This episode is curling up under the softest, coziest blanket while holding a warm mug of rich hot chocolate and melting whipped cream and watching fluffy, white snow that you won’t have to shovel silently drift by through your window.
And it’s absolutely adorable. After a decade of stolen moments, Shane and Ilya actually get to spend time together. And for the first time, the episode doesn’t jump months at a time. Instead, we get to focus on only a few days. We get to just enjoy the cottage with them.
I was so pleased that the entire episode was spent at the cottage, and that it was so lovely. There weren’t any fights or arguments. It was actually very playful. Even just the short “I’m just a bellboy!” exchange. They’re playing with each other, and they can’t help but grin because it’s the first time that they really have space to indulge in something like that.
Actually, let’s talk about the bellboy scene some more. The sex scenes have always been used to progress the story in a meaningful way or illuminate something new about their dynamic. Shane and Ilya have just arrived at the cottage, something that they’ve admitted is both exciting and mildly terrifying. They haven’t seen each other in months. They’ve reaffirmed that they aren’t sleeping with other people, even if they haven’t used the word “exclusive” yet.
Which, sidenote, it did make me laugh how Ilya tried to brush that off as no big deal. We’ve seen him turn down hook ups and go home from clubs alone, but that doesn’t mean that Shane was aware of that. He sounded so freaking pleased, and it was very cute.
But what I love most about the bellboy scene is how it echoes and shifts elements of previous sex scenes. Ilya not letting Shane pull the blinds down on the windows calls back to Vegas and how uncomfortable Shane was about there being such big windows in the room. Sure, the cottage is private but so is a penthouse suite. The fact that Shane doesn’t put his foot down and lets the blinds go back up is a big step for him.
The framing of Ilya’s body once Shane gets down on his knees is also nearly identical to how it was framed for their first blow job, down to how Ilya braces himself against the wall/window. It’s a nice full circle moment.
There are a ton of these moments, far too many for me to list. There are obvious ones, like the foot taps under the table, but also more subtle lines of dialogue like how Shane made sure to have the drink that Ilya liked.
The entire episode is about Shane and Ilya figuring out how to be each other’s lives more consistently and long term. Shane sets the stage with the suggestion of actually being emotionally honest with each other, but Ilya is the one who actually pushes them to be honest.
It makes sense that he no longer wants a Russian passport. There’s nothing left in Russia for him anymore, and that’s before you consider the LGBT angle of it all. His first solution makes sense. He’s a free agent, and moving to a Canadian team would allow him to get a Canadian passport. I’m not quite sure why he couldn’t just stay in Boston and get an American one, but that’s neither here nor there.
The more interesting thing is what he offers as a second possibility: marrying Svetlana, who is apparently an American citizen herself.
It’s essentially a continuation of the tuna melt conversation, as well as the lingering unease regarding their difference in sexuality. Because Ilya is bisexual. Even if he doesn’t love Svetlana, he could theoretically go out and find a woman to fall in love with. He could have a real relationship with someone significantly easier and less risky.
Shane doesn’t have that option. Not unless he wanted to force himself into a deeply unsatisfying lavender marriage, and Rose is clear evidence that he can’t make that work.
Ilya’s response is arguably the most romantic moment of the entire show. Even more so than the Russian Monologue. Yes, he likes women, and yes, women like him, but it doesn’t matter because he only wants Shane. He only ever wants to want Shane. If your heart didn’t melt, then it’s made of stone.
One last time, I have to praise Connor Storrie and Hudson Williams. They are just so freaking good, but especially in this scene. Shane is very controlled and barely moves, while Ilya is more outwardly relaxed, leaning forward and back as he talks. And, of course, Shane’s face is screaming all of his emotions while Ilya’s are clearer in his voice.
This scene also marks a shift from the two of them solving problems as individuals to it being something that they figure out as a team. It’s not just that Ilya only wants Shane, and it’s not just that Shane is finally asking for what he wants with regards to how their relationship works, it’s that Ilya’s passport is something that they will figure out together.
