Ringer: P.S. You're an Idiot

"Will you marry me... again?"

Sorry if these reviews are becoming as predictable as turkey on Thanksgiving, but Ringer rapidly cycles through the same exact problems every damn week. This was another episode in which nothing of huge consequence actually occurred, but ended on a couple of cliffhangers that managed to give the illusion of the complete opposite. Now that I think about it, that's totally this show's routine! The writers flail around the multiple story arcs and tease them out until they're directionless disaster areas, but ensure that each episode is capped by some fake-out plot twist that encourages the audience to tune in the following week, even when we all collectively realize that nothing will actually come of the 'to be continued' shockers. Ringer is all about manipulation, folks, and based on the abysmal numbers it's been getting recently, it seems most people have figured that out.

At the same time, there are people like us, the ones that are for some reason sticking around, clinging onto the hopes that it'll someday improve or, more likely, are just waiting it out until the show's inevitable cancellation in May. I did a double-take earlier when I realized that this was the fifteenth episode of Ringer, and struggled to figure if anything had actually moved forward in the six months that the show has been on the air. Bridget is still hilariously oblivious, Siobhan is still a question mark, and the supporting cast continue to be ciphers circling the drain of mediocrity. It's all crazily disappointing, especially when hopes were so high for this show.

That final revelation about Andrew was just another laborious plot twist that struggles to be convincing. Of course we don't actually know anything about Andrew at this point, every character being so thinly-drawn that it's not entirely implausible for them to be exposed as master criminals, but nothing in his personality ever implied a devious nature. If anything, Andrew was the emotional heart of Ringer, the character least marred by flaws, most rattled by his middle-aged disappointment, determined to set his daughter back on the straight-and-narrow and eager to make a fresh start with his suddenly-sweet wife. It all stinks of the show randomly throwing another game-changer into the pot at the expense of any internal logic. Sure, his orchestration of the Ponzi scheme could be yet another elaborate fake-out, but right now it's a twist that only ensures mass frustration.

It's not only Andrew who suffers as a character here. Only last week Bridget was pledging to somehow wriggle her way out of the 'twin-impersonation' hoodoo, yet here she's initially eager to walk down the aisle with a man that she's done nothing but lie to for the last six months. Similarly, Siobhan changes her entire scheme when she hears about the impending re-nuptials, presumably jealous or bitter over Bridget's ability to form an actual relationship with her husband. But Siobhan is so hard to read and has pretty much only been written as a soapy plot device that absolutely none of her actions make even the slightest lick of sense anymore. Then again, we still don't even know her motivations, so maybe it does all make sense in some twisted way? Eh, who knows?

Ringer is constantly forcing its audience to crawl around in the dark, hoping we'll be distracted by shiny cliffhangers and promo-baiting plot twists, but fails on just about every other level. Last week's episode had a stricter, less erratic script that centered on just one of the numerous subplots currently at work, and it was all the better for it. P.S. You're an Idiot bounced around from Olivia's distrust of Malcolm to Catherine's plot with Mr. Carpenter to Henry's baiting of Bridget, all the way back around to Olivia's shady involvement with somebody named 'Xerxes'.

I liked Ringer when it was about a woman in over her head, the people that wanted said head on a platter, and her zombie sister scheming it up in Paris. It's slowly become this impenetrable mind-screw with a disturbing obsession with Powerpoint presentations, graphs and finance fraud. All great in theory, but about as visually interesting as a box of wigs. Actually, a box of wigs is probably more scintillating than Ringer at this point. Especially if there are some kicky Sydney Bristow ones in there.

Notables

- Tell me if I'm being too harsh. That whole review did read like a collection of shrieks, didn't it?

- Is Agent Machado trapped down a well somewhere? Do we need Sting?

- So Catherine was screwing Mr. Carpenter, until she literally screwed him over by pocketing all the cash. Catherine had initial promise as a character, but every single one of her actions over the last couple of episodes has been lacking in anything resembling surprise.

Quotage

Doctor: Pardon me if this is too forward, but are you worried that your husband is not the father?
Siobhan: I'm worried that he is.

Catherine: If you ever come anywhere near my daughter, this video goes wide. And yes, I've made copies. PS you're an idiot.

Previously posted at Unwelcome Commentary.

April and May: Save the Date(s)


Leap Day William has brought his goodies, and we have lots of fun shows (and some not-so-fun) to look forward to this spring. Click on for a list of premieres, returns, and finales for the next two months.



May 6: Sherlock returns to America thanks to PBS. And, of course, viewers like you.

May 7: Castle finale.

May 10: Finales of The Secret Circle, The Vampire Dairies, and Parks and Rec.

May 11: Fringe finale.

May 13: Once Upon a Time finale.

May 14: Hawaii Five-0 finale.

May 17: 30 Rock, Person of Interest, and Community finales. (Community's finale has been moved from May 24th. May 17th is during "May Sweeps," but May 24th is not.)

May 18: Grimm, Nikita and Supernatural finales.

May 22: Glee finale.

May 24: Awake finale, moved from the 17th (see above). This is a good sign that Awake will be canceled, as May 24th is not during May Sweeps, which means NBC doesn't care about setting an ad rate for the show (which is the purpose of sweeps). Alas.



Did I miss any? Let me know in the comments and I’ll add them. And if you, like me, use these occasional posts to keep track of your TV to-do list, check the right sidebar for the permanent easy access.

The Walking Dead: 18 Miles Out


Shane: “Rick, you can’t expect to be the good guy and live, not anymore.”
Rick: “I’m not the good guy anymore.”

This episode was for all those people who thought there weren’t enough zombies. The opening of this episode was terrifying. I almost thought it had to be a dream sequence, because it sure looked like two of our lead characters were going to bite it (pun intended).

The Secret Circle: Pilot


“Destiny’s not easy to run from.”

After the surprising transformation of The Vampire Diaries into an epic fantasy that rivals even the greatest shows in its genre, my expectations for Kevin Williamson’s new baby series were high. All of the lessons had been learned, so we could skip all the boring stuff and get straight down to business. Unlike The Vampire Diaries’ pilot, which left a lot to be desired, this felt like it belonged in a different league. It introduced us to a diverse group of characters, opened up an intriguing world of magic and mystery and left me with an impressive amount of excitement for the story’s continuation. Some people found it difficult to get into this series, especially at first, but I was drawn in almost instantly, despite its predictability.

When it comes to pilot episodes they’re almost always flawed. They’re either overly ambitious, creating something messy and indiscernible, or they’re far too slow, with not enough excitement to hold viewers’ attention. I think we’d all prefer to forget the lackluster, trend chasing tripe that was The Vampire Diaries first offering but thankfully, this is one hell of a kick-off point. Like its sister series, the Secret Circle isn’t anything particularly groundbreaking, it is what it is; a teen drama with a supernatural twist. It’s also got a small town mystery edge not unlike Kevin Williamson’s other creation. There’s a major The Craft vibe about it too, which is certainly not a bad thing.

In the premiere we got to meet some great new faces, including Cassie Blake (Britt Robertson), our leading lady who exhibits equal amounts of likability and appeal. Unlike Elena, who spent almost 7 episodes running around Mystic Falls like a brain dead ninnie before she realized what was going on, Cassie figured something was up almost instantly; I mean it was one wacky town she had moved to. Although personally, I would be ecstatic to learn I had some serious magical gifts (I know some school bullies who would find themselves with some rather unwanted facial abrasions). Britt Robertson proved that she’s not just a one trick pony; if you came along to see Lux 2, you’d have been disappointed.

We met all the other beautiful teens too. Adam (Thomas Dekker - who I am seriously in love with), the trademark love interest; Diana: the popular, but friendly “leader” of sorts; Faye: the cocky, mean girl: Melissa: Faye’s sidekick; and Nick: the hot but slightly stalkery next door neighbor. Each of them seem to bring something very different to the table, and some are more interesting than others, but I’m most excited to see what happens with loose cannon Faye, played to perfection by Aussie newcomer Phoebe Tonkin. As for the titular love triangle, it’s a little "been there done that" but the magic ends up bringing a whole other element to it, which so far I like.

There seems to be a lot of mystery surrounding the previous circle and the events leading up to their parents’ deaths 16 years ago. Although this episode gave us a few vague tid-bits and teased us enough to want more, I do hope that we find out the truth sooner, rather than later. Charles Meade’s disturbing murder at the start of the episode cemented him as an evil force to be reckoned with. Normally it’s the teen stuff you’d want to see over the parents’ shenanigans, but here I’m equally invested in both right now, especially considering how intertwined all of their actions are.

Unlike The Vampire Diaries who’s brooding atmosphere is reflected with shadows and darkness, this show is bouncing with color (see the forest scene with the floating raindrops) and instantly feels like a much different series with a starkly contrasting personality. Each type has its pros and cons, I just think that if they wanted to make The Secret Circle stand out as a show in its own right, at least visually, they’ve done their job.

As far as first episodes are concerned, this is up there with the best. There’s still more room for it to seek out a more definitive identity, with both its stories and its characters, but it’s a wonderful step-off point.

