made in heaven. I didn't think anything could eclipse “The Girl in the Fireplace”, “Blink” or “Vincent and the Doctor”. I was wrong. Tonight's episode pipped them all.

Vampire Diaries: As I Lay Dying

“In spite of everything, we persevere.”

After last week’s mythology-heavy episode, this week VD returned to its roots by focusing on the emotion and relationships between our heroes, rather than the weighty backstory of Originals we don’t yet know too well. Awesome.

Smallville: Finale

Lois: "Now go save the world. I'll be fine."

I absolutely cannot fault the producers of Smallville. They know their show and their audience, and they gave us a huge, jam-packed finale that was the perfect capper for the series and didn't cheat the fans. We got every big moment we've been waiting for, and lots of character moments as well.

Glee: Prom Queen

“They can’t touch me. They can’t touch us.”

Prom fever hits McKinley High, everyone hurries to find a date and the prom king and queen competition affects the couples involved and causes collateral damage along the way.

10 Things I Hate About Prom

This episode started off in the vein of many a prom-themed movie, with prom queen campaigns coming to a head and people worrying about who has/hasn’t asked them. Then in a good twist, Kurt had a rather nasty joke played on him and it all went a bit Carrie for a moment. Some aspects worked well, such as Jesse’s return, which was handled much better than his last few episodes in Season One were. Artie’s and Puck’s subplots felt a little bit flat in comparison.

She’s Not All That

So Quinn is afraid of the future; she thinks that prom will be the high point of her life and it will all be downhill for her afterwards. Sounds like someone spent way too much time around Terri Shuester. I felt a little sorry for Quinn since her relationship feels like it’s going to end before the season is out, but I was surprised that Finn ruined her prom by punching Jesse instead of kissing Rachel. Evidently Finn was more interested in keeping Jesse away from Rachel than making his girlfriend happy. No matter, Quinn sure seemed to recover quite fast and was dancing along with all the rest at the end of the episode. The real prom queen was Rachel, who never had the ego to run a campaign but behaved with much more kindness and grace than any of the other candidates. How can Finn resist that?

Never Been Kilt

Oh my goodness, after all that build-up and neither Santana nor Karofsky came out! I am officially in a mood about that. There was some promising build up with Santana being smug in her Law and Order Eva Peron candidacy and Karofsky being truly ashamed of how his closetedness made him act toward Kurt. I felt as if Santana would be outed just after winning the competition and Karofsky would come out too in a gesture of solidarity. That would be the moment Kurt spoke of, not the one he actually suggested to Karofsky – how is one supposed to come out just when a song is starting? Kurt’s storyline was more satisfying, everyone’s opinions about the kilt at the Hudson/Hummel household felt very true to character and they all had Kurt’s best interests at heart. Although director Eric Stoltz tried to juxtapose the characters’ angst with fast cuts and split screens, Kurt’s scenes were by far the strongest. His decision to get coronated was very brave and helped to heal Blaine’s bad memories of prom. Ironically, Kurt might not have been able to do it if Blaine wasn’t there to support him.

Loved

- Sue made a dig at Mr Shue about him wanting to leave for Broadway, glad that thread hasn’t been dropped.

- Figgins likes Air Supply.

- Blaine telling Kurt he is crazy about him. Ahhhh!

- Rachel’s corsage advice to Finn was so sweet. “Finchel! Finchel!”

- Karofsky seemed oblivious to the fact that his Bullywhips outfit was way gayer than dressing as a zombie to dance to Thriller ever was.

- Many new hairstyles – Sam, Artie and Kurt. I only liked Kurt’s though.

- That pocket packet of tissues teleported from Brittany’s hand to Blaine’s!

Didn’t Love

- No one came out!

- I am terrified that spray on butter actually exists.

- If the AV club is that good with their pipes – why aren’t they in New Directions?

- You know who would have been great at guarding the punch? Coach Bieste! She’s been gone so long I am starting to think I missed an episode where she left McKinley High!