Or, well, that Shane will figure out by staying awake until three in the morning, thinking and plotting. He didn’t even sleep on it! He literally sat up in bed in the pitch black trying to figure out how to make things work! That is not normal behavior and I absolutely love him for it.
Do I understand how hockey camps for kids will raise money for mental health charities? No. Not really. Those are details that probably really only work because this is fiction and not reality. The important part is what it represents. It’s a long term plan that allows them to actually be able to do simple things like get lunch together without the world exploding.
It’s not picked up by the subtitles and you can barely hear it, but Ilya mutters “Ya tebya lyublyu,” several times before he actually says it in English.
“I love you.”
The fact that he says it in Russian first is perfect. It’s the language that he defaulted to last time when things got emotional, but now English isn’t too hard. Now, he can say it in a way that Shane will actually understand.
I didn’t cry there, but it was a very close thing. As was the scene around the firepit. Sure, it was funny with Ilya’s jealousy over Rose or him jumping whenever he heard a loon, but that’s not the important part. Not really.
His mother, Irina, has haunted parts of the narrative, and we finally find out how she died. I can’t imagine coming home at twelve years old to find your mother’s body. Even putting aside the fact that she committed suicide, just the act of finding her would be incredibly traumatic, and you know that there’s no way that Ilya got any kind of emotional support or comfort. No, not when his phrasing of it being an accident is clearly a line that he was taught to say.
Shane did the same thing he did during the Russian Monologue: he listened. He only spoke to reassure Ilya that he didn’t think that his mother was weak. Otherwise, he was just there for him. It’s a very lovely scene. Not just the content of it, but also thanks to how it’s lit by the fire.
This show as a whole is just so freaking pretty to look at. The care that went into the craft of it is amazing. There’s almost nothing that I would change at all. Hell, there’s only one scene that I’m tempted to do something else while it plays.
I didn’t necessarily enjoy the phone sex. That particular situation is just an ick for me. It’s more awkward than fun and sexy. Also, Ilya definitely broke his rules. There was a lot of touching going on. But at least that scene gave him at his most chaotically menacing, as well as confirmation from Shane that he isn’t just with Ilya because it’s forbidden.
That was the only scene that I didn’t love, although there was one that made me yell at my tv.
I have no idea what David was thinking when he just turned around and ran out the door without saying a word. It would be one thing if he thought that they hadn’t noticed him, but there was pretty obvious and prolonged eye contact. He couldn’t have at least apologized for interrupting?
He does get points for not telling Yuna, though. At least, I’m pretty sure that he didn’t tell her. She looked confused when David started to explain about the charger. He actually continues to score points all throughout their conversation. Not only did he apologize when Ilya corrected him when it came to his name, but he was also the one to make sure that he had easy access to the pasta.
Yuna might have been busy figuring out all of the implications of their relationship, but David saw the young man in front of him and responded to what was happening now. That’s a good person.
It’s understandable that Shane freaked out when David saw them, though. Incredibly reasonable. We had just watched him shut down the very idea of coming out to his parents, and now his father walked in on him kissing Ilya. It was literally his nightmare.
Ilya did so well, though. He said and did all of the right things. I really loved how he guided Shane to hold him without forcing it, just offering to be a steady rock while he panicked. Shane has always been the one who does that, whose first reaction is anxiety and only circles back to logic afterwards.
His decision to wear a Boston shirt to the meeting is also a really fun thing to think way too much about. (I swear, the clothing choices on this show do something obscene to my brain.) It would have been very easy for him to just not wear that shirt. In fact, it would be natural for him to purposefully avoid it so that he can make the best impression possible.
It isn’t that he doesn’t care about what impression he makes either. He isn’t so prideful that thinks that a shirt wouldn’t matter either. His body language when they first walk into the house is so tense and awkward. He almost looks like a little boy who expects to be scolded.
And why wouldn’t he be? Shane outright admitted that he was the one thing that kept him from being honest with his parents. He was the part that was shameful and had to be hidden. Even if Shane didn’t mean it like that, that was the message that Ilya clearly heard.
Part of me wonders if he didn’t wear his Boston shirt as a deliberate reminder of what team he plays for, and therefore a reminder of exactly who everyone else assumes Ilya is. That person is very different from who he actually is, but that’s also an easy person to hate.