Plus

- This is definitely a younger show, and not just in terms of episode count. It seems to target a slightly younger demographic than The Vampire Diaries. Plus, it’s nice that a teen show actually has some teen characters; they seem like they’re actually 16, not 25.

- How creepy was that opening scene? Seeing Amelia burning while Charles watched on gave me goose bumps.

- I’m not familiar with the books, but I’m pretty sure Cassie’s Mom doesn’t die, am I right?

- While I’m on the topic of the books, the circle was changed from 12 members to 6, probably for easy casting. It would have made the series overcrowded and confusing, but I’d be curious to see what it would be like.

- I’m glad they skipped the initial mourning stage with Cassie dealing with her mother’s “accidental” death and got on with it. I enjoy seeing a series tackle a characters loss, but this episode just got straight to the good stuff, and we didn’t know Cassie well enough for us to understand her pain anyway.

- It’s pretty depressing that Ashley Crow is playing a grandma now. Wouldn’t it be cool to see Hayden pay a visit as Cassie’s older cousin, or something? Though judging by these rules, she’ll probably have to play… a cool aunt?

- Book of Shadows = Charmed flashback

- That theme music is incredibly eerie and captivating. I’m curious to see whether or not it will have any significance story wise, or not.

- Amelia’s letter to Cassie is this, in case you were wondering, or you don’t own a TiVo:
My Sweet Cassie,
You finding this means I’m gone and for that I am so sorry. I didn’t want you to have this life. I didn’t want it for myself either, but destiny’s not easy to run from. I hoped that keeping this secret would keep you safe, but all I’ve done is left you unprotected.
You have incredible power inside you. People will come for it. They will come for you.
I have no idea of the world you’re going to encounter. But find your strength. And believe in yourself as I believe in you. Who you are is your greatest protection.
I will love you always,
Your mom
She couldn’t have given her a little more to go on than that?!

- Who’s cooler: Damon or Faye?

He Said, She Said

Faye: “Oh for God’s sake spit it out. You’re a witch. A full blooded, 100% witch. We all are. There, done.

Faye: “So you’re the new girl?”
Cassie: “Ah, yeah, that’s me”
Faye: “You’re very pretty”
I laughed out loud at this.

Cassie: “There’s no such thing as witches and magic. I don’t believe it. I can’t”

Diana: “We’re different. You’re different.”

Cassie: “Why did my Mom leave here? You said you loved her. What happened?”
Ethan: “Your father happened.”

Diana: “You can’t make it rain, just ‘cause you want to!”
Faye: “Yes we can, we can do anything we want!”
Seems Faye is a little trigger happy with this whole witch thing. Is there a possibility for a Willow style overdose in the future?

Dawn: “You did the right thing bringing her here, she’s got the gift.”
Charles: “She’s her father’s daughter.”
Dawn: “…Unfortunately she’s her mother’s daughter too.”
This exchange got me thinking about what side they could truly be on. Amelia didn’t seem like the evil type, and she just wanted her daughter to be safe. I wonder what their agenda could be.

Four out of four floating raindrops.

Previously posted at PandaTV.

Winter is Coming!


Just 34 days until Season Two of HBO's Game of Thrones. Just 34 days to sharpen your swords, hide your babies and your beadwork, and train your direwolf to roll over. Luckily, we have a little something to tide you over: the new, almost two-minute-long trailer for the bloodiest show on television. (Not counting Spartacus or when vampires explode on True Blood.)




Are you excited yet?

Fringe: The End of All Things


“Maybe you could tell me a story.”

Once upon a time, I was friends with a good storyteller. A good storyteller, but a bad storyender. Whether it was the time he and a gang of bikers rescued an abused young woman, or the one about the guy, the banana, and the French bulldog, each of his stories ended the same way: “So that happened.”

Glee: On My Way


“I’m not going to lie to you, it isn’t gonna be easy, and there’ll be some days when life just sucks. But you’re gonna get through this, cause I’m gonna help you, and so’s everyone else who loves you and accepts you for who you are. And if they can’t accept that then screw ‘em. Right?”

Poor Dave Karofsky, no one should have to endure a campaign of hatred like that. While we haven’t seen much of him this season, the Dave scenes we have had have been highlights of their respective episodes, and after his first appearance this season, I had hopes that we would gradually see him grow into a confident, happy gay guy like Kurt and Blaine. While that may still happen, being publicly humiliated and then victimised was always going to affect Dave much more severely than it did Kurt or Santana. Those scenes during Cough Syrup were so well done. Hats off to Max Adler who was amazing in these scenes as well as the one with Kurt at the end. I was impressed that Glee would decide to do an episode focusing on the scary power that the internet and social media has in our lives and especially in the lives of school children. It’s a shame that idea was basically left hanging.

It is a bit frustrating that the best part of this episode was focused around a character who has had almost no screen time to develop, then they did that aspect so well that I expected the whole of the rest of the episode to be payoff for the rest of the characters we know and love (or love to hate, in Sebastian’s case). But despite the weird and unbelievable transformation of the hair-gel chipmunk into a guy who just wants to campaign for the Born This Way charity, the Regionals section didn’t really have anything to do with Dave’s suicide attempt which felt completely forgotten about. One tiny scene of Sebastian rudely rebuffing Dave who was presumably a complete stranger at the time, is supposed to explain his complete about face. Survivor guilt I suppose. You’d think he’d have been more contrite after accidently almost blinding the guy who he had a big crush on.

Still, Dave’s suicide attempt was done believably, as were the follow-up scenes with the teachers talking about how to tell the kids, and flashing back to Dave’s dad finding him. Even Will’s cheesy story felt like it could have been part of a real powerful and poignant episode. The New Directions all talking about things they were looking forward to was sweet and touching with just the right notes of sadness and hope that it almost felt like the end of the episode right there. That feeling was also present in the scene where Kurt visited Dave in hospital. They better not forget about Dave for the next 5 episodes – I am treating that commitment by Kurt to look after Dave and be a friend to him as a commitment on the part of Glee to show us the rest of Dave’s story, of how it really Does Get Better.

Apart from that amazing scene with Kurt and Dave, the second half of the episode felt like it didn’t belong. It was just regular Glee, and was mostly made up of singing. That would have been alright if they’d taken Dave’s suicide attempt more seriously, and maybe had the New Directions do a song in tribute to him with Kurt as the lead soloist, instead of the Warblers who had a tenuous connection to Dave at best. But none of that was really paid off, instead we got New Directions’ least surprising competition win ever, and more of Rachel and Finn’s retardculous marriage plot. I felt sorry for Mike O’Malley – normally scenes with Burt Hummel are slightly elevated from the rest of Glee, he’s just that good. Unfortunately, Burt has been dragged into the Berry Dads’ ridiculous reverse psychology plot so it’s now a bit late to have a sit down with Finn and Rachel where Burt and the others explain to them the dangers of marrying so early on. I like that the show is committed to ‘Finchel’, I just don’t like them trying to be all educational in some respects, and then ignoring that for the sake of drama at other times.

Loved

- If it got online, I could easily see the populace of McKinley High ‘Re-tweeting’ and ‘Liking’ that photoshopped Finnella pic. It would have been easy to make something more of that plot-point what with Karofsky being tormented on Facebook, but sadly the show didn’t really make anything of it.

- Sebastian and Kurt’s insults get more amusing with each repeat viewing.

- Glee continues the trend of bizarre judges with a vampire. What’s next? Siamese triplets dressed as Cerberus? Did you know, that is actually Ian Brennan, one of Glee's co-creators!

- Wow, Mercedes really knows how to help Dave... with an Edible Arrangement?!

- Pregnant Sue is actually quite fun. I liked that they acknowledged the weirdness of her wanting to help New Directions win Nationals, thereby making it less weird.

Didn’t Love

- Karofsky’s suicide attempt, and Quinn’s car crash of course! While it makes a vague sense that Karofsky would be driven to that, Quinn’s crash was just unnecessary.

- While we’re talking about the crash – How Unnecessary Was That?! Of course she’s going to survive, it’s such a tired TV trope, and the episode was already about teen suicide and the power of the internet and teen marriage, did it really need to be about the dangers of texting while driving Too? Cheap Glee, cheap.

- Ok, sorry to go on, but haven’t they tortured Dianna Aggron enough this season?

- There were a few rather unrealistic touches about the Regionals competition, such as everyone standing and clapping along for their rival glee clubs and the Golden Goblets cheering when they heard they’d gotten third place.

