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Doux News: June 3, 2012

This week: Sean Bean on Game of Thrones -- Zombies, Zombies, Everywhere -- Fairytales on CBS -- Let’s Dance the Wackadoo—This Week in Cats—Joss Whedon’s Failed TV Spinoff—Coming Soon to billiedoux.com.

[This week’s Doux News is brought to you by Ben P. Duck, Josie Kafka, and the letters Q and A. It also assumes you have seen Season One of Game of Thrones.]

The end of May doldrums are typically a slow period for TV journalism, as critics, bloggers, and pundits choose to spend their semi-annual bonus checks in Tahiti, Majorca, and Nepal. But this week brought exciting news from the world of cult TV, and we at Doux News are proud to be the first website to bring you so many of these thrilling stories.

Sean Bean to return to Game of Thrones as Naked Ghost

Fans of the HBO series have been excited ever since the rumors began to circulate that Sean Bean would return to reprise his role at Eddard Stark. Although his character perished in the penultimate episode of season 1, Bean will return as a continuing character in season 3. And here is what is stirring controversy: he will appear naked in all 7 episodes. Fans of the books have found themselves torn between a desire to retain accuracy to books and other desires. Bean noted, “It’s an artistic decision to emphasize how death strips away the ego, also there has been considerable demand to see my character Stark naked.”

Government Denies Zombie Apocalypse Despite Mounting Evidence

Center for Disease Control spokesman David Daigle recently denied the existence of zombies in an (intentionally?) vague email to the Huffington Post: “CDC does not know of a virus or condition that would reanimate the dead (or one that would present zombie-like symptoms),” he claimed. Daigle dismissed zombiism as nothing more than a “fictional virus,” despite recent incidents of cannibalism in Florida, Maryland, and Ottawa. But he apparently refused to answer the most important question: How does he reconcile the “lack” of “evidence” for zombies with his own organization’s zombie preparedness plan?

CBS Greenlights "Goose"

In an attempt to capitalize on the success of ABC's "Once Upon a Time" and NBC's "Grimm,” CBS has launched an ambitious new series entitled "Goose." Based on the classic children's Mother Goose stories, each week will feature a story based on one of the rhymes. They will be linked together by the presence of Fiddle the Cat who will open each episode with the original rhyme. CBS President Leslie Moonves stated during the yearly up-fronts, "This show has great potential to create a new darker twist on tales like 'Mary had a Little Lamb' and 'Humpty Dumpty' while retaining the procedural format with which we here at CBS have had such success.” Season 1 will run an initial 13 episodes and conclude with a denouement of why the cow jumped over the moon.

Damon Lindelof Will Avoid the Wackadoo

Lost showrunner Damon Lindelof inked a three-year development deal with Warner Bros. TV. He looks forward to developing new stories about interesting characters who live in a reality that is “a little skewed,” he says. But don’t expect him to create another world-wide sigh at the conclusion of his upcoming projects—Lindelof has promised to avoid any more of that pesky “wackadoo mythology.”

This Week In Cats

Henri, the existential nihilist made famous here (and because Paul just sent me the link), has become even more dissatisfied and disaffected of late. View his tortured soul and lovely coat below, and sound off in the comments about how you, too, feel that life would really benefit from a wackadoo zombie apocalypse spearheaded by a naked Sean Bean:

Note Found On Joss Whedon's Fridge Grosses 60 Million

Master Joss Whedon most recent venture into synergistic genre-bending has attained financial success similar to that of Dr. Horrible, if not Dollhouse. A shaky cellphone camera still shot of his recent post-it on his home refrigerator grossed $60 million (somehow) on YouTube. But don’t look for the sequel any time soon. Fox greenlight a TV spin-off rumored to feature grocery lists and occasional shots of his sock drawer, only to cancel the series before the pilot was filmed.

Coming Soon To a Laptop Near You

The writing team of billiedoux.com have spent hours---weeks---minutes---putting together a series of interviews with, um, each other. Look for a series of Q&As with each of our writers in the upcoming weeks. Oh, and True Blood starts June 10.


  1. You know, we might want to state somewhere that most of these news stories are twisted products of imagination. :)

    I'd never seen that cat video before. It is now my absolute favorite, ever.

  2. What? But I was so looking forward to Goose. Finally, a CBS show worth watching :(

  3. Henri's ennui makes-me feel-he may-be deep-ly sleep-y, oui?

    More adventures with Henri can be found here

    Great post, Josie. I believe absolutely all of it. ALL OF IT!

  4. Henri made me LMAO

    BUT WARNING PEOPLE ! This is the worst French I've ever heard LOL Keep up reading the subtitles

    The Q&A part should be lots of fun; looking forward to it.

  5. Marc, Henri's a cat for goodness sakes! How can you criticise his grasp of French? I say we're lucky he can talk at all ;o)

  6. LOL

    had nothing against the puss; I suspect the owner instead.....

    Meow !

  7. Well done, all. A much needed LOL break at the end of the day.

    Bon nuit.

  8. Josie, I'm starting to hope nothing happens in genre TV EVERY week! Sheer brilliance!


  9. Hi all,

    90% of the credit goes to Mr. Duck. I'm just the typist.

  10. Ah, Henri, you look just like my beloved cat Percival (Percy) who passed in 1983 at the ripe old age of 20. He too felt he was surrounded by morons.

  11. Dear ChrisB,


    bonne nuit,

    Being a bilingual French Canadian makes me the expert for this topic LOL

    Meow again.

    Vive les chats !

  12. Bah... apologies for repeating the link, Josie. I didn't see you'd included the first video... I only saw the embedded one. At this rate I'm going to have to start concentrating ;o)

  13. celticmarc -- my bad! That will teach me to try to be clever when I am tired.

    I am envious of your ability to speak French. It is a beautiful language, even when spoken like the video.


    Once again, Ben and Josie, this is an excellent piece of work. Well done!

  14. So everything besides Sean Bean is not true? ;)

  15. Actually, only Sean Bean and Goose are false. Anything with a link is real, including Henri.

  16. Oops. Joss Whedon's fridge post is also not true.

  17. FYI people,

    I just found out that in our Parallel Universe, Firefly had 4 seasons and Community has 6 seasons AND a movie (those lucky bast______).

    Damn !! Where can I find cortexiphan ??

  18. True, not true, its just a question of timing. Give that Goose idea a month and I predict it will be in development at CBS.


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