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Five Fictional Schools You Wouldn't Want to Send Your Kids To

A few of the survivors of the graduating class of '99.
Despite what Pink Floyd might think, children really do need an education. They also need things like beating hearts, working lungs, and attached heads. And that is why you should never send your children to any of these educational death traps.

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry Harry Potter

The Ministry of Magic clearly didn't have an Ofsted, because if it did it would've shut this place down ages ago. I mean, the place is literally haunted by the ghost of a student who was murdered on campus. Then there's the small matter of the monsters and Dark Wizards who regularly plague the school every semester. And don't even get me started on the staff.

Brakebills University for Magical PedagogyThe Magicians

Bizarrely, there are no magical universities in the Harry Potter world. Education begins and ends with Hogwarts. Which is probably a good thing. Can you imagine the kind of mayhem drunken uni students would get up to if they had magic? Fortunately, the students at Brakebills University don't have much time for mischief, what with all the evil magicians constantly trying to murder them.

Coal Hill SchoolDoctor Who/Class

This London comprehensive school (later an academy thanks to David Cameron) repeatedly falls victim to alien attacks. In fact, alien incursions are so common that the staff and students are either abducted by aliens, taken over by aliens, killed by aliens, dating aliens, or actually are aliens.

Sunnydale High SchoolBuffy the Vampire Slayer

The place was literally built on a gateway to hell. At least two principals ended up being eaten and, despite the local slayer's best efforts, an untold number of students never lived to see graduation. Death was so common at Sunnydale High that the school newspaper actually had a regular obituary section. Nice library, though.

Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters - X-Men

In most schools, students dread their annual exams. At Xavier’s, the students dread the annual blowing up of the entire school.

Mark Greig has been writing for Doux Reviews since 2011 More Mark Greig

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