If everything went wrong, then the blame could be shifted on to Ilya without much effort. If things went wrong, at least that way, Shane could preserve some kind of relationship with his parents.
I never thought that they would take Shane’s sexuality poorly, though. They’ve always shown to be supportive and loving, even if Yuna gets intense when it comes to his career. But I’m still glad that any lingering anxiety over it was put to bed relatively quickly. As soon as they saw Shane and Ilya interacting with each other, they were on board.
Ilya trying to figure out how to explain that they just had casual sex without actually saying that got the biggest laugh out of me. As did David’s slightly clueless expression, even as Yuna got it.
Yuna also made me cry. Well, Yuna and Shane. He just broke my heart when he apologized to her and told her that he really did try to be the son that he was supposed to be. The heterosexual, model minority golden boy that dated movie stars instead of the gay son who was in love with his rival, the man that his parents hated.
Her apology for making him feel like he couldn’t tell her was expected. That’s very standard in a scene like this. What surprised me was that Shane didn’t brush it off or tell her that it was okay. Instead, he accepted her apology and forgave her. The first time I watched the episode, I didn’t think that there was anything that really needed to be forgiven, but I’ve changed my mind since.
Yuna has always embodied the larger social pressure on Shane. Our first real introduction to her is her talking about how she’s such a huge Metros fan and how proud she is of Shane breaking barriers. She’s the constant reminder that he doesn’t just belong to himself. He belongs to everyone who looks up to him. He’s a product, not a person.
It wasn’t intentional. They both obviously love each other. All of the Hollanders do. As soon as she wrapped her mind around what was happening, she jumped right into planning for their next steps.
I’ve read some reactions that responded very negatively to Yuna cutting off the emotional moment between them, but that was one of my favorite parts. I don’t know if Shane got full catharsis from their conversation, but I also don’t know if he was really in the right position to achieve that. Not yet, at least. For now, it was enough that forgiveness was asked for and given, and that his and Ilya’s relationship was supported fully.
There are some hints, though, that things might not be quite as good as they seem. Right now, Shane and Ilya plan to keep their relationship a secret until they both retire in a decade. Even putting aside Yuna’s immediate reaction of distress, it’s the same plan that Scott and Kip had attempted. Except that Scott had initially proposed that it would only be for one or two years, which is significantly less than ten.
It didn’t work for Scott and Kip, and it almost certainly won’t work for Shane and Ilya. I also noticed that Ilya never really volunteered what he wanted their future to look like. Sure, he mentioned that he would want to trade to a Canadian team for passport reasons, but Shane was the one who said Ottawa. Shane was the one who created the plan for the charity. Shane was the one who told his parents that their plan was to hide until they retire.
Ilya looked at Shane and waited for him to confirm everything to Yuna and David before speaking up. It’s a deference there that I could absolutely be reading too much into, but feel like it could rapidly become dangerous.
Those are things to worry about next season, though. For now, our boys are driving off into the sunset, happy and in love and with a plan to be together as a couple. I am so, so excited for season two. I will almost certainly review the books in some fashion. I’m still trying to figure out what format I want to do those in, but that’s my next project once I catch up on some other stuff.
Random Thoughts
Stupid Canadian wolf bird.
We did get a brief wrap up for Scott and Kip. I’m glad that Scott won MVP, although I wish that Kip had been in the audience with him. Oh well. Scott got to not only say Kip’s name but that he loved him to the entire world. They’re not hiding anymore.
They hold toes while they sit on the couch together, and it’s very cute.
Also Ilya stealing Shane’s flannel to wear. Adorable.
Ilya pointing at both himself and Shane while saying “I love you” in Russian because he taught him the most important and useful phrase first.
Shane making eight burgers because that is what the recipe says made me feel very seen. Although two professional athletes would definitely be able to eat eight burgers in one sitting.
The last scene that they filmed was the scene around the firepit with Ilya’s head in Shane’s lap.
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An Honest Fangirl loves video games, horror movies, and superheroes, and occasionally manages to put words together in a coherent and pleasing manner.
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