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The Vampire Diaries: I'll Wed You in the Golden Summertime

"What if there's a loophole?"

Come on. A wedding going off without a hitch? This is The Vampire Diaries.

Alaric talked too much about dodging fate and that he and Jo should be dead, and see what happens when you tempt the gods like that? Kai may have just killed Jo at the freaking altar. In that gorgeous wedding gown, and pregnant with twins. It's like, could we make this any more tragic? No, we can't.

Is Jo dead? Will one of the vampires be able to save her? What about the twins? As much as I like Jo, and I like her a lot, my first thought was, does this mean we're getting Matt Davis as tragic "my bride died at the altar" guy next season? If they haven't been pronounced married yet, that means he's not a widower, right?

This entire wedding arc was of course really all about Damon and Elena and their possible life as a married human couple, which is so not going to happen and not just because Nina Dobrev is leaving the series and she's almost certainly going to die or leave town in the next episode.

I really liked that Elena made Stefan take Damon on a vampire brother bonding "This is what it'll be like to be human" road trip. Even though Damon's "I want to be your husband and father of your kids" speech was lovely (they're just giving Damon and Elena a serious wedding-like moment and a literal roll in the hay to placate the Delena fans), it just wasn't in character, and Stefan had a valid point that four years ago, Stefan and Elena were the ones who were in love forever and now they're not. That lovely forty-years-married couple will not be Damon and Elena because yes, I can easily see them as an alcoholic and a workaholic drifting apart. Hey, Ian Somerhalder and Nina Dobrev did. Talk about art imitating life. Becoming human again is something you have to want for yourself, not for someone else. Sort of like an alcoholic truly wanting to become sober.

Or maybe they were setting up the possibility that if Elena dies, Damon will take the Cure as a grand gesture to mourn her. Stefan's description of Damon as a human (sweet, earnest and aimless) was meant to imply that Damon's human side, or what's left of it, is making the decisions, and I'm getting the feeling they just might leave us with a human Damon cliffhanger. I hope not. Ian Somerhalder as a snarky vampire is why I got into this show. Don't go changing, Damon.

So very tired of Lily and the witchpires. Can't they wreak havoc and die and take Kai with them? I was starting to like Kai before, but clearly, Bonnie imprisoning him again was a mistake. He had taken a serious step toward being human, but now he's a psycho again. Resolve this and put it away, Vampire Diaries writers. No witchpires next season, please?

I was so happy that Caroline was back and taking over the wedding planning. Stefan, will you give her some space? Her mother just died, and she needs to work through this killing-palooza she just went through. Or maybe it's Stefan and Caroline's turn for the on again off again, since I am picturing Caroline taking over as our female lead. I like Caroline a lot and am fine with that.

Next week's season finale should be a humdinger. And by the way, Josie Kafka will be back to review that.

Bits and pieces:

-- Does Bonnie nearly die in every episode now? It's losing its impact.

-- That thing about Elena figuratively walking on eggshells and she could die at any moment. Way too obvious foreshadowing.

-- Vampires don't do paperwork? We all hate paperwork. That might be the most appealing vampire quality yet.

-- Enzo brought Lily the 2015 version of a mix tape. I expected there to be a lockpick in it, but we didn't get to that.

-- Liv showed up unexpectedly. Is that so Tyler could leave town with her?

-- Jo's dad arrived unexpectedly to walk her down the aisle. Was that just supposed to be sweet, or is there a Kai-related plot reason for him to be there?

--- One thing that struck me during this episode is how many of the cast used to be vampires, but they're not any more. Or they're just marginally supernatural, like witches.

-- How nice that Elena got to wear a beautiful bridesmaid dress, possibly to die in. And what's with the straight hair? It made me think of Interview with the Vampire, where Claudia was turned and immediately had a headful of glorious curls.

-- What's with the long episode titles? Do you know how many times I have to type titles on social media?

-- Alaric: "What rhymes with battlefield clamp?" Jo: "Divorce?"

-- Matt: "Caroline suggested, in a semi-threatening way, that I pick up the centerpieces." Laugh out loud.

No rating. I'm not sure how I felt about this one because I am feeling manipulated, big time,

Billie Doux loves good television and spends way too much time writing about it.


  1. I liked this one but im curious why does everyone seem tired for the witchpires before they have even beeen shown properly? Are people just not excited about the prospect or is the constant talking about the threat boring?

    Loved your review :)

  2. You have a point, Thomas. I think I'm just not happy with the Lily plot and that sort of ends up including the witchpires.

    I wonder if the witchpires are going to be the season 7 bad guys?

  3. I'm guessing Elena's straight hair is 'human elena' hair...as soon as she became vamp!Elena, she also started channeling Katherine's curly sexy hair. Then again, human Caroline had straight hair too...maybe when you become immortal, you also get fabulous hair?

    I'm over Lily. Enzo could have been cool, but they've effectively destroyed his character this season. He was cool in 6x01, then became annoying with his Stefan-vendetta, then boring with Sarah Salvatore (who has completely disappeared?) and now the writers seem to be willing to write anything to bring him back to cool!Enzo. Too little, too late, sadly.

    Looks like Caroline and Stefan will be the romance arc next season. They've pretty much set that up perfectly.

    If the writers weren't so completely against crossovers, it'd be fun to have Elijah or Klaus pop by, but I guess they do have their hands full, what with NOLA imploding and all. And Dahlia.

    I had flashbacks to the Game of Thrones Red wedding... This wasn't quite as bad, thankfully. But the stabbing right in the pregnant belly seemed pretty harsh.

    Kai will probably be making his bows next week, just because of his new show pick up. I enjoyed his wit as a villain. I guess, him included, we potentially say goodbye to 4 characters next week. That's quite a turnover.

  4. Lol Billie! @ "Liv showed up unexpectedly. Is that so Tyler could leave town with her?" You really want Tyler gone don't ya?:)

    I have no trouble at all with Tyler, never had. I do agree with Lily and the witchpires though. I really really hope they're not in next season as big bads.

  5. I have to admit, I could not disagree more with this review.
    I was bored to death by the soapy wedding stuff that took up most of the episode and I've been waiting for those witchpires to come to town and restart an actual plot since they were first introduced.
    As for the "Damon-becoming-human" thing... I think this could have been interesting if they hadn't retconned away what Damon said in season 2 about becoming human, but in the end while it was vaguely interesting Damon's no longer an interesting enough character to me to care and since we know Nina is leaving but Ian is not, I think it's pretty unlikely he's actually gonna take the cure. So I'm not really feeling any tension there. Plus, for being 172 years old Damon has the insight and wisdom of a thirteen year old girl in how he thinks about becoming human with Elena.

  6. Cassie, I am itching for a crossover, but I'd rather see some Mystic Falls folks find their way to NOLA. I thought Caroline might visit Klaus while she recovered from her killing spree, for instance. Oh well, hopefully there are crossovers in our futures before the rug is pulled out from TVD.


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