Glee: Britney/Brittany

Sue: "It's a Britney Spears sex riot!"

SQUEEEEEEEE!!!!

Glee + Britney!! How exciting!! I'm pretty sure the only thing that could top this would be Alexander Skarsgard walking into my room with nothing but a towel. Or maybe free shoes from the Nordstrom's fall collection.

SQUEEEEEEEE!!!!

(Ahem. Ok, sorry kids - got that out of my system. I will now try to regain some modicum of dignity.)

So - "Britney/Brittany". Like Britney Spears herself, tonight's episode was light on emotional substance and somewhat middling on talent, but was tons of fun and showed off some killer dance moves. Plus, I thought Ms. Spears' cameos were quite well done. I dug it.

Hit Me Baby, One More Time... (The Good)

-- Brittany was the perfect choice to be Britney. Her singing voice wasn't all that impressive, but good god, that girl can dance - plus 10. And she's got a killer bod. She looked just amazing in all the Britney classic outfits - plus another 15.

-- The outfits themselves - ALL of them, but particularly the red latex bodysuit from "Oops, I Did It Again" - deserve 20 in their own right.

-- "Me Against the Music" with Santana - just a riot of fun. Plus 5.

-- But easily the best Britney number of the night: Artie belting "Stronger" with the football team as back up. I don't think I've laughed so hard since the last football dance number ("Single Ladies") - plus 25. Apparently there's something about burly guys dancing to girly pop songs that I like.

-- I don't know what was up with Kurt this week (see deductions), but I really liked his chambray suit and bow tie - plus 5.

-- Yum. John Stamos. I even thought he was hot when he had a mullet. Plus 5.

-- Coach Bieste has a heart - plus 5. I like "her".

-- I think any appearance by Jacob automatically earns +15 points - especially when he is willing to commit patricide to buy her from Finn.

-- And when he leaves a sweat butt stain on Sue's chair. LOL - plus 5.

-- Brittany S. Pierce. Omg. +5.

-- "How can you get caught between the moon and New York City? They're like a hundred miles apart." So adorably clueless, Finn - plus 5.

-- I have to admit, I liked the "Toxic" number. I think it was acapella, which was cool, and the dancing was fun. I would give it +20, but watching Mr. Schue dance with the kids made me squirm, so only +15. I'll throw in another +2 for bringing us back to the "Push It" awkwardness from Season 1.

-- Sue got injured in a sex riot - nice. Her explanation of the DNC convention? Hysterical - plus 7.

-- I've been pretty down on Rachel for getting so skinny, but she did look hot hot hot in "Baby Hit Me One More Time." Now I know why everyone was getting in shape this summer - they all had to prep for the Britney episode. Plus 1.

-- Quinn coming on to Finn on Rachel's behalf - plus 2. Quinn's really grown as a person. Finn's face lighting up when seeing Rachel, even when Brittany and Santana were flirting with him deserves another +3.

-- Wow, I totally loved the choreography this week. I read an interview with Heather Morris, who was originally brought on as a dancer, and she was saying how the choreographer was so excited that he could really bust it out this week, instead of catering to the Reach to Nowhere crowd. As a dancer, I wholeheartedly endorse - plus 12.

-- Best line of the night: "Students that ate the ravioli today and are not up to date on their tetanus shot should see the school nurse immediately" - Figgins. Plus, like, 14!

-- Second best line of the night: "Because of last week's grisly train derailment, the dulcimer club is on hiatus until further notice." Figgins just gets weirder and weirder.

-- Finally, good selection of Brit-Brit songs - plus 3. I just wish they'd squeezed in "Oops".

-- Total: 177

It's Britney, Bitch (The Bad)

-- The whole Finn-Rachel-insecurity plotline was lame. I mean, yes, having insecurities like that are real, but Rachel's just a whiny control freak in this case. Finn was a football player when she met him - that's who she loves. But Rachel did not dress like a walking Britney video when Finn decided he loved her. I thought the ending was cute, but otherwise, a contrived plot point - minus 25.

-- What was even worse? WILL! Again, jealousy is understandable. Acting like a jackass and stealing the spotlight from your students is not. Minus 15 just for being so prominent in the "Toxic" number (although yes, he can sing and dance). Minus 5 for the ugly yellow Corvette. Minus 15 for trying to impress Emma even after he told Carl he'd back off. Minus 20 for this entire, stupid plot line.

-- No Sue until the 30 minute mark? Tsk, tsk, tsk - minus 1.

-- Carl is cute, but he says "bro" way too many times. Yes, we get it, you're trying to make him laid back and hip. But no one says "bro" that much unless they're old and trying to act young - minus 5.

-- All I get is 2 minutes of Terri? What is going to be her role for the rest of the show? Minus 2, one for each minute.

