Glee: The Substitute

Will: “Tell me again about this life with no consequences?"
Holly: "It's kind of awesome!"

Glee tackles healthy eating in schools and the importance of the work/play balance as teachers. New Principal Sue’s years long quest for power finally bears fruit and Terri the shrew returns, hurrah!

A New Holly

The concept of a substitute is perfect for a celebrity guest star and for a standalone episode, in those respects Gwyneth Paltrow helped concoct a great, fun episode. The only problem is that Glee is always fun and always a fantasy, so it didn’t really need an episode that was light on heavy and heavy on comedy. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed it, but found myself being mildly annoyed that there were relatively few songs and they were all pure escapist fun. Glee is always ridiculous, it’s always escapism. There’s no need to set out specifically to make it so. What is with the Tweeting? That wouldn’t work as a praise mechanism, Holly. Borrow Rachel’s gold stars!

The Principal Strikes Back

Yay for Sue! I have missed her in the past few episodes. Hilarious that her elevation to Principal (Headmistress to us across the pond in Blighty) came as a result of her using bio weaponry (a sick student) and that Becky is her new PA. Will this last into next week? I think we have only seen the tip of the power Sue would want to wield as head of the school. Granted, Will was forced to leave the club (must be Tuesday) but it had no real repercussions. Come on writers, make Sue even more villainous, I’ll still adore her!

Return of the Terri

Terri was great in this episode, I enjoyed her creepy baby talk and the fact that she was a vehicle for another Really bad decision from Will. I mean, Jessalyn Gilsig is gorgeous but did the monkey flu make Will’s brain relocate to his groin? What on earth was he thinking? If he knew it was a mistake as soon as it happened, why did he do it? Especially after hearing she was in therapy and on medication. My sympathy for Will is gone. Oh well, if it means Terri is sufficiently aggravated to come back with a vengeance soon, I’m not complaining. Ms Gilsig is very believable in her awfulness, and I mean that as a compliment! Not just anyone could play someone that crazy, and make it ring true.

Not sure what to make of the Kurt and Mercedes subplot, apart from that I loved the “gay gay gay” tiny handbag hallucination. I sometimes worry that I talk about the gay plots on Glee too much - it’s nice of the writers to acknowledge that gay issues are sometimes all Kurt’s character is used to explore. By the way, almost no gays actually read Vogue do we? I don’t! Also, what does Mercedes being obsessed with tots and hanging out with Kurt have to do with her not having/wanting a boyfriend? Maybe if she had been shown in previous episodes to still have feelings for him, this plot would have made more sense, but as it is it just felt like two separate plot threads tied together sloppily.

Bits and Pieces

--Loved the slow-mo sneeze onto Figgins! Poor Figgins.

--Why were there scallops on the TV?

--Awwwww mini Glee kids! So adorable.

--Sick baby role play with anal temperature probe? Whoa, way to turn on the freaky, Terri!

--Mercedes glee (ha) at seeing freshly cooked tots was a bit unsettling – are they really that good? I’mma have to get me some tots!

--Conjunction-junction, what’s your function - Amazing! Apparently this is an actual song from something called Schoolhouse Rock! but I don’t think it really counts toward the music in this episode.

--Sue’s face when Bieste asked who the Cheerios would be cheering if the football team was cut – priceless.

--All that waste throwing the tots away! Hideous.

--What a flimsy pretense of a menthol massage for Terri to seduce Will.... I should try that!

--Hurrah, the jokes about Will’s hair are back. I was beginning to think Sue was losing her touch.

--Of course Sue has a Le Car, it fits perfectly with her.

--Glee certainly doesn’t go for realism when it comes to sets and backdrops for the numbers, does it? An LED wall and a rain machine? But I don’t care, it’s a fantasy and it’s great to watch!

