by Billie Doux
"I found it... an accelerating experience."
I've always rather liked this one, for a couple of reasons.
First and most importantly, they get points for a cool concept: aliens moving so quickly that we couldn't see them. And secondly, I've always liked Kathie Browne's droll performance as Deela. She refused to apologize for using up lesser beings as breeding stock and sex toys. She didn't even wait to introduce herself to Kirk; it was instant liplock. Hey, the Scalosians were just trying to survive; why not enjoy it?
Maybe it's the idea of being invisible that's so much fun. Deela was buzzing around Kirk and apparently nuzzling him and feeling him up before she brought him over to the superfast side. (Would the Enterprise crew have been able to see them if they held still for a long time? What about when they slept?) I liked the idea of being able to sidestep a phaser blast, although I didn't quite get why the transporter beam didn't seem any slower than normal. Kirk's communication to Spock was also fun, although "it will all be over by the time he sees this" -- well, no.
Getting damaged and aging rapidly after sustaining a mere scratch added some fear and menace to the proceedings, as Compton the red shirt unfortunately discovered. I was a little confused about the "adjustment". Was it just a matter of willpower? Kirk was too strong willed to "adjust", but Compton was weak?
It was actually a bit sad that the Enterprise had to leave the Scalosians behind to die out. Couldn't they have taken them along to the nearest star base so that Federation scientists could figure out how to make them normal again? I suppose their current condition would make them uncontainable and uncontrollable, though. How about sending those same Federation scientists to Scalos on a humanitarian mission?
Actually, maybe they won't die out that quickly. Kirk and Deela were alone in his quarters and Kirk was putting his boots back on. Is it possible he left Deela with a genetic souvenir?
So see you next time.
Wait, you haven't been accelerated? How sad. Fine, I will write this the old-fashioned way.
You know what I liked about this episode? That the whole thing was basically one long winking joke about "fast" women. Scalos needs men badly, but these women live so fast that they burn them out and leave them withered husks in no time (speaking of which, I actually dated a Scalosian. Well, I assume she was Scalosian. But enough about me). Cue the Eagles "Life in the Fast Lane."
In a further but related digression, it occurred to me that someone really missed the boat in advertising for the re-issued episodes. This episode sooooo should have been sponsored by Cialis or Viagra or another drug for that embarrassing little male problem. I mean, how many planets are you going to encounter whose entire social structure is based around the erectile dysfunction of the men (and for the record, Playboy is a media "empire", not a planet, although I will give you Planet Hollywood if you want). "When the mood is right, try Scalolis*".
Although at this point, you are probably wondering if I should have stopped at ****BBBBZZZZZZTTTTTT**, I have one further thought on male impotence. Have you considered that dressing the men in silver lame and chokers adorned with bedazzled flower communicators might have something to do with their... ummm... failure to meet their manly obligations? I'm just saying.
To sum up, ****BBBBZZZZZZTTTTTT**
*Be sure your heart is strong enough to read this review. If you experience a loss of vision while reading this review or find it interesting for longer than four hours, seek immediate help from the entertainment industry.
Back to Billie for bits and pieces:
-- Star date 5710.5. The planet Scalos and its five inhabitants. Scalos rated 7 on the "industrial scale".
-- This was pretty much a bottle show, since nearly every scene took place on the Enterprise standing sets.
-- Two red shirts beamed down to the planet, and one of them ended up brainwashed, ancient and dead.
-- Okay, I have to talk about the costumes. Although Deela got a really cool Star Trek babe costume with one side flowing material and the other side virtually nude, the men's silver costumes were probably the most frou-frou male attire in the entire series. The communicator attached to the silver band around the neck looked like a flower, too. Rael just didn't look comfortable. Maybe the ornamental, decorative look went with the fact that the men were sterile? Come on, ladies. At least leave them their dignity.
Deela: (re: Kirk) "I want to keep this one a long time. He's pretty."
Scott: "Captain Kirk! Where the blazes did you come from?"
Kirk: "Out of the nowhere, into the here."
Scott: "Mister Spock, is he coming, too?"
Two out of four silver frou-frou costumes with flowers at the neck,