Glee Against The Music

Cough Syrup by Young The Giant performed by Blaine:
The first time I watched this I was too upset about Karofsky to really concentrate on the song. The second time round I thought Blaine’s performance was top notch. By the third watch I was trying to work out what cough syrup has to do with suicide. I think you’d have to drink several gallons in order to kill yourself! But the song is about finding a way to cope with depresson, and life’s knocks. Clearly, Dave couldn’t cope. I thought that intercutting the scenes of Dave being outed and tormented was a great move, they somehow seemed to explain Blaine’s frenzied performance and give him something to sing for. Grade A-

Stand by Lenny Kravitz performed by the Dalton Academy Warblers:
Meh. I was probably slightly put off by Finn telling the Golden Goblets girl to stand up for the Warblers, but this really was mediocre compared to rest of their efforts. Of course, now that they’re headed up by Sebastian instead of Blaine, there’s not much hope for them. Grade C

Glad You Came by The Wanted performed by the Dalton Academy Warblers:
Ok, this is more like it. I really enjoyed the dancing – those boys can move! Probably the best choreography I’ve seen on Glee so far. I’m also a big fan of The Wanted, although I have to say the original is better than Glee’s. Ooh, I shouldn't say that should I? Sebastian has charisma, and when I’m not overwhelmed by wanting to smack him I find him quite sexy, but he just doesn’t have the voice to be the Warblers’ frontman. The “Hand you another drink” move reminded me a lot of last year’s Raise Your Glass, which was far better than this. Grade B-

She Walks In Beauty by Eric Barnum (composer) performed by the Golden Goblets of Our Lady of Perpetual Sorrow:
Even more bizarre than the geriatric choir!

Fly/I Believe I Can Fly by Nicki Minaj ft. Rihanna/R. Kelly performed by the New Directions:
Great mashup, Glee often pairs a recent hit with a classic, and in this case it improved both songs. I also liked Santana rapping. Blaine’s rap was adorable, I would’ve wanted to ruffle his hair if he didn’t have so much product in it. Grade B+

What Doesn't Kill You (Stronger) by Kelly Clarkson performed by The Troubletones as the New Directions:
I really hope this wasn’t supposedly a tribute to Dave, since it’s terribly condescending to sing this for someone actually did try to kill himself. Aside from that, another solid Troubletones effort. Great performance, and I especially liked that Brittany got to sing a bit alongside Mercedes and Santana. So, where did the rest of the girls come from? Presumably, they would have to be officially registered in New Directions in order to perform. Grade B+

Here's To Us by Halestorm performed by Rachel with the New Directions:
It was fun, but we’ve had better Rachel Berry one-woman-show performances, so the bar is higher for her. This also should have put the other New Directions performances in the shade, and it didn’t. Grade B

Quotes for Gleeks

Sebastian: “If it isn’t a young Barbra Streisand and an old Betty White. Where is Gay Cyclops?”

Sebastian: “You give the gay community cutting edge fashion that’s usually only seen on Puerto Rican pride floats.”

Sugar: “If someone posted a picture like that of me online I’d probably kill myself.”
Rory: “Twice, to be sure I was dead!”

Sue: “My doctors put me on bovine hormones that are making me extremely nauseous. They’ve also given me a near super human sense of smell. For instance, I can tell that within the last week you either enjoyed a delicious curry or a hug from Principal Figgins.”

Sugar: “I want to be there to see Sex and the City, Part 3.”

Brittany: “I want Lord Tubbington to kick his Ecstasy addiction.”

Sue: “I know you must be exhausted from singing all those oohs and background aahs.”

Like this season, this episode has had a lot of untapped potential. Some beautiful moments were overshadowed by weirdness or awkward plotting, and characters seem to pop up as and when they’re needed. So that’s two and a half out of four Edible Arrangements for me.

...and now we have seven weeks to wait for more Glee. Wait! Don’t hyperventilate, just yet, I am going to review the season so far and say just how I expect the rest of it to be improved to keep me proudly wearing my badge of Gleekdom. That will be posted in a few days. After that you can panic all you like!

The Fades: Episode 6 (Earth Was Really Dying)

“And what's the point of seeing the future if you can't change it?”

So the battle's done and Paul kinda won, but he'll sound no victory cheer.

Talk about downbeat. Paul may have defeated John and stopped the Fades, but it cost him the life of the woman he loved, leaving him broken and utterly devastated. Shocking as it was, Neil's murder of Jay was the only thing that disappointed me about the finale. I know that she was never the series' most thrilling character, but I don't think she deserved to be struck down by such a casual case of Women in Refrigerators Syndrome. And why didn't we see her as a Fade? Or, for that matter, any of the other characters who have died in the last couple of episodes?

That final fight between John and Paul was very brutal and one-sided. I wouldn't really call it a fight, more a case of John beating the shit out of Paul while he runs away. Despite his newfangled superpowers, Paul is still that geeky weakling he was before, and gets the shit completely and utterly kicked out of him. It didn't have to be that way. He could've easily zapped John the second he showed up. But that wasn't why he was there. Paul didn't want to become a killer like John and Neil. He wanted to save all the Fades, by fixing ascension and allowing them to move on. Even if it mean getting beat to a bloody pulp by the bad guy.

Even with that semi-cliffhanger ending, I think this first season works well as a self contained story, with a definitive beginning, middle and end. This finale brought that story full circle by going back to that abandoned shopping centre, back to where it all started for Paul. Considering how low budget this show obviously is, I was surprised by how epic this episode felt. Sure, the FX of Paul flying might have been a little ropey, but it didn't ruin the scene. I also liked that the ash turned out not to be some impending disaster, but a side effect of Paul reopening ascension. Then again, judging by those red skies, maybe it will bring about the end of the world. Neil might have been right. Maybe you shouldn't fuck with ascension.

At the time of writing this review, there has still been no word on whether or not The Fades has been renewed for a second season. The series just hasn't enjoyed the ratings or critical success of BBC Three's other supernatural series, Being Human. In fact, due to widespread cuts at the BBC, the future of the series depends on whether or not there is a fifth season of Being Human. We can have one or we can have the other. We can't have both. If this does end up being the series' last ever episode, then at least the cast and crew can say that they went out on a high note.

Notes and Quotes

--So, in the end, what exactly was the point of Sarah's ex husband? All season Mark's done feck all and come the finale he just packs up and leaves.

--They've annoyed me for the last five weeks, but I loved that Mac did his recap from the boot of Neil's car.

--Considering the Fades feed of human flesh, I found it odd they left so many bodies laying around uneaten.

Neil: “Your boyfriend isn't answering his phone.”
Mac: “He's not my boyfriend.”
--Nah, he is.

Mac: “In the beginning there was the word. And the word was shit.”

John: “There once was an orphan called Neil, who didn't quite know how to feel. Abandoned at birth and lacking in mirth, he... he... turned into a bit of a dickhead really.”

John: “Do you know what my favourite story from the Bible is?”
Sarah: “Nobody gives a shit.”

Mac: “If we're going to die here, might as well tell you why I think we'd make a great couple.”
Anna: “Frankly it'd be easy to just die.”
Mac: “The first reason, because we're really similar.”
Anna: “If you're going to come and kill us, do it quickly, please.”

Once Upon a Time: What Happened to Frederick


“We can pick up the pieces. We can start over from a real place.”

While a lot of episodes have seen Once Upon a Time dragging its feet a little bit, probably due to the decision to span out the story into something much grander and decadent than your average fairytale, episodes that focus specifically on the central characters always hold a lot of power, mostly because the effects of such episodes can be felt several weeks down the line. Josie discussed in her Skin Deep review the show’s issue of major development of characters not being felt in the following instalments, but now that the series has gotten past the “finding its feet” stage, there’s a lot more room for people to change and grow as their lives begin to adjust and the curse begins to unravel.

Justified: When the Guns Come Out


"You know you're in trouble when the drums stop."

There are now three conflicting sides full of bad guys fighting for control of the Harlan county oxy biz, and as per the episode title, the guns have come out and people are getting killed.

Being Human: The Graveyard Shift

Tom: “I don’t think we need this any more. I’ve got your back, mate.”

Despite offering up a few morsels of main arc development, tonight’s story took a break from the ongoing War Child saga, and focused on the private lives of our supernatural trio. Being Human's always been about the small things, so it's no surprise Jamie Mathieson managed to find some great character moments in the minutiae. Finally, Honolulu Heights is starting to feel like home again. The gang even have a new TV show to obsess over. It may not be The Real Hustle, but it's a start.

The heart of tonight’s episode was the growing relationship between Hal and Tom. The beauty of both characters is they’re nothing like George and Mitchell. They feel less like replacements, more like supplements. I love the subtlety Damien Molony brings to Hal. He's an actor whose face is as good as a dozen lines. His expression when Michaela started throwing money at him was perfect. He seemed so utterly confused by her lack of respect. Likewise, the sideways glance he gave Annie when she touched his leg; that moment really cemented their friendship for me.

For someone so old, Hal’s attempts at "chatting up" wannabe vampire goth, Michaela, were laughable. Is he just 55 years out of practise, or has he always been this rubbish? Not that Tom fared much better. He likes bees? Is that seriously the best he could do? Despite the five hundred years age difference, their pulling chops were more or less on par in terms of ineptitude. Hal's the product of a more chivalrous age, whereas Tom's a graduate of the Tony McNair Werewolf School of Child Rearing. No wonder they can't hack it in the real world. Virginity is a flower, and Nuts magazine is evil? How these guys ever kill anyone is beyond me.

