"She's real."
Well, this episode certainly lived up to its name, didn't it?
Anyone who has seen the movie knows that there is a specific moment where the genre turns from a crime thriller into a vampire siege movie: Santanico Pandemonium's snake dance. The series has been far less shy about incorporating the supernatural into everything, but we still get a similar turn here. It's just less in genre and more in our understanding of the world and the major players in it.
Luckily, it's heralded by the same event and it is just as gorgeous and incredibly sexy as the original. Later, I'm sure that I will comment on the sexualization of Santanico but right now I'm just watching that scene more times than I should with relatively little shame. The music is also gorgeous during this as well, especially the strings.
The brawl that immediately followed was even more fun. Sure, there was additional CGI blood, and obviously turning into dust was CGI, but everything else looked practical. There were a couple of really awesome gore effects, and they were varied too!
It wasn't all just stabbings and shootings. The makeup for the one vampire with horns and scythe-hands also looked good. Do I know why he was special and looked like that? No. Do I care? No, not really. It was cool!
The barfight also gave us insight into all of our major characters and where their head is at. Seth and Richie immediately went back to back and moved as a unit. But Richie didn't respond during their usual call and response. He didn't say anything, although to be fair, he did look rather rattled to be suddenly surrounded by vampires.
The trust of the brothers is definitely broken, though. Despite Richie insisting that he had no idea what was happening, Seth remained convinced that this was all just a long con with him as the mark. Honestly, their argument was a little annoying. It dragged things down a lot. It also didn't help that we know that Richie is telling the truth, making Seth seem really unreasonable. Oh well.
The Fuller family took cover in a corner, and when Jacob and Katie's faith and prayer failed to save them, Scott took matters into his own hands and exploded a vampire's head with a shotgun. It's curious that a cross had zero effect, especially since it worked in the movie. I'd be willing to put it down to Jacob's lack of faith, but Katie was praying and we know that she's still a believer.
The more worrying part is Scott. This is not the first time he's been impulsive and violent, or angry when the rest of his family isn't on the same page as him. Let's not forget that he had a gun in his backpack so that he could scare some bullies. He's waving a lot of red flags, and his disappearance down to the lower levels of the temple does not bode well for him.
Professor Tanner aka Sex Machine had his crotch gun that fired via hip thrust, shot its entire load far too early, and then was ripped off by a tongue. Which is a lot. It's definitely not the kind of humor that I enjoy, but the fact that I find Tanner incredibly creepy makes it worse.
If Sex Machine is his undercover identity, then this is something that he's been doing for awhile. You can't build a crotch gun like that in a few hours. He made it sound like Freddie's visit made him realize that the cult could be based in something real and worth investigating further, but I don't trust him. At all.
Freddie was absolutely laser focused on Richie. Even when the bar exploded into chaos, he was the only thing that Freddie cared about. And protecting Richie seemed to be the only thing that Santanico cared about.
Were the vampires going to massacre everyone anyways? Yes. But it was sparked because Richie was about to die, and that sent Santanico into a panic. She not only needs him alive, but for him to willingly trust and follow her. I guess that explains why Carlos bothered with orchestrating the bank heist at all instead of just kidnapping him.
It's hard to keep the momentum going when you open with such a high energy set piece, and the second half of the episode did start to drag as we got a lot of exposition thrown at us very quickly. It was all a little clunky, even if some of the writing was fun. Hopefully this is just table setting as we move into our last trio of episodes.
I've been calling our monsters vampires, but that's not really what they are. They're culebras, Mesoamerican monsters descended from the snake god. A lot of the information that Tanner gives us here is a repeat from what we already know or what we can see with our own eyes. Obviously, our monsters more strongly resemble snakes than bats.
Otherwise, there doesn't seem to be anything particularly noteworthy in terms of unique features. You just need to destroy the heart, so it doesn't require a stake. Blood also appears to heal them. Santanico's bullet wounds only healed once she had blood poured over them, which was interesting. Especially since she started the episode in a very Elizabeth Báthory-esque literal blood bath.
We also learned that culebras are incredibly hierarchical, although not in the way that I had initially thought.
Narciso and his friends aren't the Nine Lords. They're a step below them, the pimps of the people-juicer, to use the episode's terminology. And Santanico, despite being described as a demigoddess, a patron saint, a harbinger of evil and Mistress of the Night, is a slave.
It's a very different situation than what has been presented so far. Before, it seemed like she wanted Richie to set her free so that she could then unleash darkness over the land. Now, it's far more literal. She wants to be free of the Nine Lords, and is essentially organizing a coup.
A successful one, so far, although I'm sure that Narciso will inevitably escape and cause problems. Seriously, why did Carlos chain him to some kind of stone instead of killing him with the rest of the councilors? Do they still need him for something?
Let's talk about Carlos a bit. His dynamic with Santanico is absolutely fascinating. He's clearly devoted to her, much like the dog that Narciso later compares him to. It's not just religious either, judging by that kiss they shared.
It's pretty clearly not fully reciprocated, though. Santanico obviously trusts him and relies on him, but she doesn't look at Carlos like he's the single most important thing in her life. She looked at Richie like that, especially when his life was threatened. Granted, this is probably just because she needs him for whatever her overarching plans are, but it has the potential of being a really fun situation to explore going forward.
Random Thoughts
Richie is very lucky that Freddie stabbed him in the hand that already had a hole in it.
Speaking of Freddie, he is apparently immune to culebra venom. His body had pushed it out after Santanico bit him. Interesting.
The fangs did admittedly look a little better this time around. A little.
It looks like we're finally diverging wildly from the plot of the movie. The next episode is uncharted territory.
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An Honest Fangirl loves video games, horror movies, and superheroes, and occasionally manages to put words together in a coherent and pleasing manner.

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