Interview with the Subway Slayer April Weeden-Washington

[Originally published on a now defunct web magazine in 2003]

April Weeden-Washington has been doing stunt work since 1995 and has a long, impressive resume with over a hundred appearances in movies and television during her relatively short career. She has doubled for dozens of actresses, most notably Halle Berry, Jennifer Lopez, Pam Grier, and Vanessa Williams, and has worked in television and a number of movies, including The Scorpion King, Minority Report, Swordfish, I Still Know What You Did Last Summer, Lethal Weapon 4, Blade, The Replacement Killers, Starship Troopers, and The Others.

Smallville: Bride

Chloe: "Our love has weathered federal arrests and heart attack-inducing kisses and a freakazoid bout of amnesia. I think that we'll survive this."

Bride of Frankenstein. Beauty and the Beast. Let's go for the classics.

Smallville: Abyss

Jimmy: "I just got hit with a major bridal wave."

Bummer.

Smallville: Bloodline

Oliver: "Phantom Zone, huh? Seriously. Who names these things?"

We got explanation and set-up for Davis. And resolution for Kara.

Smallville: Identity

Clark: "But it is me. People will know I'm out there."
Chloe: "Why is that such a bad thing?"

I'm feeling better about season eight. After a rocky start, they're making some more serious moves into Christopher Reeve movie territory, and it's fun to see.

Smallville: Prey

Jimmy: "Whoever did this is beyond steroids."

Clark was monitoring the police scanner and saving people! That was new, and way overdue. Clark even leaped a tall building in a single bound. He's finally embracing his destiny. It took eight seasons to get here, folks. Let's savor the moment.

Smallville: Committed

Clark: "So you're finally on board with the happy couple."
Lois: "Yep. All it took was them passing a madman's electric Cosmo death quiz and I am sold."

Let me say once again that I've pretty much reached the end of my Lois and Clark patience. If this episode had ended with a clinch, I might have forgiven this episode a lot. But no. I'm not a shipper, honestly (okay, there was Buffy and Spike, but they were an exception), but enough teasing. I want smoochies, and I want them now.

Smallville: Instinct

Jimmy: "Looks like I stumbled into the razor wires surrounding the Clark issue again."

Nine-and-a-half weeks in an elevator. That was new.

Smallville: Toxic

Lois: "Whoah. Who's he been partying with? Motley Crue?"

This was a surprisingly effective combination backstory for both Oliver and Tess. I liked it more than I thought I would. Probably because I do like Oliver.

Smallville: Plastique

Lois: "Omigod, my cousin's babysitting Psycho Spice."

After seven years, we're finally in a new place. In Metropolis, with Clark working at the Daily Planet with Lois. And they went right back to meteor freaks. We even spent half the episode in Metropolis General, which looked an awful lot like a redressed Smallville Medical Center set with a couple of primary colors removed.

Smallville: Odyssey

And it's a whole new show. With major cast changes. Big, huge cast changes. Series changing cast changes. Unfortunately, this episode felt like they were trying to pull all of last season's plot threads together, but half of the cast holding those threads were gone.

Smallville: Arctic

Lex: "I must admit, Clark, this is a big step up from the barn."

Smallville is famous for its season finale cliffhangers. Dan and I had a bet on it. I thought there would be the traditional four cliffhangers. Dan went for five or more. In truth, we only got three. And they weren't what I expected. Kara in the Phantom Zone. Chloe arrested by Homeland Security. And Fortress go boom.

Smallville: Quest

Clark: "That's the last thing I need: someone going around killing people in my name."
Chloe: "That's probably how God felt about the Crusades."

Superman has always been something of a Jesus figure, but the symbolism is usually a bit more subtle than this.

Smallville: Apocalypse

Lois: "Luthor's not suicidal. Why would he want to hit Earth's delete key?"

Nearly every genre series eventually does its own version of It's a Wonderful Life, and it is rarely wonderful. But this one was. In fact, I thought it was terrific. I love alternate universe stuff, and this episode was pretty nearly perfect. It just wasn't long enough.

Smallville: Sleeper

Jimmy: "You can't reheat this stuff. It's never as good the second time around."
Chloe: "It isn't, is it?"

After an episode as heavy as "Descent," this one felt like substandard filler. Jimmy as James Bond and Chloe wanted by Homeland Security? Okay, but that's a B plot. Clark trying to find Brainiac was more like an A plot, and that was all set-up for the next episode. Not that I hate Jimmy. And some of the story was about Chloe, and I love Chloe. Maybe I just feel like every episode should be centered around Clark or Lex.

Smallville: Descent

Lex: "I was raised in your shadow. Now you're going to die in mine."

I'm really bummed.

Smallville: Veritas

Kara: "It's really easy. Just up, up and away."

