Once Upon a Time: That Still Small Voice

“I wish, I wish, but nothing changes. I wish I was better at wishing!”

Back in my review of the pilot, Patricia commented how these fairy tales were based not on the traditional tales, but on Disney versions. It made perfect sense then, especially considering ABC belongs to the House of Mouse, and it makes more sense now. If you don’t consider the song Jiminy Cricket sings in the animation, “When You Wish upon a Star”, the scene when Archie does it looks like a Deus ex Machina. Besides many, many references, we didn’t get much this week, though.

Eureka: The Story of O2

… in which the town celebrates “Space Week” with a rocket race around the moon, and Jo investigates the cause of Zane’s “sky cruiser” crash. Meanwhile, Carter visits Zoe at Harvard.

Glee: I Kissed A Girl

Back at the end of Season Two, I was rather frustrated that Santana hadn’t come out. In terms of plot build-up, there was a lot of baking, but no cookies. Now I’ve eaten them, I’m missing the cookie dough...

Sister of Sapphos, friend of Ellen

Santana’s coming out story was one of the most signposted events of Season Three and I was justifiably looking forward to it. But perhaps I shouldn’t have gotten so excited. This episode should have focused on explaining just why Santana is so angry, and unable to deal with her sexuality - I wanted to see her home life onscreen rather than just hear by-the-by that her parents were fine with her coming out. Instead we got an episode focusing on people singing to her to make her feel better. I know the New Directions (plus the Troubletones) are one big happy family, but showering Santana with musical goodness for three songs was overdoing it a bit.

The sudden love that Finn seemed to bear for Santana this episode rather came out of the left field. It was justified by Finn saying that he felt deeply for her since losing his virginity with her, and also that he’d heard about a recent gay teen suicide that made him worried about Santana’s safety. Props to Glee for taking the issue seriously, but if they were going to bring that up, it would’ve had more gravitas if we’d found out Santana’s parents were homophobic and she actually did have a lot to deal with, which would explain her anger and vindictiveness as well as her previous inability to come out.

I suppose I should be thankful that there was at least one meeting with a disapproving family member, but we’ve never met Santana’s abuela before, and who knows if we’ll see her again. That her grandma seemed, pre-Santana coming out, to be very supportive and sweet (in a stereotypically Hispanic way) doesn’t do anything to explain Santana’s deep core of anger either. The scene was very isolated, without any follow-up. It was actually quite powerful, and felt very honest, but this plotline could have been so much more.

Puckorcoran, or Take the Baby and Run!

I sort of want to like Shelby and Puck as a couple, if only because the new, responsible Puck is growing on me hugely, but other than Beth and sexual desire, there seems to be no reason why they should work. Then there’s the age difference (ha), the teacher-student aspect, and the fact that Ms Corcoran seems to like Puck just because she can’t handle being a single mother. These are the reasons why the hospital scene and the post-coital tiff didn’t really do it for me. I thought we were onto something good when Quinn practically flung herself at Puck, and he sweetly told her she didn’t need a baby or a man to make her worth something, but I worry that any potential character development is going to be overshadowed by her anti-Puckorcoran feelings.

Ms B’s Beautiful Blues

Poor Coach Bieste always seems to be a tragic figure, but this week Glee really got it right by putting her in a situation everyone can relate to, a love triangle. Bieste is infinitely sympathetic, while we all love-to-hate Sue, so as bizarre as it might seem, the two coaches are actually perfectly matched love rivals. It would have been nice if Sue’s thing with Cooter had had some set-up, or if Coot had been given some character development instead of just being someone for Sue and Shannon to fight over, but it was still very satisfying seeing the Bieste stand up to Sue and declare her love for Cooter. Finally, empowerment!

Loved

- Sue’s journal entries always crack me up. Yay for David Boreanaz.

- The twist at the end with Rachel being unable to compete in Sectionals was a good one, I didn’t see it coming.

- Kurt’s uber-gay poncho-esque apparel. I especially liked the strange studded neck-thingy.

Didn’t Love

- What a misguided theme for the week. “Hey Santana, you’re about to get publicly outed! We’re going to sing songs by ladies, for ladies, because you must be aching for More attention right now”.

- Puck’s hair is too short to comb over, it just looks ridiculous. Everyone goes through a dodgy stage when growing their hair – I guess this is Puck’s! If it was a bit longer he’d look awesome like Tyler Glenn from Neon Trees.

- Tina’s dress during I Kissed A Girl. And she normally has such style. Maybe she doesn’t care how she dresses since she barely has more screen time than Sugar Motta and people are stealing her audition song...

- Will’s face during I Kissed A Girl. Stop it you pervert, and don’t encourage them!

- Brittany barely spoke, in an episode that focused on the girl she loves struggling with a difficult burden. That’s not right! Brittany is the only character I would really have liked to see singing her support of Santana.

- iPhone 5 product placement. Boooo!

- Well done Burt for beating Sue – Kurt, couldn’t you be a little bit more supportive? Why weren’t there more people at Burt’s campaign win celebrations?

- Brittany campaign to become class president by dancing in cheerleading/BDSM outfits, promising robot teachers and handing out sweets should be harmless and funny, but if Kurt’s loss has real fallout, then the manner of Brittany’s win matters too - it makes her look pretty callous and shallow.

Glee Against the Music
Pink – Perfect performed by Kurt and Blaine:
Kurt and Blaine singing this song to each other while gleefully skipping through fields of roses would be charming. Kurt and Blaine singing this song to Santana was just uncomfortable. We’ve seen zero Blaine/Santana bonding moments, and Kurt has never been particularly close to her either, so her negative reaction was quite justified! Vocally it was great. Grade B-

Melissa Etheridge – I’m The Only One performed by Puck:
Another awesome vocal – the song really suited Puck’s voice, and I suppose they should get props for choosing a proper lesbian song, but it was really only Puck coming onto Shelby, which I just can’t condone! Grade B-

Cyndi Lauper – Girls Just Wanna Have Fun performed by Finn:
Grrrr! They did this song in the style of Greg Laswell’s cover, but Laswell, despite creating a truely innovative arrangement, will not profit. Adding insult to injury is that Laswell performs it far better than Cory Monteith, whose voice isn’t really pitched right for this version, he sounds a bit constipated. Santana inexplicably sheds a tear, despite the song having little personal relevance. The only upside was Artie’s harmony. Grade D

Dolly Parton – Jolene performed by Coach Bieste:
Bieste sings! This was actually a lot of fun, not just the sheer unexpectedness of the number but also the montage of Sue with hairspray and pumping iron with Cooter. Bieste obviously likes country, nice continuity from Blame It On The Alcohol there. Grade B+

Katy Perry – I Kissed A Girl performed by Santana and Rachel:
What? How is this remotely related to Sapphic pride?! Last time I checked, this was a song designed to arouse men, and I previously thought of it as pretty harmless but Glee, oh how wrong can you go? The falseness of all the girls being flirty and fake stroking one another jarred so badly with the female solidarity they showed to the rugby jerk who wanted to turn Santana. The sexual choreography, with Finn and Mr Shue clapping along, and Rory being so excited he was practically wetting himself, was diametrically opposed to the message that Santana is not interested in men. Santana’s just experienced fairly intense homophobia, and she seems over the moon about it. Quinn made the point that being a lesbian isn’t a choice, but the girls then act gay to turn on the guys. Not good. Grade E

K.D. Lang – Constant Craving performed by Santana, Shelby, Kurt and Rachel:
This was alright! But nothing to get excited about. Grade B

Quotes for Gleeks
Santana: “While there's nothing I'd love more than having two pretty ponies serenade me, I think we'd get further staging a gel-ervention for Blaine than singing lady music.”

Figgins: “Slushies are not on the school board’s approved list of suspend-worthy weapons.”

Sue: “If I wanna win this race, I need 20 cc's of man candy, Stat!”

Sue: “Why don't you hurry on to your next face-widening session at the John Travolta Institute for Head Thickening and Facial Weight Gain?”

Rachel: “Nobody cares. They’re all so lost in their own worlds that they can’t see how important this is to me. Elections have consequences and the consequence of Brittany winning this election is that I’ll have to move to New York without my best gay. What if I need an emergency makeover or a last-minute souffle?”

Beiste: “I'm so bummed out. I feel like I'm living one of those country western songs.”

Puck: “The advantage of a relationship with a younger dude is that I've still got four more rounds in me before I need a steak sandwich and a Coke Zero.”

Artie: “Where is Rachel? She never misses applause.”

