Fear the Walking Dead: People Like Us

"I've retired from scraping by just to survive."

I have to give it up for Fear the Walking Dead: that was perhaps the funniest cold open I've seen on either this show or its mother. Zombies lifting up into the wind and away like loose-hung laundry. It was pretty damn high-larious.

Fear the Walking Dead: No One's Gone

And we can officially say that Fear the Walking Dead has become The Walking Dead: a nonsensical, boring mess so aggressively bad that it almost seems like it has active contempt for the audience. I was insulted by this finale, and I’m insulted by the inane decisions the new showrunners have made and continue to make.

Fear the Walking Dead: The Wrong Side of Where You Are Now

"The people who stay die. And everything they were fighting for dies with them."

There were about fifteen minutes left of this episode, when I was suddenly taken by a vision. It was almost Biblical, this crystal-clear, perfect picture of the future: I watched an episode of Fear the Walking Dead, season five. And as I am a benevolent messenger from God, I will share my vision with you. Hear me and rejoice, fear not, for even in death, you have become children of Thanos.

Fear the Walking Dead: Just in Case

"People don't change. When pressed, when cornered, the artifice falls and the curtain drops. They always show you who they really are."

Oh, Naomi. You've turned out to be quite the slippery so-and-so, haven't you? At least you injected some life into a fairly boring slog of an episode.

Fear the Walking Dead: Laura

"You may not think you're a hero, but I do. And an honorable person. I'm very, very lucky to have washed up in your front yard."

I admit to dreading this episode a tiny bit, since Fear the Walking Dead's originator likes to do character-centric flashback episodes and they are (to put it charitably) very hit-and-miss. They tend to turn into overlong nothing-fests. However, I couldn't help but be charmed by the strange, sweet John Dorie.

Fear the Walking Dead: Buried

"Well, that's worse than Band-Aids in the water."

This episode seemed to be about remembering what was lost: the people, and the lives that our group had been leading. It was also about Althea (and therefore the audience) trying to piece together what happened to lead our group into the sorry circumstances in which they now find themselves.

Fear the Walking Dead: Good Out Here

"Being out here makes me feel more trapped than being in there. Like who I'll be is just closing in on me. Just suffocating me."

I can honestly say I didn't see that coming.

Fear the Walking Dead: Another Day in the Diamond

"I've done a lot worse when I was out there. We all did. I thought I lost my kids for good because of it. But I found 'em. And then we found this place and we built it up. Together. We are who we are because of it."

In which we found out just what the Clarks have been up to. As it turns out, they've been working hard and not even killing people. I know, I was surprised too.

The Walking Dead: Wrath

"My mercy prevails over my wrath."

Wow. The Walking Dead just shocked me more than it ever has since Season 5, by doing the one thing I didn't expect them to do: tell a good, strong story without resorting to cheap shock tactics.

The Walking Dead: Worth

"Just wanted to say a grateful enclave thanks you!"

If I were to choose a descriptor for the entire Saviors arc of The Walking Dead, it would be "wasted opportunity". We are drowning in wasted opportunities. Why couldn't we have been enjoying episodes like this from the off? Why did everything need to be stretched and pulled into long, ponderous scenes devoid of tension when we could have had episodes like this? Because this episode was pretty damn great.

The Walking Dead: Still Gotta Mean Something

"What the shit? No, really, just tell me, what the shit??"

Am I going insane?

Deadwood: Deep Water

"I'd rather be lucky than smart."

In which Al tries to murder his problems away, but only halfway succeeds.

The Walking Dead: Do Not Send Us Astray

"Did you really think that cockamamie play would work?"

We saw an uptick in quality last episode. I didn't expect it to last forever, but couldn't it have lasted for more than that single episode?

Jessica Jones: AKA I Want Your Cray Cray

"Call me a bitch again. Compare me to a dog. An animal that you can kick and collar. Say it."

Flashback episodes can be dangerous. Done right, they can provide context and fill in plot holes. Done badly, they can make a show or the characters appear inconsistent. This episode did a little of both.

The Walking Dead: The Key

"The dead have brought out our best and worst, and the worst has been outpacing the best lately, but that won't last forever."

When I saw the infamous, faux-artsy "face montage" at the start of this episode, I thought we'd be in for a slog not unlike the mid-season finale. However, I was wrong. I'm happy to say this episode was a marked improvement, even if it did have some of the same problems that have been plaguing The Walking Dead like a zombie virus for a while now.

Deadwood: Deadwood

"Goddammit, Swearengen, I don't trust you as far as I could th'ow you, but I enjoy the way you lie.”

As the cunningly apt tagline says, Deadwood is “A hell of a place to make your fortune”. It’s also one hell of a show. Coming from noted insane genius David Milch, Deadwood was perhaps a little too ambitious for its own good: a ruthless Western populated by powerfully written characters who spoke in dialogue that sounded like Shakespeare run through a pig farm.

The Walking Dead: Dead or Alive Or

"He was helping a stranger. In the middle of all this, he was helping a stranger."

Not quite as interesting as last week, although the plot is at least moving forward.

The Walking Dead: The Lost and the Plunderers

“There was remorse.”

There wasn’t enough.