I loved that Hal included Annie in their guess-the-worth-of-the-antique game. Annie seemed genuinely pleased to be asked. But Annie seriously needs to wise up to what's going on around her. Taking Eve to the park minutes after being warned to lay low by Regus could have had terrible consequences. She needs to get her head in the game. Especially now she appears to be developing some useful superpowers. As well as the mind meld, she also seems able to throw objects around at will. (Or at least during times of duress.) Maybe Annie is special after all. Let’s hope she puts her new skills to better use than she did her ability to repel agents.

I even enjoyed Regus this week. In the season première, his OTT antics felt at odds with the show’s normal humour. Tonight, Regus was far less slapstick, and made me chuckle several times. (Team Edward anyone?) His mind meld with Annie, although initially creepy, ended up supplying probably the most amusing moment of the episode. ("I don't like it... make it stop!") It'll be a while before he tries that again. Despite Regus being a self-confessed good guy, I’m not sure how "good" he actually is. On top of trying to get off on Annie's sex memories, he also (somewhat unsuccessfully) tried to eat someone for dinner. Obviously, his definition of "good" is open to debate.

I'm not sure I entirely bought Regus' reasons for helping Eve. Is vindication before one's peers really worth dying for? I'm also not sure how this new prophecy fits in with what we already know. The rune seemed non-gender specific. It simply said "nemesis". So why does Regus think the nemesis is a man? Has Regus mistranslated, and the nemesis is in fact "the woman"? (Possibly future Eve.) Or does Eve now have two nemeses? If so, could the second individual be one of the Old Ones? We know both Wyndham and Ivan are dead, and Hettie hasn't been seen since the season two prequel (Ivan and Daisy). Which leaves Jacob and Mr Snow. It'll be interesting to see whether either show up with a burnt arm.

Bits and Pieces:

-- I was a little surprised to see Fergus offed so quickly. I always had Cutler pegged as the vamp most likely to come to a sticky end. (Probably by falling onto the "end" of an actual "stick".)

-- Hopefully, now Regus has a new sex toy, we'll be spared from any further forays into voyeurism.

-- Lord Harry is one of the old ones. Despite all his bowing and fawning, Fergus didn't seem particularly afraid of him. Maybe the Old Ones aren't that powerful. Or maybe Fergus was an idiot and underestimated Hal completely.

-- That was a magnificent fake tache Hal was sporting. It didn’t look even remotely real.

-- After Regus being too OTT in episode one, and Annie in episode two, this week it was Michaela's turn to behave ridiculously. I don't mind so much when it's a peripheral character. At least we don't have to endure them every week.

-- That bloke from purgatory's going to need some new clothes ASAP. What a clip.

-- I couldn’t quite work out why Fergus didn't take Eve from Annie at the park. So what if it was crowded? Annie’s invisible. Nobody would've seen her struggle.

-- Muriatic acid for cleaning the swimming pool? What swimming pool? Why do people keep mentioning swimming pools?

Quotes:

Hal: “I cannot sleep in a barn, or a tent, or a caravan, or anywhere without central heating, carpets and Radio 4. Now, that should be on my list, really it should. You make me do that, I won’t be responsible for my actions.”

Regus: “I told them I killed her.”
Annie: “Oh, thank you.”
Regus: “But if they found out I didn’t... say they spotted you shopping with her in bloody Aldi... then they’d come for her again, and I would get a wooden enema.”

Hal: “Kill me. Seriously, kill me now. You can tell Annie I attacked you or something.”
Tom: “Maybe later, If you work really hard.”

Regis: “My lunch fought back. I’d rather not talk about it. But who takes a crowbar with them when they walk the dog? Who does? It’s just weird.”

Tom: “I like your tights. You look like a bee and I like bees.”

Fergus: “I don’t like it... make it stop... make it stop!”

Fergus: “I think you need to feed me.”
Annie: “You do know I’m dead, huh? So you can try biting me, but all you’ll get is an ice-cream headache.”

Hal: “I used to ride a horse, once.”
Michaela: “What? What’s that got to do with it?”
Hal: “I had a sword. I was respected; better than that, I was feared. Peasants had their backs flayed for looking at me funny.”
Tom: “Are you all right, Hal?”
Hal: “It was brutal, but it worked. We had order, we had respect, and now we have this?”
Tom: “Okay then, mate, let’s go in the back and have a bit of a chat, shall we? Come on.”
Hal: “And I had a shield. A red one!”

Tom: “Were you just going to hand me over?”
Hal: “Not exactly hand you over. More just step aside. But I’ve changed my mind.”
Tom: “How do I know that?”
Hal: “I don’t know, maybe because we are whispering in the dark behind a counter.”

Tom: “I can’t believe I binned my big stake for you.”
Hal: “A stake. You binned a stake, Tom.”

Michaela: “I assume you’re taking the piss?”
Regus: “They started it.”

Regus: “Yeah, well most of my friends are arse-holes. There’s a couple of them in the hoover.”

Annie: “What will you do now?”
Regus: “Keep moving. See the world. Try not to end up in a hoover bag.”

Fringe: A Better Human Being


“I remember everything.”

There are two ways to approach this episode: as a vital part of the overarching mythology of Fringe and a turning point in the more controversial aspects of this season’s story that happens to have a freak-of-the-week, or as a freak-of-the-week that happens to contain a few short minutes of vitally important material. How satisfying you found this episode likely depends on your perspective.

Ringer: Whores Don't Make That Much

"If it's forgiveness you were looking for, you came to the wrong place."

Before Ringer turned into a convoluted mess dangling perilously close to the edge of Mount Cancellation, there was actually a relatively simple idea at its heart. Way back in the pilot, Bridget took over her sister's identity in a shocking moment of ill-conceived craziness, a rash decision that quickly devolved into assassination attempts, marital intrigue and contrived mystery-solving that would make even Jessica Fletcher wince in embarrassment. But at the crux of the show was that initial decision, a chance of potential escape from Bridget's eternally rock-bottom existence that she instantly leapt at. Whores Don't Make That Much, the strongest episode in a long while, finally threw that decision into perspective, granting Sarah Michelle Gellar the emotionally-draining material that she's been crying out for.

The greatest element here involved the writers rooting Bridget's scheme in guilt, the character so devastated by her part in the tragic death of Siobhan's young son Sean that she's completely lost faith in her own life and appears desperate to end it all. With something like suicide presumably not an option (or, alternatively, an option that she hadn't yet thought about), she did the next best thing and completely sacrificed her own identity in favor of someone else's, allowing brief respite from the inner turmoil she was experiencing as Bridget.

Of course, this all comes to a head here. Misha Collins' baby-daddy Dylan is a character who has been able to move on from his involvement in Sean's death, a revelation that sends Bridget back down the destructive route she was once on. There's an interesting moment here where Bridget, impersonating Siobhan, screams at Dylan for saddling 'her sister' with so much guilt; it's also a feeling that's paralleled in Bridget's dinner with Andrew, in which she suggests Juliet leaving New York wouldn't be such a terrible thing, as if being around her would only endanger her in the long run. Watching these scenes, it became so clear that these are the central themes Ringer should regularly explore: identity, guilt, denial, pain. It's all there in the basic premise of the series, yet has been slowly drowned out by cliffhanger-driven plot twists and ridiculous characterization.

Speaking of, Juliet's subplot lurched to another inevitable twist ending. When it was made clear mid-way through the hour that neither Juliet nor Mr. Carpenter were calling the shots in this elaborate rape mess, it became incredibly obvious that Andrea Roth's twisted hell-mom was the real ring-leader of all this hooey. She's the only dispensable character even tangentially connected to this story, so there were no real surprises there. Similarly lacking in suspense was Tessa's attack, another bungled development straight out of the Wild Things playbook. Ugh.

But, away from the ever-lasting junk of that storyline, this was actually one of the most engaging Ringer hours in months. Sarah conveyed varying emotions of regret, devastation and bitterness, and certain scenes here (notably the funeral confrontation) proved, dare I say it... sort of affecting. There's no way this will prove to be a long-term game-changer for Ringer, but it made for a brief sojourn nonetheless.

Notables

- Sure, it would have been more interesting if Sean, I don't know, tumbled off a bridge while Bridget was in the middle of some crack haze or whatever, but I'll take what I can get.

- Two episodes in a row without Agent Alpert. Can this be permanent? Sorry, Nestor.

Quotage

Juliet: You need to get a TV in here. It's like church-quiet.

Foster Mom: One day the kid can't afford to ride the subway, the next she's got a brand new SUV. I thought maybe she was turning tricks, but whores don't make that much.

Previously posted at Unwelcome Commentary.

The Secret Circle: Return


“There are a lot of stories out there, but the truth is bigger. I think you know that.”

After almost half a season of build up and countless vaguely threatening references, it figures that John Blackwell's arrival in Chance Harbour would be kind of an anti-climax. Though its events were some bit disappointing, the direction and tone of ‘Return’ seems to have finally solidified the series into something wholly appealing and definitive in its own right.