Quote of the Week goes to Sue: “Why would someone assume I'm a Friend of Ellen just because I'm manish and I have short hair and I only wear track suits and I coach a girls' sport and I married myself?”


To paraphrase Rolling Stone, I Kissed A Girl and it was ‘meh’. Two out of four stereotypically Hispanic grandmas.

The Walking Dead: Pretty Much Dead Already

Dale: “I may not have what it takes to last for long, but that’s okay. At least I can say that when the world goes to shit, I didn’t let it take me down with it.”

Merlin: Lancelot du Lac

“My name is Lancelot, my lady. I am yours to command.”

Wow! If ever proof was needed that this isn't the same silly little show it was four years ago then I think this episode was it. This was an absolutely fantastic episode, the best of season. And considering how strong season four has been so far, that is really saying something.

Ringer: That's What You Get for Trying to Kill Me

"Big sister's watching you"

Regular readers will probably be aware that I've had a complicated relationship with Ringer. There were times when I've thought it was genuinely absorbing and fun, then there were other times when I got entirely bored by the damn show. But as Ringer wraps up the first half of its season, I'm left with that general feeling that it's not exactly terrible. I don't think Ringer will ever be high art, and I don't even think the show is going to hit that stride of soapy awesomeness I really wish it would pursue but, for what it is, the show is fine. There were parts of this episode that really frustrated me, but it had a drive to it that I found weirdly entertaining.

If we start with the negatives, I was disappointed that Gemma really did kick the bucket this time. It felt like a waste of a good character, and made her entire disappearance seem a little unnecessary. Would it have made much difference if she had actually died several weeks ago? Sure, we saw Charlie's plan falling apart and here we saw how much Siobhan actually cared about her (as much an arch kidnapper-fraudster-attempted sibling-killer can care), but I'm sure the writers could have stumbled into those developments without dangling the possibility of Gemma's survival at us. Blah.

I'm also really bothered by the Juliet subplot. It still feels so unrelated to everything else on the show, and I'm unsure of what the writers actually want us to feel about it. I wasn't at all interested in a 'teacher-student fling' story, and I'm even less interested in a long-winded Law & Order-style 'teacher raped me' saga. Knowing this show, I'm theorizing that Mr Carpenter did rape her. But it doesn't excuse the weak characterization, as Juliet isn't at all acting like a real person, neither before nor after her maybe-assault.

Amber Benson's guest spot turned out to be more than a little underwhelming. I really think the show needs to fix up these Machado subplots. It's strange that while they are connected to the main premise of the show, they feel just as out-of-it as Juliet's high school problems. Maybe it's all the lonely police precincts and abandoned warehouses...

Onto the positive, I still really love Bridget and Andrew together. I had initially pegged that he would be revealed as evil right at the end, coming so soon after their first night together, but then I remembered this wasn't a Joss Whedon show where it's all misery, all the time. I know I always say it, but they have such great chemistry together, and it's great seeing them becoming closer as a couple in both a romantic sense and in an actually-trusting-each-other sense. Loved when Bridget broke down in front of him, all those weeks of elaborate cover-ups suddenly crashing down, and Andrew actually being there for her.

I don't think I'll ever love this show, but Ringer has been consistently interesting, even if most of the storylines bug the hell out of me. It has a weird tone to it, regardless of quality, where it always feels like there's something just around the corner. And while the results are frequently underwhelming, that something keeps you watching long after most sane people would have probably given up. Heh.

Notables

- I really did think that Andrew would say right at the end that the police hadn't found Gemma, the show making her pull a vanishing act again. It would have been ridiculous, but I think I would have preferred that over what we got instead.

- That Twilight line felt crazily artificial.

- I've never jumped on the Adele bandwagon, but that Rumor Has It song is intense. Adored the Glee version a couple of weeks back, too.

Quotage

Andrew: I wanted to say 'happy anniversary'.
Bridget: Thank you.
Andrew: Couldn't believe it's been six years. Feels like...
Bridget: Six weeks?

Charlie: You said so yourself, you need me.
Siobhan: I don't. You're a glorified babysitter who got way too expensive.

Gemma: (Braining Charlie with a crow bar) That's what you get for trying to kill me!

Previously posted at Unwelcome Commentary.

Misfits: Episode Five (I Tell You, This is Not the End)

Rudy: "Oh, therapy... I love it."

After the mayhem and time travel of the past two weeks, tonight's episode was more a sedate traipse through character development territory. For the first non-Howard Overman penned episode of the series, I’d say tonight's offering was a success. Rudy's dialogue was as sharp as it's ever been, and provided some much needed relief during the occasional lapse in pace. We also bid a fond adieu to the notorious Shaun. (To his credit, he did manage to stay alive longer than his fellow probation workers.) So, for the most part, I'd say Jon Brown did a competent job. Which can only be good news for next week's similarly Overman-lite outing.

If tonight’s episode did have a weakness, it was probably the Jen storyline. It felt a little too much sci-fi by numbers. Nothing particularly unpredictable happened. Simon was right to draw our attention to the Freaky Friday parallel. The premise was a direct steal. Initially, I found Jen a difficult character to sympathise with. She seemed too selfish. Trapping Kelly inside a dying body, and then threatening to kill her to win Dom's love, didn't exactly endear her to us. And, despite Lauren Socha winning a BAFTA earlier this year, I didn’t feel as though she did enough early on to differentiate Jen from her own character. Jen felt like a watered down Kelly, with slightly less attitude, less swearing, and less humour. I would like to have seen them explore Jen and Dom coming to terms with their change in circumstances more. The dramatic possibilities were there. Instead, they both seemed to adapt to their situation with surprising ease.

But Jen's death did have poignancy. Bereft of her beau, and left to ponder her own loneliness and mortality, her hopelessness just about made us care about her death. Socha totally sold those scenes. After failing to impress early on, she seemed to relish the weight of the more reflective dialogue. Regrettably, her death was somewhat overshadowed by Shaun's unexpected exit. Those were some sweet parting words. ("You bunch of dicks, fucking superheroes?") It was only last week I was complimenting Overman on his decision to expand Shaun's character -- only for him to expand him right out of the series. It felt fitting they'd confess their secrets to him on his deathbed. Let's hope Shaun hasn't bought Nathan's old immortality superpower. Otherwise, their sudden willingness to share might come back to bite them on the backside.

Thankfully, Seth still seems pretty much part of Overman's long term plan. Will he ever catch a break? Last week he was captured by the Nazis. This week he was stood up by Kelly, and then attacked by a pathetically underpowered Rudy. Rudy's assault by Seth was probably the most pathetic fight scene I’ve ever seen. Despite his obvious enthusiasm for saving his own skin, Rudy almost ended up kicking his own arse. I liked that Seth was willing to risk all just for a chance with Kelly. Maybe it won't work out. But at least he's willing to give it a try. He finally seems to have accepted that Shannon won't be coming back. At least, not yet. There are still three episodes of the season left. Who knows what might happen?

With Seth now a fully fledged misfit, I can't help but feel anxious. Kelly's relationships have a habit of going spectacularly wrong. Remember what happened to Bruno? I'm tempted to reason that Seth can't die yet; he hasn't passed the ability to time travel on to Simon. This, of course, is operating on the presumption that Seth is unique in his ability both to take and to grant powers. Can we say for certain that superpowers are never duplicated? Kelly and Seth getting together has been a long time coming. It was Seth's planning and ability which saved Kelly from near death. It was he who risked his life disarming a murderous Jen. He totally deserved that kiss.

The conflict and confusion of having two Rudys is actually providing the show with some decent storytelling opportunities. But Rudy's weaker side really needs to assert himself more when sharing a body with his more overbearing self. On his own, he seems more than capable of making the right moral choices. If only he were more adept at managing his more aggressive self. Maybe he'd feel less guilty. Again, Gilgun did a great job of playing both Rudys with just enough subtlety for them to feel like separate entities. (Take note, Lauren.) Nice-Rudy may not have the one liners of his wise-cracking alter ego, but he's a far nicer person to be around.

With Shaun gone, I wonder who will take his place. It's a shame he had to die. All to protect Kelly from being wrongly implicated in his assault. What a gyp. His bewilderment at why Kelly would stab him ("What did I ever do to her?") was oddly affecting. It's hard to think of Shaun as having real feelings. Will anyone ever come close to his couldn't-give-a-shitness? I doubt it. RIP Shaun. You'll be missed. Assuming you stay dead.

