Firefly: Objects in Space

River: "I'm not on the ship. I'm in the ship. I am the ship."

The opening scenes showed us Serenity from River's point of view. Her feet were bare, symbolic of her extreme vulnerability. Was River really hearing their thoughts, or was it more negative? The dislike of her that she imagined they felt? Simon, care of River's brain, said, "I would be there right now." Simon actually did say this later to Kaylee, so it probably was what he was thinking. Jayne said, "I got stupid. The money was too good." He actually said that to Mal at one point, so yes.

Firefly: Heart of Gold

Mal: "Well, any friend of Inara's is a strictly businesslike relationship of mine."

And now for the crew's impression of the Magnificent Seven.

This episode felt a bit like "Trash," a fun caper in an unusual setting. The most interesting thing about it was the development in the Mal/Inara relationship. Or non-relationship, as it were.

Firefly: The Message

Mal: "You murdered yourself. I just carried the bullet awhile."

See, I knew he wasn't dead. But he turned out to be, anyway, and in more ways than one.

Firefly: Trash

Saffron: "He's my husband."
Mal: "Well, who in the damn galaxy ain't?"

Just another wacky caper episode, and a return engagement with Mal's blushing, psychotic ex-bride, Saffron-Bridget-Yolanda.

Firefly: War Stories

Wash: "What this marriage needs is one less husband."

This was a clever, well-written episode about an important but as yet unexplored triangle: Zoe, Wash, and Mal.

Firefly: Ariel

Simon: "For this to work, River and I will have to be dead."
Jayne: "I'm starting to like this plan."

Again, a strong episode that showed Simon in a wonderful light: clever, courageous, risking his life for his sister. It's like Simon is our conventional hero, while Mal is our anti-hero.

Firefly: Out of Gas

Inara: "Mal, you don't have to die alone."
Mal: "Everybody dies alone."

Beginnings and endings, life and death.

Firefly: Jaynestown

Simon: "This must be what going mad feels like."

I found it hard to write about this episode. How many ways can you say, My god, this episode was funny? It's safe to say that, for me at least, "Jaynestown" is the funniest episode in the series. Some of it was outright hilarious. The mud, the "eerie-assed" statue, the "Ballad of Jayne Cobb," it was classic.

Firefly: Our Mrs. Reynolds

Shepherd Book: "If you take sexual advantage of her, you're going to burn in a very special level of hell. A level they reserve for child molesters and people who talk at the theater."

After a job that appeared to have gone very well (despite Mal's frequent assertion that things never "go smooth"), the crew was bamboozled by a deceptive beauty who said she was married to Mal.

Firefly: Safe

Jayne: "See? That's my whole problem with picking up tourists. They ain't never what they claim to be."

Not my favorite episode, but it had its interesting points. Like, Simon would die for his sister, or with her. Shepherd Book has some weird connection to the Alliance. And beagles are easier to transport than cows.

Firefly: Shindig

Mal: "I got stabbed. Right here."
Inara: "You also lined up exciting new crime."

And it was the Mal and Inara show. They're so obviously in love. But the only place they seem to connect is on Serenity. Why can't he tell her how he feels? Why does he have to be all manly and obtuse? Instead, he snapped at Kaylee for no reason at all, and got himself into a duel he couldn't possibly win. Except that he did.

Firefly: Bushwhacked

Mal: "Looks like civilization finally caught up with us."

Moody and scary. And it started out so well.

Firefly: The Train Job

Mal: "They tell you never hit a man with a closed fist. But it is, on occasion, hilarious."

Very exciting, frenetic episode, full of action as well as exceptionally clever lines. The opening Unification Day barfight in particular was so much fun that I wanted to quote three-quarters of the dialogue. But this episode was also very much about moral choices, an important concept to establish when your heroes are outlaws.

Firefly: Serenity

Zoe: "I know something ain't right."
Wash: "Sweetie, we're crooks. If everything were right, we'd be in jail."

This pilot established the basic blueprint of the show. Captain Malcolm Reynolds, who was a sergeant on the losing side in the war six years ago, is now something of a space pirate who makes money any way he can in order to keep his ship in the air. Space. He has a crew of four: second in command Zoe, pilot Wash, engineer Kaylee, and... well, I'm not sure what Jayne is. Serenity takes on a group of new passengers that includes two fugitives and a fed. A job goes very wrong, and nearly everyone gets shot. And we get the impression that this is not an atypical day.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Chosen

Faith: "It looks like the Hellmouth is officially closed for business."
Giles: "There's another one in Cleveland."

