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Glee: Silly Love Songs

Shall I compare Glee to a summer’s day?
Blaine art more lovely and more temperate.
Mean elf does shake the darling singing gay,
So medium drip hath him for Kurt to date.

Big Love for Lauren

I’m torn between Lauren and Blaine for most entertaining character this week. Lauren has had very little screen time in past weeks so I was surprised for her to be so central to the episode, and more surprised that she totally blew me away. Like Puck, I’m sort of fascinated by her. While I’m not sure how likely it is that he’d pursue her with such ardour, it sure makes for some amusing scenes. The hallway wrestling match was tops for me. Santana is so fierce that seeing her slammed into lockers and slung down the hall would have turned any man’s head... I’m just a little worried that Puck isn’t running away before he gets HIS heart torn out, literally!

On the serious side though, the issue of Lauren’s weight was handled quite sensitively, and I’d be interested to see it come up in a future episode. I don’t know how truthful it is that she looks how ‘America looks’, but if so, then she’s representative of a minority group just in the same way that lots of Glee characters are. I hope she sticks around.

Blaine’s Achy-Breaky Heart

I don’t know who I felt more sorry for here, Blaine for getting coldly rejected by a mean Dark Elf (he even had an elfey hood!) after baring his heart in song, or Kurt, suffering because said song was directed at Elrond instead of him. Their first scene with the coffee and the puppy love *thing* was nicely turned mirrored by Blaine’s revulsion at all things romantic in their return to the coffee shop. I liked that Kurt didn’t let the discussion go on (since really, with Blaine so wounded by love, it wasn’t the right time) but just alluded to the fact that he hopes they will end up together.

Blaine’s admission that he doesn’t really know what he’s doing seemed very heartfelt and just made him seem like more of a catch (oh, he’s so Sensitive!), cunning writers for excusing him from the incredible denseness he showed in not picking up on Kurt’s feelings sooner.
As a side note, I am glad Kurt isn’t a sucker for the Valentine’s Day commercial extravaganza. It’s nothing but an excuse to sell cards and chocolate (can you tell I don’t have plans for the 14th?).

The Love Pentagon, or Nobody Loves a Cheat

Oh Quinn, when will you learn? After cheating AND getting pregnant in Season One, she begins another affair with the guy she cheated on! Of course, she’s not the only one to blame. Rachel cheated too, Finn seemed happy enough to aid Quinn in her cheating, blame Santana for her vindictiveness (getting mono just to expose Finn and Quinn was going a bit too far), and blame Puck for being the perfect accessory to infidelity. You could even blame Sam for making Quinn kiss Finn. Or blame love for making fools of us all? Laying aside the blame, this storyline was classic Glee messiness, and some parts, especially Santana’s scheme and Finn’s kissing booth were completely brilliant. I’ve never been that invested in Rachel and Finn, but her insecurity about Quinn’s looks felt realistic, and I did feel a bit sorry for her when she found out her kisses didn’t make Finn see fireworks.


- Lauren Zizes getting an expanded role in the series
- Not one but TWO Warblers songs this week. My ipod doesn’t know what’s hit it!
- Lauren Zizes throwing Santana into a wall
- Brittany’s outfit during P.Y.T. - she looks Damn Fine in street clothes.
- Santana’s inner monologue. That girl’s definitely going to marry well.
- Mercedes’ lecture about putting talent before love
- Nice pink sunnies in The Gap, Blaine
- When did Rachel and Mercedes get so close? Awesome that they were listening to 'Tell Him' when comforting Kurt.
- That look near the end between Sam and Santana. Anyone for a love hexagon?

Didn’t Lurrrve

- Raddest? Really Mike?
- Why would Finn have a present for Rachel behind his kissing booth? Nice necklace though.
- Mean Blaine for directing his “sometimes it (love) doesn’t come at all” at Santana. Miaow!
- Santana’s sexy candystriper outfit. When she looks that hot I fear for my sexuality.
- Mono being a central plot point and I’ve never even heard of it. Don’t you Americans ever kiss us Brits?
- Dark Elf mentioned Blaine being underage as a barrier to dating him. Really? What's the age of consent in the US?
- Blaine actually Liked the kissing bears? Ok, i wuv him, but they were disgusting!
- Sam was alone on Valentine’s Day? Where was Quinn?
- Lauren stood up Puck?! Wait, maybe I lurrrrve this!

