by Billie Doux
Just like a campout, only with rats instead of smores.
As Hurricane Wanda raged and Litchfield flooded, Soso got everyone to sing, Leanne and Angie got stoned on nutmeg, the cigarette/drug cartel played "Fuck, marry, kill", and Vee won again. And I'm going to ignore the fact that a situation like this would only happen once in a hundred years and that they did it so that some of the inmates could wreak havoc and start resolving this season's major plotlines.
It was Vee's turn for the flashbacks to happier days with Taystee and R.J. and takeout chicken wings. I'm not sure why they included the fact that Vee had just started menopause, because it obviously had nothing to do with the fact that she is heartless. She practically raised R.J., and after a little Oedipal sex, she sent him out for a red, white and blue bomb popsicle and had him murdered. That was so incredibly evil that it borders on unreal.
Vee did much the same thing with Red, but thankfully, without the sex. After Red tried to kill Vee with a long piece of Saran wrap (and I'm sure it was Vee's veiled threats about Red's son Yuri that made Red go that far), Vee shook Red's hand and called truce. Vee seemed so reasonable. And in the last scene, Vee showed up at the greenhouse and coshed Red. Who had better survive, dammit, because Red is one of the best things about this show.
As the inmates sat in the dark and the storm raged, Fig hosted a cocktail party with celebrities and ignored Caputo's increasingly desperate phone calls. Fig is so corrupt that she left Litchfield without fuel for the backup generator and honestly doesn't care, but she's also terribly unhappy in her marriage to the gay wannabe state senator. I loved Piper finding that drawer full of empty candy wrappers, which was probably this week's Most Obvious Symbolism.
While the horrendous Vee backstory and Fig's regret were certainly interesting, the best part of this episode was Poussey and Taystee. I was so worried about Poussey after she found and ruined Vee's tobacco stash, and then I was surprised when Vee reacted by throwing Taystee out of the gang in order to neutralize her risk. As Taystee wasn't allowed to play with her friends, she was glancing at Poussey across the crowded cafeteria. And then Taystee and Poussey got to save the library together, apologize and hug each other. All is right with the world again.
I also absolutely loved Pennsatucky asking Big Boo about the lesbian agenda to take over the world, and Boo just running with it and giving Pennsatucky a sexual exemption because of her religious convictions. That entire scene just made me smile. When did I start liking Pennsatucky? Probably when I started liking Healy. Even if he is a misogynist obsessed with The End of Men.
Piper's upcoming transfer to a prison in Virginia felt like an afterthought, probably because it just seems unlikely that they're going to write out the lead or we're going to get an entirely new cast. But all those cute scenes with Maria, her baby, and her silent boyfriend in the visitation room paid off, as Maria begged her boyfriend to talk and sing to the baby, to not let her wind up like Maria. I also liked that Piper felt guilty about it because she knew Maria would suffer so much more than Piper would.
As we neared the end, Caputo discovered Piper with the invoices. I sense an anti-Fig partnership approaching.
Bits and pieces:
-- Taslitz's victim wasn't Watson, thankfully. They never mentioned who it was, but Taslitz is now in the SHU.
-- Diaz felt the baby move, and she reconnected with Bennett. Daya wants Bennett to confess and serve time. I don't think she realizes how much harder it is for a guard or a cop to do time.
-- I liked the bit with the C.O. Robinson forcing Diaz to do jumping jacks to alleviate her panic attack. And that Aleida again acted like a real parent.
-- Piper thanked Morello for being so nice to her when she arrived. There was also a nice scene with Miss Rosa saying that dying wasn't the hard part, it was doing it in prison, and Morello giving her a lollipop. I still like Morello, even if she is a crazed stalker.
-- Big Boo's last name is Black. Big Boo Black. It has a ring to it.
Red: "You want to assassinate someone, vision is a basic requirement. It's like, step one: pick a person to kill. Step two, kill that person."
Freida: "We tell her it's a warning shot. Don't fuck with Red."
Red: "Or a 79 year old woman will shank someone you never met."
Tiki Barber: "So the irony is that Foucault's analysis of power structures ends up being an argument against the institutions of social inequality. (he receives blank looks) I mean, we talk about this all the time in the locker room. I don't know why this is so difficult."
Black Cindy: "We supposed to be fighting them? 'Cause that's the Lollipop Guild over there."
Soso: "This is so great in a way, you know? No separate dorms, no walls between us. Like, we're all just women having this shared experience in deprivation, like the hunger strike, but bigger. Omigod! We should totally have a sing-a-long!"
Pennsatucky: "No offense, but men being in charge has never done me any good."
Leanne: (stoned) "Do you ever think about why we wear clothes all the time? Like, really think about it?"
Angie: (stoned) "I feel trapped inside my face."
Red: "This place is getting to me!"
Vee: "Oh, yeah. You just tried to strangle me with plastic wrap so that you can sell mascara in jail."
I'm not sure what to rate this penultimate episode. Vee was just too black widow spider, and Red Got Hurt, which cannot happen, but Taystee and Poussey made up, and Pennsatucky with Big Boo was just awesome. Okay, three out of four bomb pops,
Billie Doux is the founder of Doux Reviews and has been reviewing her favorite shows for quite some time. More Billie Doux.