by Mark Greig
It's Valentine's Day at Greendale and that means only one thing: a dance. There is nothing Greendale loves more than a dance. Only Mystic Falls High School has more dances. Where the money comes from for these seemingly weekly events is still a mystery. Considering the occasion, this episode was all about relationships, although not all of them were necessarily romantic relationships.
First of all was Jeff and the sturdy group, unquestionably the core relationship of the entire series. We've seen Jeff fight with them before, but never so passionately over something so trivial as triple platinum, double Billboard award winners, Canadian rockers BNL, better known as the Barenaked Ladies (I guess Jeff was as sick of hearing ‘One Week’ as I was). The fight itself wasn't that big of a deal. It was one of those silly fights we've all had, where you get so worked up over nothing, storm off, and then later silently agree it was a silly fight and go on like it never happened.
But it was a fight that Jeff needed. Because Jeff needed to spend some time away from his friends to realise how much he needs them. Because without them, he has no one. So, after resisting it for so long, Jeff finally decided to open his heart. It took him long enough, but Jeff finally admitted that he loved these guys. Even though it was via text (Winger isn’t the best at expressing himself emotionally), this was still a huge step for him and ranks as one of the series’ most heart-warming moments.
Troy and Abed found themselves acting out a very familiar sitcom scenario – two best friends competing for the same girl. Friends used to get a lot of mileage out of this one in the early days, but Troy and Abed are no Joey and Chandler. They may like the same girl, but would never once turn on each other because of it. Their bond is unshakeable. No woman, no matter how hot she is, can come between these two. This story had its fair share of cute moments, but was ultimately as lightweight as the hot librarian's entire character (which could also work as a description of this entire episode).
Next up is Britta and Page, a relationship not so much built on a lie, but rather a mutual misunderstanding as well as hipster shallowness. While Jeff tries to be trendy by forcing himself to like a sport Americans couldn't care less about, Britta tries to be to be a trendy rebel by hanging out with someone she thinks is a lesbian but is really just another Britta. Page and Britta both assume the other is a lesbian and hang out with them because it is cool and they get to be annoyingly smug about how homophobic everyone else but them is. But they are the biggest homophobes as they see a gay friend as a glorified fashion accessory, something to show off to their friends because they think it makes them look cool. Britta, I love you, but in this moment you were most definitely the worst.
Finally, we have Pierce’s relationship with his enabler, the little guy he sees when he takes too many prescription pills. You’d think after his experience in ‘Introduction to Statistics’, he would’ve learned his lesson about taking drugs. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned in the last season and a half, it’s that Pierce isn’t really at Greendale to learn anything.
Notes and Quotes
--Magnitude, the one man party, has arrived at Greendale. Pop! Pop!
--It's true, everything in England does mean vagina.
--Star-Burns' sideburns have been shaved into hearts.
--Considering the time difference, just how late, or early, are Man U and Liverpool playing this game?
--Duncan is surprisingly wise when he is drunk.
Britta: "If you have to ask if it's homophobic to ask questions, haven't you already answered your own question?"
Annie: "Have I?"
Britta: "Maybe we all need some space, to pull the knife out of the back of the most celebrated Canadian alt-rock band of the 90s you selfish, jaded ass!"
Troy: "Why does being a librarian make her even hotter?"
Abed: "They're keepers of knowledge. She holds the answers to all of our questions, like 'Will you marry me?' and 'Why are there still libraries?'"
Troy: "I wish I was a book. She could pick me up, flip through my pages. Make sure nobody drew wieners in me."
Troy: "Jeff, what do you do when you and your best friend want to ask the same girl to Valentine's Day but neither of you have dibs 'cause both of you fell in love with her at the first sight?"
Jeff: "Well, I don't believe in dibs, or love at first sight, or love, or best friends, or doing things, but it's good you brought this to me."
Shirley: "We've got to do something about Pierce and those painkillers."
Jeff: "He's recovering from broken legs."
Troy: "I'll say. He can moonwaaaalk!"
Jeff: “It might not shock you guys to find out the real reason we had a fight today. It wasn’t about the Barenaked Ladies, although I do have some unresolved issues there. Caring about a person can be scary. Caring about six people can be a horrifying, embarrassing nightmare at least for me. But if I can’t say it today, when can I say it? I love you guys. Oh and Pierce, take it from an expert. These knuckle heads are right outside your heart, let them in before it’s too late. Happy Valentine’s Day.”
Two and a half out of four Canadian rockers.
Mark Greig has been writing for Doux Reviews since 2011. More Mark Greig.