"Elves are marvelous. They cause marvels.
"Elves are fantastic. They create fantasies.
"Elves are glamorous. They project glamour.
"Elves are enchanting. They weave enchantment.
"Elves are terrific. They beget terror.
"The thing about words is that meanings can twist just like a snake, and if you want to find snakes look for them behind words that have changed their meaning.
"No one ever said elves are nice. Elves are bad."
For the fourteenth book of Discworld, and the fourth witches book, that also features the faculty of UU, we have to deal with the return of the elves. Discworld elves are not the same ones that many lovers of high fantasy are used to. They owe far more of their nature to historical depictions of fay beings that are genuinely horrifying.
Our three witches are back home in Lancre after their trip to Genua and taking the long way back. But things are not quite as they should be. Lords and Ladies combines aspects of Shakespeare's A Midsummer Night's Dream with the humor of the Disc. This is a rare Discworld book where Sir Terry recommends reading both Wyrd Sisters and Witches Abroad before this volume, since he normally makes the books not rely on reading any of the other books first, but those tomes really do help us get to know the witches and their homeland of Lancre. Magrat and King Verence are soon to be wed, and she'll become his queen, although she has some doubts about how quickly everything is moving. And there's ill tidings in their small kingdom upon the witch's return.
The magic at the stone circle in the deep woods has been weakened. This thinning of the protective barrier is a harbinger of dreadful things as circles are being formed in crops and things related to crops all over the place. This is caused by the elves' parasitic dimension leaking into the Disc's reality as the barrier weakens. The witches catch on to this dire situation quickly, and that's when they discover that someone has been up by the stones and dancing, which is why the situation is as bad as it is. And despite their best efforts, things get much, much worse.
Besides our always great trio of witches, we have members of the UU staff, especially Archchancellor Mustrum Ridcully, the Librarian, the now frog pill dependent Bursar, and Ponder Stibbons, who was a secondary character in Moving Pictures, and is now part of the faculty as the Reader of Invisible Writings, King Verence II, who was of course the fool in Wyrd Sisters, and then we have the young women who tried to be witches while our trio was gone, although largely focused on two of them: Agnes Nitt/Perdita and Lucy Tockley/Diamanda. Diamanda since she's the leader of the young upstart witches here and Agnes because she's got genuine witchy potential and we'll be seeing her again.
We also get to meet more of the Oggs, especially Jason and Shawn, Casanunda returns in all his diminutive glory, Hodgesaargh the falconer that is constantly attacked by his own birds is a great character, the local Morris Men, including the hilariously named Bestiality Carter are great fun, and even Millie Chillum, who is a local girl that becomes Queen-to-be Magrat's personal maid is enjoyable in her own way, and of course Mr. Brooks the beekeeper whose knowledge of bees is quite helpful to both Magrat and the reader.
There are a few romance plots running parallel in this book that are all fun in their own way. Of course, queen-to-be Magrat Garlock and King Verence II, the former fool, are always fun and charming, even if they have some rocky bits to deal with. Mustrum Ridcully and Granny Weatherwax have an endearing call back to their distant past, even if it's generally Ridcully that's in the mood for such things. Nanny Ogg and Casanunda are hilarious and have such great rapport that works even better than it did back in Witches Abroad.
The book gives us a lot more worldbuilding in regard to the Disc and especially Lancre, the Oggs, and the Morris dancing, but then things shift gear once the elves arrive. As the introduction to this review indicates, these are not your standard Tolkien elves; these elves are nasty and vicious. They make you see them as more beautiful and wonderful than you could possibly be, and then they torture and kill for fun.
Dwarves and trolls have a longer memory than we do, so they have a deep and abiding hatred of what the elves did before when their world intersected with the Disc and they ran free, but humanity's memory is not as effective, and they remember the elves being good, since the racial memory gets distorted and lost over time. The wedding party for Magrat and Verence gets a rude surprise once the elves fully break through. Most of the people are helpless as the elves' glamour places them in docile trances, some are hunted, tortured, and discarded, but a few are ready to fight back.
The three witches are all great here, with Granny being abrasive but clever as always; Nanny being, well, Nanny, and getting people to help out and get things done; and Magrat gets some well-deserved glory here. She was not in the best of moods for a chunk of the book, even before the elves invade, but she gets to be badass when she needs to be, and I love that she got to assert herself in dealing with the elves.
It's always such a treat to read Sir Terry's works. He combines some serious situations with excellent humor, and it's rarely more self-evident than this book. Having not only the three witches, but also the wizards, Verence, the Oggs, and other supporting characters, in one grand volume make this book a pure joy to read. It deserves full marks for being this interesting and this much fun, while also tying Shakespeare into the Discworld once again.
4 pounds of elf-repelling iron out of 4.
Some fun quotes:
"Nanny Ogg was an attractive lady, which is not the same as being beautiful. She fascinated Casanunda. She was an incredibly comfortable person to be around, partly because she had a mind so broad it could accommodate three football fields and a bowling alley."
"In fact, the mere act of opening the box will determine the state of the cat, although in this case there were three determinate states the cat could be in: these being Alive, Dead, and Bloody Furious."
"The Monks of Cool, whose tiny and exclusive monastery is hidden in a really cool and laid-back valley in the lower Ramtops, have a passing-out test for a novice. He is taken into a room full of all types of clothing and asked: 'Yo, my son, which of these is the most stylish thing to wear?' And the correct answer is: 'Hey, whatever I select.'"
Morella is a Gen Xer who likes strange things a bit too much.
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