Book twenty-six, as one can infer from the title, is about time. It also stars Death and Susan and some other people we meet in this particular volume, as they deal with the temporal purloiners in question. The auditors of reality are at it again. Humans are too unorganized and chaotic for those gray-robed cosmic bureaucrats, so they set another plan in motion to deal with them. And they’re really out to get us this time around.
Very early on we meet Jeremy Clocksun, whose profession matches his surname: a man so obsessed with time that he is the most punctual and organized person ever. To his small shop comes Lady Myria LeJean, a strange woman that wishes for him to create a clock that can measure the smallest amount of time in existence, much smaller than a second. This requires a lot of work and expensive materials, and also the assistance of an Igor who arrives via cart from Uberwald. I’m a big fan of the Igors, ever since we first met them back in Carpe Jugulum, and while Jeremy is the opposite of most of the mad doctors and nobles this Igor has worked for, in that he is so sane it’s kind of scary, he becomes uneasy as the clock progresses. An uneasiness that is felt all over the Disc, and especially by the history monks and Death himself.
Susan is teaching, and she’s so good at it, despite her very unorthodox methods, that parents scramble to get their kids into her class. She’s quite happy with her job, and the fact that she’s partially immortal from being Death’s granddaughter means her class takes some very unusual field trips. Against her better judgement she has another discussion with her grandfather, as he indicates that there is great danger coming, but he can’t interfere. Susan can of course, as she’s mostly human, so while she grumbles, she takes on the monumental task put before her. Luckily, she’s not the only one that takes this monumental task on, although she doesn’t know that, not at first at any rate.
Lu-Tze, the kindly old man from Small Gods, returns, and has to deal with Lobsang Ludd, a novice at the temple of the History Monks, monks that ensure that history exists and that things have enough time to occur in. Lobsang is an odd young pupil that seems to understand time better than even the eldest of monks, yet doesn’t know how he knows such things. Lu-Tze always states that he’s just a sweeper, but it’s obvious that he’s more than he lets on. The Abbot, who has recently reincarnated so is both a wise nine hundred year old man and a baby simultaneously, decides to have Lu-Tze teach the precocious Lobsang, and their interactions are a wondrous and significant part of this book.
While things are building up and we’re learning through the eyes of the main characters, we get to see Nanny Ogg again, which is always a treat. She’s my favorite of the Lancre witches and her meeting Susan was great fun. They come from different angles, but both have a deep understanding of things that most people do not, so that was a highlight of a book that is already chock full of great moments. Their bits of civil but often tense conversation were brilliantly written and explained a lot of what is going on while being thoroughly entertaining.
Lobsang and Lu-Tze eventually end up heading out to deal with the clock once its potential existence is made known to the monks, as they had to repair history from the last time such a clock was built – a clock that was mostly erased from memory, but only mostly, not completely. The clock is dangerous, as despite Jeremy’s insistence that clocks just measure time and therefore don’t affect it, this one certainly could. Susan is of course also working on this problem, and when things are going horribly for the universe, that’s when she and Lobsang meet. Solving the issue of the clock and how two very unusual young people that approach things from different angles can work together are the main drivers of the second half of this novel.
Later in the book, as the apocalypse grows nigh, Death goes to the other horsemen (Famine, Pestilence, and War) but finds they aren’t particularly excited by the prospect of riding out. Like him, they’ve become more human than was planned and aren’t thrilled with the idea of everything ending.
Something that I didn’t expect but that ends up being one of my favorite aspects of this book is that there is in fact a fifth horseman of the apocalypse. He’s been forgotten over the centuries as people developed and the fear of what he represented faded from the forefront of the mind, but he’s not to be taken lightly.
One of my favorite aspects of this book is that Lu-Tze’s way is the way of Mrs. Cosmopilite. Her "way" was first mentioned back in Witches Abroad, with the remark that many monks went to learn of her ways, and that she chased them off with a broom. All of her sayings are things we’ve heard before, for example, "It won't get better if you pick at it," and many others of a similar vein, but Lu-Tze makes such sayings into wise teachings. I find this whole thing hilarious, and the callback to a much earlier book is the kind of thing that fans of the series like me can get a little extra jolt of recognition and joy from.
The book spoofs many things, including the Beatles with its 4/5 horsemen situation, and the Rolling Stones when Lu-Tze meets the man we learn is Kaos. At one point the book even spoofs James Bond, when before they leave for Ankh-Morpork, Lu-Tze and Lobsang stop and see Qu, a monk that creates all kinds of secret weapons, such as exploding mandala, a prayer bowl with extendable blades, and other unusual gadgets.
This volume of the Disc isn’t tackling serious roundworld issues unlike many of his mid and later novels, but that doesn’t detract from how good this book is one bit. With an interesting plot, some expected and unexpected twists and turns, great characters, and a charming ending, it’s an excellent book. It only falls short of a max rating due to the perfunctory way it resolves a few things near the end of the novel. A bit more time for those things to resolve in a more satisfactory way would have been preferred, but it’s still a great book.
3.9375 ways of Mrs. Cosmopilite out of 4.
Some fun quotes:
Jeremy tried to be an interesting person. The trouble was that he was the kind of person who, having decided to be an interesting person, would first of all try to find a book called How to Be an Interesting Person and then see whether there were any courses available.”
Genius is always allowed some leeway, once the hammer has been pried from its hands and the blood has been cleaned up.
"We’re the most secret society you can imagine."
"Really? Who are you, then?"
"The Monks of History."
"Huh? I’ve never heard of you!"
"See? That’s how good we are.’
Morella is a Gen Xer who likes strange things a bit too much.
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