Glee Against the Music

Fat Bottomed Girls - Queen (Puck and New Directions):
I want that red guitar. I can’t play guitar, but I want it. This was a good performance but a little bit cringeworthy for poor Lauren sitting through it. Grade C+

P.Y.T. (Pretty Young Thing) - Michael Jackson. (Artie and New Directions):
Artie’s voice and Mike’s awesome dance moves are a good combo. But I was disappointed there was no Tina and Artie duet while their respective partners danced around them. Grade B

When I Get You Alone - Robin Thicke (Blaine and the Warblers):
Not only is the song incredibly catchy, and another completely original a cappella arrangement, but the staging and choreography was much more advanced than most Glee numbers. From Blaine’s eagerness, and The Warblers’ dancing, Dark Elf’s indifference and Kurt’s displeasure, it was all perfectly done. Grade A

My Funny Valentine
- Babes In Arms (Tina):
I was actually quite relieved when she broke down into tears, because I wasn’t enjoying the song much at all. A good song to sing to comic Mike though. C-

Firework - Katy Perry (Rachel and New Directions):
Too much like the original, and too crowbar’d in with Finn and his fireworks. That walking in the hallway with the sparklers made Rachel seem like a happy witch. Grade C+

Silly Love Songs - Paul McCartney (Blaine and the Warblers):
Just wonderful. Grade A

Quotes for Gleeks in Love

Lauren: “Stare at me again, and I’ll break your nuts... also, these candies you gave me, they sucked.”
Puck: “But you ate all of them!”
Lauren: “I had to make sure they all sucked.”
Puck: *I’m in love with Lauren Zizes*

Blaine: “A medium drip and a grande non-fat mocha for this guy, and maybe I could get him to split one of those cupid cookies”
Kurt: “You know my coffee order?”
Blaine: “Of course I do....*Kurt starts to get his money*... Don’t even bother dummy it’s on me. Keep the change!”
Kurt: *to the cashier* “I do believe I have a new favourite holiday!”

Santana: “Please, you people love me. I keep it real and I’m hilarious.”
Lauren: “Actually, you’re just a bitch!”

Rachel: “Maybe you’re right: maybe I am destined to play the title role in the Broadway musical version of Willow but the only job you’re going to have is working on a pole!”

Kurt: “I can see the appeal. That's quite a head of hair.”
Blaine: “His name’s Jeremiah – if he and I got married, The Gap would give me 50% discount.”

Lauren: “You seriously think it’s that easy? I’m not desperate so if you really want this you best come correct ’cause I spell woman Z-I-Z-E-S. And I need to be wooed. You understand me? Woooooed.”

Mercedes: “Sometimes you have to choose between love and talent.”

Finn: “You’re a real star and you need to shine.”

Santana: “I won’t tell Lauren to look out for poachers who might mistake her for the endangered white rhino.”
Lauren: “I heard that. Don’t make me rip that weave out ‘yo head.”

Santana: “Wait, that’s weird. Quinn’s wearing her queen bitch smirk and Finn only wears that gassy infant look when he feels guilty about something. Holy sweet hell – they’re fooling around! I know what cheating looks like – I do it all the time.”

Puck: “What is this place?”
Lauren: “It's a library. Haven't you been in here before? No? Okay, I don't understand - you said you wanted to ask me out but I see no envelope of cash, no muffin basket... ”
Santana: “Please. I’ve had mono so many times it turned into stereo.”

Lauren: “I don’t think you’re ready for this jelly.”

That was gloriously ridiculous, hilarious and surprisingly moving in parts. Glee is the perfect show to do a Valentine’s themed episode, and it didn’t disappoint.

Four out of four medium drips – what are those, anyway?


  1. Most writers are from California and hence think the age of consent is 18, but in most states it's 16 so it's just another case of Did Not Do the Research.

  2. I think mono's known as glandular fever over here, Harry.

  3. Actually , the age of consent in California is 16 as well, so no biscuit, Glee staffers. Writers often confuse age of consent with age of majority. I imagine that's what happened here.

