Whelp, we got another one for the Worst Movie Ever tag.
I liked 2-Headed Shark Attack. It wasn't art. But it was fun. It was a romp of a movie that did exactly what it was supposed to do. And so I'm a little baffled at how the sequel became the complete opposite of that.
First off, there are no practical effects. It is all CGI. More importantly, it is all pretty bad CGI with, ironically, a lot of recycling. The shark is just so completely divorced from anything resembling where the characters actually are that it's laughable. I poke fun a lot when the sharks are clearly far too large to actually be stealthy, but this movie takes the cake.
Early on, we get to see the shark breach. It leaps up, completely turns around, and slams back down. It's actually a decent shot. But here's the thing. The shark is at least 40-50 feet long. It launches out of and then slams down into waist deep water. That should end the movie right there! The shark just completely shattered its spine!
Not to mention that it beached itself at least a dozen times. Naturally, we just get a jump cut to the shark being back in the water. They don't even try to show us how or why the shark freed itself.
The kills themselves are boring and repetitive. There wasn't a single one that made me go "Oh, cool!" or "That's kinda fun." They happened. I shrugged. The movie went on.
The movie is also completely nonsensical. Not only is there repeated dialogue in many scenes, it's just... dumb. Just look at the tagline! "More heads. More deads!" What does that even mean?
It's implied that Maggie and Greg broke up because she wanted to become a scientist in order to save the world while Greg wanted to actually fight to save the world as an activist. As if those two aren't completely compatible? Honestly, the bigger issue to me is that Greg is a college dropout who thought that he would be the best choice to go drive the boat when he didn't know how to in the first place.
The boy is almost as dumb as this movie.
There is a little bit of promise in the beginning. Some of my favorite parts of The Meg were when everyone was in the underwater base. It's just a very cool setting where you have a lot of potential threats, especially with a massive shark. But we leave Persephone so quickly and without doing any cool with it that it then just becomes like any other shark movie.
Not to mention the whole mutations thing. They completely drop it, even though there were very deliberate shots of scientists getting eaten by the specimens. I guess none of it really mattered?
Despite getting top billing, Danny Trejo is barely in the movie. To be fair, his scenes are probably the closest that this movie actually gets to fun. Rob Van Dam is also here if you're a wrestling fan. He gets lots of very heroic camera angles.
Yeah. Skip this one.
Random Thoughts
What party boat doesn't have any life rafts?
Persephone was way, way too big for only 45 scientists.
Does the Pacific Garbage Patch actually give off radiation? That sounds very fake.
There is nudity again, although not as much as in the previous movie.
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An Honest Fangirl loves video games, horror movies, and superheroes, and occasionally watches far too many shark movies.
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