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: End of Days

Willow: "So it's true. Scythe matters."

I should probably feel all outraged and pissed off about that last minute liplock with Angel, but I don't. I always suspected that Buffy would break Spike's heart in the end. But how could she give him hope like that? Actually hint that they would make a try at a relationship when it was all over, and then throw herself at Angel just because she once loved him passionately and he showed up in the nick of time and saved her life? Is this a confusing love triangle, or what?

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Touched

Spike: "I follow my blood, which doesn't exactly rush in the direction of my brain."

Spike showed them all what loyalty is. He stood up for Buffy. He was the only one who did. And he gave her the strength to face Caleb, and outwit him.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Empty Places

Xander: "I'm trying to see your point here, Buff, but I guess it must be a little to my left."

It's the end of the world as we know it, at least as far as Sunnydale is concerned. Everyone is leaving town, the brand new high school is already abandoned, and Buffy is now alone, as advertised.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Dirty Girls

Faith: "Are you the bad slayer now? Am I the good slayer now?"

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Lies My Parents Told Me

Robin: "So he has a trigger, a soul, and a chip?"

The basic plot was straight out of The Vampire Lestat. Lestat adored his mother, Gabrielle; they were exceptionally close, she was near death from consumption, he made her a vampire so that they could be together forever... and she rejected him.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Storyteller

Anya: "Buffy seems to think that this apocalypse is going to actually be... apocalyptic."

Andrew finally won me over. I honestly didn't think that would happen.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Get It Done

Buffy: "The Hellmouth has begun its semi-annual percolation. Usually it blows around May."

We had some major developments in the fight against the First. But what did it all mean?

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: First Date

Chao-Ahn: "Why is everyone up? Are the flashcard monsters attacking?"

This week's moral lessons are: redemption's a bitch, and never date during an Apocalypse.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: The Killer in Me

Spike: "Who you gonna call? God, that phrase is never gonna be usable again, is it?"

To my everlasting relief, the constant pitter-patter of teenage girlie feet departed long enough to give us a really terrific episode, with cliffhangers even.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Potential

Anya: "Wow. It's like, one second you were this klutzy teenager with fake memories and a history of kleptomania, and then suddenly you're a hero with a much abbreviated life span."

The First is "in remission," and this episode was, like, intermission. *yawn*

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Showtime

Willow: "I felt it, just surging through me, every fiber of my being. Pure, undiluted evil. I could taste it."
Kennedy: "How does evil taste?"
Willow: "A little chalky."

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Bring on the Night

Buffy: "I didn't even realize it was December. Maybe when we get home, we should decorate the rubble."

Wow. Bummer. I'm not sure what upsets me more: that Spike is still being tortured, or that something is terribly wrong with Giles.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Never Leave Me

Spike: "I have come to redefine the terms pain and suffering since I fell in love with you."

Good God. They weren't kidding about going back to their roots. Even the manacles were back.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Sleeper

Anya: "You know, you were a lot more fun when you didn't have a soul."

So the Big Bad this year is focusing directly on the Scooby Gang. It knows them intimately. How? The First Evil in "Amends" certainly knew Angel intimately; maybe that's just the way It operates.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Conversations with Dead People

Buffy: "Yeah. What I really need is emotional therapy from the evil dead."

Sometimes this show just shocks the socks off of me. This was one of those times.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Him

Xander: "Welcome to the Hellmouth, where even outerwear isn't safe."

Very funny, frothy, and well written. I laughed out loud a lot. In fact, I think the scene with Buffy, Spike, Principal Wood, and the bazooka was priceless; one of the funniest scenes they've ever done. But the episode as a whole was a bit too fluffy and silly for me. Part of me believes that my Buffy episodes must come with pain and suffering, because isn't that where the fire comes from?

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Selfless

Xander: "This isn't new ground for us. When our friends go all crazy and start killing people, we help them."
Willow: "Sitting right here!"

At the end, Anya said to Xander, "What if I'm really nobody?" That's what this episode was about. Anya has been three different and distinct beings, but she still doesn't have a self to call her own.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Help

Xander: "Poems. Always a sign of pretentious inner turmoil."

I was seriously discouraged after last week's episode, but wow, what a comeback. The preview made me think Dawn-at-high-school-hijinks, but instead, we got a story about high school pain that took me back to season three, with a powerful reminder that Buffy simply can't save everyone, no matter how hard she tries.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Same Time, Same Place

Willow: "I just got back."
Anya: "Just got back as in, you're all better, or just got back to bring about a fiery apocalypse of death?"