Glee Against the Music

Rolling In The Deep - Adele (Jesse & Rachel with the AV Club):
I was about to say ‘great vocals’ but then that’s all there is to this awesome a cappella version. So I’ll simply say good idea to strip it down and also to bring in Jesse who really reminded us what a brilliant singer he is. The lyrics were very appropriate for Rachel to sing while glowering/smouldering at him too. Definitely the best musical number of the episode. Grade B+

Isn't She Lovely - Stevie Wonder (Artie):
Have you ever heard the term ‘meh’? Well, I use it when I have very little positive or negative feelings toward something. Even though I liked Artie back in Season One, I have since started to feel very ‘meh’ toward him, and this song didn’t change that at all. I am just not invested in ‘Artittany’ and never have been. However, I was mildly amused that the Home Economics teacher just let a bunch of singing, cheese grater playing students into her class. Grade C

Friday - Rebecca Black (Puck, Artie & Sam):
I am always annoyed by lyrics listing days of the week, and this song had some truly atrocious lyrics, but it is a very catchy tune and the boys’ voices combined really well. Great fun watching everyone dancing too, especially Brittany making good on her promise to dance with other people’s dates. Grade B

Jar of Hearts - Christina Perri (Rachel):
Beautiful song, but I am tired of Finn and Rachel staring at each other over a melody. This is about the fifth time they’ve done it this season! Some other strange/interesting couples featured – Becky/Her Date (Aww), Santana/Karofsky (Eww) and Brittany/Unidentified Female (Err). Grade B

I'm Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How To Dance With You - Black Kids (Blaine, Tina & Brittany):
Well, it’s possible that the impossible has happened. I didn’t love a Blaine song. It was mostly the song rather than his performance; I don’t like the sliding onto and off the pitch that goes on. I did enjoy the goofy dancing from everyone though. Grade B

Dancing Queen – ABBA (Mercedes & Santana):
A little strange for the first dance of the prom royalty to be so upbeat isn’t it? It looked a little silly when Kurt and Blaine slow danced to it, I’m glad they picked up the pace. The photos were a nice touch, especially Brittany beckoning Artie over for one. Still, it was a little unoriginal. Grade B

Quotes for Gleeks:

Jacob: “Where does Lauren keep your balls? I’m sure you’ve heard the word on the street that you’ve been neutered by Miss Zizes. That she’s the one who wears the pants in the relationship.”

Sue: “Will Schuester is leaving McKinley to go to Broadway. Oh, William, I’m devastated. Positively horny with grief.”

Sue: “As a going-away present, here’s a spray bottle of I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter. Keep that head merkin looking buttery fresh.”

Lauren: “I look like a lemon meringue pie.”
Brittany: “I think you look delicious.”

Kurt: “Devil in a red dress. Perfect, and it’s totally appropriate for your personality. I have no criticisms. Go with god Satan – Santana!”

Finn: “Dude that rocks. It's like gay Braveheart.”

Karofsky: “No burning Liberace mannequins, over!”
Santana: “Alright lady lips, all clear. Teen gay, you may now proceed to the next checkpoint without fear of violence!”

Brittany: “I just don’t understand the difference between an egg with a baby chicken inside of it and an egg with an egg in it.”

Jesse: “They say that the best time to start any business is during a recession. I don’t know why, or what a recession is but it’s my understanding that we’re in one.”
Rachel: “He’s so smart – I can’t believe he flunked out of college!”

Santana: “They must have sensed that I'm a lesbian, I mean they must of. Do I smell like a golf course?”

Santana: “As soon as we get to New York I'm bailing to live in a lesbian colony, or Tribeca.”

Rachel: “Most girls would be upset about being slapped in the face. But I happen to appreciate the drama of it.”

Kurt: “Eat your heart out Kate Middleton!”

Sue: “Now we can get all HMO up in your Glee hole or you can tell me who put you up to spiking my bowl.”

I am not sure exactly how I felt about this week’s episode. Why don’t you guys rate it? And then try and contain your excitement that there’s only one episode left before the season finale!

Latest Renewals and Cancellations

During the strange and prolonged Blogger outage that coincided with Friday the 13th, the final chips have fallen in the renewal/cancellation follies.

ABC has canceled V, No Ordinary Family, Brothers & Sisters (someone asked me to review that once, but I've never seen it), and a few others I've never heard of. (Link here.)

I'm sort of sad about V. It never quite took off, but it starred two of my favorite actresses and that last episode was a killer.

In more surprising news, Chuck has been picked up for a fifth season. I wouldn't have counted on that one. But we're only getting 13 episodes, and it's going to officially be the final season. I stopped watching Chuck this past winter, but if they're going to end it, I'm a bit tempted to hang in until the end.

In less surprising news, The Event is toast. I saw somewhere that they're trying to find another network, but I just don't see it happening. Law and Order: LA is also gone.

That's pretty much it for our list of will-they-or-won't-they shows. Except for Hawaii Five-O. It hasn't been officially picked up yet, but somehow I'm pretty sure it will be. And The Cape. Will The Cape be officially canceled, or will they decide to just not mention that it's been canceled in hopes that we'll forget it ever existed?

One more thing. While putting together this post, I noticed that Syfy has posted a defense of their decision to cancel Stargate Universe. I don't care what their excuses are. I'm still pissed.