So, John’s arrival wasn’t the explosive moment it should have been, but there were so many elements to his appearance that were totally satisfying. My first nod has to be to the casting directors, who couldn’t have chosen a better man to play the role. Joe Lando is equally mysterious as he is alluring while still evoking a vaguely threatening nature at the same time. Cassie’s reaction to his none too surprising homecoming was so endearing and heartfelt; it really felt like we were dealing with a teenage girl battling abandonment issues. She fought so hard to appear steely and independent, but eventually cracked and showed the true anger and disappointment she feels for her Daddy. Hats Off to Britt Robertson this week for pulling off another decent performance.

After several episodes of backfired visits to Chance Harbour, you can’t expect the series to forgo the opportunity to milk John’s for some dramatic realization of the true familial bond between Cassie and himself. Still coming off slightly formulaic, the action and magic all felt like it was coming from the right place this week. Tonally, this was the best episode so far with the eerie, dark vibe meshing wonderfully with the striking, harsh nature of the dark magic these characters find themselves engrossed in. The circle’s rescue came across as slightly staged, but there was a beautiful believability to Cassie’s desire to save her father from certain death.

Elsewhere Melissa and Faye’s dangerous liaisons feel like they’re heading in the right direction. Avoiding the obvious route of teenage substance abuse, Melissa snapped herself out of her tragic attraction to the obnoxious Callum, returning to her rightful place in the circle, though I doubt this is the last we’ll see of him. With Ian’s hidden motives making him appear disingenuous to Faye, there’s still some ground to be covered before his real reasons for helping are made public knowledge. I’m curious to know how his secret will change Faye’s opinion of him. He may be keeping something huge from her, but it’s all in the name of love, and we all know she’s a big softie underneath that bravado.

I can’t help but feel slightly cheated by this whole episode, which wasn’t the big event it was being made into in my head, but it did its job well; a solid effort.

Plus

- Has Jake forgotten about Blackwell’s second offspring? Seems like an important thing to tell the circle.

- My money is still on Melissa being the secret child. Maybe that’s why Callum felt all that power from her when they were fooling around with that totem.

- Do you think Jake will take John’s offer of protection at face value?

- My sister has spent the past year searching for a part-time job with decent experience, and Cassie seems to have gotten one without any? I think I’ve found an additional Golden Rule.

- I loved Faye’s fake reaction to Diana’s immediate freak out about Melissa going to Callum’s party. She’s the best.

- Doesn’t Joe Lando look kinda like Jonathan Cake from Chuck/Desperate Housewives?

He Said, She Said

Blackwell: “The only reason why I stayed away all this time was to protect you.”
One thing’s for certain, that is not true. I wonder where he’s been hiding for 16 years.

Faye: “So, isn’t Cassie’s father supposed to be really, really evil?”
Don’t say that, you’ll jinx it! Oh, who am I kidding, he’s so gonna bite the circle in the ass.

I loved Cassie’s hidden resentment boiling over so quickly.
Cassie: “I’m not giving you the medallion and I don’t want your protection. I’ve done fine without it for the last 16 years!”

Ethan: “Stay away from him. Believe me when I tell you he is the last person you ever want to know.”
I’m not surprised by Ethan’s reaction at all. I’m assuming we’ll find out what happened between them in season 2 episode 19?

3 out of 4 crushed medallions.

Previously posted at PandaTV.

The Walking Dead: Triggerfinger


Andrea: "Those were all the right calls. It's your presentation that leaves something to be desired."

Is Shane right? I can't say that Shane is one of my favourite characters. He’s way too macho for me. Violence and categorical decision-making isn't always the right choice, even for survival. Humans have evolved to the point they have because people formed groups and relationships of mutuality. Every man for himself doesn’t bode well for the survival of our little group or the human race. I think that Rick is intelligent and mature enough to understand this. It’s not that he won’t use violence when necessary, it’s just that he knows at some level that just survival is not enough and safety comes from the group, not just his own strength and abilities.

Once Upon a Time: 7:15 A.M.

[Let's give a warm welcome to Panda, who will be reviewing Once Upon a Time and The Secret Circle for us. Welcome to the site, Panda!]

“I wish feelings could be helped, but they can’t.”

In an effort to give Mary Margaret and David’s forbidden romance a chance to develop, there’s been a lot of delaying tactics at work in the Once Upon a Time universe, but after weeks of never ending tension and upset, everything finally fell into place in one of the most rewarding episodes to date.

Breaking Bad: Breakage


"I don't think either of us is eager to jump into bed with another Tuco."

Yes, they don't want another Tuco. And yet, Walt wants Jesse to become their very own Tuco. WWTD. What Would Tuco Do?

Supernatural: Repo Man


"This is what you do? Find postal workers, make them go postal?"

I knew it would get serious again pretty quickly. Just not this serious. Come on! Did they really

Vampire Diaries: All My Children


“Pot, kettle, brother.”

What a weird episode. Awkward plotting and non-surprises mixed in with beautiful character moments that are simultaneously tragic, hopeful, and perfect for each person making his or her own very idiosyncratic mistakes. Yet while the first 10 minutes and last 10 minutes were perfect, the middle part just wasn’t quite right, was it?

All Together Dead by Charlaine Harris


[This review contains big honking spoilers.]

"I'd never seen anything like it. First a trial, then a few murders, then dancing. Life goes on. Or, in this case, death continues."

Synopsis

Sookie, who is now romantically involved with weretiger Quinn, is hired by the Queen of Louisiana to work for her at a vampire summit in a city near Chicago. The Queen's close associate Andre decides that Sookie is so valuable to the Queen that he must force her to blood bond with him, but in the end, agrees that Eric can do it instead. After a lot of murder and intrigue, the Fellowship of the Sun bombs the summit hotel. Sookie and Barry the bellboy use their telepathic talent to find human and non-human victims in the rubble.

Back in Bon Temps, Amelia Broadway has moved in with Sookie more or less permanently because of the destruction of Hurricane Katrina. Amelia's boyfriend Bob is still a cat. Jason marries werepanther Crystal Norris, who is again pregnant. And Pam tells Sookie the story of how she became a vampire, and asks Sookie to take pity on Eric.

Review

Intrigue, romance, blood bonding, and lots o' vamps. I really enjoyed this installment, and not just because the story finally started moving back in Eric's direction.

Pretty much everyone Sookie knows tells her not to go to the summit: Claudine, Sam, Tara, Arlene. Sookie goes pretty much because she needs the money. And the summit starts out as a lot of fun, with vampire politics, unexpected murders, courtroom proceedings, vampire kings getting married (to each other), and a dealer's room with all kinds of fun stuff for sale, like prosthetic fangs, new coffins, Bill's vampire database, and "Sanguinary Soup for the Soul."

Was it the shadow of Katrina that made Harris go for a disaster at the center of this book? After Sookie and Barry put together a lot of clues too late to prevent the bombing of the hotel, the two telepaths (after earlier discovering that their power is amplified if they are touching) convince the first responders to let them use their talent to find victims buried in the rubble. This section of the book is really good, and again brings up a valid point: Sookie and Barry have a rare and valuable talent. Shouldn't they be spending their lives doing this? Wouldn't it be wrong to force them? Sookie and Barry are nearly detained afterward and have difficulty getting away. Their talent is almost certainly going to be noticed by someone in authority.

At any rate, the most enjoyable scene to envision in your imagination is right after the explosions, when Sookie rushes to save Eric and Pam, and she and Eric ride Pam's coffin down the side of the pyramid-shaped hotel. (This is the scene on the cover of the book. Isn't it cute?)

Before the disaster, Andre decides Sookie is invaluable to the Queen, corners her, and says that he is going to force her to exchange blood with him so that they will have a blood bond. This feels exactly like rape and Sookie panics, but is about to let it happen because she has no choice. Eric senses Sookie's distress, arrives quickly, and talks Andre into letting him do it instead, and Eric and Sookie have their third and certainly most important blood exchange. Although Sookie mentions her attraction to Eric before this scene, afterward her feelings for him are stronger and that she can sense whenever he is around.

Eric is chivalrous to rush to Sookie's rescue and offer to substitute himself for the blood bond. Or is he? Eric certainly gets off on it, literally. And he gets what he wanted all along, which is Sookie tied to him forever. Quinn also goes above and beyond for Sookie in this book, and even takes an arrow for her, but Sookie learns that Quinn has a violent past as a pit fighter, which he did because of his mother and half-sister. (It's complicated.) By the end of the book, Sookie is torn between Quinn and Eric, and it's unclear which way she will jump.

In Bon Temps, Jason and Crystal Norris decide impulsively to get married after Crystal discovers she is again pregnant. At the ceremony, Sookie and Calvin are required by Hotshot custom to "vouch for" the behavior of Jason and Crystal. It's obvious that this will not work out well for Sookie and/or Calvin.

Sookie is now living with Amelia Broadway. Amelia is a fun and interesting character, and certainly a better friend to Sookie than either Tara or Arlene. Amelia's lover Bob spends the entire book as a house cat (reminding me a lot of Amy the rat on Buffy the Vampire Slayer) but still manages to act like a jealous boyfriend. Amelia swears off men to please Bob, and starts dating Pam. Hilarious.