Well, that was terrible. I may have to rip this episode to shreds. Pun intended.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Beneath You

Buffy: "Spike, have you completely lost your mind?"
Spike: "Well, yes. Where have you been all night?"

I guess having Spike come back wildly happy and sweeping Buffy off her feet was too much to hope for, huh?

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Lessons

Buffy: "You could still drop out. Only nerds finish high school."
Dawn: "You know, I don't really think it's fair for you to try and scare me on my first day of high school, because it's so redundant."

Buffy sure seems a lot happier now, a lot more like the Buffy of old. But poor, souled Spike! Has the guilt driven him insane? Was he trying to cut his soul out of his body?

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Grave

Willow: "Is this the master plan? You're going to stop me by telling me you love me?"
Xander: "Well, I was going to walk you off a cliff and hand you an anvil, but it seemed kind of cartoony."

Anya said at one point that "no magic or supernatural force can stop her," so of course, it had to be Xander.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Two to Go

Willow: "Oh, Buffy. You really need to have every square inch of your ass kicked."

The Nerds of Doom set the sixth season in motion, but Willow finished it off.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Villains

Willow: "Bored now."

Willow chilled me, right from the beginning; arguing with (and blasting) Osiris; walking away and not telling anyone that Tara was dead; healing Buffy in such a matter of fact way. The print from the books going up her arms, into her hair and eyes and turning them black, whoah... that was probably one of the most dramatic effects they've ever done. It seemed like the magic took over at some point, and the essential Willow was gone, gone, gone.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Seeing Red

Spike: "Why do I feel this way?"
Clem: "Love's a funny thing."

So much happened. Too much. It was like three heavy episodes crammed into one.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Entropy

Xander: "Clearly I'm not handling this well."
Anya: "Well, DUH!"

Is that massive thud I hear the sound of Buffy falling off Xander's pedestal?

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Normal Again

Xander: "Oh, come on, that's ridiculous. What? You think this isn't real just because of the vampires and demons and ex-vengeance demons and the sister that used to be a big ball of universe-destroying energy?"

I really liked this episode. Except for the Dallas ending in the last scene (which had better not be how this series ends, you hear me, Joss Whedon?) and the fact that this basic plot device has been done many times before. And the way Buffy and Xander were treating Spike. Wait a minute...

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Hell's Bells

Spike: "It's nice to watch you be happy. For them, even. I don't see it a lot. You glow."
Buffy: "That's because the dress is radioactive."

Did I forget what show I was watching? Did I really think Xander would marry Anya and they would live happily ever after on a show where every romantic relationship breaks up in the most tragic way possible?

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: As You Were

Buffy: "Were you always this tall?"

This episode was funny, intriguing, and well written, and it really pissed me the hell off. Maybe I should take my critique in that order, and praise before I tirade.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Older and Far Away

Xander: "It's just, you know, you're upset because we all want to leave. And now we can't leave. The only thing missing is a cornfield. There isn't a cornfield, is there?"

This was a fairly typical and pedestrian Buffy vs. Monster episode, good with character interaction and perhaps more interesting for its parts than as a whole. And, of course, it kept well with the Buffy birthday tradition of gutwrenching misery and horror, as one might expect.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Dead Things

Spike: "You always hurt the one you love, pet."

The Nerds of Doom have taken a complete turn to the dark side. This isn't sneaking into a bikini wax shop while invisible, or creating a sexbot. This is a progression from grand theft, to attempted rape, to murder.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Doublemeat Palace

Buffy: "It's like Sleepless in Seattle, if Meg and Tom were, like, minced."

With "Gone," we had Buffy Lite; this time, we got Buffy gross out. It's hard to laugh when you're gagging. No, that's unfair to a clever episode. I actually laughed a lot before I started gagging.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Gone

Xander: "You know, kidding aside, Spike, you really should get a girlfriend."

Definitely Buffy Lite. The title was certainly appropriate: first, several inches of Buffy's hair disappeared, then Buffy herself disappeared... and then her determination to resist Spike seemed to disappear, too. At least momentarily.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Wrecked

Spike: "I'm just saying vampires get you hot."
Buffy: "A vampire got me hot. One. But's he's gone. You're just... you're just... convenient."

Well, that was depressing. Or some of it was. Much of it was very interesting, too. Of course, an episode featuring James Marsters in the nude can't be all bad.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Smashed

Spike: "I'm in love with you."
Buffy: "You're in love with pain."

How like this show to do something so... off the wall, pun intended. Don't most shows spin out sexual tension between two characters until all of the juice is squeezed out of it? Okay, okay, we've been waiting awhile, but still...