    Fun review as always, Harry. The best bit for me was Tina bursting out in tears whilst doing her number. So hilariously uncomfortable.

  4. Lauren won for me, hands down. Blaine is adorable, but they're taking too long getting them together. Having Blaine crushing on Jeramiah and Kurt thinking it was him was just a tad bit too cliche for me. Jeramiah is a cutie though, did he actually play an Elf somewhere or does he just resemble one. I guess I can see him in pointy ears.

    Puck's feelings of inadequacy, coupled with a bit of Knight in Shining Armor Syndrome, has made him gaga for Zizes. I hope they follow through with this plot, preferably not with Lauren getting her heart broken.

    Quinn and Finn know better, that was a case of well deserved mono. Santana is so despicable yet remains a completely sympathetic character, I blame the legs. Quinn was home sick with mono so that's why Sam was alone, and ripe for the picking.

    Dimitiri I've always thought the AOC was 18 in California. When was it lowered? Google tells me 18 as well. Of course 16 is the AOC in Ohio, where Glee is based, but that only pertains to sexual intercourse. They could have had a relationship otherwise, so either way cheap excuse.

  5. Hi Felipe,

    I may have misinterpreted things.
    According to section 261 of the California penal code, the child must be at least 16 years old for sexual intercourse with a person over 21. In Canada, that would be the end of it, but I forgot the U.S. still has statutory rape laws relating to age (Canada replaced those with specific child protection laws), which leads us to this gem:

    Unlawful intercourse with someone under 18 is considered statutory rape.

    I suspect that's the age the U.S. takes as age of consent, though it's worth noting that the law doesn't state that it's illegal to have sex with someone under 18. It says that if you have sex that's already illegal with someone under 18, you'll be charged with statutory rape, not just sexual felony or whatever. Confusing.

    Of course, as you pointed out, none of this applies to Elf Boy because (a) dating is not the same as intercourse, (b) he doesn't look over five years older than Blaine, (c) he has goofy hair.

    Also, I just remembered my other favourite bit this week: Santana sobbign and complaining to Brittany that she tries hard to be an honest person and it's unfair that everyone sucks. The legs are nice, but I love her sass.

  6. As far as I can tell the AOC, in the US, is considered the age at which a person can no longer be a victim of statutory rape. Once the person hits that age (16 in Ohio, 18 in CA) the age of the partner is no longer in question, unless of course the partner is younger... and let's not go there for my head is spinning as it is. While Googling I breezed by this tidbit. In Canada the AOC for gay males is higher, 18 vs 16 for hetero couples, what's that about.

    Santana distraught from being called a pole dancer was a great scene, made only better by Brit telling her to try rocking back and forth like they do in the movies.

    Anyone else considering adding "afores I ends you" to their daily vocabulary? Open your veins to Glee, afores I ends you. I like it. :D

  7. I don't think Jeremiah meant Blaine's actual age -- I think it was just that Blaine is still in high school. And I think better of Jeremiah for it.

    As I've probably said before (I've been way too repetitive lately) I really like Puck. That whole thing with Lauren could have been uncomfortable and/or unbelievable, but they both sold it so well. And as you noted, Harry, I'm also finally starting to like Lauren. And maybe it was inappropriate, but I love Queen. "Fat Bottom Girls" was terrific.

  8. Hello, my learned lawyerly compatriots.

    I think one thing to bear in mind is that the Elf probably isn't a legal expert. He's just assuming, whether rightly or wrongly. I've certainly always assumed that 18 was the age that matters for this sort of thing.

  9. Well, technically it's no gay intercourse that's set as 18 so much as anal intercourse, but, yeah, the result (and I suspect the intent) is pretty much the same.

    That's why certain provinces have rejected these laws, considering them unconstitutional (I live in two such provinces. Yay, me).

    The most horrifying piece of hipocricy in regards to sex laws in Canada (thank you, Prime Minister Harper, you never fail to infuriate) is that, while anal sex is set at 18 and male-female vaginal sex was recently moved up to 16, female-female sex remains at 14 because, uh, under Harper, lesbian love is not adult love? I don't know. Way to treat people of different sexual orientations as equal citizens!