Or not. This was all windup and no pitch. I was sort of expecting something big to happen. Like, Clark flying. Lots of teasing, but come on: we didn't even see him jump out of the barn and plummet to the ground.

Smallville: Traveler

Lionel: "I'm different now. I'm a different man."
Clark: "No, you're not."

They just took all the ambiguity and conflicting motivations that have always hovered around Lionel, ramped it up, and put an underlying structure at its core.

Smallville: Hero

Chloe: "Chewing gum? Is nothing sacred any more?"

Ridiculously long-lasting Kryptonite gum? Come on. I don't care if it was well done or not (and I'm going for "not"); I resent being forced to watch a one-hour chewing gum commercial masquerading as a Smallville episode. That's not product placement. That's hijacking.

Smallville: Fracture

Lionel: "I love you, Lex. My son."

Lex spent years waiting to hear the words "I love you" from Lionel. He just got them, but it was too late; Lex doesn't care any more. I have to admit that scene really got to me.

Smallville: Siren

Lois: "I can't believe you didn't tell me you were Green Arrow."
Oliver: "Hard to imagine why, when you're taking it so well."

I think I just put my finger on why I haven't been that crazy about season seven.

Smallville: Persona

Brainiac: "You're not Kal-El."
Bizarro: "I'm the new and improved version."

Doubles, doubles, everywhere. Everyone is pretending to be somebody else these days. It's a new Smallville fad.

Smallville: Gemini

Chloe: "Oh, wow. I have the worst Secret Santa ever."

I was thinking that this episode was doing nothing for me. And then they hit us with two super shockers, and a big "evil double" theme. Way to go.

Smallville: Blue

Chloe: "You said it was bad, but I didn't expect Raging Bull bad."

It's always trouble when Clark doesn't listen to Jor-El, isn't it? You'd think he'd know better by now.

Smallville: Wrath

Chloe: "I had no idea that there was a La Femme Nikita lurking behind our little Florence Nightingale."

Lana is getting more disturbed and out of control every day, and her reaction to getting zapped with Clark's powers finally made it too obvious for Clark to ignore. You'd think she'd be content living with her own true love who has finally told her all his secrets. But no. At least Clark has finally admitted to himself that Lana is no longer the same innocent schoolgirl he used to peep at through his telescope.

Smallville: Lara

Chloe: "You and Kara are from different worlds. Just be careful, okay?"
Jimmy: "Chloe, Kara's from Minnesota. It's not like she's from another planet."

What was wrong with this episode? It felt too much like a poorly written comic book. The whole melodramatic Zor-El/Lara thing felt like Lex and Lana, only less fun and with Kryptonians. And the Lara/Kara tour of the Kent farm just felt odd. The direct portal from Krypton to the caves explained where Jor-El came from in that episode set in the 1950s, but even though they carefully told us that the portals were destroyed by Zod, it still felt like a cheap writing trick to me. Yes, just popping over to Earth for the day. No big deal.

Smallville: Action

Clark: "I was supposed to stand for something greater. It was my job to save the world."
Chloe: "He didn't think 'organic farmer' was a close second?"

Lionel is now trying to protect Clark... from Lana. Go back in your mind to season one and try that sentence on for size.

Smallville: Cure

Curtis Knox: "Your powers might be far beyond those of mortal men, but you've met your match."

It's always nice to have another Superman as a guest star, and Dean Cain did a great, scary job. Well, "fatal games of Operation" without anesthetic performed by Jack the Ripper are certainly scary. Dan thought they were going for an immortal Mr. Freeze because of the coma thing with his wife. CK. Little obvious in-joke there. They left room for him to return, too.

Smallville: Fierce

Clark: "When I talked about fitting in, I was thinking of something with more clothes."

Meteors freaks and a beauty pageant? Make it stop. When I saw America's next top models strut into the Miss Sweet Corn beauty pageant, I got a sinking feeling this wasn't going to be a favorite of mine.

Smallville: Kara

Chloe: "I should have known you were Clark's cousin from all the primary colors."

Competing cousins. We actually had a theme.

Smallville: Bizarro

Chloe: "This guy can fly? God, Clark, you got to get on that one."

So they started off the season with a bang. Literally.

Smallville: Phantom

Clark: "What the hell are you?"
Bizarro: "I'm you. Only a little more bizarre."

I didn't think they could top last season's Zod finale, and they didn't. But they came darned close, didn't they? When they do cliffhangers on this show, they don't fool around. Explosive confrontations, massive plot twists, new supervillains. Wow.

Smallville: Prototype

Lex: "If you ever betrayed me, I don't know what I'd do."
Lana: "I'd never hurt the man I love."

She's spying, and he's lying. Okay, she's lying, too.

Smallville: Noir

Jimmy: "I figured you could use an escape from your real-life soap opera."

So "Gardenia" was just a cigarette case. Can you say "rosebud"?