Pam tells Sookie how she became a vampire. She was a nineteen-year-old Victorian virgin about to throw her future away on a reckless romance, and Eric turned her and became her lover. Pam and Eric haven't been lovers for a long time, but she still cares deeply for him. She asks Sookie to have mercy on him because he is so frustrated and confused about his feelings for her. I really enjoyed this scene. We've known these characters for so long that it's intriguing to finally learn about Pam's human past.

Bits and pieces:

-- The action in this book takes place in September, the same year as the previous book.

-- The summit involves sixteen central states. We meet (or meet again) several vampire kings (Stan Davis of Texas, Isaiah of Kentucky, Bartlett Crowe of Indiana, Russell Edgington of Mississippi) as well as the Queen of Alabama.

-- Barry the telepathic bellboy is working for Stan Davis. Kentucky has hired interdimensional bodyguards called Britlingens.
-- The Kings of Indiana and Mississippi get married in a traditional vampire ceremony, which involves a ceremonial knife and a blood exchange. Eric, who is a priest of the Church of the Loving Spirit, performs the ceremony.

-- Jake Purifoy, the vampire who was once a werewolf, is still working for Quinn.

-- Selah Pumphrey accuses Sookie of trying to steal Bill back, and Sam throws Selah out of Merlotte's. Bill is barely in this book, and I don't miss him.

-- Tara and JB DuRone suddenly get married. There's a lot of that going around.

-- Sookie again buys new clothes (actually, Eric pays for them since they're a business expense) and again, they are totally ruined.

Television series notes

In the series, fairies are telepathic, which explains where Sookie got her talent, and Barry the bellboy, who is also a telepath, is also part fairy. In the books, fairies are not telepathic, and Sookie's gift really is inexplicable. And there is no mention of Barry having fairy blood. The vamps don't seem to be attracted to him, either.

We get vampire justice proceedings during the summit. Not a magister in sight.

Quotes:

-- "Pam loved 'Dear Abby.' Lots of vampires scrutinized the column daily. Their solutions to some of the writers' problems would just make you scream. Literally."

-- (Amelia is talking about turning Bob into a cat because they were "experimenting" sexually.) "I nodded, tried to look understanding. To me, experimenting was, well, licking a place you'd never licked before, or trying a position that gave you a cramp in your thigh. Like that. It did not involve turning your partner into an animal."

-- "I was stuck with Jake. This was too much like grade school for my taste. Jake was the kid who'd come to school wearing the wrong clothes and packing a weird lunch. Being a combo vamp-were had ruined his chances with either crowd. It was like trying to be a Goth jock."

In Closing

This installment isn't a super fave but it's definitely one that I enjoyed quite a bit.

My next book review will be posted in about two weeks.

Important notice! After eleven books and four seasons of the series, I have no idea what kind of spoiler limitations to put on the comments section under these circumstances -- so I'm not going to put any. It's a spoiler free for all! If you're new to the books and haven't seen all of the television series True Blood, reading the comments may, and probably will, spoil you. Read on at your own risk!

The Fades: Episode 5 ( Scary Monsters And Super Creeps)

“You're a library monitor? My boyfriend's dead and you're a library monitor?”

Now, why couldn't The Fades have been this good from the start?

Penultimate episode are usually always fun. They can have all the incident and excitement of a season finale but without the added pressure of having to wrap anything up. This episode was no exception. After the sluggishness of the early episodes, events are moving along at an accelerated rate as the series delivered its most Buffy-esque outing yet. There was even a scene in the school library.

In order to battle John and his growing army of freshly converted supporting characters, our young heroes are finally forced to team up and become a proper Scooby Gang. And not before time: John and his cronies have taken over the school and turned it into an all-you-can-eat buffet.

What surprised me most about this episode, besides the sudden upturn in quality, was how much I loved Anna. From the start, she's been one of my least favourite characters. Before she grabbed a fire extinguisher and bashed her Scouse boyfriend's head in. Now she's my favourite character. She's the kind of girl you want on your side when your school is taken over by flesh eating zombies.

Paul is starting to come into his own as a hero. He's come a long way since we first met him. At the start of the series he was practically jumping at his own shadow (not to mention wetting his bed). But as his powers have grown, so has his confidence and his willingness to stand up to Neil's 'ends justify the means' bullshit. Neil sees sees Paul as nothing more than a weapon: something he can control and use to destroy the Fades. But Paul doesn't want to be Neil’s secret weapon. He wants to find another way.

Notes and Quotes

--Paul and Mac in matching pyjamas. They are so Bert and Ernie.

--Neil has finally lost all perspective. He was willing to kill everyone in the school hall just to stop a few Fades. He's reached that stage where he'd be willing to burn an entire house down just to kill a single cockroach.

--John was looking very dapper this week.

--Speaking of Neil, just how the hell did he get to the school so quickly? One minute he's tending to Sarah, the next he's charging into the boiler room like it's the last act of Commando.

--Obviously the school cleaners were the first to be eaten because the place was a complete dump. Someone needs to call Ofsted about this. 

--Mac testing Paul for brain damage by playing spot the plot-hole was priceless.

--Seriously, Mac, ringer binders? That's your first choice for weapons?

Steve: “I am going to rip your fucking head off and spit down your neck.”
Anna: “I'm not afraid of you, Steve. Nobody can be that scary with a dick your size.”

Anna: “Ahhh, you're mental. You're both mental! Steve's mental, you're mental, and Jay is a fucking library monitor.”

Tremlett: “You should listen to your friend. He's afraid. I'm surprised you're not. You used to always be afraid of everything.”
Paul: “I'm still afraid. I'm afraid of letting my friends down. I'm afraid of not being good enough, I'm afraid of not doing the right thing. But you... I'm bored of being afraid of things like you.”

John: “It's interesting, isn't it? When I kill, people can come back. But when you kill, people are wiped from existence.”
Paul: “Yeah? Why's that interesting?”
John: “Because I'm the one people think is the monster.”
--Dude, you eat people. That's why they think you're the monster.

Justified: Thick As Mud


"These are the end times for Dewey Crowe. The only choice I have left is how I punch out."

Poor Dewey. What a schmuck. He wasn't even planning to escape from prison in the first place. And there he was, living out the kidneyless in the bathtub urban legend, up close and personal.

Star Trek: The Tholian Web


"I must say I prefer a crowded universe much better."

This episode, like many in season three, featured a combination of recycled plot elements: response to a distress call, an encounter with a technologically superior alien race in a bad mood, and the crew suffering from extremely ill effects of something they'd never encountered before. (Unfortunately, those effects didn't include singing in Engineering, or taking showers with their clothes on.) To made the bad worse, Kirk apparently disintegrated after selflessly ordering everyone else back to the ship first. Bummer.

Merlin: Valiant

“Don't you understand? I can't withdraw. The people expect their prince to fight. How can I lead men into battle if they think I'm a coward?”

Howard Overman is probably the closest thing Merlin has to a Steven Moffat. When he's not pushing the limits of good taste on Misfits, he is regularly responsible for some of this series' finest episodes. 'Valiant' is not one of them.

Glee: Heart


Ugh, I hate Valentine’s Day. It’s disgusting, the commercialisation of love. Overpriced flowers and chocolates with too much packaging. Can you tell I’m single? I do like those Love Hearts sweets though, especially the ‘Email Me’ ones. Mmm. Well, I suppose it’s pretty impossible to expect Glee to ignore a day that’s all about what 90% of recent songs are about. I don’t have to enjoy it though!

Ok, I actually enjoyed it an awful lot. Partly that’s because the fairly loose plots did a good job of propping up the main focus of the episode – to sing Lots of Love Songs. Considering this is something that’s fairly easy to get right, and considering Glee has a plethora of adorable and not-so-adorable couples to choose from, the episode still felt cohesive and moreover, a lot of fun to watch.

Love In The Gay Degree

Some of the strongest scenes in this episode were those with Santana defending her and Brittany’s right to be a couple. While the person who complained about their quick peck on the lips was never revealed, Figgins did suggest it was a religious belief that caused the complaint to be taken seriously. This tied into the God Squad’s earnest discussion about whether everyone was OK to sing to gays. Sam pointed out, he, Mercedes and Quinn spend a lot of time singing to, with, and in the general vicinity of gay people, which made a complete non-issue for them. Also considering Mercedes spent most of Season One arm-in-arm with Kurt, it was a bit strange for her to be so earnest about having to “figure out where we stand” on the issue. Anyway, the new Christian kid Joe Hart (convenient name!) spends some time coming to the conclusion that he too is A OK with singing to gays. After all, as he says, love is love. It’s a fairly undramatic resolution, but I like Samuel Larsen and didn’t want him to wind up playing a douche, so I was relieved my fears were unfounded.

Another little gay plot was Kurt’s secret admirer, which only would have worked in the days before mobile phones. Were we supposed to believe that Kurt wouldn’t have thanked Blaine for a single one of his secret admirer gifts, nor got in contact before the Sugar Shack? Anyway, it doesn’t really matter, as it gave Karofsky a chance to pop back in and show us the next step in his gay journey. It’s pretty much the barest bones of any continuing development, but it’s more than most supporting characters on Glee have gotten. Hell, he even had an associated supporting character, Nick the jock. A good sign that Karofsky will be back soon.

