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Vampire Diaries: Hello, Brother

“To be honest, I’m just glad the whole vampire craze is over.”

We’re here, dear readers. After eight seasons, we’re finally in the home stretch: just 16 episodes left. The end is, in fact, nigh. And that means we’re all wondering if TVD will go out strong or whimper its way to an end.

This episode looks promising. Damon and Enzo have been booted from Team Free Will and are now the unwilling minions of a really, really evil puddle. Well, something that lives in a puddle. Okay—spoiler alert!—it’s a Siren, one of those mythical enchantresses that can be outfoxed only by a wily Greek wanderer. And, apparently, Enzo.

It took me a while to figure out how Enzo could have planted clues about the Siren before he was overcome by the Siren. I guess he must have discovered what lived in the Armory’s basement during the three-year time jump, and that’s why he kept mansplaining The Odyssey to Bonnie. Does that make sense? (Do I care if it does?)

Either way, Enzo gave Bonnie just enough clues that she knows what she is fighting, and she has just enough Alaripedia to begin to formulate a plan. That’s a good thing, since Alaric is now the boss of the Armory. He’s got interns! (Alaric, don’t sleep with the interns. You’ve already got an “it’s complicated” relationship with a former student who is close friends with your dead ex-wife’s almost-dead biological daughter.)

Speaking of that relationship…so far, I like where the show is going with the whole Alaric/Caroline thing. It seems like they’re good at co-parenting, and it’s nice to see people actually struggle with balancing work stuff and life stuff, since in Mystic Falls, jobs and school never seem to take any time from the soap opera lives our heroes lead. But I’m surprised that Caroline would be willing to move away from her daughters; she started this episode micromanaging their sandwiches and ended it by agreeing to move out. Weird, right?

Maybe it’s the eternal allure of Stefan’s hero hair, which was in full force this week. He’s in rock-steady Stefan mode right now: on the cusp of saving Damon from himself, boyfriending the heck out of his relationship, etc. I wonder if this last season will see a reappearance of the Ripper.

I wonder if it will see a reappearance of Elena, too. Without her, this show treads water. Without her, Damon treads water. He’s turned his humanity switch off (oh, that again!) and is stuck doing the bidding of an ancient evil. Will he regain enough control to win his free will back? Will Bonnie have to die to save him? Will Matt ever return to Mystic Falls, or wherever the show is set these days? Is Tyler still alive? I don't even remember.

Those are good questions to have, although I’m excited for TVD to come to a happy close. I would like everyone (who isn’t evil) to live happily ever after. Can we make that happen, please?

Bites and Pieces:

• Damon is reading Fifty Shades of Grey.

• OMG Virginia St. John bit out her tongue!

• According to showrunner Julie Plec, all of the episode titles this season are lines from the show. That doesn’t fix the fact that this episode’s title makes me think of Buster Bluth saying “Hey, brother” in Arrested Development.

Three out of four sandwiches with the crusts cut off.

Josie Kafka is a full-time cat servant and part-time rogue demon hunter. (What's a rogue demon?)


  1. I thought it was sad that Enzo used the deaths of two not-evil people to clue Bonnie in with his Odyssey clues. Poor things. But sort of romantic that while Enzo and Damon are nearly soulless, they're envisioning Bonnie and Elena to hang on to a tiny piece of humanity. Damon said he had flipped his switch, but I don't think he did. If he had, would he be retreating to seeing memories of Elena in his mind? That's how I took it, anyway.

  2. I just wish that last season had been handled differently, because now we have the following things on the show that seem to me at least, to be random and too sudden, like we are in an alternate reality: Bonnie and Enzo's love, Carolyn and Rick's little family, the Armory, Matt being a grown up. I admit, I got lost in the middle of last season and need to do a re-watch someday, with my eyes completely open, but TVD suddenly feels so different. I do like Enzo fighting off the mind control. You go, Enzo. I like Stefan and his hero hair's reaction to not being able to help his brother, he looks so sad. I wish Damon would decide to be a good undead person just for himself, because he wanted to, not because Elena completes him. The show's ratings have gone downhill ever since Delena became such a cloying storyline, I wish Ms. Plec had realized that love triangles should be a trope of the past, and have the characters move on to different people and stories long ago. I'm sorry, but every time Damon brings up Elena, I just roll my eyes. He mooned over Katherine for a century, now he is going to do the same with Elena for the next 60 years? I know the show is ending, so we'll see. Instead of some epic reunion filmed in the rain with soaring orchestral music in the future, I'd rather see Damon decide to move on with his undead life. Damon, you are gorgeous, funny and passionate. Lot's of ladies would like to be with you; alive, undead, or otherwise.

    By the way, somewhere on the internet, I read that the intern in the Armory is played by Allison Scaglotti from Warehouse 13. With her dark hair, I didn't even recognize her.


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