Bits and Pieces:

-- I was surprised at Dom touching Jen's hand at the very end. What if she'd swapped personalities again and left him to die?

-- We now know Rudy's doing community service as a result of trashing his ex's car following their traumatic breakup. It's not as trivial as stealing Pick n' Mix, but it'll do.

-- When Jen complained that Dom didn't love her any more, she implied it was because she no longer looked like Jen. I felt like shouting "It's nothing to you with how you look. It's how you are. You're mental. Stop trying to kill people!"

-- Loved those scenes in the bar between Rudy and Kelly. A man who can spilt into two ruing his inability to find love, conversing with a woman trapped in someone else's body. What a deliciously messed up, yet oddly moving, conversation.

-- How could Alisha see everyone stood at the bottom of the bed when Jen spent the whole of the episode staring at the ceiling?

-- Rudy's terrible at lying. I was surprised Jen trusted him enough to follow him back to the community centre.

Quotes:

Rudy: "I've got myself geared up for dog shit here. I thought we were doing dog shit, man."

Kelly: "Fucking gardening!"

Rudy: "It's the law of the jungle. Kill or be killed."

Simon: "Have you been wanking?"
Curtis: "Do you want to say it a bit louder?

Rudy: "She couldn't wear flip-flops. Because of the web, she had no toe groove."

Curtis: "That's not Kelly."
Rudy: "No, she is sexy, though. Hmm? For a coma victim... she is."

Rudy: "Hang on... it's nothing. Carry on. It's all right."

Rudy: "This is like that film with Nicolas Cage in. Face/Off!"
Simon: "Face/Off wasn't a body-swap. They had surgery to look like each other."
Rudy: "Oh?"
Simon: "This is more like Freaky Friday."
Alisha: "Who gives a shit? What are we going to do about Kelly?"

Rudy: "Hello. I'm just visiting my grandad, and I'm pretty sure he's prolapsed his anus."

Shaun: "I can't believe I never picked up on it. You bunch of dicks, fucking superheroes?"

Seth: "So, I guess you stood me up."
Kelly: "I was in a fucking coma."
Seth: "Oh, that's your excuse, is it?"

Justified: Riverbrook

"Did you miss my heart on purpose?"

Not as strong as the pilot, but it was definitely quirky and fun to watch.

Star Trek: Spectre of the Gun

"It's just bits and pieces. It's incomplete."

Definitely an entry in the bizarre category. You gotta give them credit for a creative leap, dropping the officers of a starship into a minimalist theater recreation of the old West.

Doctor Who: Carnival of Monsters

“The generators were built by the old Eternity Perpetual company. They were designed to last forever; that's why the company went bankrupt.”

Ahhhh, Robert Holmes. You magnificent bastard, how I have missed you. You've been gone far too long. Don't make a habit of it.

Dexter: Get Gellar

Dexter: "Travis is proving to be my penance."

Only Dexter would go alone into a dark hole after a serial killer.

Fringe: Wallflower

“You understand right now how important it is to be seen.”

In one of the most famous passages of Hegel’s Phenomenology of Spirit, geist encounters another, and the interchange between the two results in geist evolving into a more mature being through the encounter and the struggle for dominance it creates.* No man, as Donne says, is an island. We must be recognized to recognize ourselves. We must recognize others in order to understand our relation to them and to the world we inhabit.

The Walking Dead: Secrets

I’m sorry this review is late, but I’ve been suffering with a nasty flu that I hope is not the precursor to zombisism. If I don’t post next week you might want to get out your survival gear. The fever was pretty high.

Carl: “Everything’s food for something else.”

Breaking Bad: Pilot

"It's easy money. 'Til we catch you."

Chemistry, Walter White tells his students, is the study of change, of growth, decay and transformation. Walt's life indeed changes drastically in the course of this pilot.

Justified: Fire in the Hole

"Guess I just never thought of myself as an angry man."

Apparently, you can go home again. It just tends to be problematic.

American Horror Story: Rubber Man

"I'm not crazy, I'm just pregnant."

Happy Thanksgiving! And what better way to celebrate than with a bunch of graphic sexual violence! Ugh. This was the much-anticipated 'rubber man reveal' episode, and it sure was as gross as promised. The identity of the fetish baby-daddy was reliably squicky, with connotations I found deeply uncomfortable and scenes of forced intercourse that pushed this show into really horrifying areas. Sure, we had major grossness last week, but that was a whole different wheelhouse to the stuff that went down here.

It wasn't just the visual ugliness that kind of repulsed me, either. The driving force of this episode was the ghostly plan to make everybody believe Vivien is going crazy, and it took some sleazy denial from Violet to cement it all. Now, I liked Violet at one point. But sending your own pregnant mother to a psych ward so you can be with your new BF who, you know, shot a bunch of people that one time? Gross, Violet. Seriously. Poor Vivien, though. I feel like I'm saying that all the time, but girl's got it beat.

Constance wasn't around to provide some levity, but I loved the changing roles of the ghostly inhabitants of the house. Hayden really took charge this week, calling the shots and setting things in motion to get what she wants. I especially liked that great scene where she attacked Nora for her constant weeping ("you gotta knock this shit off!"). Similarly, Moira is becoming a real protector of sorts. I had initially pegged Nora as a good seed in the house, but she seems a little too distracted by the promise of a new baby. Moira, instead, seems to be Vivien's strongest ally at this point, and I adored that great monologue about The Yellow Wallpaper and the history of men writing women off as crazy to satisfy their own desires. Frances Conroy is incredible in this part.

Finally, Zachary Quinto returned. There was a lot less on-the-nose dialogue than last time, and we actually got to see a lot of Chad's pain. He's the classic 'wronged partner', desperate to please his husband with extreme methods, only to have it thrown back in his face. He and Vivien should really get together with some tequilas and bond over their mutual hatred of latex.

Rubber Man was a little much at times (especially Tate's second attempt at rape), but the major story arcs continue to be pretty wonderful. The characters on this show are so absorbing, even if you can't help but be disgusted by them every once in a while.

Notables

- No Jessica Lange or Denis O'Hare this week. Boo.

- When you're escaping ghosts in your house and then find creepy cultists hiding out in the back-seat of your car, don't run back into the house! Doesn't anybody know the rules??

- Creepiest moment of the week: Rubber Man scuttling past Ben on the stairs right at the beginning. Gah.

- To give this review a rapid change of tone, this episode was directed by Miguel Arteta, who directed an incredibly sweet movie this year called Cedar Rapids with Ed Helms and Anne Heche. I really recommend it.

Quotage

Peggy: Pat's a great guy, Chad, worth fighting for. And if that means that you have to fight with a cat o' nine tails and some titty-clamps well then, brother... gear up.

Hayden: Don't act so high and mighty with me, you old bat. I saw you feed her raw brains.
Moira: That was for her benefit!

Previously posted at Unwelcome Commentary.

Community: Documentary Filmmaking: Redux

“Some flies are too awesome for the wall.”

Usually it is not a good sign when a show starts repeating itself. Community already had fun parodying documentaries last season with 'Intermediate Documentary Filmmaking'. But that episode was specifically about poking fun at sitcoms that use documentary style, such as The Office, Parks and Recreation and Modern Family. This episode, however, was a clever deconstruction of behind the scenes making of documentaries, resulting in one of the best episodes Community has ever done. In your face, NBC!

Misfits: Episode Four (Please Come and Save Me)

Kelly: "No! You’re not allowed to die."

Tonight’s episode picked up a seemingly throwaway line from season two, and ran with it to incredulity shattering lengths. Last year we learned how Seth sold Curtis’ superpower to some Jewish guy who wanted to travel back in time and kill Hitler. Tonight, we got to see how Friedrich Hisch made out. Unsurprisingly, not very well. Instead of preventing the war, his dropped mobile phone gave the Nazis the tactical advantage needed to win it, resulting in a poignant, shocking, sometimes hilarious trip through an alternate-history Britain. Oh, and Kelly mullered Hitler.

The idea of travelling back in time to kill Hitler has been done to death in numerous films and TV shows (The Twilight Zone and Doctor Who being notable examples). But, the not-so-subtle combination of tension, violence, humour and romance, breathed new life into this somewhat antiquated sci-fi trope, making tonight's episode something of a gem. It made absolute sense that the Nazi regime would victimise anyone with powers. (Albeit for their own devilish ends.) It made less sense that everybody in the alt-reality would be pretty much unchanged. Rudy was still hopelessly lacking in common sense. Kelly still couldn’t give a shit. Shaun was still a tosser. Growing up in such an altered environment -- especially one with such rigidly enforced rules on race and behaviour -- would surely have resulted in significant personality changes, not to mention fundamentally altered living circumstances. (Particularly for Curtis and Alisha.)

