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Beauty and the Beast: Pilot

"A doctor?"
"No, a human."

That's right, beauties and beasts: that's the best quote I could come up with for this ersatz review of the CW's reboot of the delightfully wonderful 1980s fantasy show Beauty and the Beast. Meant to capitalize on the darker side of our current obsession with broody heroes and their barely-contained violent urges, the new Beauty and the Beast stars that girl from Smallville that everyone hates, and a guy with a scar. And that's all I can tell you, since I only got 29 minutes into the episode.

So that's where you come in...

Tell us how much you disliked (or loved, if that's a thing anyone is feeling right now) the pilot of Beauty and the Beast. The person who submits the best comment will win absolutely nothing, except for our undying gratitude. And a kitten. Sure, we'll send you a kitten. Absolutely.

The contest will be judged according to completely arbitrary criteria, in order for the contest rules to fit the standards of those executives and writers who created this episode.

Let the games begin!

Josie Kafka is a full-time cat servant and part-time rogue demon hunter. (What's a rogue demon?)


  1. I couldn't bring myself to watch it, so I must disqualify myself from this intriguing contest. I'm going to go rub my cat's tummy.

  2. I saw the whole thing... best thing about it was that we got a couple of women cops as a central team of the show! (there's so much testosterone floating around there) And two women who respect each other and are friends...

    Oh, and since you didn't see the end: they're trying to tie Catherine's mom's death in to Vincent's story. He told Catherine she wasn't the reason her mom died (her big guilt trip), he said "they were trailing her".

    Beast? There was a Beast? I just saw this yummy guy with a scar... ;o)

    PS: They cancelled the Secret Circle for this?!

  3. The guy with a scar is a New Zealand actor so I will consider it my patriotic duty to watch it if it is ever screened in New Zealand.

  4. I shipped the original Vincent/Catherine and the Once upon a time Beauty and Beast are more fun right now..so meh. Won't be back.

  5. But this is a show about how we just cant stop loving monsters and about how there's a monster in all of us.

    And let me just say that when Kristin Kreuk enters my house yelling "NYPD", I shall wet my pants with fear ( or laughter, mostly laughter).

  6. If not for the title, I would have thought I was watching the teen version of "The Hulk". I guess they did this so that he could be brooding and attractive the rest of the time...
    I managed to stay in my seat for the whole thing...it was horrible.

  7. I am so over a women going into law enforcement because her mother was murdered (Jordan Cavannaugh, Kate Beckett and now Cat Chandler). Really, there must be a writer somewhere in Hollywood that can come up with a different backstory.

    I'm afraid that when Vincent "beasted out" I just burst out laughing. As I did at the voiceover at the end about saving each other. Dear God, now that's original!

    Like Cris, I did like the idea of the two women as a partnership, but that was about it. This is not one I will be re-visiting.

  8. Thinking a handsome man becomes hideous because of a scar is worse than Britta showing her dark side by dying her hair in the darkest timeline.

    I'd like to know if I hated Lana or Kristin Kreuk, but I'll try when she does something not completely unappealing.

  9. "For detectives, you two don't know very much." I feel like sassy nurse lady summarized the entire show. The main character has had one too many punches to the head with the plot devices (literally, since I counted at least two blurry-visioned bumps on the head during the first twenty minutes) and the romantic lead is a creeptastic rape allegory who appears to have taken wooing classes from Edward Cullen.

    I do feel bad for Detective Vargas, though. It must be difficult to be the partner of a driven-by-a-loved-one's-death-TV-Detective. Especially since, according to the ME, Catherine talks about it all the time. Imagine how awkward that must make the work place. "My mother was brutally murdered in front of me, and then I hallucinated a beast man killing her murderers! Have I mentioned this before?" "Like, six times. And we were partnered up this morning. I, uhm, I'm supposed to pursue criminals with you to watch my back? I feel very not okay about this." (Side note: I would probably be willing to keep watching if there had ever actually been a conversation like this while Catherine was, say, breaking into the home of a suspect who had been cleared of all suspicion.)

  10. It needs improvement, sure, but I didn't think it was that bad. I got a Castle-vibe from the police side of things (and it wasn't only because of the mom-died-now-I-want-to-be-a-cop thing) and the British medical examiner was cute.

    Maybe it's because I kept hearing how terrible it was that my expectations were low enough to enjoy it. It got good ratings so if it doesn't drop right away it should have some time to improve.

    The thing that bothered me the most was Vincent's age. If he was a doctor when 9/11 occurred, he'd have to be AT LEAST 37 now, and he definitely didn't look it. Maybe the modified DNA slows down the aging process?

  11. I watched it in its entirety. Did I really care about Katherine, oops sorry, Cat's backstory? No, not really, as I already watch another show called Castle where it's used better. :D

    Was the dialogue pretty cliched and cheesy for the most part? Yes.

    Were the action sequences good? Cat fighting the "agents" was pretty good but any action involving the "beast" was more like shadow puppets.

    I found myself more interested in the mystery surrounding the military organziation that produced Vincent more than anything else.

    I didn't really like the original Beauty and the Beast that much to begin with and this remake isn't that much better but it was maybe okay enough that I might give it a couple of more episodes to see if things improve, since pilot episodes don't always give you an indication of what the show would be like in the long term as things could have changed BTS between the time the pilot was shot and it actually airs.

    Arrow, Elementary, and Last Resort were definitely better pilots than Beauty and the Beast.


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