by Josie Kafka
Never Let Me Go
AMC is struggling with deep-seated co-dependency issues. Although its friends realize the channel is simply unable to move forward with its life in a psychologically productive manner, AMC continues to deny any problem, and has declared that it will never give up on its complicated relationships, no matter how dark, brooding, and morally ambiguous they may be.
The cable channel will persist in bringing roses and chocolates to the zombie apocalypse in a Walking Dead spin-off, even though the zombies insist they only want brains, brains, the occasional booty call, and more brains. In an attempt to prevent the lawyers from getting jealous (which they show no indication of doing), AMC will keep flirting with the dark side of client privilege in a Breaking Bad spin-off that may or may not be a prequel, but will definitely feature Saul Goodman. AMC Better Call Saul soon, though, as he may already have a date for prom with his "masseuse."
Of course, no co-dependent cable channel would be fulfilled without an emotionally unavailable man who may or may not be who he says he is. AMC will draw out the break-up with Mad Men over two years, splitting the show’s final fourteen-episode season into two pieces, with the last seven episodes airing in Spring 2015.
That’s not to say, however, that AMC can never move on. After a tumultuous three-season relationship, AMC has finally decided it has had enough of The Killing. It will bring a torn cardboard box, filled with the relationship detritus of ugly sweaters, drug subplots, and rain, to [whoever killed Rosie Larsen]’s house, leave it on the front stoop, and dash away with nary a word.
Tuesdays with Crowley
This Week in Casts
• Carrie Preston, who recently won an Emmy for her work on The Good Wife, will guest-star on The Following. Still not enough reason for me to watch it!
• Matt Davis (aka Alaric from The Vampire Diaries) will have a recurring role on CSI. See above, re: still not watching it, no matter how much I miss my favorite sexy history teacher.
• It has been revealed: Mark Gatiss’s will play Tycho Nestoris of the Iron Bank of Braavos on Game of Thrones.
• Ryan Murphy’s new nighttime soap has cast Michelle Monaghan as a love-interest for Anna Torv’s character. Yum.
• John Oliver will return to Greendale for at least six episodes of Community’s fifth season.
• Fringe’s John Noble will be a recurring cast member on Sleepy Hollow, a new show that definitely doesn’t suck yet.
The New Yorker profiled Homeland’s Claire Danes last week in an eight-page spread that covers the actress’s early years and current interests, which include the upcoming Homeland season, Easter Egg decorations, and husband Hugh Dancy of Hannibal. If you, like me, have enjoyed Danes’ work since My So-Called Life, I recommend the article. If you haven’t seen My So-Called Life, I recommend watching it.
This Week in Books
Sometimes TV's warm, glowing, warming glow isn't enough. That's why you may enjoy Stephen King’s five billionth novel, Doctor Sleep, which comes out on Tuesday. A sequel to The Shining (one of King’s most tightly-plotted and frightening stories), Doctor Sleep catches us up on the now-grown Danny Torrance. It has received excellent reviews, including one from Margaret Atwood, who knows a thing or two about literature.
Tuesday is a long way away, though, and you might need some reading material for the next 48 hours. This week I discovered Donna Tartt's The Secret History, about the moral dissolution of five Classics majors under the influence of a charismatic professor in an isolated New England liberal arts college. Tartt's novel combines languorous, hypnotic prose with a crescendoing sense of dread worthy of some of the best gothic fiction, and fans of Brett Easton Ellis (a club I don't belong to) may enjoy comparing this far-superior book to his Rules of Attraction. The Secret History was first published in 1992; Tartt's newest novel, The Goldfinch, comes out in October.
For Those who Dwell in Caves
If you co-habitate with an alpaca in a cave without wi-fi, you may not know that we have a lot to look forward to next week, including the premieres of old favorites such as Castle, How I Met Your Mother, Person of Interest, Revolution, Modern Family, Nashville, Parks and Rec, The Big Bang Theory, Elementary, Hawaii Five-0, Once Upon a Time, and Homeland. There will also be new premieres, including Agents of SHIELD and The Crazy Ones. (Fall premiere schedule here.) Make sure to set your DVRs, remind the alpaca, or do whatever it is the kids do to their phones when planning their schedules.
After that, let us know in the comments: which show premiere are you most looking forward to this week?