by Billie Doux
Ichabod: "One deadly situation at a time, please."
Honestly, this one didn't excite me, and I fell asleep during my initial viewing and had to watch it again. Although it was the right move to give us some backstory on Dreyfuss, and it gave Jeremy Davies, whose work I always enjoy, an opportunity to do something other than act sinister. Sinisterly. With sinister-ness?
So Dreyfuss's bad guy motivation is pretty simple. He sold his soul for success, the contents of a burning car and the removal of his business partner, and he'll have to fork over said soul when he dies. Therefore, he's going to find the Philosopher's Stone, which is like a really big jigsaw puzzle, and it will give him immortality -- soul problem solved. As evil plans go, that's a pretty good one.
Was all this supposed to make us sympathize with Dreyfuss? Nah. Although it was fun to see him terrified and completely freaking out a couple of times. And watching Dreyfuss interact with Ichabod Crane was great. Ichabod could have shown more disdain for Dreyfuss to his face, but I'm not sure how. That was a lot of disdain.
Ansel, Dreyfuss's former partner, was understandably pissed off about getting shuttled off to Hell and getting tortured by demons inflicting mystical sigil name burns on his skin. What happened to Ansel was an unpleasant, explicit lesson on what happens in Hell. I think. Is this sort of sigil-burning thing what happens to everyone who goes to Hell, or is it specifically designed for each new Hell inhabitant? You'd think demons would know better than to give their victims something they could use, but there you go. I thought it was mildly cool that Ansel was able to use those sigils, one at a time, while he laid siege to Dreyfuss's cool, dark office building.
This was yet another successful episode for our new Scoobies, especially when it came to team effort. Jake found the "shutdown" sigil, Jenny (who wouldn't let Jake go along to the Dreyfuss building), used that shutdown on Ansel, Ichabod threw the knife that killed the guy, and Diana did an amazing leap in order to catch the tube of Greek Fire before it hit the ground. Plus it was fun that Jake is still crushing on Jenny (his reaction to her smiling at him was super cute) and Alex is helping him out with Jenny pursuit in exchange for a month of lunches and his parking space.
There was even good mother-daughter stuff, as Diana finally told Molly the truth about being a Witness over too-crunchy quesadillas. I also liked that Ichabod had nice words for Diana's skills as a mother, and showed regret for never having had a relationship with Henry. Even though that wasn't Ichabod's fault.
Our good guys now know everything about Dreyfuss's supernatural quest, and they've even figured out the ley lines map and where George Washington hid that final piece of the Philosopher's Stone. We're going back to Sleepy Hollow. Yay?
But honestly, the best part of this reasonably good episode was Ichabod telling the girls about the origin of soccer. And maybe that's the answer to what to do with Sleepy Hollow, a show that has changed so many times they don't know what to do with it. Tom Mison should have a talk show where he is the Ichabod Crane character and he just talks with people from all walks of life, and how things were back in his day. I wouldn't expect Tom Mison to come up with the material himself, he could have writers... but wouldn't that work? I'd watch it.
-- Is Jobe the demonic bodyguard dead now? Hard to tell with demons.
-- There were four water bottles on Dreyfuss's desk this time, not five. What does it mean? Does it mean anything? Maybe he's just thirsty all the time. Diabetes?
-- Ansel turned up at the Church of the Everliving Rock and stole that piece of the Stone from a crooked preacher who did fake healings... of the same guy. Wouldn't tent revival aficionados notice that the same guy got healed more than once? Don't any of them have cell phone cameras?
-- Alex, isn't SQL pronounced 'seequil'?
-- The burned out eyes were another crossover-like detail from Supernatural.
-- Security guards keep getting killed on this show, don't they?
-- Jeremy Davies. Bad flashback wig. Something that happened a lot on Lost.
Ichabod: "The third century Celts were the most fearsome and bloodthirsty warriors in all of Britannia. Savage to their barbarian hearts, they laid waste to all who challenged them, including one Danish prince foolish enough to cross Hadrian's Wall. He was defeated, of course, and decapitated. The Celtic chieftains allowed their men to lustily kick his head around for enjoyment. And from these gruesome origins grew the sporting endeavor you modern day warriors refer to as soccer."
Too funny. But the responses of the little girls on the soccer team were also hilarious:
Girl 1: "What did they do with the head after?"
Girl 2: "Did they empty its brains before they played?"
Girl 3: "And what about the eyes? Did they pop out when they kicked it?"
Ichabod: "Most likely."
Diana: "Okay, that is enough of a pep talk from our friend. Say, 'Thank you, Mr. Crane'."
Team: (in unison) "Thank you, Mr. Crane."
Ichabod: "To a swift victory, Team Bumblebee!"
Ichabod: "Kweep kweep kweep! That's the sound of a white-breasted nut hatch at the rite of spring in the colonies. A common expression of adulation in my day."
Diana: "Guess that one didn't stick."
Ichabod: "And we are all the poorer for it."
Ichabod: "Being a witness does not grant one special powers or skills. A witness is no different than any other person."
Diana: "Except that they're a monster magnet."
Ichabod: "Master Wells, You say you saw his man procuring an item from the Smithsonian?"
Jake: "'Procuring' is the nicest way of saying he incinerated a security guard while demonically trashing the storage room."
Alex: (to Jake re: Jenny) "Dude, hamsters learn faster than you. She's not into you."
Diana: (injured) "Listen. If I don't make it, tell Molly if she keeps hanging out with that snotty girl Erica, she'll end up with a lower back tattoo and a life full of regret."
As possibly dying words, pretty cool, Diana.
Two out of four lower back tatts, and I'm looking forward to Sleepy Hollow actually returning to Sleepy Hollow,
Billie Doux loves good television, especially science fiction, and spends way too much time writing about it.