For the sake of our sanity, let's run through the chronology of events. Curtis sold his time travelling ability to Seth, who sold it to Friedrich, who then used it to travel back in time and inadvertently lose the allies the war. Friedrich's then bounced forward to a radically changed future, where the Nazis controlled Britain, and, because of his failing health, was forced to give his time travelling ability back to Seth. Seth later transferred it to Kelly, who then used it to correct Friedrich's mistake. She was then catapulted back to their original future, where everything was back to normal, with only Kelly remembering the details.

Both Kelly and Friedrich seemed able to travel back in time, and then jump forward to an altered future. Curtis wasn't able to do that. He could rewind events, but could only experience them again in real time. Which means either Curtis was hopeless at using his power, or that Howard Overman rewrote the rules of Curtis' superpower, hoping we wouldn't notice. It would have made more sense had Friedrich bought a entirely different time travelling ability; one with slightly different characteristics. Not that I'm complaining... Kelly's time travelling shenanigans set up one of my favourite quotes of the series. ("Just been fighting the fuckin' Nazis and kickin' the shit out of Hitler.")

For such a dark story (significantly lighter on laughs than we’re used to), they managed to temper the gloom by focusing on the gang's burgeoning romantic entanglements. If there were ever any doubt as to the timelessness of Alisha and Simon’s love, tonight's episode should have dispelled them. They even managed to fall in love in the alt-reality; as did Kelly and Seth, who even managed to sneak in a kiss. Will the knowledge that he copped off with Kelly in an alt-reality affect Seth's relationship with her in the here and now? It certainly can't do any harm. I wonder if Shannon existed in Seth's alt-future? Perhaps they never met. Or maybe she was killed by the Nazis. The Nazis do stuff like that, you know?

I also found it difficult to discern who -- if anyone -- actually had powers. Rudy could still split into two, so the storm obviously still occurred. As for the rest of the gang, despite sympathising with those with powers, they seemed pretty much normal. Kelly and Curtis were members of the resistance. Simon and Alisha were members of the Nazi party -- Simon by conscription, and Alisha out of desperation. If they did have powers, why didn't they use them? If they didn't, then why was Rudy the only one changed? Was it just a vicinity thing? Were they all just in the wrong place at the right time? (Or the right place at the right time, depending upon your perspective.)

Niggling questions aside, Kelly pretty much stole the show this week. As well as seeing her at her most sensitive – spoon feeding an incarcerated Seth ice cream and raspberry jelly – she also, virtually single handedly, defeated the Nazi threat. Not only did she dispatch Hitler with a Glasgow kiss, she also blasted her way through numerous Nazi guards, winged a spineless Shaun, and then went on to win the war. Did Alisha shoot Shaun after saving Seth? I’d like to think she did. I'm glad Howard Overman decided to expand Shaun and Seth's roles this season. Shaun's dry humour is something I never tire of, and Seth, in particular, I'm anxious to know more about.

I know I said it last week (and if I didn't, I was thinking it), but this has been my favourite episode of the season so far. Misfits, for me, has always been about the characters, and tonight we got some tremendous character development. Whether it'll have any impact beyond tonight's episode remains to be seen. But Seth recovering Curtis' time travel ability is certainly significant. Both for Seth and for Simon.

Bits and Pieces:

-- How did Rudy manage to get out of that window so quickly?

-- Some nice parallels between Friedrich and Simon. Both felt impotent in the face of personal loss. Both were prepared to risk everything to turn their realities around.

-- I absolutely loved them holding up Shaun’s car wearing Hitler masks. What else would they wear?

-- I though Rudy was much improved this week. His character has finally clicked for me.

-- Creaky floorboards = secret hideaway? I hope the Nazis never raid my house. They'd shoot the place to pieces. It's like something out of An American Horror Story.

-- Some nice ex-character cameos, tonight. Comic book obsessed Peter went down in a hail of bullets. The other two under the hoods were Gary, the original sixth misfit (killed by a rampaging Tony in the first episode) and Lily, whose cryokinesis led to her self-immolation whilst on the job with Nathan's brother, Jamie.

-- How did Friedrich get into Hitler’s office so easily? Security obviously isn't high on the Nazi check-list.

Quotes:

Kelly: “Oi, Hitler! Why have you got to be such a dick?”

Alisha: "If I’m so crap, why did you give me the job?"
Shaun: "Because you have other talents. Oh yeah... you are very, very talented.”
Alisha: “What you mean is, I’ve got nice tits?”
Shaun: “Yeah!”

Kelly: “Fucking Nazis!”

Rudy: “What about them Nazis, eh?”
Curtis: “What about ‘em?”
Rudy: “Very bossy.”

Kelly: "I guess I’ve got a soft spot for suicide cases."
Seth: "A tart with a heart."
Kelly: "Who you calling a fucking tart?"

Simon: "What’s wrong?"
Alisha: "Everything."

Alisha: "Where have you been?"
Kelly: "Just been fighting the fuckin' Nazis and kickin' the shit out of Hitler."

Farscape: The Way We Weren't

When Chiana discovers a video revealing that Aeryn was involved in the slaughter of Moya’s original pilot, Pilot and Aeryn are forced to confront some ugly and painful truths from their pasts.

Wow. Just … wow. ‘The Way We Weren’t’ is a profoundly shocking and moving glimpse into the overlapping histories of Aeryn and Pilot. The episode completely upends our perceptions of who they are, deepens our understanding of the choices that continue to shape them, and forces us (and Moya’s crew) to reconcile the characters we’ve come to know and love with the two people who were willing to trade the lives of others to reach their dreams. It delves into questions of identity, personal responsibility and worth, atonement, and the possibility of redemption. It’s a stunning hour that’s incredibly illuminating.

Aeryn’s history with Velorek explains so much about why she continually holds Crichton at arm’s length, and why she still can’t bring herself to admit she loves him. She was raised in an environment where long-term romantic partnerships were forbidden, and sexual attraction was nothing more than a biological need to be satisfied with speed and discretion. “You don’t connect with anyone openly. And never with any longevity.” Procreation was arranged by High Command to fill the ranks, and all other encounters were deemed “recreation.” Yet, in this environment, Aeryn once allowed herself to feel something for a partner. To briefly consider the possibility of happiness and satisfaction beyond flying her prowler and casually recreating. She fell for a man very similar to Crichton, who believed in her and encouraged her to reach beyond her Peacekeeper training. A caring man who told her she could be more. And she utterly betrayed that man. She abandoned him to torture and death, so that she could return to prowler duty. In the wake of that choice, how can she trust herself to be with Crichton? How can she return his love, when she doesn’t truly believe herself worthy?

It all makes so much sense now, and I can only hope that learning Aeryn’s dark past has also deepened Crichton’s understanding of what’s holding her back. I got the impression from their final, silent exchange that he’s disappointed by her continued hesitation, but understands the reasons for it and is willing to be patient. She is making some progress, after all. She can’t quite admit her feelings for him yet, but she won’t deny them either.

The shocking revelation that Pilot was complicit in the death of Moya’ previous pilot was equally illuminating, and fit wonderfully with his previous characterization. In the past, he’s made several comments about his species being incapable of space flight and his view that service aboard a Leviathan is a “perfectly equitable” tradeoff for a drastically shortened life cycle and having to prioritize others’ needs. Being Moya’s pilot was clearly the fulfillment of his greatest desire, even before we learned just how great his longing for the stars was. “The stars. […] I dream of nothing else.”

Similarly, several little and not-so-little moments over the last season suddenly make much more sense in the wake of this revelation. Now that we know Pilot has only been with Moya for three years and was forcibly grafted onto her, we can understand his apparent embarrassment or shame at his inability to discover all that had been done to her by the Peacekeepers (‘I, E.T.’); his incomplete comprehension of Moya’s vast store of data; and previous hints that he feels “not yet worthy” of being her pilot (‘Thank God It’s Friday … Again). Most importantly, his relatively minor reaction to the brutal assault in ‘DNA Mad Scientist’ no longer seems incredibly bizarre. After all, how could he truly begrudge the temporary loss of an arm so the others could achieve their dreams, when the price he was willing to pay was so much higher?