    Harper sex laws, you stink of prejudice. Afores I ends you!

  10. My comment above was in reply to Felipe's, not Josie's. That would be weird.

  11. I think all the legal talk detracted from the point I was trying to make. Sex does not constitute a relationship, sex being what dictates the law. Jeramiah already showed an interest in Blaine, he went to coffee with him twice. Him throwing away the relationship, over what looks like a minor age difference (no way of actually knowing) seemed trivial. Particularly after the spectacle Blaine made of himself. He did get him fired though. His loss, that just leaves Blaine open for Kurt.

    And I've now spent far too much time analyzing a rather insignificant plot point from a show I've admitted to liking because of it's simplicity.

    Billie Puck is such a "rad" character. I also think he has the strongest male vocals, but that's my own opinion.

    Dimitri I LOLed, HARD. I also appreciate you taking the time to explain the intricacies of Canadian sex laws. Although I'd like to address the implications of two grown men discussing, in detail, the legality of having sex with minors. It's not like that, preverts. I kid.

    I have to say I love that Elf Boy has caught on. I hope to see more of him, if only to use Elf boy again.

  12. I definitely enjoyed this episode for the most part. I'm not a fan of the Finn/Quinn relationship because now Finn is no better than Rachel. The only difference with this is that he's not the one being cheated on anymore. I really love the new Kurt/Mercedes/Rachel friendship. I don't know where it started but it's nice to see them all together outside of school. I loved all of the songs and can't get Silly Love Songs out of my head most of the time. I really liked the whole When Harry Met Sally reference towards the end and am looking forward to where the Blaine/Kurt relationship takes us. One of my favorite parts was when Rachel finally told Santana off. She's right, Santana can dish it but can't take it and I thought what everyone was saying was relatively true. Santana should've seen that coming after putting everyone through torture. On the subject of Santana, am I the only one really enjoying the Cheerios street clothes? I definitely missed Quinn's when she became a Cheerio again and now I love that I can see all three girls in regular clothes. I also found it quite upsetting when Finn basically told Rachel he didn't see Fireworks when they kissed, low blow considering he obviously still loves her and is just very confused. However, I did like their little moment in the kissing booth when Rachel just got so fed up that she asked Finn what he wanted, because no one really knows. He is so confused about Rachel that he's willing to let Quinn cheat on Sam with him? The very thing that upset him most, is something he's doing now? It just doesn't add up to me. But, overall, I definitely enjoyed this episode.

  13. Good points, Marissa. Actually, I had intended to post in my comment that Quinn, Brittany and Santana all looked so much better than they usually do because they were out of those ugly Cheerios costumes, but I forgot and you beat me to it. :)

  14. ''Santana’s sexy candystriper outfit. When she looks that hot I fear for my sexuality.''

    Haha, my thoughts exactly!

    Great review, I really enjoyed this episode! But I really dislike Bland, er, sorry, Blaine and his group of merry men. I want Kurt back at ND.

  15. Thanks for the informative/amusing comments everyone. I think we've all learned that AOC laws are so complicated that one should never have sex with an Elf.

  16. I would just like to add that, according to the Florida penal code, it is illegal to have sex with a porcupine.

    You have all been warned.

  17. "Please. I've had mono so many times, it turned into stereo." Hilarious! The quote of the show -- to date. And, it explains how Santana was able to pass on the mono without getting it herself.

    Yes, mono = glandular fever. And a drip coffee is just plain coffee to which you add your own milk and/or sugar.

    Another fun episode. Is it me, or has MM been conspicuously absent for the past few shows? He seems to turn up for around thirty seconds and then we don't see him again. I know that a lot of you don't think much of him. Maybe the writers were reading this site!

  18. Interesting comments. And I can think of some reasons why the age of consent would be different for different pairings; it's a question of the risks involved. Male-male sex - AIDS is still a possibility, a disease that can ruin your life/kill you. Male-female sex - obviously a big chance of unwanted pregnancy. Female-female sex - very few risks in comparison. People can still argue that it's unfair, but there are rationales for those ages.


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