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Don't You Just Love Vampires, Josie?

Yes, yes I do. Sadly, though, I gave myself the unenviable task of being the last of our vampire interviews, so I'm not sure I have many original insights to contribute. But if you find this interview boring, don't despair: Billie is compiling a list of the best Buffy quotes for next Sunday. A fitting end to Vampire Month.

What are your top 3 vampire TV shows?

Angel, Buffy. Vampire Diaries is good, but it’s not at Buffy/Angel-levels of awesome yet. Then again, neither were those shows in their first seasons, so who knows what will happen?

What are your top 3 vampire movies?

I’m just not a huge fan of movies in general. Too short for a long narrative arc, too long for the quick 45-minute jab. But From Dusk Till Dawn is the vampire movie I’ve watched most recently, so I’ll say it’s that one. I’ve got Let The Right One In (which Dimitri loves) sitting on top of my DVD player, but I haven’t watched it yet. See above, re: not a huge fan of movies.

What are your top 3 vampire books?

Stephen King’s ‘Salem’s Lot, Elizabeth Kostova’s The Historian, and Bram Stoker’s Dracula. Is that last one too pretentious? It really is good.

Wait! I want to add a fourth. The Song of Ice and Fire series, which is being made into the TV show Game of Thrones by HBO. There’s something vampiric going on, although the details aren’t yet clear. It’s the only fantasy series that I’ve read and enjoyed. And I’ve read it four times through.

Which vampire universe would you most like to be a vampire in?

Moonlight. Immortality, eternal youth, superpowers? Check. Problems with stakes, garlic, and bursting into flames in the sun? Uncheck. All the good, none of the bad. Plus, the vampires on Moonlight aren’t soulless—I’d hate to be soulless. Well, I guess I wouldn’t hate it once it happened, but I hate the idea of it now, as a souled person.

What are your top 3 vampire kisses?

It’s not quite a kiss, but Drusilla turning Spike in "Fool for Love" is fabulous. Ow, ow, ow!

Damon smooching a certain someone in the Vampire Diaries Season Finale ("Founders Day") comes to mind, too. (I won't say who, for those of you watching VD this summer for the first time.)

Hmmm... a third. Oh! Buffy pretending to be the Buffybot, kissing poor bloody Spike in "Intervention."

What are your top 3 vampire fight scenes?

Angel and Spike in "Smile Time." (Wee little puppet man, indeed.) Angel and Spike in "Destiny." Angel and Hamilton in "Not Fade Away." I'm not sure this counts, as Angel leaves the fight early on, but the battle with the Beast in "Reign of Fire," when Wesley pulls a giant shotgun out of his bigger-on-the-inside pockets, is my favorite fight scene in the whole wide world.

I think it’s time I re-watch Angel. It’s been too long.

Buffy’s first fight with the ubervamp, where she sustains internal injuries, is emotionally wrenching. I can’t remember which episode that was, though. Help, anyone?

Who's the sexiest/favorite female vamp?

Willow in "The Wish.” You can’t go wrong with a corset.

Who's the sexiest/favorite male vamp? (Because with vampires, aren't sexy and favorite the same thing?)

I would like to keep Spike as my pet.

Favorite Buffy quote?

There are a billion possibilities; I pepper my everyday speech with Buffyisms all the time, to the enormous confusion of my friends and associates. Turns out that if you tell someone they’re using "insane troll logic,” they get offended. But "time is what turns kittens into cats" can easily be worked into most conversations, even with non-Buffy-watchers, and just the other day I made a joke about somebody having the maturity of a blueberry scone.

I had a much longer list, but I lost it, and my Indian food just got here. Sometimes even Buffy has to come second to a good malai kofta.

Best vampire death scene?

Darla (the second time around). Or the Master’s death in "The Wish." The exploding vampires on True Blood are neat-looking, but awfully icky.

What do you like most about vampires?

I don’t know. I don’t really think of myself as a vampire fan, despite my Buffy and Angel devotion, and no matter how much Dimitri teases me. Then again, I don’t really think of myself as a genre fan, yet I write for a genre site, and Stephen King is one of my favorite authors. Maybe I have identity issues.

I really like stories. Stories with actual plots, stories that play with narrative structure and conventions, stories where I can identify with the characters, but not in a boring quotidian way. I like my books, my TV, and the few movies I watch to show me reality askew, and vampires are just a popular way of creating those slightly off-beat realities.

I’m also absurdly interested in the portrayal of time in narrative. (Yes, I know that’s weird.) Vampires do crazy things with time, and because they live for such a long time, their presence in a story usually makes the traditional A-B-C plot go all wonky.

I haven’t answered the question at all, have I? It’s my particular skill. (Yes, that’s a quote from Angel.

What's the first thing you'd do if you were turned into a vampire?

I could lie and come up with an impossibly cool scenario involving black leather pants, my favorite 4-inch heels, and an elegant slo-mo fight with zombie hordes, but the truth is that I’d probably call my little brother to get his opinion on the evolutionary ramifications of whole undead thing.

Who would win, vampires or zombies?

Cavemen. [Sob.]

Team Edward or Team Jacob?

I’m with Jorge Garcia on this one.

Summarize in 100 words or less the vampire-movie screenplay you're secretly writing.

Vampire cowboys and zombie Indians. Sam Peckinpah meets Underworld meets Dawn of the Dead meets John Ford. All the parts will be played by pandas.


  1. Been ages since I’ve seen it so I could be wrong but didn’t the Master live in ‘The Wish’?

  2. Love your answer for vampires vs. zombies. That is, hands down, my absolute favorite episode of Angel. It wouldn't be nearly so powerful without all the development leading up to it, but that one just sings from start to finish and is absolutely heartbreaking. I love me a good tragic ending. Sob, indeed.

    And I agree with Mark. It's been a long time for me, too, but I also thought the Master lived in "The Wish."

  3. If I remember correctly the referred ubervamp fight was in "Bring on the Night". Very wrenching indeed.

  4. Ok where do I begin.

    I laughed at least five times while reading this. Poor Jorge Garcia getting punked by a Twilight Shirt.

    Seriously you've read a Song of Ice and Fire series FOUR times... that's like over 16,000 pages of stuff! :p

    I think you did answer the question about what you like about vampires. You like what they do to stories and plots specifically. It's like the Immortals from highlander, it forces the writers to come up with a new convention that encourages creativity. Then again you can always end up with drivel. Just because there are vampires in a story, doesn't automatically make it better.

    Thanks for your insight!

  5. It's been quite a while for me, too, but I think you all are right. Odd--I could so picture it in my head. What an interesting style of insanity.

    Spidd, thank you!

    Minuet--yes, but they're 16,000 fast-paced pages!

  6. Its Buffy’s death I always remembered most from ‘The Wish’, the casual way the Master just brutally snaps her neck then struts off in slow-mo like he’s got better things to do. Probably wanted to get back home in time for Friends.

  7. Such a fun read, Josie. The wee puppet man fight was indeed a terrific one.

    I also quite liked what you had to say about TV and books vs movies. Whether or not they answered the question (and I'm inclined to agree with Minuet on the matter), these are interesting thoughts.

    Thank you for taking on Vampire Month, Josie.

    Billie, I'm really looking forward to your list of Buffy quotes.


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