Aeryn suggested to Crichton that Pilot’s memories of that time were just now coming back to him, but I don’t think he ever forgot the price he paid to reach the stars. He may have pushed it to the back of his mind, or tried to will the memories away, but the pain from the grafting process no doubt served as a constant reminder that he didn’t truly earn his place. His angry, visceral reaction to seeing the footage struck me as a classic case of transference or deflection. “It isn’t me on that recording committing barbaric slaughter. With no remorse.” Learning that Aeryn actually participated in the cold-blooded murder allowed Pilot to redirect all his shame and self-loathing for his role in the original pilot’s death onto her. To continue denying his own failings and responsibility. Note that he doesn’t actually attack her in blind rage until she reminds him that they both share DNA with the original pilot and says, “Do you have any idea how I felt when I saw it? When I was reminded of what I had done?” Yes, he does, Aeryn. All too well. Which is exactly why he lashed out at her, much like she unleashed her self-loathing and regret on that punching bag in the training room. Similarly, Pilot’s attempt to banish Aeryn was merely an effort to avoid the reminder of his own responsibility in the whole hideous mess. “You killed this ship’s first pilot! The pilot that belonged here. I will not have you aboard, defiling her with your presence!”

For me, it is these reactions that constitute the real meat of the episode. As illuminating as it is to learn about the choices Pilot and Aeryn made not so long ago, it is witnessing their struggle to cope with those choices now that has the most revelatory power. Let’s face it: they both made selfish, horrifying decisions with terrible consequences, and just as learning the truth shakes the confidence of their shipmates, it calls into question our own faith and investment in these characters. How can we continue to root for Pilot and Aeryn knowing what they did? Do they deserve our affection and compassion, when they had none? Or do they deserve banishment and death?

The answer to those questions lies in the way they confront and come to terms with their “memories of a time none of us wanted to remember.” As we witness their passage from violent rages to broken sobs to numb grief, and see them resign themselves to exile or death, we come to understand the depth of their shame, self-loathing, and regret. More importantly, we see that they are no longer the two people who allowed others to die to advance their own self interests. They have grown into people who can’t fathom not offering support to a friend in need, and who are unwilling to let others pay for their sins. Given the chance to wallow in their shame and regret --- putting their need to punish themselves ahead of the others’ welfare --- Aeryn and Pilot choose a different path. They choose friendship, compassion, and the possibility of redemption.

Aeryn and Pilot reaching out to each other in his den, offering understanding, comfort, and strength, is a powerful and poignant moment, which reduces me to tears every time I see it. “We’ve come a long way since then, Pilot. And we’ve still got a long way to go. Take the journey with me.” It stands in stark contrast to Pilot’s earlier violent attack on Aeryn, and is a beautiful testament to how far they’ve come overall. While we and the others can’t condone or necessarily forgive their past actions, we can at least accept that those choices were made in a different time and place and recognize that they have changed. They now stand ready to make different choices and to continue working towards redemption, together, thus justifying our original faith in them and reconfirming that it is, indeed, worth taking the journey with them.

Other Thoughts

Given how shocking and emotionally devastating the revelations of this episode were, I was incredibly impressed with the relative maturity everyone displayed in processing the blows. Yes, Aeryn and Pilot had some self-pitying and destructive moments, but, for the most part, they and everyone else approached the situation in a very adult manner. Chiana and Crichton took the footage to the others, and then they confronted Aeryn with it together, to give her a chance to make her case. Chiana and Crichton both also recognized that learning of Aeryn’s past actions, while upsetting, doesn’t really change the woman they’ve come to know and trust. She has a past. They all do. “What have you guys been thinking all this time? What, she was out picking baskets of rawless buds while the other mean Peacekeepers did all the really nasty stuff? She was a Peacekeeper.”

That said, I was really surprised that the others wanted to keep the video from Pilot. Did they think he didn’t know that Moya had another pilot before him? Or that he didn’t know what had happened to her? Or did they think that he was well aware and were just concerned about him finding out Aeryn was one of the Peacekeepers involved in the operation?

This week, I was really fascinated by the juxtaposition of Lani Tupu being a psychotic hardass as Crais and running the gamut of emotions as the voice of Pilot. Sometimes, the fact that he “plays” both roles creates cognitive dissonance for me.

It was so wonderful to have sane and supportive Crichton back in the house this week. This is the first time in the new season that he’s truly felt like Crichton to me.

I absolutely loved the scene with John and Aeryn talking in the training room. Not only was the staging visually interesting --- with them divided by the red point of Peacekeeper symbol on the mat --- but it was just lovely to see them being so calm and emotionally honest with each other. Plus, the painful subtext and longing between them as she discussed her relationship with Velorek was so palpable. Those two have such an amazing connection. And Ben Browder did a fantastic job showing Crichton’s struggle to balance his discomfort and jealousy with his desire to be supportive and to help her open up.

Great small bit with Crichton and D’Argo shooting rock-paper-scissors to see who would go with Aeryn to talk to Pilot. I especially got a kick out of D’Argo’s disgust at losing.

More illumination: Crais’s almost giddy reaction to first being aboard Talyn and subsequent bonding with him certainly takes on new meaning now, eh?

Quotes

Crichton: “We all have things in our past that we’d rather not have on instant replay.”
Zhaan: “True enough, John. But I still can’t accept the cold-blooded slaughter of such a helpless creature.”
Aeryn: “Oh, it’s perfectly fine to cut off one of his arms then, is it, Zhaan?”

Aeryn: “Crichton, you might have noticed that, at times, I’ve … kept you at a distance.”
Crichton: “Many times. Vast distances.”
Aeryn: “There’s a reason for that.”
Crichton: “Just one?”

Aeryn: “I felt something for him that I’d never felt with any of the other men that I’d recreated with. I didn’t know what it was. I guess now I’d say that it was love.”

Crichton: “Well, we’ve never seen Pilot like this before. You chop off his arm, the best he can muster is a few snotty remarks. But this? He shuts down the ship and he tries to kill Aeryn.”

Zhaan: “I’m sorry.”
Aeryn: “No, Zhaan. I am what I am. I did what I did.”
Zhaan: “Aeryn, you had no choice back then. You did exactly what was expected of you. In that world, that was the only kind of Peacekeeper you could be.”

Pilot: “Moya only accepted me, because she was tortured into it. Tortured into it!”

Aeryn: “That recording brought back memories of a time none of us wanted to remember. Based on my actions back then, I deserve to die. If you wish to kill me right now, I won’t stop you. But, please, spare the others and yourself.”

Pilot: “It wasn’t really you who caused her death. It was me. If I hadn’t agreed to come, Velorek may never have found a replacement pilot. But … but I just wanted so desperately to see the stars.”

Pilot: “During the bonding period, I won’t have as much control over Moya’s systems as I had before. It will make it even more tenuous for all of us.”
D’Argo: “It doesn’t matter, Pilot. You deserve to be bonded to Moya naturally.”
Pilot: “I will work hard to deserve it.”

D’Argo: “I’m finished. How does it feel?”
Pilot: “There’s no pain. No longer any pain.”

Final Analysis: A shocking, devastating, and powerful episode. It blows me away every time I see it.

Dexter: Sin of Omission

Dexter: "I took advantage of you."
Deb: "Yeah! You did!"

Dexter's religious quest continued on its demented path with a blood-soaked, heavily annotated Bible, confession of his murders to a priest with Alzheimer's, and absolution. Just telling the truth to a priest and being absolved seemed to mean something to Dexter. I'm not sure what. I'd think that Brother Sam actually was good for Dexter. Except for his sin of omission.

Supernatural: How to Win Friends and Influence Monsters

Dean: "I think you pissed off my sandwich."

Was this a Thanksgiving episode? It featured an emphasis on family with the three of them on an actual hunting trip, childhood reminiscences, heart-to-heart talks, and an evil turducken, which is certainly the Frankenstein monster version of a traditional Thanksgiving meal.

Let Us Give Thanks…

Lots of great news in TV Land this week! It’s almost enough to make us feel better about Community’s mid-season hiatus. (Well, not really.) Click your way through to find a list of the Top Five things we here at billiedoux.com are thankful for. Minor casting spoilers ahoy!

5. Jason Dohring will guest star on Supernatural in mid-January. (The link reveals his role.)

4. Amy Acker will guest star on Grimm in early 2012. (Same deal with the link.)

3. Sherlock is coming back! Stateside, May 6th.

2. Downton Abbey is coming back! Stateside, January 8th.

1. Arrested Development is coming back on Netflix!

Twilight: Breaking Dawn, Part One

"No measure of time with you will be long enough. But we'll start with forever."

