"Boring. What's next, are we gonna braid each other's hair? Scissor already!"
To get herself out of unwillingly joining the Dark (or so she believes), Bo and her girls go to a Dark Fae party, which is actual someone’s wedding that the Dark have hijacked. You see, the Dark don't pay for anything. Ever. They wanted a party so they killed the happy couple and took over theirs. Boy, when these guys crash a wedding they really go for it.
Bo isn’t the only one who has signed up with Team Dark. A certain human doctor, who doesn't seem to mind the whole kidnap and imprisonment thing, has decided to throw her lot in with the Dark. Well, the Light put her girlfriend in a coma and locked her in a dungeon. How much worse can the Dark be? Lauren’s entrance was pure cheddar. Strolling in slow motion across the lawn barefoot, her hair shining brighter than the sun, she was a vision of loveliness and left Bo completely breathless as usually. The minute they were alone they wasted no time ripping each other’s clothes off. Who needs relationship talk when there's sexy times to be had. Somehow, I honestly don't know how they managed to restrain themselves, much to the Morrigan’s disappointment. She was hoping for some R-rated action.
Poor Bo. She honestly thought that she and Lauren would just pick up where they left off. That this really was just a break. She's head over heels in love with that human and it breaks her heart to lose her again. As much as it pains me to see them break up, I can see where Lauren is coming from. She's been a slave to the Light for so long that she'll jump at the chance to be free of them, even if it means agreeing to work with the Dark. I doubt Lauren will be any better off with the Dark than she was with the Light. The Dark might offer her a better deal, one that doesn't involve dog collars or possible dungeon imprisonment, but all she is really doing is swapping one Fae master for another.
While Bo and Lauren are off playing Evony’s Angels, Bo and Tamsin stumble upon Bruce back at the party/hijacked wedding. As punishment for helping Kenzi he has been made the slave of another Dark Fae who treats him like a serving table. Literally. Kenzi is not going to tolerate anyone treating her precious Bruce like this. Trouble is, in order to free Bruce she needs another Dark Fae to challenge his current master and claim ownership. And the only Dark Fae available is Tamsin. Tam Tam is still in teenage mode and not the badass fighter she once was, which is why she chose a dance off as her preferred form of combat. That’s right boys and girls, we got to see Tamsin bump and grind (and twerk) and it was terrible and hilarious and awesome all at the same time.
Notes and Quotes
--Of course the thingy at the Morrigan’s office would all have the same number. And of course that number would be 69.
--So was the Una Mens' one on one with Trick so they could make him acting Ash legit? Or was it just a ruse so they could break into his place and steal his magic seed thingy? I'm assuming it was them. All the other shady characters were busy this week performing self amputations and judging dance offs.
--Rachel Skarsten is actually a trained dancer. You can tell by how coordinated she and Ksenia Solo are when they danced together.
--For one brief moment I actually felt sorry for Vex. One very brief moment.
--I hope the Morrigan liquefied whoever was responsible for her hair and make-up in this episode. Her face was just weird.
--Who is Rainer and why has he got the Una Mens so worried? Is that the Wanderer's real name?
--I would not want to do any extensive research in the Dark Fae's archive.
--I didn’t think Vex would actually chop his hand off. Love how it was still flipping the bird post-amputation.
Bo: "What kind of boomerang bitch are you?"
Bo: "With Dyson out of town I gotta find some way to recharge the double Ds."
Bo: "This dress is incredible. Let's get you out of it."
Tamsin: "What's the difference between the Light and the Dark anyway?"
Kenzi: “Well, the Light are assholes and the Dark are... assholes who have fun.”
Kenzi: "Vera Wang!"
Bo: "You really only care about yourself, don't you?"
Vex: "What, and that's bad?"
Two and a half out of four stolen weddings.
Mark Greig has been writing for Doux Reviews since 2011. More Mark Greig.