Marry Me

You know, they say, if you want something different, you have to do something different.

Movie description: “Music superstars Kat Valdez and Bastian are getting married before a global audience of fans. But when Kat learns, seconds before her vows, that Bastian has been unfaithful, she instead decides to marry Charlie, a stranger in the crowd.”

A few general observations before I get to spoilers (yes, you are warned, there will be spoilers).

The plot sounds ridiculous, but all the characters acknowledge that, and most of the movie respects rather than insults the intelligence. The absurd wedding is well set up and they all concede the craziness afterwards.

The leads in this were not boy and girl, but man and woman, but without being stupid (for the most part).

The music was a lot of fun! Jennifer Lopez (Kat Valdez) and Maluma (Bastian) are both excellent, and some of the songs were quite good. My favorite was "On My Way."

Social media plays a large role in this – everyone is on their phones – and frequently the movie has, on one or both sides of the screen, the shot of someone filming what they’re seeing and reacting to it in real time.

Now, that’s all I can say without getting into spoilers. So, if you don’t want to be spoiled, please stop reading.

Why does Kat do it? Well, of course she just learned that Bastian cheated on her with one of her assistants – a double betrayal – and she feels as if marrying anyone else would be preferable. It doesn’t feel like a revenge marriage but a desperation marriage. Besides, Owen Wilson’s bright blond hair also makes him stand out in the audience and he’s holding a Marry Me sign.

Why does Charlie do it? Well, yes, she’s beautiful and thousands are egging him on. But mainly he realizes something terrible has happened and she has chosen him to help her. While he’s considering how to respond – “Do you, some guy, take this woman to be you lawfully wedded wife?” – he takes in the crowd, glances at his daughter (although it’s not certain he could see her from where he stands). Then he looks at Kat’s face, and bends down and says OK into the microphone.

Charlie rises completely to the moment, proving himself to be “really smart and nice,” as his daughter later describes him. He helps Kat reach the getaway car, and only indulges in one small “That was crazy” before making the rest of the conversation during their ride together about her.

I absolutely loved Charlie’s being a math teacher. Although not used to paparazzi, he’s quick on his feet and comfortable with public speaking. He's able to handle the press conference, with the only hesitance being when he's challenged about his own failed marriage (at that point, Kat steps in to help him). Charlie’s used to reading his students, so his recognition of Kat’s desperation when he joins her on stage makes sense. This profession also allows his daughter to be in the scenes. I also respected Charlie for drawing a hard line to protect his students and his kid. At first he seems too protective with respect to Lou, but then it becomes clear that his reading of her is spot on.

Let’s consider Kat’s journey. Living in the constant spotlight has distorted her relationships. She’s used to being filmed all the time, but she relents with Charlie and sends away the videographer so they can have a real conversation. With Charlie, she feels herself almost normal, and she adores having a stepdaughter. She was already going this way: in an early conversation with Bastian she says she wishes they could just get married on a beach. Charlie will help her protect the privacy she needs.

However, Kat is still impulsive. She is always ready to take a shot. And these are qualities that Charlie needs.

Marry Me does have flaws. There are some stupidities (Kat would know how to use a blender, and the stilettos at the end). Also, the rom-com formula demands that the couple break up and separate before the finale when they reunite in a spectacular fashion. The break-up is believable, because the relationship has many stresses, including its weird beginning, which makes it hard to take seriously. He keeps expecting her to leave him and so he leaves her. He has waited, however, until she was beyond the nervous breakdown.

Kat needs too long, in my opinion, to act on her feelings. She didn’t want to break up in the first place, so she knows she really likes Charlie. On the other hand she literally married Charlie the moment she broke up from Bastian, so maybe she needed time to get her heart and head together. Still, it’s not logical that even though she was looking at scenes of their wedding kiss, she didn’t call Charlie or even check the websites she made him set up. It’s only when Anikah (played by The Good Place’s Jameela Jamil in black lipstick) mentions how sweet Charlie is and how the Mathalon is the next day that she springs into action.

But the rom-com formula requires Marry Me's finale to take place when enough time has passed for (a) them to be divorced and (b) the Mathalon to be taking place. And the passage of time pays off. Charlie, while encouraging his daughter who has stage fright, actually starts dancing (up to this point he has resisted, with the exception of some slow dancing, a prelude to nookie). He’s not good at it, but it shows he was paying attention.

What is beautiful is how Charlie, both supporting Kat and then supporting his daughter Lou, climbs on to different stages when each has suffered an emotional blow. He is totally there for people. And he finally gets the hug from his daughter that he’s wanted for a long time.

Kat – although she’s been noticed by some in the audience – hangs back before she lets them know she’s there. And she gets to propose to the guy, and this time it’s real.

