Farscape: Dog with Two Bones

And now, on Farscape…

John: “Dog with two bones.”
Old Woman: “Unfamiliar.”
John: “Dog — animal — it’s a pet. It has this bone, its most important thing in the world — carries it everywhere he goes and uh… one day he goes down to the water and he sees another dog with a bone, reflected on the surface. It’s identical and he wants that bone, too, so he opens his mouth to grab it and his bone falls into the water and it disappears. It’s gone and he’s left standing there looking at himself and he has nothing.”
Old Woman: “…IF the dog could have had only ONE bone, which would it have wanted?”

Before I get to the review, I have to warn you. There is going to be gushing… and fawning… and some quiet sobbing. Good thing this isn’t the future and you aren’t viewing this on a holocube. Anyways, this episode is one of my favorites, definitely somewhere in my personal list of the best ten episodes. This one has it all: Tears, action, laughter, angst, and a groom’s cake shaped like Moya. Perfection, I tell ya.

The story starts with sweet music and soft lighting: Aeryn’s hair spills over her shoulders as John watches her model some wedding dresses. I loved those sequences. I also loved John being lost in his dream world and acting crazy, again. It was wonderful to see Chiana being so funny around both John and his dad and D'Argo got to teach alien fishing techniques to some boys. The wedding scene at the end was so sweet; everyone was there — even Pilot. Ha!


We also get a crazy rogue leviathan that is refusing to let Moya leave Talyn in the sacred burial space. That trauma is happening while John is being sprayed in the eyes with some herbs by a mysterious old woman; no one seems to know her name, or why she is even aboard. She seems to like to cook, eat grassy things, and to spit into pots. I love her, also. She is going to be such a great addition to the crew — that is a surety. There was also poor Talyn being laid to rest and everyone protecting his remains and saying goodbye; it was very bittersweet.

Even though there was a lot going on, I still feel like this is a very sweet and intimate episode with all the characters connecting and interacting with each other. I loved John dealing with his hopes and fears for the future:  "Go to the truth — see, it’s the lies that restrain us.” Sometimes you just want your favorite characters to stop with the denials, fears, and self-rationalizations, decide what they really want and finally move forward. Stop dithering around and go get the girl/guy/whatever it is they truly desire.

Back to the wedding: John, Aeryn, and their entire alien family are having a good time... that is until there is mayhem, blood, and carnage. John’s face is running with tears as he holds his dying bride, who says to him the same thing that the other John said to Aeryn when he died: “Don’t you worry about me, I’ve never felt better.” Scorpius strolls up to them: "What did you expect?” that ole monster says. John knows that his earth life and his alien friends are just incompatible and that he can’t have both. He is going to have to make a painful decision. Earth or Aeryn? His dad, sisters, and friends — or D’Argo and company and the wonders of space? What a devastating choice.

Warning: more sobbing ahead. In a very complex, emotional scene, John makes his choice clear. He shows up with his bag at Aeryn’s prowler. I’m dying for him, already. I’m doing a lot of quoting, I know; the dialog in this episode is just sublime. Poor Aeryn can’t do it again, she just can’t take the chance of losing John for a second time; it is just too much emotion that she can’t handle. Claudia and Ben are magnificent, here. I’d give them all the Emmys, if it were possible. John is choking up; so many tears in his voice that he can barely speak at one point, and Aeryn is trying so hard to block John’s emotional pleas. She starts to break and does the only thing that she has left to do: she lets John flip a coin to see if she will go, or if she will stay with him, because John believes that they are fated to be together.

Sadly, John loses the toss and goes out in his module alone to see Aeryn leave. “We’re in the hands of fate, now; we have to trust in that… fly safe. Goodbye John Crichton,” she says. “No!” I yell at my TV, then sob some more. Anyhow, there are more emotions coming our way: we hear the voices of his friends saying goodbye to John. Earlier, we heard Rygel speaking happily that their mission is done. They are all unhurt and no one is trying to kill them. They can all go home; the fellowship is ending.

Space Oddities:

This fantastic episode was written by David Kemper and directed by Andrew Prowse. Mallena’s Emmys for them, also.

Favorite Jool and Aeryn scene: Standing at her prowler, Aeryn says, “Can you melt that?” Jool: “With what, there’s no power, yet?” Aeryn grabs Jool’s thumb and twists it; very loud screaming commences. Aeryn: “Thank you.” Much needed laughter in a somber episode.

The whole crew from every department had to help carry Pilot into the set for the wedding scene. They should have filmed that; I bet it was quite a sight. You know, they might have… note to self: check bonus features before writing review.

Poor John; he’s all alone at the very end. Moya is ironically sucked into a wormhole without him, Aeryn leaves, and then John remembers the old woman telling him that Aeryn is preggers.

Claudia Black has great ideas: she suggested the coin toss to the team, and she also found Princess Katralla’s dress in the wardrobe department and it fit nicely for her wedding scenes.

The John and Aeryn Relationship Weather Report: Not available. Sorry, that data was swallowed by a big fat wormhole.

Cosmic Quotes: (Some are condensed)

John: “When I was a kid, I dreamed of outer space… and I got here… and I dream of Earth; lately, none of my dreams work.”

Aeryn: “I’m afraid it’s not that easy for me, you see — you died. I watched that happen, and yet you’re still alive.”
John: “Then say goodbye.”
Aeryn: “We don’t say goodbyes.”
John: “We do this time. You see, you leave… and then you come back, and I… I can’t handle the in-between.”

Aeryn: “Guarantee you won’t die in my arms again.”
John: “Guarantee me, you won’t die in mine.”

John: “Do you love John Crichton? Not him, not me — John Crichton?”
Aeryn: “I can’t do this again.”

John: “I can’t let the one thing I love fly away in a crappy little ship.”
Aeryn: “Just make a frelling wormhole and go home.”
John: “There is no home, there is no wormhole. There’s only you." (Now, John's voice clogs with tears) "Aeryn, anywhere in the universe. You pick the planet.”

Aeryn: “It’s too late for that.”
John: (practically whispering) “It’s not too late.”
Aeryn: “You’re not listening. It’s too late for me.” (Aeryn’s losing it, so she turns away) “Do you love Aeryn Sun?”
John: “Beyond hope.”
Aeryn: “Then don’t make me say goodbye and don’t make me stay.”

Old Woman: “Her life, her world, on her time… you will know — Aeryn is with child.”

In the immortal words of Commander John Crichton: “You’ve got to be kidding me.” Well, there you have it: The epic season three finale. I so wish that this had been a special ninety minute episode; that would have been so cool. There is a lot of material that was left on the cutting room floor. There were more dress shopping scenes and more wedding scenes, comically featuring D’Argo leading a Congo line. What a wonderful episode, so filled with longing, despair, sweetness, and thrills. Now excuse me, I need to go to the store to buy more tissues, I think.

Five (plus bonus brownie points) out of five alien weddings.

Mallena loves Farscape.

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