Home Featured TV Shows All TV Shows Movie Reviews Book Reviews Articles Frequently Asked Questions About Us

Torchwood: Meat

Rhys: "If you can't handle that, big boy, then you can stuff it!"
Jack: "This is quite homoerotic."

I really wish that whoever approved this script had gone home, downed a few, and had second thoughts. "Distasteful" just isn't a strong enough word. (Maybe "gangrenous." Yeah, that's a good word.) I could see where they were going with it, what they had in mind. Very weird alien problem. Horrible abuse of and extreme compassion for a sentient alien the size of an airplane hangar. Jack's compassion in particular was lovely. But the whole thing just wasn't done well enough to make it work.

Forget the creature. This episode was almost saved by Rhys finally, at long last, learning the truth about Gwen's double life. Jack and Rhys practically coming to blows over Gwen was great fun. Rhys is no fool; he could see that Jack and Gwen were into each other, and even the most secure of fiances would have to dither about his girlfriend spending all her time with a guy who looks like Jack. And Jack kept watching Gwen with Rhys as if he were jealous. I'm sure he was.

Rhys did a damned fine job undercover, though, and he and Jack connected (somewhat) over their mutual concern for Gwen. And Gwen won in the end; Rhys got to keep his memories of Torchwood. Jack certainly didn't like it. Made me wonder if he'll overrule her at some point and retcon Rhys.

At least now Gwen can go home and talk with her honey about her life at work, while the rest of Torchwood is still grappling with the problem that no one else could possibly understand what they do. Tosh was throwing massive hints at Owen that would have been obvious to a preschooler, and he was pointedly ignoring them. And Jack and Ianto were looking meaningfully at each other. I guess they are still keeping their relationship quiet.

Bits and pieces:

-- Gwen said adamantly that Rhys would never lie to her, when she had just lied to him.

-- Rhys got shot. His second brush with death in Torchwood. Except the first time never happened.

-- Ianto was a hoot again.

-- Meat feast pizza. Yeah, we get the point.

-- The creature was very poor CGI. During one early scene, they called the meat "dense flesh." That would have been a more interesting title for this episode. Not that anything would have helped all that much.


Gwen: "Have you ever eaten alien meat?"
Jack: "Yeah."
Gwen: "What was it like?"
Jack: "He seemed to enjoy it."

Owen: "There's a rift through space and time that runs through Cardiff, Rhys. Stuff slips through it from other timelines and planets, and it's our job to monitor it."
Rhys: (to Gwen) "Are you sure they're not some kind of weird cult?"

Jack: "We're going to save it. Stabilize it, wait for the Rift to open, and send it back."
Ianto: (quietly) "Guess who will have to look after it in the meantime."
Tosh: "Tell me exactly how we are going to use it to arm ourselves against the future?"
Owen: "We could always hide behind it."

Jack: "We are doing this! That's an order."
Owen: "Fine."
Ianto: "I'll stock up on plankton."

Jack: "Maybe you could fit me in."
Ruth: "I'd be delighted to."
Jack: "Would I need a license for trucking?"
Ruth: "Yes. Takes four weeks and then you can go long distance."
Jack: "That wouldn't be a problem."
Jack is a master of the double entendre, even with an ordinary looking office assistant.

Rhys: "She's an amazing girl. I'm a lucky man, Jack."
Jack: "Yeah, you said it."
Rhys: "I just wish you were a bit uglier. You're not gay by any chance, are you?"

Jack: "Imprisoned, chained and drugged. Welcome to Planet Earth."

Rhys: "And you know, I'm even cool about Jack. Yeah, all right, yeah, he's handsome, enigmatic, saves the world and all that. But it's me you come home to at the end of it all."
Gwen: "And I always will."

Loved the Rhys/Gwen/Jack scenes. Hated the rest of it. One star,

Billie Doux loves good television and spends way too much time writing about it.


  1. I agree with you 100%. I usually like edgy and unnerving content that makes me push my limits of comfort, but when something is that repugnant, it overwhelms the plot and distracts me. One star indeed.

  2. Not the best episode from the bunch, especially considering it's from the same writer as Out Of Time and Captain Jack Harkness.

    I sided with Rhys more than Jack and I don't like the implication sometimes that Gwen is settling for him. He's more than worthy of her.

    The alien looked naff but I liked that it was something to sympathise with. And Ianto had a reasonably dark moment as well.

  3. Ianto's scenes make up for a lot of the rest. His snarky one-liners, his fighting back and concern for Jack and the rest of the team.... just pure love!

  4. This improves on second viewing.

    (Second viewing also means I could fast-forward through a few minutes.)


We love comments! We moderate because of spam and trolls, but don't let that stop you! It’s never too late to comment on an old show, but please don’t spoil future episodes for newbies.