Star Trek Strange New Worlds: Once La'an a Time

"Are we all on drugs? Or do you all see a castle over there, too?"

If you've been following my reviews this season, you can probably guess how discouraged I was when I heard that this episode was part two of "The Elysian Kingdom."

Sadly, my feelings of dread were warranted. Despite the gorgeous sets and costumes and the actors clearly having great fun playing their doppelgängers, this episode was a colossal waste of time.

So, the basic premise. Enterprise encountered a weird flat planet that looked somewhat like a bubble habitat floating in space. Only M'Benga knew it was his now magical daughter Rukiya's storybook brought to life. Fortunately, he still had the book handy to bring everyone up to speed.

The earlier hints this season that La'an would turn to the Dark Side were explored and brought to a close here, but in a super unserious way where La'an had to confront and literally fight the princess part of herself and retrieve the necklace her father gave her. Plus, there was a magic chalice. For some reason, she had to do all this with the help of James Kirk as Prince Dashing with his hair blowing in the breeze, and later, his werewolf doppelgänger because he has light and shadow within, too. Doesn't everyone?

(Yes, we all know Paul Wesley played a vampire for eight seasons. I don't know why they didn't just make him a vampire.)

Uhura once again looked totally awesome as evil Queen Neve, with Chapel as her sidekick. I liked how Neve trapped people in portrait frames, sort of like The Picture of Dorian Gray. When we got to Neve conquering the dragon by becoming one, though, I started getting very tired of it all. I wanted a serious resolution to La'an's genetic and emotional problem, not this muddled fantasy sequel. Although I'm down with her acquiring a dog.

For me, the most enjoyable doppelgängers were Rauth and Pollux onboard the Enterprise pretending to be Pike and Spock, chewing the furniture, rehearsing their delivery of "Hit it" and "Fascinating," and arriving drunk on the bridge. I particularly liked "Open the magic clam."

Finally, was Carol Kane just written out of the series? Pelia decided to stay behind on Elysia with her new boyfriend, Max the Miracle Worker, a direct reference to The Princess Bride where Billy Crystal and Carol Kane were a married couple wearing a great deal of aging makeup. Pelia has been a lot of fun but technically superfluous since Scotty joined the cast.

I assume this is the last gimmick episode this season. If I had to rate them, I probably liked "Human Best Friend" the most, and "Like Chronitons Through the Hourglass" the least. Not that there was that much intensity to how I felt. But it's unlikely I'll watch any of them again. I truly wish that the Powers That Be could go back to when they were planning season four (okay, season three) and make a lot of different decisions before they ruined one of my favorite shows. My daughter, who is as big a Star Trek fan as I am, has actually started skipping episodes. I never thought that would happen.

Bits:

— Stardate 2355.6. La'an's log, of course. The Enterprise was a guest at a Benzite dignitary's wedding. I wish we'd gotten that instead.

— Una and Ortegas kissed. Or their doppelgängers did. It almost counts.

— Runa is Christina Chong's own dog.

— At one point, I could swear I saw Audrey Two from Little Shop of Horrors in the forest.

— If I had to compare this episode with "The Elysian Kingdom," I enjoyed the first one more. Mostly because I liked how creatively the Enterprise was decorated. And that there was an actual plot with a major storyline resolution.

Gorgeous dress. Looked uncomfortable

Quotes:

(I snapped up a lot of quotes because they were genuinely funny and the cast delivered them well. Plus it was a way to assuage my frustration.)

Spock: "It is my belief that she is torn between two sides of herself."
Spock knows what duality is like, of course.

La'an: "The Orion dignitary was a spy, okay? I prevented an intergalactic incident and saved a marriage."
Pike: "By putting the groom's face in his own cake and lighting the bride's dress on fire."
Now, see? That could have been fun. Unless it turned into yet another comedy episode.

Pike: "Do you have anything that can cure acute grumpiness?"
M'Benga: "If I did, I would have given it to you years ago."

Spock: "This planet should not exist. It is moving through space on its own power. In defiance of physics and logic, it has gravity, breathable air, and signs of life."
Pelia: "That thing looks like it should've been painted on the side of my ex-boyfriend's van." (Laughs, looks around, then says sadly,) "Oh. You don't know what a van is."

La'an: "We're staying? Why are we staying?"
Pike: "To find out why a magic planet populated with our doppelgängers is floating through space."
La'an: "Magic? We're saying magic is a real thing now, are we?"
Spock: "Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic."
Pelia: "Arthur C. Clarke. Well, you know, I gave him and Kubrick notes on 2001."

Joseph/M'Benga doppel: "'Whomst' is not a word."

La'an: "I'm fine. I just... would like a few words with Carl Jung."

Sir Adya/Ortegas doppel: "It now rests in the clutches of a devious, twisted monster that dwells in a horrid, desolate land known only as..."
La'an: "'The Swamp of Infinite Death.' Just no subtext here at all, is there?"
That signpost looked like it belonged in the second half of The Wizard of Oz. Or possibly the Fire Swamp with the R.O.U.S.'s.

Rauth/Pike doppel: "This ship could really use some color. I'm thinking tapestries. Or is that too staid?"

Pollux/Spock doppel: "I should have stayed in magic school."

Kirk: "Well, you did owe me a drink. But to be honest, I'm nervous, too. I mean, we have a lot of history. Singing. Stabbing. Stunning. Some other stuff that's apparently classified. Yet, here we both are."
La'an: "Can we start over?"
Kirk: "Let's find out."

The season finale is coming next week. Here's hoping it is more like "Valles Marineris," "Off-Hour" and "Orders of Magnitude" than the rest of this season.

But this Elysian sequel? One out of four Rodents of Unusual Size,

Billie
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Billie Doux loves good television and spends way too much time writing about it.

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