Romantic, creepy, occasionally funny (intentionally and unintentionally), and ultimately enjoyable, Breaking Dawn Part 1 was an interesting exercise in how sometimes the source material shouldn't always be followed. I don't really know how to review this movie without bring up some of the major plot points. So if you don't want to be spoiled, I'll say that it was a faithful adaption, for good or bad. It didn't add anything new to the franchise, and won't sway anyone from their opinion of the series. If you like the books and movies, you'll probably like this one. If you don't... then you won't.

Major Spoilers Below!

The book stirred up controversy because of some rather blatant messages about anti-abortion and premarital sex. This is especially evident in the extreme physical trauma that Bella suffers. She starts with bruises, and ends up as a battered and broken corpse. This transformation from a healthy young woman is rather disturbing, and it's all because she has the audacity to want to be a part of a world she doesn't fully understand. For me, the issue is more about her right to choose her own path, no matter what the obvious consequences are. Is it right to kill the child to save the mother, without her permission? Is she healthy and rational enough to make that choice?

Thankfully, the movie doesn't try to answer those questions. The writer wanted the character to have a baby, and this was the way she decided to describe that scenario -- right or wrong, it doesn't really matter. The problem is when it's viewed by people who could be influenced by its message. Bella sacrifices everything for her love, her body and potentially her soul. She leaps into a strange world with both feet, and never looks back. Her suffering is so acute that we have to watch as she is literally torn apart. The reward, perfection and immortality.

Looking at the series as a whole, there is an underlying theme of Bella's disconnection with the world. She is always at odds with her humanity, and when she encounters Edward and the Cullens, she realizes internally that this is what her life should be. She fights tooth and nail to become like them, and I think that's the reason she goes through what she goes through. She is so unwilling to sacrifice the unnatural side of her new existence that when a baby threatens her life, she can't see it as a danger. Her dogged determination, flying in the face of rational fear, is really her defining characteristic.

There is also the fact that the child is truly something special, reinforced when her telepathic husband hears the unborn child's thoughts of love for her parents. It renders the entire situation moot, because there is no question about the nature of the baby anymore. It is one of those big convenient answers in the book, making the situation as black and white as possible.

The other big controversy involves Jacob imprinting on Bella's baby. This was never really explained, and although there is a fascinating visual depiction of this event, it still doesn't really work except as another convenient plot device. It solves all the problems with the broken treaty with the Quileute werewolves, and the love triangle that dominated everything that came before. In the book, Meyer explains imprinting as an absolute connection, a true love which can take whatever form is needed. For example, Jacob will be her best friend throughout her childhood. Later in life, if she chooses to be his girlfriend, that would be something that could evolve easily. It's a strange and slightly uncomfortable situation, but it doesn't seem perverted or disturbing.

Bella's transformations, and there were two major ones in this movie, were stunning. She goes from healthy to emaciated, using a combination of make-up and digital effects to produce something that was difficult to watch. She was skin and bones by the time she gave birth, and Edward working on her corpse to restore life felt like it was hopeless. But her transformation into a vampire was just as impressive. There were other moments that didn't work as well, specifically the wolves. They moved, looked, and sounded like wolves, but the animation spoiled the feel. And the digital face they gave Renesmee was a little too surreal, which served the scene well but felt too CGI.

For me, though, Breaking Dawn isn't a cautionary tale, it's a love story. The first movie had problems with the chemistry between the two leads, and the next two movies worked on that problem. But this is the first time I felt that connection, and I think that the actors totally sold that side of their performance. I don't really like wedding scenes, but I really enjoyed this one. I was actually kind of dreading sitting through romantic clichés, but I didn't cringe once... well except for the speeches. The honeymoon scenes were equally fun. They managed to capture the insecurity of that first night, and the joy of the first weeks, until Bella became pregnant.

Unfortunately, there really is no plot in this first half, except to serve as set-up for the second half. Which means that although there is a beginning, a middle, and an end, those pieces don't actually fit together to form a complete picture. Two bookended events, the wedding and the birth, were filled in with a lot of exposition and melodramatic tension. However, the problems with narrative flow were offset by some of the best performances in the series. I also appreciated that the director used several musical cues from the first movie. It felt like a final installment, except this wasn't the end. Interestingly, they could simply end the series here. The final moment works as a logical stopping point, albeit a frustrating one. I wonder if it's frustrating only because I know there is another whole movie of content to see? Either way, we have to wait until next November to see Part 2.

For a fan of the series as a whole, I would give this 2 1/2 out of 4 baby vampire-human hybrids.

One final note -- you should stay until the cast credits are done because there is an additional scene.

The Walking Dead: Chupacabra

Maggie: “You weren’t supposed to see this.”

Well, it’s nice to be right... or is it? I haven’t read the comic books, so my conjecture that Hershel and family had some hidden zombies was just that. I can see that the secret in the barn is not going to be popular with our little gang of survivors and the pet zombies explain a lot -- why Hershel just wants them to leave, why Maggie was upset when T-dog killed the well zombie, and the rule against guns on the property.

Doctor Who: The Three Doctors

“So, you’re my replacements, a dandy and a clown.”

I've always had a hard time loving these multi-Doctor stories. Don't get me wrong, I love seeing the Doctor's bicker and argue with himself as much as the next guy. But the circumstances that bring the various Doctors together always seem contrived and the stories themselves just never live up to expectations.

American Horror Story: Open House

"Every pregnant woman worries there's a little devil in them."

I sometimes wonder what Jessica Lange, Frances Conroy and Denis O'Hare all think about this show, in light of the scene where two of them stood around while Conroy's sexy doppelganger chewed a guy's penis off. Lange especially, as she's always been pretty vocal about her appearances in bad projects (check out the 'mother-in-law-from-hell' Gwyneth Paltrow vehicle Hush... or don't). American Horror Story isn't at all a bad show, but I don't think anybody can deny that it's a series that waves its shlock flag proudly. Seeing these esteemed actors perform scenes like that feels so arresting as a viewer, and you can almost imagine them asking "has it really come to this?"

It's a curious sensation, since so much of the pulpier elements of American Horror Story seem ripped right out of some late-night cable slasher movie. Yet the cast are made up of Emmy, Tony and Oscar winners. Heh. I don't know if it's a testament to Ryan Murphy's esteem, or more a reflection of the lack of roles for older actors. Sometimes I think this show could be so much more classy if the gory absurdity was omitted, but then we'd lose those attention-grabbing moments perfect for watercooler gossip the next day. It's a risky balancing act, but at least it provokes conversation, right?

Of the various subplots this week, it was probably the introduction of Constance's other son Beau that was the most affecting. Locked up in the attic like a monstrous version of Eric Stoltz in Mask, I felt a little guilty for at one point being squicked out by his deformation, assuming he was this show's resident inbred hillbilly ghost. It's after a while that you realize he's harmless and pretty darn scared himself, a real person hidden away to protect from prying eyes (which is obviously a questionable approach in itself). Poor Constance, though. You can almost understand why she wants things to remain the same at Murder House, so desperate to keep her family intact.

Open House was a lot more scattered than episodes in recent weeks, which was both a blessing and a curse. We got a ton of information about Larry, the Montgomery's and the mythology of the house; but the episode was lacking in anything hugely substantial from a character stand-point, working more as a bridge to further plotlines than as anything that really resonated. That's not to say I was unhappy. American Horror Story works on that level where literally every episode is fun and absorbing, and you're similarly eager to watch every additional week. But this felt a little filler-ish in certain areas.

Notables

- Why didn't we actually see FrankenGinsberg get all toothy during Nora's nursing? Considering this was an episode that saw Connie Britton flinging her vibrator around as well as the aforementioned pecker buffet, are we to assume that some things are just too sacred? Heh.

- Alexandra Breckenridge is pretty spectacular on this show with that breathy, languid delivery of dialogue straight out of a porno movie. Could you imagine if Moira Two were played in a completely different tone? She wouldn't be half as erotic (or creepy).

- Ghost Report: Larry wasn't responsible for the fire that killed his family, like we had presumed. Instead it was his wife who burned the house down after Larry announced he was leaving her for Constance. That's also the reason Larry wants to get closer to the house, to reignite their flame (sorry for that). Meanwhile, all the ghostly inhabitants of the house will presumably be destroyed and vanish forever if the house itself is torn down. Which is why Moira got a little teeth-happy with a skeezy property developer. Phew.

Quotage

Vivien: We want to make sure everything's okay with the baby. You didn't see anything unusual... hooves or anything?