Title musings. Marry Me is the title of the movie. It’s also the song sung by Bastian and Kat. A song with that title was needed for the movie to work, because it explains why Parker made the sign with Marry Me on it. Perfectly fine title for this rom com.

Bits and pieces

Of course, as a mathematician, I love a movie with a math teacher who is good and kind and very intelligent. I wonder a little at his being a math teacher, because they earn so little when mathematicians can earn a lot. Still, Charlie makes it clear money doesn’t matter much to him. And maybe he inherited a little from his parents.

Sitting in the question and waiting for the answer to find you – something that comes up too often – is not the way I approach math problems. Kat’s right, you need to persist.

Bastian constantly calls Kat “babe,” but Charlie never does, which I really appreciated. However, I wish Charlie had complimented Kat’s intelligence. Besides calling her beautiful, he keeps saying she's amazing. I wish he had been more specific.

Although the movie was released in 2022, production seems to have taken place a couple of years before. COVID delayed the release. So if the actors appear younger than you would have expected them to be in 2022 – particularly noticeable in Chloe Coleman – that may be why.

Chloe Coleman as Lou Gilbert was so good!

One thing that’s nice about having real adults in the movie is they both know the slow dancing is a prelude to sex.

You can see that Owen Wilson’s nose has been broken several times.

Quotes

Charlie: Parker, I'm not a big concert person.
Parker: Listen, this is a once-in-a-lifetime invitation, and you don't even get it. This is Halley's Comet. It's you wearing an outfit that flatters your body. It's very rare.
Charlie: I've got Lou tonight.
Parker: Good. I've got three tickets. Bring her. Maybe she'll think you're fun.

Charlie: That was crazy. I'm sorry. I don't know exactly what to say, or what just happened, but I know on some level you must have really cared about that guy.
Kat: I was marrying him.
Charlie: Good point. He's going to age badly.
Kat: No, he's not.
Charlie: Yeah, you're right. He's probably just gonna get better looking. I'm really sorry about all this.
Kat: Me, too.
Charlie: You gonna be okay?

Colin: Okay, well, I did a bit of digging last night, and it turns out, out of 10,000 potential dumpster fires, you picked a decent, straight, single father with no criminal record, and get this, he's a maths teacher!

Kat: You know what they say to do when your car's skidding out of control, Colin?
Colin: Close your eyes and pray?
Kat: Hit the gas and turn into it.

Charlie: This is ridiculous. I don't think anyone's gonna believe that she's gonna go from Bastian to me.
Parker: That's a good point.
Colin: Well, the fact is that she did go from Bastian to you.
Parker: Counterpoint.

Reporter Bill: This is your second marriage, right, Charlie? You wouldn't want to fail again.
Kat: Well, you haven't lived unless you've failed, Bill. You should know that from your time at CNBC.

Charlie: Last night, I held up a friend's sign asking a woman to marry me, and she said yes, and I did, and – you know, I did it not, you know, because she was beautiful – Well, maybe a little – (laughter) um, but it just seemed like, in the moment, the right thing to do.

Reporter: So, what, you just saw each other and said yes?
BOTH: Yes.

Kat: The rules as they exist pretty much suck for women. I mean, why do we have to wait for men to propose? Why is everything on his terms? No, I think it is time to shake things up. How about this? We pick the guy, we keep our name and let him earn the right to stay.

Charlie: Yeah, she's great. Although she is in that awkward in-between phase where she's still my baby girl but she definitely wants nothing to do with me. And you can forget about getting hugs, 'cause it's not happening anymore, which kind of breaks my heart, but that's the way it goes.

Lou: So, do you like my dad? I mean, he can be so annoying, but he's also, like, really smart and nice.

Charlie: Well, I don't want to presume that I'm about to have the best night of my life, but if I am, I don't want to do it to Robert Goulet.
Kat: I like it.
Charlie: You do?
Kat: A lot.

Lou: You're afraid she'll fall back in love with Bastian and dump you?
Charlie: No.
Lou: Yeah. I'd be afraid of that, too.

Colin: Oh, come on, Charlie. I was rooting for you. I wanted it to work. The whole world wanted it to.
Charlie: I'm sorry to disappoint you – and the world.
Colin: You're disappointing yourself.
Charlie: I'm protecting myself. I can't get away from her. There's always a poster, a Vitamix or a billboard.
Colin: You know they're not together?
Charlie: Maybe not. But, Colin, can you do me a favor? Will you be there for her when she figures it all out? She's gonna need someone.

Parker: This woman, this superstar, this icon, has flown in coach in stilettos to win back the unlikely love of her life, who, against all odds, she loves. And he loves her.
Kat: He does, right?
Parker: Completely.

Overall rating

I might rate this higher for myself personally, but for the general public I’m giving it three out of four “Marry Me” signs.

Victoria Grossack loves math, birds, Greek mythology, Jane Austen and great storytelling in many forms.

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