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Buffy quotes for every occasion. Part 7: Religion

Here's this week's installment of subject-oriented Buffy quotes. This time, the topic is religion. Always a touchy subject, but some of my absolute favorite Buffy quotes are about religion, gods, vampires at the Crucifixion, bad home perms, and so on. This particular installment contains several of my absolute all-time favorites. They're in italics and blue.

As previously mentioned, I honestly hadn't expected this quote thing to turn into a series; it started with an off-hand comment about closing out our first annual Vampire Month with a list of my favorite Buffy quotes.

Unbelievably, seven posts are not enough. Although I probably will be able to stop at ten. Okay, possibly twelve.

Joyce: "Are you, uh, going out tonight?"
Buffy: "Yeah, I'm going to a club."
Joyce: "Oh. Will there be boys there?"
Buffy: "No, Mom. It's a nun club."

Willow: "What do we do now?"
Giles: "Abject prayer and supplication spring to mind."

Buffy: "She's a techno-pagan, right? Ask her to bless your laptop."

Spike: "If every vampire who said he was at the Crucifixion was actually there, it would have been like Woodstock."

Giles: "Spike. That's what the other vampire called him? That's a little unorthodox, isn't it?"
Buffy: "Maybe he's reform."

Buffy: "Do I like shrubs?"
Xander: "That's between you and your God."

Giles: "It's a reliquary. Used to house items of religious significance. Most commonly a finger or some other body part from a saint."
Buffy: "Note to self. Religion: freaky."

Buffy: "What about home schooling? You know it's not just for scary religious people any more."

Mayor: "We don't knock during dark rituals?"

Girl: "Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal savior?"
Buffy: "Uh, you know, I meant to and then I just got really busy."

Wicca woman: "We come together, daughters of Gaia, sisters to the moon. We walk with the darkness, the wolf at our side, through the waterfall of power, to the blackest heart of eternity. I think we should have a bake sale."

Willow: "Talk, all talk. Blah blah Gaia, blah blah moon, menstrual lifeforce power thingy. You know, after a couple of sessions, I was hoping we would get into something real, but..."
Buffy: "No actual witches in your witch group?"
Willow: "No, just a bunch of wanna blessed-bes."

Ethan: "We used to be friends, Ripper. When did all that fall apart?"
Giles: "The same time you started to worship chaos."
Ethan: "Oh, religious intolerance. Sad, there. I mean, just look at the Irish troubles."

Giles: "What ever happened to Latin? At least when that made no sense, the church approved."

Buffy: "I'm sure he'll come over later looking for a little... Bible study."
Joyce: "Well, good. I mean, just as long as the two of you are spending some quality time with ... the Lord."

Buffy: "So, um, about being a nun... you know, um, with the whole abjuring the company of men... you know, how's that working for you? The abjuring."
Nun: "Um ... good."
Buffy: "Do you have to be like super-religious?"
Nun: "Well, uh..."
Buffy: "How's the food?"

Spike: "Brown robe types are always protecting something. It's the only way they can justify giving up girls."

Anya: "Well, at first it was confusing. Just the idea of computers was like, whoa, I'm eleven hundred years old. I had trouble adjusting to the idea of Lutherans."

Buffy: "So, how's it start?"
Giles: "I jump out of the circle and then jump back in it, and then, um, I shake my gourd."
Buffy: "I know this ritual! The ancient shamans were next called upon to do the hokey-pokey and turn themselves around."
Giles: "Go quest."

Glory: "I am a god."
Spike: "The god of what, bad home perms?"

D'Hoffryn: "Hymen, the God of Matrimony. His salutations upon you. May the love we celebrate today avoid an almost inevitable decline."

Tentacle Demon: "So you think the children should be raised in ignorance of our ways?"
Cousin Carol: "No! No, the Harrises are very broad-minded. We're Episcopalians."

Holden: "Oh, my God!"
Buffy: "Oh, your God what?"
Holden: "Oh, well, you know, not my God, because I defy him and all of his works, but... does He exist? Is there word on that, by the way?"
Buffy: "Nothing solid."

That's it for this week. Did I post your favorite? Did I miss one? And please stop by next Sunday for the next installment,

Billie Doux loves good television and spends way too much time writing about it.


  1. I just love this series you're doing. It's really neat.

    I would like to see you work in this quote. Note: I don't remember the exact wording.

    It goes something like this:

    Willow: Hey, that's (says some magical herb that I don't remember the name of). You know, when that's mixed with the saliva of a virgin, it... (notices Giles's look) does something I know nothing about.

    Just too funny. Also the entire exchange between Jenny and Angel in "Passion". It's not funny, but it is brilliant.

  2. Hi Billie,

    My three favourites are bless her laptop, the crucifiction being like woodstock and that's between you and your God. I like the last one because it can be used in every day conversation.

  3. Hi Billie,
    I only have watched a few episodes of Buffy, never really captured my attention, but I love your series of Buffy quotas, it’s definitely refreshing, some are really witty and insightful.
    Love, Cecile

  4. Great pleasure to read these. Being a bigger fan of your site AND Buffy than yesterday and probably...less than tomorrow !!

  5. Well, your lead picture was of my favorite religion quote, but you didn’t quote it. I love it when Spike tells Buffy, “it’s what you wanted,” (his soul), then looks heavenward and says, “It’s what You wanted.” Also, draping himself on the cross, “Can we rest now? Buffy, can we rest?”


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