One final movie to round off not only August, but the whole multi-headed saga. One final SyFy Original involving not two, not three, not four or five, but six different heads. It actually looks like a starfish this time.
There will be spoilers, if this is the kind of movie that can actually be spoiled.
This is a very difficult movie to review. On one hand, it's terrible. On the other, I couldn't look away and even had a massive grin on my face. But man, are the bad parts bad.
The characters took a large step back into the obnoxious and the cliche. It doesn't help that most of the characters are here for an extreme marriage bootcamp, meaning that everyone is already angry with each other and liable to make snide comments or blow up at the slightest provocation. There is so much yelling. So, so much yelling. And screaming. And screeching how they can't do something or how they're going to sue or how they're going to die. And it's all unpleasant.
There's so much illogical ridiculousness too. Not even the fun kind. There's a top secret government research lab, but it's literally just 3 tiny floating docks with canvas tarps, poorly constructed wooden frames, and a single folding table. It's not even entirely enclosed. This is where our group decides to shelter when a massive tropical depression hurls towards them instead of anywhere with actual walls.
Now, the tropical depression never actually hits the island. It actually completely disappears and is never mentioned again. The massive storm that was supposed to completely flood the island in forty minutes? Yeah. That doesn't happen. In fact, the movie shifts from bright sunlight to pitch black within the space of ten minutes, and then from night to dawn to midday within the space of five minutes. All without a single raindrop.
The threat of the storm is literally only there to make everyone run to the "research lab" for the exposition lore dump. Once that's done, then so is the storm.
There were also several points where I got motion sick thanks to the camera bobbing up and down whenever they were out on the water. Apparently, the waves were either really bad or no one thought to steady the camera. This includes scenes on the "research lab." Again, it makes for an unpleasant watch.
However, I am still going to recommend this movie. Why? Well, about halfway through the shark becomes a major player and the movie becomes infinitely more fun. And bloody. Very, very bloody. This is probably the bloodiest movie I've ever covered in my Summer Shark Fest (name still pending). Multiple people get absolutely covered in it.
If nothing else, they fixed a problem that I've had with any shark movies in that when people are attacked, there is no visible shark on the surface when there really should be. Sure, it was CGI, but the fact that there was actually a creature there felt like a nice step forward. And not only that, but the shark actually looked like it struggled in shallow water!
And like it was walking on land.
Yes, you did read that right.
Walking. On land. With four of the fix heads acting as the legs, scuttling along with the tail flailing in the air. It's not just ridiculous. It's beyond comprehension. It's beautiful. Glorious. A magnificent sight unseen in any other movie. Like some kind of eldritch horror not meant for human eyes.
At one point, the shark swims around in a circle so fast that it creates a whirlpool to suck a boat down so that it can chomp it in one bite.
This is before the shark tears off one of its heads and throws it fifty feet in the air to crush someone with it at the top of a lighthouse.
Yes, you also read that right.
Don't worry. The head grows back.
Like I said, the human mind cannot withstand such majesty without going truly insane. It's as good a place as any to wrap up our fictional movies for 2025's Summer Shark Fest. I'll be back on Labor Day with a documentary.
Random Thoughts
Watching these back to back really underlines just how much of a formula there is, at least when it comes to the cadence of the kills.
I can't find any behind the scenes trivia, so I'm not sure if the pod of dolphins that show up at one point was planned or not. It was fun to see them, though, especially since they were just casually swimming by.
On the horniest scale, there is no nudity. However, instead of all of the girls wandering around in skimpy bikinis, they spend most of the movie in wetsuits before stripping down to their bra.
We did not get any mention of pollution or how humanity is ruining the environment. Instead, a character yells about how the Dark Web lied to him about government conspiracy theories.
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An Honest Fangirl loves video games, horror movies, and superheroes, and occasionally watches far too many shark movies.
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