by Laure Mack
I take back everything I've ever said about this show. The writing, the acting, the directing. It's all embarrassingly terrible.
Just kidding. I really had no idea what to write up there, because all I really want to do is give Kol a hug. His mother gave him a bloody nose. With her mind. As parenting techniques go, the Mikaelsons' could use some serious overhaul.
This week was a lot to do with Kol and Marcel (they even knew each other way back when) and getting some back story on them, but Kol's story was repetitive and boring. I get the need to drive home the fact that he is left with some shoddy choices in the way of family alliances, and he certainly won no points with me standing up Davina, but I just can't dislike someone when his mother is being mean to him. Esther doesn't have his back, as she is clearly a loon and Klaus and Elijah literally stabbed him in the back. Probably more than once. Davina might be the only way for him to turn. Unless he is secretly Mikael's favorite, he really should have bought her that coffee. Cheers to Kol for standing up to his mom as best he could.
Speaking of Esther's terrible parenting, she and Klaus had a little tea party, and there aren't enough gold acting stars in the universe to give Joseph Morgan what he deserves for that scene. I almost fell out of my chair when she started talking about sending him to his room. At one point Klaus was sort of positioned with his mother in front of him to the right and dozens of werewolves to the left. He told her that he could kill them all, and it's true. It was like he was bragging, "Look Mom, see how strong and powerful I am?", but there were tears in his eyes and trepidation in his actions. If it were anyone else, even Mikael, I think he would've attacked right then and there. Was anyone else screaming not to drink the tea??? Also, while I'm giving out gold stars. Daniel Gillies deserves some too for the scene when Klaus and Elijah exchange stories about their parental run-ins, but Elijah pissed me off so I'm not giving him any.
Marcel's backstory had a lot more heart than Kol's, and served a dual purpose as a way to explain Elijah's moronic behavior towards Hayley. Marcel was just a young impressionable child that was raised by a family of often sadistic and always petty vampires. Maybe it's lucky he isn't running around setting various people and places on fire. I'm not sure if it's enough to make him likeable to everyone, but if your heart didn't break for him when Elijah expressed his boredom, then you probably aren't human. Elijah left the innocent little warrior to be looked after by Klaus, so that his brother wouldn't get his feelings hurt. And since that worked soooo well before, he decides to throw Hayley away in the same fashion.
Last week, Hayley talked about how killing Francesca did not help her to feel any better. This week Klaus told her that when thinking about Hope hurts him too much, it makes him feel better to know that he will have revenge. I think it might actually make him feel better, and not in a sick serial killer kind of way. In a justice kind of way. I had never thought about it that way before. Probably because I still see him as a villain that, for now, just happens to be aligned with the characters I love.
Marcel did find a true friend in Davina. I am loving her new found confidence. After everything that she has been through, and survived, it makes sense that she would have more confidence. Too bad she hasn't had time to work on her poker face. Elijah saw right through her. It didn't take much for that bracelet to fall off, though. She should think about duct tape. We all knew it would happen sooner or later so I guess that's why I laughed.
3.5 out 4 ill-fitting spelled bracelets
Not only did Elijah cost Daniel Gillies gold acting stars, he also cost this rating 1/2 a point.
Bites and pieces
Hayley's bloody paw prints turned foot prints were cool.
It seems unfair that Mikael got to come back in his own body while Esther, Finn and Kol have to sulk around in loaners.
Are we supposed to have forgotten Oliver's hand in all the backstabby death last season (including killing a member of his own pack), because I haven't. Does anyone believe he will turn on the witches?
Is it weird that Esther, a witch that had an affair with a werewolf, is talking about how well the two factions get along? To. Her. Son. A product of that affair. Or is it just me?
I wonder if Kol actually did practice witchcraft before he became a vampire or if he was just sweet talking Davina.
Kol reminds me a lot of Damon. Anyone else?
Finn. What a Momma's boy. On this show, I doubt he's going to stay so one-dimensional. I just wish they would get on with it, because he's seriously annoying me.
Cami must've been cramming for mid-terms or writing a term paper or something.
Klaus: "I find it amusing that you think you have a choice."
Kol: "No! I swear, the day will come that I'm not so easily subdued, and you will regret this!"
Klaus: "Perhaps, but today is not that day."
Hayley: "I'm a hybrid now. I have a werewolf temper to go with my new appetite, and the witches that tried to kill my baby... they're worth nothing more than food."
Kol: "Uh. Not creepy at all. Watching me on a date."
Klaus: "Which of our parents do we kill first?"
Kol: "Look at my head! This isn't going to heal for weeks. I haven't had a scar for a thousand years!"
This was BY FAR my favorite line, but I just couldn't justify using it as the leading quote.