"Let's hope it is not too good to be true."
Wesley Crusher is condemned to death for smashing a greenhouse and killing some plants.
Somewhere here, buried under the mess and the silliness, is a decent enough idea for an episode, in the early TNG "moral dilemma" mould. How do you reconcile a desire to abide by others' laws, and indeed rules insisting you must do so, when you have strong moral objections to the foreign laws? Plus there's some consideration of the pros and cons of a system in which every crime, no matter how trivial, is punishable by death (generally speaking, we're against it). However, this idea got buried by a few other issues that rise to the surface.
One of the problems with it is that Wesley Crusher is the victim of the severe law. When I was little and used to watch The Next Generation I had a crush on Wesley (he was older than me at the time) so I quite like him, but I'm given to understand that he is not the most popular character in Star Trek. You can see why it seemed like a good idea to put Wesley's head on the block - he's a child, innocent and naive, plus his mother is one of the senior staff. But the majority of the audience are so annoyed by Wesley they find it hard to feel sorry for him, and unfortunately Dr Crusher's hand-wringing is also rather irritating more than moving, and just acts as a reminder that having children, including the children of senior officers, on board the Federation's flagship is just a daft idea in the first place.
There are far bigger problems here than Wesley, though. The depiction of the planet concerned (Rubicun III, inhabited by the Edo) is utterly ridiculous in every way. It's disturbingly Aryan, for a start, all blond hair and blue eyes, and the inhabitants run everywhere, because apparently no one's ill or disabled either and no one ever gets tired. Everywhere is supposedly beautiful and everyone is happy all the time, to the point where it's truly, deeply nauseating.
All of that pales, though, in comparison to the fact that this is apparently the Planet of the Orgies. The inhabitants all wear nappies with bandaging across their chests, because they seem to find that sexy, and spend all day fondling each other in public. They even greet total strangers by nuzzling them, regardless of said stranger's apparent discomfort. During scenes on the planet, before Wesley becomes a wanted criminal, there are people snuggling in as intimate a fashion as the censors will allow, constantly. Some of them are getting in some exercise in their nappies as a prelude to snuggling, some are playing music as an accompaniment to the snuggling, and sometimes they give each other massages, but PG-13 rated orgy activity seems to be their primary occupation. Riker loves the place.
The advantage of all this is, of course, that it's hilarious. I recently re-watched this episode with a group of friends and we were all laughing happily at it - and as always, I'll take utterly stupid but funny over boring any day. It really doesn't work on any kind of dramatic level, though, and like the Ferengi's introduction, suffers from trying to cover too many themes and topics at once (justice, pleasure, crime and punishment, philosophy, Riker's need for sex etc. etc.). Despite its good intentions, this is a terrible, terrible episode - but as a viewing experience, it could be worse.
Bits and pieces
- While the Edo greet everyone by sexually harassing them, they do stop short at inflicting this on Wesley, checking humans' customs for 'young ones' and keeping the hug brief.
- In addition to all the other awfulness, the Enterprise also runs into the Edo's god, some kind of alien orbiting the planet, and Picard forces one terrified Edo girl to confront it. This is all as cringe-worthy as it sounds.
Geordi: They're wild in some ways, actually puritanical in others. Neat as pins, ultra-lawful, and make love at the drop of a hat.
Tasha: Any hat.
Riker: They certainly are fit.
Troi: They certainly are.
Data: You were right, sir. I do tend to babble.
Wesley: I'm with Starfleet. We don't lie.
Picard: There can be no justice so long as laws are absolute. Even life itself is an exercise in exceptions.
Riker: When has justice ever been as simple as a rulebook?
It's really awful, and while it's good for a laugh, it's not quite as ridiculously, hysterically so-irredeemably-awful-it's-a-strange-kind-of-genius as Voyager's lizards - ironically, it loses points for the sincere attempt at something interesting. One out of four really not very sexy nappy-outfits.
Juliette Harrisson is a freelance writer, classicist and ancient historian who blogs about Greek and Roman Things in Stuff at Pop Classics.