Smallville: Nemesis

Lionel: "Well, I see you've embraced wholeheartedly what it means to be a Luthor."

Lex still has some good in him, after all. I don't know what surprised me more – that Lex left Clark to die, or that he came back and rescued him. (I bet Lex thought he could let Clark die, but changed his mind.) How fortuitous that Clark bled in front of Lex, too, figuratively deflecting the chisel incident.

Smallville: Progeny

Lex: "Clearly, Chloe got her brazenness from her mother's side."

At first, I thought we'd discovered Chloe's meteor freak power: investigative reporting in her sleep. But no.

Smallville: Combat

Titan: "Good fight."

Kryptonian Smackdown.

So it wasn't that great an episode. When it started, all I wanted was to see Clark in the ring, and that's just what they gave us. I'm a geek. I loved the superfight.

Smallville: Promise

Lionel: "Mrs. Luthor. Welcome to the family."

What a topsy turvy comic book world. Lana just married a handsome young billionaire who adores her, and it's a bad thing.

Smallville: Freak

Chloe: "Face it, Clark. I'm a walking time bomb."
Clark: "Then consider me your own personal bomb squad."

This one had some surprising Clark/Chloe sparks, pun intended. The scene where he burned that chip out of her shoulder was scary and dramatic and somewhat romantic at the same time. Must have hurt like hell. That Clark/Chloe scene at the end was romantic, too. It's like the writers don't know what romantic direction to take Clark at this point. You know, I'm willing to go anywhere they want to go. Just please, not back to Lana.

Smallville: Trespass

Chloe: "She's been orbiting your secret for years, and I think she may finally be coming in for a landing."

This episode was one big horror movie cliche. Obsessed stalker, Lana slinking around with a knife, creepy music and lighting... all that was missing were a hockey mask and a chainsaw. The ending sequence with the snow-bound mansion, axing the door, and the chase through the snow was lifted directly from The Shining. All that was missing was Psycho Lovelorn Security Guard pushing his head through the door and yelling, "Here's Johnny!"

Smallville: Crimson

Clark: "You're saying that I want to kiss Lois and keep Chloe in my back pocket, while the whole time I'm still in love with Lana?"

This episode went places I wasn't expecting them to go. Unfortunately, they weren't Lois places. They were Lana places. Yes, we had Clark and Lana angst in the freaking barn again. Please make it stop.

Smallville: Labyrinth

Chloe: "Dangling the Lana carrot is a pretty tempting offer. But he clearly has never come across the steel will of Clark Kent."

Despite the fact that this was lifted almost entirely from the Buffy episode "Normal Again," this one was pretty good. Like the Buffy episode, the hook was that it made total sense. What is more believable, after all? That Clark is a victim of paranoid schizophrenia and confined to a mental institution, or that he's a superpowerful alien from another planet?

Smallville: Justice

Oliver: "This isn't the end of the story, Clark. This is just the beginning."

It's a good sign when you watch something with a huge smile on your face. What fun. And if this is their spin-off idea (which it clearly must be), I'm definitely on board. Go, team.

Smallville: Hydro

Clark: "If she marries Lex, there's no going back."

Let's start with the major development first, i.e., that Lois and Clark smooch. That shot of Clark's face afterward implied that he was turned on. And my favorite scene was definitely when Lois said dreamily that "Green Arrow" kissed better than Oliver, and Chloe couldn't contain her glee. So I'm a romantic. Sue me.

Smallville: Subterranean

Clark: "I'm an illegal immigrant, Mom. You've been harboring me for over seventeen years."

It's been a long time since we got an episode centered around Clark. And what do we get? Farmer Chet the meteor freak meets Children of the Corn.

Smallville: Static

Lex: "I'll always be here for you. Always."

Another really good episode that was focused on characters other than Clark. (That's a coincidence, right? I sort of miss the focus on Clark.)

Smallville: Rage

Clark: "Who am I dealing with? Jekyll or Hyde?"

Smallville: Fallout

Jimmy: "Do you know what this means, Chloe? Lex is working with the Egyptians."

This one dragged a bit. Bow Wow as the growly Phantom Zoner worked, but Raya pretty much didn't; she was amazingly dull for a gorgeous, blonde Kryptonian. Jimmy, whom I liked better this time than in previous episodes, was surprisingly good comic relief. He even held his own with Lex, to some extent.

Smallville: Reunion

Lionel: "I heard what happened. Are you all right, son?"
Lex: "Nothing a little dry cleaning won't cure."

I usually love Lex-centered episodes, and I liked this one. But I didn't think it was as strong as some of the others. Maybe because a lot of it was about Oliver, too.

Smallville: Arrow

Chloe: "I guess there's some secret code of honor among superheroes."

Very big and comic booky, with soaring action music and superhero costumes. No costume for Clark yet, though. And it was interesting that the focus wasn't on Clark for a change.