You'd Do Anything For Love (But Please Don’t Get Married)

I wondered whether Rachel’s two dads were ever going to appear onscreen ever since the pilot episode. In a photo in her locker back in Season One, one of Rachel’s dads was black, but the US has had some terrible summers...! Bad continuity there. Still, I was pretty happy with the casting. I’ve been very fond of Jeff Goldblum ever since that immortal quote from Jurassic Park, and as Rachel’s dads they had a zany energy that explained to us a bit more about why Rachel is the way she is. I particularly enjoyed her singing with them, you could imagine that every single night was a chance for ‘dinner theatre’ in the Berry household. Leroy and Hiram have a wacky plan to use the reverse psychology of being completely supportive of Rachel and Finn’s engagement, in an attempt to make them realise how bad an idea it is. Pushing them together in a bizarre way, by continuously repeating the phrase ‘teenage lovemaking’, leads to an even more bizarre scene where Rachel has an issue with Finn wanting to take a dump. They resolve things off camera, presumably to make more time for songs, yay, and The Berrys are left wondering why they ever thought it was a good idea to lie in the first place. Tres bizarre.

When A Man Loves A Sugar

Ahh, what a stealth bomb of snarky, shallow awesomeness Sugar is! I thought Glee had practically forgotten about her, yet here she is, the cornerstone of an episode, with the best lines in the episode. I was tickled by her always putting Artie’s chocolate other than under his seat. Watching him and Rory try to outdo one another to impress Sugar took up a lot of screen-time, which some would say would have been better spent on one of Glee many already-established couples. Still, I enjoyed it, especially Sugar choosing Rory because she felt more sorry for him than Artie. Irish/wheelchair. Either’s a tough break in Sugar’s world! But it showed that Sugar is basically a good person who chooses her Valentine by deciding who most needed a date.. oddly noble.

Hearted

- Santana being all militant about McKinley’s double standards when it comes to PDA. That Finchel slow-mo kiss was suitably excrutiating. I also Loved the way Figgins said ‘Teen Lesbians!’ If I was a teen, lesbian Gleek I would have that as my text-tone.

- Brittany’s Valentine’s day playlist. Very cute, and considering she didn’t know how to burn it onto CD, she did a pretty impressive design for the cover!

- Damian McGinty actually looks quite handsome when he’s sulking.

- In case you don’t know, Joe the new God Squad member is played by Samuel Larson, who won The Glee Project.

- What a perfect return for Blaine. Just a few seconds before he appeared I was thinking ‘Blaine is going to be absent for Two Whole Episodes, that’s Sick and Wrong’ so I was very relieved to see my (and Kurt’s) human valentine again. It’s also fitting that my favourite Glee couple closed out the episode since they did so last year with Silly Love Songs.

- ‘In Memory of Whitney Houston, 1962-2012, We Will Always Love You’ – this episode was filmed a month before Whitney’s death, so the episode was an inadvertent tribute, but a good one.

Didn’t Heart

- Mr Shue’s sole purpose in this episode was to draw a heart around the phrase ‘World’s Greatest Love Songs’, mention Regionals, then disappear.

- Community has ruined the word Regionals for me, I can’t take it seriously any more. Maybe I shouldn’t have been taking it seriously to start with.

- What the hell was Finn doing during Love Shack - staring at us and dancing like a goon framed by two ice swans?!

Glee Against the Music

Chapel of Love by The Dixie Cups performed by Leroy Berry and Hiram Berry
Loved Hudson-esque vocal runs!

L-O-V-E by Nat King Cole performed by Mike and Tina:
It’s great that Tina and Mike have finally gotten to do a number where Mike sings and the performance isn’t somehow interrupted halfway through, like last year. The scene where Sugar gets showered with love hearts was awesome. Grade B

Let Me Love You by Mario performed by Artie with Sam, Kurt, Puck and Mike:
Good choon, very well suited to Kevin McHale’s voice. I enjoyed the falsetto warbling the most. Grade B

Stereo Hearts by Gym Class Heroes (feat. Adam Levine) performed by The God Squad:
Great first number for Samuel L. Sort of bizarre watching Chord Overstreet rap, but he actually did a good job in a goofy way. It’s an awesome song, and despite being such a recent hit (and therefore a big iTunes moneymaker for Glee) it was believable as a vocal valentine. Plus, the staging was awesome, what with the gospel choir on the steps and all. Grade B+

Home by Michael Bublé performed by Rory:
Hmm, strong but mixed emotions! Rory basically only sings sad ballads about missing people, so it was stunningly unexciting in that respect. But, I adore the song, and Damian McGinty sounded a lot like Bublé (why does Rory sing in such an American accent?) so my ears were very happy while my eyeballs were rolling in their sockets. Grade B

I Will Always Love You by Dolly Parton/Whitney Houston performed by Mercedes:
I thought it a particularly bad song choice given that Mercedes has decided she can’t be with Sam for now; singing the song only upset him. Otherwise though, a beautiful performance, great to see the return of the ‘Amore’ top, glad to see a flashback to Mercedes telling Shane, that red dress was gorgeous, and above all, a fitting tribute to Whitney. Grade A for Whitney Houston.

You're the Top from Anything Goes performed by Leroy Berry and Hiram Berry:
Very funny, especially coming right before Hiram and Burt’s conversation about lube.

Cherish/Cherish by The Association/Madonna performed by The God Squad:
Good mashup, and I Lurrrved the Brittany/Santana smooch at the end. Grade B+

Love Shack by The B-52's performed by New Directions:
Ahhh. From the moment Blaine ripped off his heart eye patch to the Whitney tribute screen at the end, this was pure, loved-up Glee. Great song choice, and a perfect fit for the occasion too. Love Shack at the Sugar Shack, Blaine shouting “Knock-a-lil-louder Sugar!”, and Kurt mentioning the rusty roof just before all the balloons fell from it. Damn, Sugar + her dad’s money throw a good party. This also had a wonderfully impromptu feeling that Glee performances never normally have, what with Blaine asking Kurt if he wanted the mic, Santana joining in by shouting “money!” and the Blaine-sorority girl conga. I suppose if they Must celebrate Valentine’s Day, this is The way to do it. Grade A

Quotes for Gleeks

Principal Figgins: “Believe me — I'd much rather see you and Santana kiss than that so-called ‘Finchel.’”

Puck: “I got the gig cleaning the sorority house swimming pool, and I sawed through those chicks like a freakin' sex tornado!”

Sugar: “...But you have to bring a date. No single people allowed. They're sad. And boring. And they don't exist in my world.”

Sam: “Three of us are in glee club, so we pretty much sing to gay people all the time.”

Mercedes: “They say one out of every ten people are gay. And if that's true, that means one of the 12 apostles might have been gay... and my guess is Simon because that name's the gayest.”

Hiram Berry: “Honesty, respect, dance. Those are the foundations of the Berry family.”

Hiram Berry: “No vocal runs. That's how Jennifer Hudson got kicked off American Idol.”

Rachel: “...Which makes me really sad because I would love to have seen you in a bridesmaid’s dress, Quinn — and you as well, Kurt.”

Santana: “I fully support your right to be unhappy with Finn for the rest of your lives.”

Rory: “This is a four-leaf clover.”
Kurt: “Do you people just carry those around?”

Hiram Berry: “I said ‘Leroy, this guy sold us the wrong lube, that’s why the rubber is squeaking, that’s why it feels so weird when we start going really fast...’” Quote of the Week!

For an episode focused on a holiday I hate, this was surprisingly good. Plus, my heart exploded into a thousand shiny foil hearts when Blaine returned. Three and a half out of four velvet heart-shaped eye patches.

Ringer: It's Easy to Cry, When This Much Cash Is Involved

"Somebody's trying to kill me."

Ringer is a series that works well in bits and pieces, but struggles to be much at all when put together as a whole episode. This was very much an episode of varying subplots being thrown at us all at once -- some that haven't been seen for weeks, some that are painful in their predictability, and others that essentially feel like a bombardment of uninteresting information. The latter is obviously occurring with Bridget who, for the second week in a row, gets driven around Manhattan picking up clues in ridiculous places. It's another waste of the character, somebody stuck in stumble-mode where she conveniently walks right into the path of another clue, all the while completely ignorant to the fact that her sister is so obviously alive. It's ludicrous that she hasn't even theorized that Siobhan's suicide was faked.

I guess the big shocker this week (and I use the word 'shocker' in it's most un-shocking sense) was the reveal that somebody on the writing staff watched Wild Things and presumably thought that it would make for great television if all the nudity, orgies, cat-fights and campy dialogue were cut right out. The whole allure of that movie was the overt Aaron Spelling soft-porn quality to it, and watching the exact same story unfold on Ringer only makes that movie seem so much more fun. It's also a subplot that already feels at odds with the characters as we know them. Juliet has been growing as a person for the far majority of the season, and yet we're supposed to believe that she's been cooking up this scheme for all that time? Mr. Carpenter and Tessa both remain ciphers at this point, too, so the obvious routes the story will undoubtedly run down (Tessa's removal from the plot, the burgeoning love triangle) will have considerably less affect than they otherwise could have had. We knew Neve Campbell's trailer trash wannabe, Denise Richards' rich seductress and Matt Dillon's pervy teacher. Here we don't even understand Juliet at this point, let alone these two other folks. Eh.