-- What the heck was with Kurt? He got waaaaaay too worked up about Britney. Minus 5.

-- Adult Contemporary? Who's Christopher Cross? Are we supposed to know this? Minus 3.

-- Total: 97

-- This week's score: 80

Quotes:

Brittany: "Please don't pull out all my teeth. I'll look like an adult baby, but with boobs."

Brittany: "This room looks like that room on that spaceship when I got probed."

Brittany: "I was pretty sure Dr. Pepper was a dentist."

Brittany: "I hope you all respect when I, Brittany S. Pierce, can escape the torment of Britney Spears."

Brittany: "It's like a Jewish cloud."

Santana: "You can drill me any time."

Sue: "You wear more vests than the cast of Blossom."

Sue: "That's what one Hubert Humphrey said back in 1968 at the start of the Democratic National Convention. But then hippies put acid in everyone's bourbon and when an updraft revealed Lady Bird Johnson's tramp stamp and tattoos above her ovaries, Mayor Richard J. Daley became so incensed with sexual rage that he punched his own wife in the face and spent the next hour screaming 'sex party' in the microphones of all three major networks."

Artie: "Every day, Tina and Mike's Asian fusion grows stronger."

Sue: "I'm secretly hoping it's a mid-life crisis, meaning your halfway to an early death."

Finn: "They're personifying you."
Rachel: "Objectifying."

Rachel: "I look forward to the day the paparazzi provokes me and I attack them."

Finn: "How do you feel about me not being on the football team anymore?"
Rachel: "I kinda like it. I don't have to fantasize about what song I'd sing at your bedside if you got paralyzed."

Carl: "I love that look of instant panic each time I try to change your routine."

So - was it better than the Madonna tribute? Or one of the best Glee eps so far? I wouldn't say so. There are two things that "Britney/Brittany" lacked: original interpretations of the songs (esp in the form of mash ups), and emotional punch. I know that I said I like Glee when it's plot-lite, but tonight, I really noticed what a difference emotional investment can make. I'm not sure that I want Quinn-baby-story heaviness, but at the end of tonight's tremendously fun, laughing out loud funny episode, I didn't walk away with a WOW.

But I did get a whoa. In the end, "Britney/Brittany" was saved by the fun dance numbers, iconic outfits, great one-liners, and some bad-ass Jacob sightings. But none of it's emotional pitches rang true with me.

3.5 out of 4 Britney cameos.

P.S. I'm pretty sure I never want to type "Britney" or "Brittany" again.

13 comments:

Jess Lynde said...

Hi Serena, I was with you on this one until you insulted everyone who actually knows who Christopher Cross is. You've made me feel very, very old, and I'm not actually all that old. Perhaps I shall blame my parents' soft rock preferences, and give you Minus 20 for age-ism. :)

That said, my knowledge of Christopher Cross made that opening with Will all the more painful. I rolled my eyes and groaned out loud when I saw that name on the board and Will started going on about 'Sailing.' Ack! So NOT what this club should be performing.

And I do agree that Brittany has some killer dances moves and that the Rachel/Finn and Will/Emma storylines were horrifically lame. I did really like the dancing though.

Stephen said...

I really wanted to see Sue play the Madonna part in "Me Against te Music"! such a missed opportunity

Serena + Pumpkin said...

Stephen - that would have been such an AWESOME idea!

Jess - I'm in my 30's, and I genuinely do not know who Christopher Cross is. Should I?

Jess Lynde said...

OK, so I'm not old, just very, very un-cool. Very. Darn my mother and her love of The Carpenters!

Christopher Cross is well known for "easy listening" pop wonders. They played a little bit of 'Sailing' in Will's car scene with Emma, and the "you can get caught between the moon and New York City" is another of his gems. He has a nice, smooth voice, but his stuff is exceedingly treacly (or blase).

I suppose you should give yourself cool points for not knowing who he is. :)

Josie Kafka said...

Serena, you'd definitely recognize "Sailing" if you heard it all the way through.

Paul Kelly said...

Glee season two hasn't aired over here in the UK yet, but (because I couldn't help myself), I had a look on youtube earlier, and was pleasantly surprised by Heather's vocals. I thought she sounded amazingly like Britney. Of course, Britney's no great singer herself, so you can only do as well as the material allows... but I'd rate Morris above Agron, Colfer, Ushkowitz and Monteith.(And no, I'm not being biased because she's so hot... honest!)

topher darling said...

I was soooo looking forward to this episode and walked away only mildly entertained. I watched the Madonna episode at least four times in a row immediately after it aired. I don't know if I'll rewatch this. Maybe what felt wrong was the fact that the cast can actually sing well and Britney's voice is usually heavily synthesized.

