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The X-Files: Nothing Important Happened Today

Case: A tall lady who likes to swim naked kills a member of the EPA and Doggett investigates.

Destination: Baltimore, MD

Welcome to the beginning of season nine. The turmoil behind the scenes is as interesting (or more) than the premiere episode. We get to find out a lot more about Scully’s baby and super-soldiers this season. Oh, goody.

The guest stars are intriguing. Lucy Lawless (Xena) and Cary Elwes (The Princess Bride) join the party. I was excited when I found out that they were coming on the show, but it turns out to be a bit of a letdown. Cary hasn’t the same charisma that he did as Westley on Princess Bride and Lucy doesn’t get enough chance to flesh out her character. Cary (as Brad Follmer) speaks in a very soft voice that’s hard to understand, sometimes. He also comes off as kind of skeevy in his interactions with Monica Reyes. They are supposed to be lovers previously, but Monica just seems to want to get away from Follmer every time he gets too close.

Lucy Lawless plays Shannon McMahon (hey, it rhymes) as an ex-marine who was in the same unit as Doggett and Knowle Rohrer. At least in this first of a two-parter, Doggett and Shannon have very few interactions. It would be nice to have found out more about Shannon in this premier episode. The story is just lacking excitement, but there’s plenty of disappointments, at least for me anyways.

The last scene of season eight was just perfect. Mulder and Scully were together and they acknowledged that Baby William was their child and nothing was wrong with him. Well, thanks season nine, because plenty of things seem to be going wrong. Don’t misunderstand me, overall, I do enjoy this season. There are some great episodes, but… all the best episodes (in my humble opinion) are the ones without super-soldiers or anyone running around fretting over whatever weird thing was happening with Scully’s baby.

Even though there are some good action scenes with Lucy Lawless (she also looks very nice in office attire), mostly the episode seems to consist of people talking (often quite rudely) to each other. Scully talks to Doggett and Monica. Brad Follmer kisses Monica and then talks to her. Kersh talks to Follmer and Skinner. Doggett talks to Skinner… I got so bored with all the talking, I forgot what the big deal was supposed to be. Doggett wants to investigate what happened in that parking garage, what are grumpy Kersh’s secrets, and why Mulder would just up and leave his new family behind. There isn’t a reason that is given that really helps much. Doggett is just told to let things alone. That wouldn’t make for a very interesting X-Files, now would it?

I knew when I watched this, for the first time, that Duchovny would no longer be appearing on the show, but it was still disappointing to just see an obvious butt-double (I read that definition somewhere and thought it was funny) in the shower. I was also unhappy when Baby William seemed to be turning his crib mobile with his mind. I wish that they had just left that poor kid alone. To this day, I don’t like to watch any episode when that baby is in danger in any way. It’s not because I’m soft-hearted, though. It’s just too lame. I know that the baby will always be fine and it just feels like a waste of screen time. I want to get back to chasing monsters in the dark. It could’ve been just Reyes and Doggett, with Scully in a recurring role, that would have been just fine.

Anyways, back to the episode. I’m sorry, but I’m having a hard time remembering anything that happened. I just watched it, I swear. Nothing important happened in this episode to make it very memorable, except for mourning the loss of David Duchovny and the loss of innocence for poor Baby William.

Other Thoughts:

Gillian Anderson had to appear as a regular in season nine, because she had to add an additional season to her contract to get her compensation in the same range as Duchovny. I do applaud her for giving us Scully for another year, but it’s just not the same without Mulder.

Was this the most nudity in an episode, ever? Super-soldier Shannon likes to do her swimming naked, Reyes sleeps without a shirt, and so does Doggett.

What was the problem with William’s crib mobile? I’ve had enough babies to know that a squeaky mobile wouldn’t be ideal. I used to tip-toe out of their rooms, praying all the while that I wouldn’t make the slightest sound to wake them up.

The Lone Gunmen show up to help and Langly’s face is still blue. I didn’t watch their series, but apparently, Langly walked into a booby-trap that sprayed him with blue paint in their last episode.


Reyes: “You make it sound like I go home from work with post-its on my ass.”

Frohike: “Collecting for the needy and unemployed. Open the door.”
Doggett: “Thanks for doing this, guys.”
Byers: “Yeah, like we got anything better to be doing these days.”

Doggett: “I've been looking for Mulder. I went to his apartment.”
Scully: “I know.”
Doggett: “Where did he go? Dana... where'd he go?”
Scully: “He's gone. He's just gone.”

It’s too bad that the first episode of season nine is so lackluster. Maybe Doggett and Reyes would have had a chance to make The X-Files their own if they had a stronger opener. There are many good episodes that feature them and if Duchovny wanted to be gone — they should have just saluted Mulder’s contribution and moved on.

One and a half out of five squeaky mobiles.

Mallena loves Mulder and Scully, but just wishes they had run off to a tropical paradise with the baby.


  1. I am right there with you Mallena. Thanks for this honest review of an almost episode. Your comment about the mobile was right on and symptomatic of some of the things that bug me about this show even though I love it. The squeak is obviously for effect but any parent would oil that sucker right away.

  2. Thank you, drama-mom (that's the way I used to think you're username read as, till I looked closer) I love the ego boost you just gave me, I needed that today! πŸ˜ΊπŸ“£πŸ’

  3. Mallena, great review, honest review. I feel the same way about a lot of the things you mentioned.


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