Elsewhere, I finally feel as if Sarah Michelle Gellar is playing two distinctively different characters, especially in Siobhan's scenes with Henry. She had a cold detachment through a lot of her screentime here, especially when she confronted him about picking up her video call, and later in their final scene together. She's finally putting across a ruthless vibe, even if her business-ruining scheme doesn't make for great television. It's all laptops and button-pushing, and soap operas need something a little more visceral.

This episode was, like so many Ringer hours, just 'okay'. It's a show that feels a lot like candy, something that completely works for you in the moment, but ultimately leaves you still hungry right after you've swallowed. Most of the events here (Olivia's blackmail, trust fund scandals, presumably dead kid) are fine on paper, but they feel so detached and vacant on-screen -- a show that just constantly misfires when moved from script to camera.

Notables

- If I remember correctly, wasn't Olivia's blackmail photograph a lot more PG-13 when it was glimpsed before? The one seen here was all nudity and bed-sharing. Contrivance, please.

- It's lucky that Siobhan is involved with so many stupid men. "The naked dude in my bed? Totally my brother". Aagghh!

- This is pretty unrelated to anything, but I can't understand why anybody would want to watch a show like this again -- on DVD or when it's re-run. Networks rely on future profits in syndication and merchandise, and Ringer is absolutely the epitome of a show that only mildly works one time around, yet would drive you to insanity if watched any more than that. Well-written serialized shows have something each week that would make you want to watch it over again at some point down the line. Like Revenge or vintage Lost. Not just one long story that's broken down into increasingly annoying cliffhangers.

Quotage

Olivia: Are you going to invite me in?
Henry: Do I need to? Are you a vampire?

Tessa: I can't do this.
Juliet: Sure you can. You showed up wearing a pant suit and everything.

Tessa: Good job at the court-house, by the way.
Juliet: Thanks. You too, the tears were a nice touch.
Tessa: Well, it's easy to cry, when this much cash is involved.

Previously posted at Unwelcome Commentary.

Being Human: Being Human 1955

Pearl: “Over fifty five years and I’ve never had to change my line-up.”

If last week’s episode felt like a season finale, then "Being Human 1955" felt like a season première. It introduced us to Leo, Pearl and Hal; established a strong group dynamic; explained interpersonal dependencies -- then sent two of them packing to the afterlife. Despite Leo and Pearl being relative newcomers, their deaths were surprisingly affecting; as was Hal’s almost defection to the dark side. I guess his self control isn’t as strong as we thought. With Leo and Pearl gone, will Hal be able to put the mask back on? Or does Honolulu Heights have a new loose cannon on its hands?

I knew Pearl’s first grievance would be the décor. Honolulu Heights is a retro shit hole. Sadly, Pearl didn’t get much of a chance to leave her mark on the place; she was gone before you could say "where's my paint brush?" Fifty five years ago Leo and Pearl would have been roughly the same age. How lovely that she never stopped loving him, despite him ageing and her staying perpetually young. It’s a shame she wasn't able to stick around. I enjoyed her playful banter with Annie. Maybe Pearl did do a better job of keeping her boys safe. Or maybe Southend-on-Sea isn't the hotbed of vampire activity Bristol and Barry Island seem to be.

Losing both Pearl and Leo in the same week left me feeling a little cheated. Although we barely knew them, I felt strangely attached to the SoS gang. Maybe it's because they were living the life Annie, George and Mitchell were supposed to lead. For fifty five years they lived the dream. They were supernaturals living alongside humans. Granted, Hal seems to possess a tad more self restraint than Mitchell -- but their living conditions felt uncomfortably familiar. I wonder how Mitchell would have fared had he met Leo instead of George? Would he be around today? Or would he still have turned into a dwarf and ran away to New Zealand to be in The Hobbit?

Evidently, it’s not just ghosts who suffer when their roots are torn up. Leo and Pearl have been Hal’s sole reason not to kill for fifty five years. With them gone, his reason for abstinence just evaporated. The falling dominoes were the perfect metaphor for Hal’s crumbing self control. I was a little surprised that Hal capitulated so quickly. I get that losing Leo and Pearl was a significant event in his life. I guess I just liked the idea of a vampire being in control for once. It turns out, despite his impeccable diction and snazzy threads, he's as tortured, brooding, and teetering on the brink of violence, as any vampire. Oh, those wacky, miserably murderous vampires. How we love their impossible to reason with, kill you in the blink of an eye, ways.

I always seem to be complaining about the way Annie’s portrayed in the show; which is annoying because I think she’s a great character. I just don’t like the things they (sometimes) do to her. Tonight’s religious ritual was right up there with season two’s barmaid shtick in terms of naffness. Similar OTT humour, showcasing a side of Annie’s character I really wish they’d rein in. For a season they keep heralding as darker and more epic, so far, I'm not convinced. Granted, we’ve had two deaths. But Annie’s ridiculously faux messianic waffle, after Mark Williams’ cringe inducing performance last week, felt like they were trying too hard to make us laugh. The dialogue's witty enough without having to resort to farce.

I guessed early on that the lights exploding was down to Pearl's emotional state rather than baby Eve’s developing mojo. Presumably, the voice coming from Leo’s stereo system was "the woman" trying to lead them to Eve. So what's gone wrong? If Eve was supposed to bring about the end of all vampires, how is killing her going to help? Unless her very existence is what's caused the vampire apocalypse, and the only way it can be stopped is by killing her. Although it was implied last week that "the woman" is Eve, I'm starting to think that might be a red herring. She's not likely to kill herself is she? Either way, Eve's in for a rough few weeks. Just about everyone wants her dead. Even Hal.

The Southend-on-Sea gang were head and shoulders the best part of tonight's episode. Their story reminded me of what I love most about this show; small, intimate stories, stretched across a supernatural landscape. With Leo and Pearl gone, will our reformed trinity be strong enough to carry the show? I'm reasonably confident about Hal and Tom. I thought they had some great bonding moments tonight. Michael Socha and Damien Molony are bedding in nicely. The weak link, for me, is still Annie. If her taking a leading role in the series is going to mean more "comedy scenes", I'm officially worried.

Bits and Pieces:

-- Stopping on the left hand side of the road is unlucky. I'm glad it's not just me. (*Touches wood*)

-- What happens when Hal drinks Kia-Ora? There's a whole episode in itself.

-- Swaddling! Of course! Makes absolute sense. Non-supernaturals (AKA humans) can't see Annie's clothes, so why should they be able to see what's underneath?

-- Get rid of the retro tree picture in Honolulu Heights? Sacrilege! I'm glad Pearl passed over. That, and slagging off Annie's tea making abilities, was a step too far.

-- The Southend-on-Sea gang had a plethora of great memories. Seeing the Beatles and catching Ringo's drum stick? All our lot had is terms of bonding moments was a glut of violent deaths, and reruns of The Real Hustle.

-- Presumably Cutler's planning on revealing the existence of werewolves to the world?

-- A swimming pool in the back garden? On Barry Island? It's too cold, mate. Nobody will ever use it.

-- I laughed out loud at Tom getting owned by the dreaded Hindlich (sic) Nelson. All that experience killing vampires, and he can't take out an old man? Still, it set the scene for a great bonding moment between himself and Hal.

-- Tom's still collecting vampire teeth.

Quotes:

Tom: “I ain’t done nowt.”
Annie: “You haven’t done anything.”

Pearl: “Is he a werewolf?”
Annie: “A very naughty werewolf.”

Annie: “You can’t go back to Southend without Leo. It would just be so empty, and quiet and different.”

Annie: “Thomas. Bring forth the chosen one.”

Hal: “You do know that it’s human skin?”
Annie: “No... not, no, that one’s not actually. It’s just prosthetics.”
Hal: “Would it make it easier for you to believe that?”
Annie: “Yes!”
Hal: “Then that’s what it is.”
Annie: “Thank you.”

Tom: “Right, we’re going to do this thing to channel Eve’s energy... because she’s God, and that. And hopefully, that might help you not die, or whatever.”
Hal: “Are there subtitles for this conversation?”

Tom: "Ow, he's got me in a Hindlich...Nelson. I've never come across it"

Annie: “We could go to Timbuktu and the Mayor would be a vampire.”

Fergus: “Okay, what about you... giving it all Peter Mendelson?”
Cutler: “Okay, Fergus either you mean Peter Mandelson, or you’re comparing me to a German composer.”

Annie: “What I’m saying is... move in here!”
Hal: “Are you somehow drunk?”

Annie: “There is nothing wrong with my tea.”

Annie: “Do they even still make Kia-Ora?”
Pearl: “Oh, they’re making it all right... they’re making it.”

Leo: “It’s all moving so fast. It’s only been 55 years.”

Leo: “You were the best friend I ever had.”
Hal: “You too. Leo, I’ll never forget you.”