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Vampire Diaries: Welcome to Paradise

“I have my own way I like them to die.”

Between watching this episode late Thursday night and writing this review on Saturday morning, I forgot almost everything that happened. That does not bode well for this new, tamer Vampire Diaries, and I’m starting to feel less optimistic about this season’s potential.

I didn’t forget everything, of course. Kai in Damonhell stuck in my brain, mostly because I’m confused about who or what he is. His mannerisms remind me of Finn, that deceased Original, but his weird desire to kill Damon—paired with his apparently unquenchable urge for spooky hijinks—make me wonder if he is some sort of underworld fairy. One of the annoying, pixie-ish varieties that snatch children and move the flatware right after you’ve set the table.

At least he provoked Bonnie into getting her magic back. I continue to enjoy Bonnie and Damon bickering like a hateful divorced couple, but Damon told Kai (when Bonnie wasn’t around) that he likes Bonnie. That’s quite a change from calling her the person he hates most in the world, as he did just last week. Their friendship will put an interesting twist on the Mystic Falls groupings once they return.

And return they must. Not only is Damonhell getting rather boring, but the non-hell plot needs a bit of spice. Weird side-plots aren’t enough without a specific Big Bad. (Unless Tripp is a Big Bad?) Like Elena and That Guy who she tries to set up with Caroline. Or Liv falling for Tyler: another plot that I remembered, mostly because it is completely out of left field. Didn’t Tyler kill Luke? Why would Liv like him, in general? And why would she use the 12 year-old boy strategy of being mean to someone to show she likes him?

That’s such a mystifying set of questions—and not in a good way—that I’m going to move on to something more interesting: Stefan returning to Mystic Falls and trying to kill Enzo. Well-adjusted Stefan (as he was last week) has become cold-hearted manipulative Stefan (this week). His conversation with Elena was really weird, too: all sorts of restraint and odd knowledge that Stefan had, but Elena lacked due to her Damonectomy.

Caroline admitted that she did, at one point, have feelings for Stefan. Can she forgive him for being mean to her? I’m not sure she should. I like the idea of Stefan and Caroline together, but I mostly just want to her find a lovely young man who will treat her right. Those are hard to find in Mystic Falls.

Maybe they’ll introduce someone new. That seems to be the trend, especially in this episode: Kai, that vampire hunter that Enzo killed, Elena’s pre-med guy, the mysterious girl who is no longer compelled—will all these newbies become relevant soon? At this point, they’re sort of just lurking around the edge of the story, waiting to cause interesting trouble. And our heroes are unable to even do Jell-O shots in harmony.

Tripp, at least, is doing something interesting. I doubt he’ll kill Enzo, although I guess TVD doesn’t need two snarky vampires, and Damon is due to return soon. He’s trying to protect his town—not creepy—but he seems to have a jones for a particular killing ritual, which is Serial Killer 101. Does that mean we’re not supposed to like him?

Bites and Pieces:

• Enzo: “A sentence which sounded oddly supportive and judgmental.”

• Caroline: “I thought I told Enzo to get ice.”
Partygoer: “Did you do it in that tone? Because I think I know why he didn’t.”

• Enzo killed a guy who hunts vampires. A “vampire hunter,” as he described him. But is he a Hunter like Jeremy used to be? Does that mean Enzo will suffer the curse of killing a Hunter?

How many pork rinds out of four? Maybe two and a half?

Josie Kafka is a full-time cat servant and part-time rogue demon hunter. (What's a rogue demon?)


  1. I thought it was fun, for the most part. I always thought Damon secretly liked Bonnie, just a little. You'd think by now they'd be sleeping together, if only because Damon is perverse and would try. Except he knows that if they get out, Elena would find out. So never mind.

    I'm finding the no-Mystic-Falls no-Damon stuff frustrating, though. Enzo does indeed feel like the Vampire Formerly Known as Damon, and I want our Damon back.

    (Damonectomy. Love that.)

  2. My favorite part of the episode was the exchange between Caroline and Enzo:

    Caroline: Do you understand the rules?
    Enzo: Yea Rule 1, don't mention Elena was madly in love with Damon or you'll kill me.
    Caroline:(Nodding) Mmhmm.
    Enzo: Rule 2 , don't really reference Damon at all or you'll kill me.
    Caroline: Yup.


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