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Vampire Diaries: Gods & Monsters

“Best case scenario: we destroy it and everything goes back to normal.”

After a string of episodes that consisted mostly of people driving around the South while talking on their cell phones, it was nice to get (almost) the whole gang together at the Armory, even though—of course—things didn’t quite turn out as planned.

Fixing Bonnie is the goal of the gang, and fixing the show is the goal of this episode. It’s on its way: Damon and Stefan got to talk about their feelings, their characters, and their differences before hugging out all of their issues. Aww!

Damon, going solo in the Big Bad Basement, got to kill the final everlasting. Or something like that: he lit a body on fire, and somehow that cured Bonnie, and if there’s more to that element of what happened in the basement, I missed it while cuddling with my cats. (Sorry.)

Caroline got back together with Stefan, which means she and Alaric broke up. How do I feel about this? I’m not really sure. I always liked Caroline and Stefan as friends, which puts me on the fence about their romantic relationship. Adding kids into the mix—and breaking Alaric’s heart—makes it even harder for me to cheer that Caroline is now going to live, I assume, separate from two adorable girls who call her Mommy.

Bonnie got to beat up her boyfriend but didn’t have to kill him. Afterwards, she stitched his skin to his sweater. (At least, that’s what it looked like.) Hooray to the not-dead-Enzo part of that plot.

Matt got to visit with his dead girlfriend after risking his life to save Bonnie and, by extension, a bunch of vampires that he allegedly spent the past three years hating. His arc through this flashforwards wasn’t particularly effective, as his hatred of vampires was more of a plot device based on a mistake than any sort of sensible, organic assessment of what a disaster his entire life is. Oh, well. We can’t win them all.

Everything looked hunky-dory just before the last commercial break, so of course we got a reversal: Elena’s voice lured Damon deeper into the Big Bad Basement, he turned evil, and turned Enzo evil. Flashforward three months, and people are missing on the West Coast: Damon and Enzo (or something wearing their faces) is hunting people. Luckily, Caroline, Stefan, Bonnie, and Matt are looking for something to do.

Does that fix the show? It might. Does it fix Bonnie? More or less. I’m 100% ecstatic that she is no longer the “villain”: that plot couldn’t end soon enough for me. But now she has no magic, no best friend, and no boyfriend. At least we have, potentially, a more exciting season to look forward to in just a few months.

Bites and Pieces:

• Damon: "Let me guess. It’s an ancient, tentacled evil that will destroy the world as we know it."
Enzo: "Don’t be ridiculous. No tentacles."

• The best thing about this episode: I watched it on my TV, which is on top of my brand-new TV stand, built by me (manufactured by IKEA) with not a single tear, bruise, or weird particle-board splinter. Victory!

Two and a half out of four IKEAs.

Josie Kafka is a full-time cat servant and part-time rogue demon hunter. (What's a rogue demon?)


  1. Yeah, the Stefan/Caroline stuff left me a bit cold, too. I suspect Candice King getting pregnant somewhat muffed up this season. Caroline should have been front and centre all year, but instead she was relegated to the sidelines with Alaric, while Stefan spent half the season running around with Valerie. Apparently, the only way to reintegrate Caroline into the story was to have her break up with Alaric, and him be more or less okay with it. I kind of expected the kids to die draining the seal (or whatever it is they did), but I dare say that's a little too dark for the CW. No doubt Alaric will take them off into story oblivion, with some line about it being in their best interests if he keeps them away from vampires, etc. He would probably be right, too.

    I did feel vaguely touched by Enzo's non-death, which was rather surprising, and I've not been all that invested in their relationship this season. Enzo, like Damon, is one of those characters that has such a fucked up past, that you can't imagine anyone wanting to be with him (outside of the fact that he looks fantastic.) Bonzo--is that what the kids are calling it?--was also a little hamstrung by the fact that most of the build-up was done in the three years we didn't get to see, so I didn't really understand why Bonnie would find herself attracted to him. I mean, we saw some stuff, but it didn't feel anywhere near enough to atone for the shit he's done in the past. Mind you, I'm not sure anything could atone for the things half of the characters have done. Thank god they're all so attractive.... nobody would touch them with a barge pole otherwise.

    Incidentally, did anyone else wonder how the season would've ended had the show been cancelled? Do you think that burning the Everlasting... or whatever it was... would have brought back Elena, Matt would have gone off to heaven (or wherever), and everyone would have lived happily ever after? Apart from all the dead people of Mystic Falls... which is just about everyone, that is. Would Caroline have ended up with Stefan or Alaric? I'm just curiously how they would have wrapped the episode had it been the last one.

    P.S. I am not a robot.

  2. I was disappointed with that incredibly homicidal ending. Too many bodies! Yes, the two of them aren't themselves, but geez. Also bummed about those two adorable little girls losing their mother, even though Caroline actually isn't their mother, of course. But I'm all for Caroline having a bigger non-pregnancy-related role in the next season, which really should be their last. Is Alaric being written out? Honestly, if I were lucky enough to personally choose between Alaric and Stefan, I'd take Alaric. Stefan has never been my favorite character.

    The Bonnie/Enzo death scene got to me, too. The two of them work for me. She'd better get him back.

  3. I'm with all of you regarding Caroline and Stefan - does nothing for me, I don't see a shred of chemistry and they did work much better as friends.

    Felt bad for Alaric, been feeling it ever since we realized that Caroline was not in love with him and only marrying him for their little family. Egrrr....

    I thought Matt left for good - did I not understand it correctly?

    Technically, Elena should have been awake already, since her deep sleep was linked to Bonnie's life which Bonnie exchanged with the Huntress. I know Nina's out, but ... no logic... Oh, well.

  4. Just finally finished watching this season, and wasn't impressed with the way this story was told. I don't read a book by reading the first chapters, reading the ending, then skipping through parts in the middle. Who would? I was confused all the way through this, if I looked away from the TV at the wrong time, I didn't see the caption at the bottom that said, 3 years from now, 2 1/2 years from now....and then had to figure out what was going on. Just tell the story, writers, and if it is too ambitious for 23 episodes, then simplify. I thought the actors acted their hearts out, like usual. Damon was snarky, Stefan was dreamy and broody, Bonnie was brave. Alaric had too little to do, Enzo did nothing for me, like usual, and Caroline was good when she was around. Candice's little girl is cute, though. Does Candice's eyebrows bother anyone else? They are too neatly trimmed. I didn't miss Elena, in fact, I think VD would have been so much better if the love triangle had been finished by season 5 or so, then everyone could find new romances and new adventures. The heretics were okay, not great, but at least Mama Salvatore got some back story that almost explained her actions. I'm not thrilled with Damon going darkside, I like it better when Stefan and Damon work together.

  5. I laughed so hard when Damon said "Don't tell me what I can't do!" Very nice Lost shout out!

    Why oh why was the Everlasting in the vault? Bonnie previously saw him in some room that was not the vault and it's not like they were using it for storage. It really make no sense for him to be in there. That major contrivance ruined the whole ending for me, and I'm not really looking forward to this Damon and Enzo killing lots of people for no particular reason plot. Also can Bonnie have her magic back now?


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