Marcy: A woman in my line can't be too careful. There are a lot of minority men in this city who would like nothing more than to ravage me on this counter-top.

Moira Two: As you can see, this room belongs to a sad, depressed teenager. But it has real potential. I'd paint it a deep, dark red; clear out all the furniture... and hang a sex swing.

Stan: The Montgomery murder-suicide was only the first of many to occur behind these bloody walls.
Marcy: Let's not put that in the listing.

Mr. Eskandarian: There are three reasons I deal with women. Sex, money or making me sandwiches.

Previously posted at Unwelcome Commentary.

Glee: Mash Off

Smear campaigns and insults cause karmic retribution for teachers and students alike this week on Glee.

So Sue Me for Slander

When I first watched the Burt Hummel Baboon Heart ad I did literally laugh out loud. It was so outrageous it managed to be wacky even for Glee, even for Sue, and that’s saying something for a show that once had one of its main characters contemplating becoming a human cannonball. Unfortunately, this level of satire is completely out of place in the rest of the episode, which is quite serious for Glee, and which only gets more so as the fight between Finn and Santana intensifies. Sue’s campaign antics might be well-received if they were simply played for laughs, but they’re jarringly over-the-top when mixed with the other plots. Sue used to be my favourite character on Glee, but she doesn’t mix well with subjects such as suicide and political campaigns. I don’t think it’s too late to get the writing for her back on track, but they better not continue the way they’re going.

And the Cradle Will Rock...

If it weren’t for Puck being so sweet about Beth, I would have skimmed over this tiresome plotline until it was done and dusted, but somehow I can’t help rooting for him to end up parenting Beth. It’s kind of amusing watching his crush on Shelby, but I do want her off my screen. It’s probably since she’s tied up in one of the worst Glee plots ever – Quinn’s plan to get Beth back, as if she ever had her in the first place. Quinn isn’t deranged, but this plot makes her seem so, especially contrast with good father Puck. What’s more, Shelby’s response to finding out about Quinn’s plan is far too subdued, as if baby stealing only warrants a stern talking-to. Look, Shelby’s had her baby plot, she’s had heartfelt moment with Rachel, can she leave now please?

Santornado

While I do appreciate that Santana is a self-proclaimed bitch and she has a lot of anger inside her, I didn’t think the constant Fat Finn insults were that believable, it was too obvious a set-up for her to get outed. Some of the animosity was quite fun to watch, but I’d have felt a lot better if we had gotten some backstory on Santana’s home life to explain her vindictiveness. I was genuinely surprised by the political opponent’s ad, which was quite in line with the kind of thing Sue had been making, but it all felt rather unreal. I don’t know if it’s because I’m British, but I can’t imagine anything like those ads ever being put on TV. Santana’s reaction was genuine enough though, I’m just frustrated we didn’t get to see the full fall out of what happened.

Loved

- Sue’s ‘Burt baboon heart’ ad – completely ridiculous and watched as a standalone clip, possibly the funniest TV segment Sue has done. Aside from Sneaky Gays... I especially loved the flashes of ‘Socialism’ and ‘Inflation’.

- During Hot For Teacher the way Blaine said “I think the clock is slow man” was exactly the same as when he spoke during Raise Your Glass...

- Poor Myspace. E-hug! I’m sure it’s popular in Upper Volta or somewhere.

- World War Glee would be just about the only war I’d ever be in favour of. I picture musical shock waves ala Scott Pilgrim VS The World, Artie battering rams, and Brittany cannons.

- Puck coming onto Shelby. It should be grim, but it’s not, and that’s mainly because Mark Salling looks like he’s 30 not 18!

- Kurt suggesting the Spice Girls. Please please please please please? Actually the Troubletones could do that just fine.

- Blaine clearly thought Finn was talking about giving the solo to him, but he didn’t bat an eyelid when it turned out to be Rory and even encouraged him.

- Brittany: “Stop the violeeeence” – cute!

- Mercedes’ ‘Amore’ t-shirt was gorgeous, and very her!

Didn’t Love

- What, why is there an orang-utan in the baboon heart ad? Oh, never mind!

- Married to a donkey? Ok that’s just too stupid. Quite apart from Burt having a human wife (what does Carol think about all this?), the text that flashes up “Fact: There is no evidence that Burt Hummel is not married to a donkey” is surely enough cause to sue. I thought you could sue for just about anything in the USA?

- Kurt’s speech. I thought he was just going to talk about bullying. Fine! But dodgeball... come again? Use softer balls maybe, but seriously, banning dodgeball? I wonder if Rachel will regret standing down if Kurt carries on with a stupid campaign like that.

- I found the the Fat Finn jokes funny in a nasty way to begin with, but by the time Santana launched into her final diatribe, it was just pathetic. I guess she got her karmic payback pretty quickly.

- Sue slamming Porcelain, err Kurt for wanting a salad bar in the cafeteria when she was the one who went on a healthy eating tot-banning spree.

Glee Against the Music

Van Halen – Hot For Teacher performed by Puck:
Very School of Rock. It was only a matter of time before they did this. So much fun. I particularly enjoyed Puck’s facial expressions, the wobble leg dancing and the mic-swordplay. They did a good job of making a less Glee-friendly song into something that everyone would enjoy, and the transition between Puck’s Hot For Teacher video fantasy and the choir room performance was handled well. Grade B

Lady Gaga/Eddie Rabbit - You And I/You And I performed by Will and Shelby:
Hmm well it was the first time I’ve really enjoyed Gaga’s You And I, but it didn’t make much difference mixing it with Eddie Rabbit. Interesting how Nebraska has featured on both Dexter and Glee this week. Grade B

Pat Benatar/One Way or Another – Hit Me With Your Best Shot/One Way or Another performed by Finn and Santana with New Directions and The Troubletones:
This was classic Glee with classic songs that go so well together, I am going to be listening to this for a long time I’m sure. They work so well over the dodgeball game, and the slow mo dodgeballs to the face are infinitely re-watchable. Not to mention the slow-mo leaping, which reminded me a lot of Jump from Mattress all the way back in Season One. Grade A

Hall & Oates - I Can’t Go For That (No Can Do)/You Make My Dreams Come True performed by the New Directions:
It was alright, but probably the worst mash-up New Directions have ever done. Great songs and they did them justice, but New Directions have set the bar pretty high for their mash-ups. The fake moustaches were weirdly endearing, maybe even a little sexy, as were the leopard print skirts and the cheesy choreography. Grade C+

Adele – Rumour Has It/Someone Like You performed by The Troubletones:
This is tough to review because I Loved it when I saw the Youtube previews, but my excitement had worn off by the time I saw it in episode. I don’t think it benefits from the context, and what came after just pissed me off. Still, the performance itself is stellar, the girls look incredible, the choreography is so sharp, Santana gives just about her best vocal performance yet, and the mash-up just works. Grade A-

Quotes for Gleeks

Santana: “Please stick a sock in it or ship yourself back to Scotland. I'm trying to apologize to Lumps the Clown.”

Santana: “Excuse me, the leader? Who died and made you queen Aretha?”

Brittany: “Rachel Berry is still on Myspace.”

Brittany: “If you honour me with being your next class president, I will make tornadoes illegal at McKinley, keeping you and your families at our school safe from their murderous rampages. Also, on Tuesdays, I pledge to go topless.”

Rachel: “I really want to be your friend again.”
Kurt: “Well maybe you should have thought of that before you walked all over me in your borderline sociopathic climb to the top.”

Santana (to Finn): “I’m sorry that you sing like you’re getting your prostate checked, and you dance like you’ve been asleep for years and someone just woke you up.”

Sue: “I'm Sue Sylvester, I have a human heart and I approve this message.”

Kurt: “Although she knows it to be untrue, my opponent Brittany stated that my face was used as a template for Hasbro’s successful line of My Little Ponies.”

Rory: “You’re skinny like all the crops failed on your family’s farm.”

Santana (to Finn): “At some point, I must’ve liked that you look like a taco addict who’s had one too many back-alley liposuctions.”

This episode was such a mixed bag. If it weren’t for two musical numbers I’d definitely give it a 2/4. I suppose it might be better re-watched back-to-back with next episode when the DVD comes out. Speaking of the next episode (two weeks to wait, Grrr), I don’t see how Santana’s current mood can remotely be expressed with I Kissed A Girl, which would’ve been more appropriate for Blaine’s Season Two flirtation with bisexuality, but I shall reserve judgement for now as the episode ended mid-plot. Two and a half out of four baboon hearts.