I also absolutely hated Will's character in this episode. Normally, I can appreciate the character flaws in the lead character but this was just dumb.

And I missed Sunshine. I loved her voice and her character. I hope she comes back more often than Terri does. I didn't really care that Mike was gone.

As much as this episode lacked, I did like getting to see Brittany sing and I always love Santana's solos. Also Santana I think had the best line, "Well, Rachel. Congratulations. Normally you dress like the fantasy of a perverted Japanese businessman with a very dark, specific fetish, but I actually dig this look." Love her!

shirlWEBgirl said...

Serena: Love your reviews of Glee!!! I was catching up on some of the older episodes and you talked about how you didn't like some of them because the plot was lame, but a few episodes later you would refer back to those ones you didn't like because you recognized something about them that wasn't apparent at first. So I think that what Ryan Murphy may have been doing was having the characters (mainly Rachel and Will) be extraordinarily out there - almost a caricature of themselves. And then their opposites were even more stand-out in their steadiness and maturity. Rachel's opposite was Finn, who had a few good moments with telling Rachel the truth (he's usually clueless), and Will's opposites were Emma and Dr. C (who were constantly giving him mature and calm advice as opposed to his weird freakiness - which usually isn't him at all). Brittany and the rest of the nitris crowd showed caricatures of themselves in the Britney scenes, although in a little different way. As did Kurt in his never-ending harassment of Will over singing Britney songs. So here's me being more analytical than I usually am, but I'm trying to figure out what made the episode so "off". Like I said, maybe it was on purpose!

And for the record: I think Santana's voice is amazing - it's so unique and I love it (especially her bit in "Bad Romance").

Harry said...

So good to read what everyone thought of this episode as I'm really not sure how I feel after watching!

A few little observations -

"Leave Britney Alone" was mentioned by Santana and is of course the name of the infamous video by Chris Crocker that to date I still don't know was tongue-in-cheek or not.

When Kurt was getting sent to the principal's office - was he wearing a miniskirt?! Crikey, and I thought I dressed gay. There's a difference between fashion and drag, you'd think the costume designers would get that.

Heather Morris did do Britney's songs very well (and Wow was she fabulous with that python) but you really don't need to be able to sing to master Slave 4 U - it's mostly breathy gasps and hoarse whispers! Stronger was definitely the strongest song :)

shirlWEBgirl said...

I was thinking Kurt was wearing a Utili-kilt, which is accepted by the straight male community, but I've never seen a gay man (or in Kurt's case, boy) wear one. With the pleats and the stiffness of the material, I thought it might be one. If it was a full-on skirt: yuck!! No cross-dressing, please!! But Kurt does do some girly clothes with the sweaters down to his knees and the 80's off-the-shoulder look. I love Kurt to death, so I guess it doesn't matter too much, but I would love for him to still be a guy.

Also, I'd love to hear Brittany sing without synthesizers - it was hard to hear her real voice.

Serena + Pumpkin said...

I'm sorry, Paul, but I just can't agree with you here. Heather Morris' voice is easily the weakest of the bunch. I wouldn't say that Diana Agron is super strong, but even still, its more impressive than Heather's.

I just downloaded the songs from Britney/Brittany, and you really can't tell the difference between the original Britney and Glee's Brittany. They are both so heavily synthesized that it's nearly impossible to hear through. That's a sign of weakness to me - Glee usually showcases the talent above the song, hence so many acapella versions or mashups - I don't think they would have gone that heavy with the autotune if they didn't have to.

She's still a killer dancer with a killer bod, though ;-)

Anonymous said...

Sadly, Sunshine was a one-off. I thought she was great in the first episode and felt deceived when they took her away at the end. Yes, she'll probably show up in a later episode when New Directions faces off against Vocal Adrenaline, but I thought she would have been a great addition to the regular cast. Give Rachael a reason to up her game and maybe, just maybe, get off of the auto-tune.

Great site, btw!

ChrisB said...

OK boys and girls -- it's now official. I'm old. I owned albums (you know, those twelve inch round things made of vinyl) by the Carpenters and was in college when Christopher Cross won his Oscar. Sigh...

I've never been a huge Britney fan (must be another sign of my encroaching decrepitude). Her music sounds too much alike to me, but I do love to watch her dance.

Which is why I liked this episode. I thought our Brittany did one hell of a job. And I could watch Artie do just about anything. Loved him in the football gear.

So far, this season hasn't grabbed me like last one did. Will is getting in my nerves. I agree that his being part of the ensemble piece was a bit off and the whole triangle thing is going to get old fast.

Lea is far too thin. One of things I liked so much last year was that they showcased a young woman who actually had some curves. It's a shame she fell under the Hollywood glamour standard.

Finally, there hasn't been a song yet that I want to listen to again. Sophomore slump already?