Glee Against the Music:

“Forget You” – Cee-Lo:
Santana: “What would you know about Cee-Lo, you’re like forty.”
Holly: “Top forty sweetcheeks, Hit it!”
Just a generally Fun song really! Obviously, it is a top forty song and could have been replaced by anything and it had no impact on the plot, but it was great fun. Gwyneth Paltrow is a great performer, who knew. I liked that everyone joined in, but wasn’t it Puck’s suggestion, shouldn’t he have had a solo? Grade B+

“Make Em Laugh” – Donald O'Connor (Singin' in the Rain):
If you didn’t know this was from Singin' in the Rain (like me) I’m sure you had an initial “Huh?” moment. Maybe they should have prefaced it with a brief clip of Will snoozing while watching the film. After that wore off I loved it. Awesome dancing on their knees and off the side of the stage. Again, No relation to the plot! Grade B

"Nowadays/Hot Honey Rag" – Chicago:
Pretty similar to the film and stage versions really, and performed to a similarly high standard by Holly and Rachel. I did enjoy it but definitely noticed the age gap between the two. Again, no relation to the plot and pretty replaceable, but good fun. Grade B

“Singin' in the Rain/Umbrella” - Various/Rihanna:
Pretty awesome mash-up. Not much else to say, other than it must have been really fun to perform. I want a rain machine! Oh wait, I live in England, I can just step outside. Grade A-

Quotes for Gleeks:

Sue: “My years long quest for power has finally borne fruit”

Sue: “First order of business, destroy the Glee club!”
Will: “I thought we were friends?”
Sue: “That got boring!”

Baby Rachel: “Mr Shue, I for one think that we should use our set list for Sectionals to start exploring the oeuvre of one Bernadette Peters”
Baby Brittany: “Someday I’m gonna go to Paris and visit the oeuvre!”

Terri: “I was really good at taking care of you when you were sick”
Will: “That’s because you like me best when I’m weak”
Terri: “Maybe! That’s what my therapist said”

Holly: *in Spanish* “Please get into groups and discuss how many times Lindsay Lohan has been in rehab” – made five times funnier by the fact that she had just told them it was five times. Five times?!?!

Kurt: “You smell homeless, Brett. Homeless.”

Rachel: “Well, at least I didn’t fall and break my talent!”

Brittany: “I’m Mike Chang.”
Holly: “Those aren’t your names. You know how I know that?”
Brittany: “You’re psychic”

Sue: “Becky get your fanny in here and bring your pad”

Sue: “You know what this is?”
Mercedes: “Toilet brush.”
Sue: “It’s broccoli. When I showed this to Brittany earlier she began to whimper thinking I had cut down a small tree where a family of Gummi bears lived”

Holly: “Oh, Puckerman here are the answers to the pop quiz I’ll be giving in Spanish class later, it is So boring in there”
Puck: “Thanks Miss H!”
Holly: “Righteous!”

Kurt: “He’s a wide receiver on the football team, he’s very handsome and he’s a member of the black student union”
Mercedes: “Any non-black activities?”
Kurt: “I don’t know, my google search was a little...”
Err, what about the football team thing Mercedes? And he is very handsome!

Cameo: “What are you, some kind of magician substitute? I’m a Christian, and that devil magic stuff offends me!”
Holly: “Cameo!” thunk.

Sue: “You irritate me William. You make the underflaps of my breasts burn. Like when I used to rub them with poison sumac. But your kids sure love you...”

Brittany: “Mr Shue taught me the second half of the alphabet. I stopped after M and N. I felt they were too similar and got frustrated.”

Sue: "I suggest you start selling yourself on Craigslist under the heading of 'Men seeking men with butt-chins'."

Holly: "Mary Todd Lincoln in the house! My husband was probably gay and I'm bipolar which makes me yell things like 'That teapot is spreading lies about me!' or 'That can't be my baby because I don't love it!'"

Holly: “Hi I’m Holly Holliday.”
Terri: “Are you a porn star or a drag queen?” - Quote of the week.

A solid three out of four tater tots. I just googled – they’re hash browns! Now it all makes sense. I’m with you, Mercedes!

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