Once Upon a Time: The Price of Gold

Snow: "Do you realize what an inspiration you are to everyone?"
Cinderella: "All I did was get married."
Snow: "All you did was show that anyone can change her life."

This is the first time Once Upon a Time outright contradicts fairy tale canon. I was a little bothered at first, mostly because the Fairy Godmother could very well be wearing a red shirt; but later I was bothered because the show implied we should be rooting for the wrong character.

Ringer: Shut Up and Eat Your Bologna

"You've completely transformed your entire life."

Unfortunately, I feel like I'm at that point where Ringer has lost me. I still watch the show, and I'll tune in and review for the rest of the season, but my general interest in the characters and the storylines has drifted, and I don't think I'm ever gonna be completely drawn in again. I bring this up because Shut Up and Eat Your Bologna featured a ton of movement in several story arcs, but I was never particularly moved myself. When that sort of thing occurs, you can't help but feel that the show's general tone just doesn't work for you.

The soapy elements here involved the reveal that Gemma is very much alive, Charlie having chained her up in his basement. It wasn't particularly shocking on either front, since everybody had assumed she hadn't perished, and we already knew that Charlie was nuts. I did, however, enjoy Bridget and Malcolm doing their detective double act thing. With Malcolm suddenly actively involved in a lot of the proceedings, it's only Agent Machado who remains a character drifting around aimlessly on the fringes of the show. He wasn't even in this episode.

Bridget's undercover stint in therapy was interesting, primarily because it dealt with the themes I find most interesting about this show, the ones that have so far been sparingly explored. Bridget is falling for Andrew because of the good that he sees in her, and its directly linked to Bridget's own lack of self-worth. When all the world gives up on you, it's suddenly new and exciting to see this handsome wealthy businessman discovering new depths to your character. Obviously this is gonna quickly blow up in everybody's faces, especially with Olivia and her undoubtedly blackmail-happy ways, but I like the insight into Bridget's psychology.

This had a couple of interesting moments. I liked the therapy, I liked Bridget becoming pro-active after weeks of being a passive non-entity of sorts, the Gemma reveal promises some fun in the future. But generally the show has become elevator music for me, which sucks. Meh.

Notables

- Considering Bridget and Charlie were all the way across the city, Malcolm could have probably had time to smash that door down. Damn plot contrivance!

Quotage

Henry: What's your story, Olivia?
Olivia: What have you heard?
Henry: That you're a bitch.

Charlie: When I take off this tape, you are not gonna cry, you're not gonna spit, and you're not gonna beg. You're not gonna make a peep. You are gonna shut up and eat your bologna.

Previously posted at Unwelcome Commentary.

Eureka: All the Rage

… in which GD becomes an increasingly hostile work environment. Meanwhile, Grant and Henry attempt to modify the bridge device.

Misfits: Episode Three (Turn Me Loose, Baby)

Peter: “A superhero has to be prepared to die for what he believes in.”

Which is Howard Overman’s not-so-subtle way of reminding us that Simon’s going to die, and there’s not a whole lot anyone can do about it. Promising not to travel back in time won't save him. It's already happened. Alisha being alive is proof of that. Simon's story arc is by far the most interesting of the show. The chasm between the man he is, and the man he’ll one day become, is rapidly shrinking. Tonight Superhoodie saved his first innocent -- and by way of thanks, Peter laid the foundations for his demise. Now there’s gratitude for you.

The theme of the week was being prepared to give everything for what you believe in. Could Peter have chosen a less drastic course, and maybe devised a scenario in which he didn't die? Could he have found a way to make the past happen differently? (*Cough* Tesselecta *Cough*) It's possible. With some practise, he may even have been able to write dialogue which didn't stink to high heaven. Poor Simon sounded like a walking, talking superhero cliché. But maybe the comic book aficionado in Peter really did believe in heroes. He certainly seemed to have more faith in Simon than Simon had in himself. Peter really wasn't the bad guy. Admittedly, kidnapping Alisha, and then trying to stab Simon -- all just to break them up -- was a little over-the-top. But Peter understood the mentality and sacrifice of a superhero. Sadly, his preconceptions of what a superhero should be blinded him to the fact that he was one himself.

Was it the power of Peter's drawings, or the impact of his death, which caused Simon to defy Alisha and hide his suit? Who knows? But with Peter dead, whatever happens from now on is down to Simon. Having Peter around certainly made for a more arse-kicking Superhoodie. He went from almost getting beaten up by one man, to taking out the whole gang of misfits. Simon's desperately in need of a sane, strong, male friend. Rudy seems destined to carry on Nathan's tradition of ripping the piss out of him. Curtis seems uninterested in being his friend. Peter would have been the perfect Robin to Simon's Batman.

Alisha thought she could change the future by trying to change Simon, but, despite occasional bouts of naivety, Simon's no fool. He'll do anything to save Alisha; even if it means deceiving her. He’s already lied about burning his suit. Going back on his promise not to time travel should be a cakewalk. In terms of Simon's eventual death changing the dynamics of the show, short term, it’s a non-issue. He's currently unable to turn back time; so it's not as if he'll be dying any time soon. But having Seth around makes me nervous. If he stumbles across Curtis' old power, what's to stop him selling it to Simon? (Assuming he doesn't want it for himself.)

It's no wonder Peter’s death unnerved Alisha. It was like watching Simon die all over again. Peter's suit was almost identical. It even looked like the same warehouse. Alisha had a point, though. How can she die in the past when she’s alive in the present? Wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey, that's how. Alisha’s a shadow of her season one self. Despite enjoying the smuttiness she brought to the earlier episodes, I much prefer her as she is now. It's ironic that, despite falling in love with future Simon, she doesn't want present day Simon to become him. She prefers the Simon she has now. A Simon who isn't dead.

It turns out the grave Seth visited last week was actually that of dead girlfriend, Shannon. Apparently, he was a pusher pre-storm, and was indirectly responsible for her death. Bummer. I loved Kelly’s openness in declaring her interest in him. Her bluntness was totally endearing. It's just a shame their relationship (if it ever happens), is almost certainly doomed to failure. Even if they do hook up, it's a foregone conclusion Shannon will return at some point. Will she be able to down a pint as quickly as Kelly? I doubt it. I was half expecting a massive belch at the end. Maybe burping is second date stuff.

Misfits is on a roll. The viewing figures for the season premier hit an all time high. Who'd have thought there'd be life post-Nathan? And how awesome does next week's episode look? Kelly is totally going to kick the shit out of those Nazis.

Bits and Pieces:

-- I howled with laughter at Rudy's pissing up the wall pose. Yep, that's how it's done, son.

-- Excellent fusion of art and action scenes.

-- Despite inching ever closer to oblivion, Simon's exhilaration at saving Peter was utterly palpable. No wonder he wouldn't burn his suit. Who would give that up?

-- I loved Simon's pain at knowing he'd hurt Alisha. Despite knowing it wasn't his fault, he still he couldn't stop apologising.

-- Both Rudy and Curtis were relegated to the sidelines this week, but Rudy still got all the best lines. Great girlfriend anecdote, and amazing burglar alarm disabling skills.

-- I love the way Simon unconsciously flattens his hair when he feels uncomfortable.

-- I felt sorry for Peter when Alisha dismissed him from the lair. She treated him like she used to treat Simon. Which probably explains why Simon felt so drawn to him. In many respects they were alike.

-- Was that a Judge Dredd comic I saw in Peter's collection? Drokkin' zarjaz!

Quotes:

Alisha: "If you become him, you're going to leave me. You're going to travel back in time and you're going to die."
Simon: "And if I don't become him and travel back in time, you're going to die."
Alisha: "I can't die in the past if I'm alive in the present. I don't know anything about this Terminator time travel bullshit, but even I know that."

Rudy: "Why would I be daydreaming about a chicken?"

Simon: "I'm not gay."
Rudy: "Mmmm. So you were showing each other your cocks because...?"
Simon: "We were just looking..."
Rudy :"...at each other cocks?"

Shawn: “This isn’t a job share. Whoever does the crime, does the boring, mindless shit.”

Rudy: “The old conjoined mindfuck works every time, dunnit?"

Kelly: "What is it with you? Yesterday you were buying me drinks and talking flirty shit about my nan!"

Rudy: "All I'm saying is, maybe your boyfriend is a proud and beautiful gay man... who likes to rub and touch other men's penises."

Rudy: "I haven't even met the guy. I am, I am, I am new. I don't know what's going on! What's going on? Anyone? No?"