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The X-Files: Nothing Important Happened Today II

Case: Doggett and his fellow Agents (plus The Lone Gunmen) work to uncover the nefarious plots of the super-soldiers.

Destination: Washington, D.C.

Doggett: “Mulder’s long gone.”

You said it, John. Mulder is gone and Doggett, Scully, Reyes, and their cohorts are doing their best without him. The problem is, I feel, most of the ninth season of this show would have been better off without him, altogether. It’s just annoying to have to hear everyone always talking about him when he’s gone and can’t help anymore, anyways. Adding super-soldiers to the mix did this season no favors, as well.

Lucy Lawless and Cary Elwes are in this episode, but it’s two episodes into the season, and I don’t really care if they appear on the screen again or not. Lucy might have been able to do interesting things with her character, but sadly – she didn’t get the chance. Lucy Lawless found out that she was pregnant and she had to refuse the offer to continue her character on the show. Cary Elwes just doesn’t have much to do in this episode. He tries to make Follmer look menacing, but instead, he merely looks constipated. Adam Baldwin’s also trying hard to make his character seem scary, but… I just love Adam’s dry wit and it’s so totally submerged here, that I’m not interested in his character at all. How about a little more back-story on the character, writers? That might have been helpful.

If you can tell that I am utterly bored with this episode, you’re right. I don't think that I'm the only one. Here's a picture of my dog watching the show:

Just kidding, that's not my dog, sadly. Note to self: Get puppy. Anyhoo, it isn’t all bad. I did laugh a few times. When Skinner’s in the meeting with Reyes and Follmer this occurs: Skinner tells Reyes to “zip it.” Twice!! The funniest part was the perplexed look on Reyes’ face as she turned away from him. Was that some sort of code? Anyway, the other funny moment is this exchange between Reyes and The Lone Gunmen:

Frohike: “We had a small funding fiasco.”
Langly: “They cut our internet service.”
Reyes: “Don’t tell me you breached FBI security just to log on.”
Byers: “I think you want to see this.”
(Picture of a long-legged beauty in a stars and stripes bikini.)
Langly: “Uh, not this.”

That is my favorite scene in the whole episode and Reyes seems very comfortable with The Lone Gunmen. I like Monica’s quirky nature and Annabeth Gish has a light comedic style that I appreciate. She would work well with the Gunmen, I think.

The rest of the show goes something like this: Shannon McMahon tells Doggett that she is a bioengineered combat unit who hates what she is, a middle-aged man holds clipboard on a ship, a new conspiracy theory comes to light, Doggett’s mad at Kersh, our FBI friends go explore a ship in a shipyard, Adam Baldwin tries to crush Doggett’s skull with his hands (ouch), a bomb is discovered on the ship, Scully desperately tries to find info on Baby William, everyone finally decides to run (because – bomb!), the ship explodes, and then something truly weird happens in Kersh’s office.

Kersh claims that he’s actually a friend of the X-Files, and even more bizarre, he almost smiles. Doggett seems to believe Kersh, but I have my doubts. Kersh has been such a wet blanket for so long, smothering the efforts of our favorite FBI Agents, that it’s going to take a lot for him to convince me that he’s a good guy.

Other Thoughts:

I just can’t get excited about super-soldiers. To me they just seem like variations of the Alien Bounty Hunter, played by this Arnold Schwarzenegger look-alike:

I just want to laugh every time Monica calls Follmer – “Brad.” There’s just something funny about that name for me, or maybe it’s the way that she says it. I instantly get an image in my head of Brad Majors and Janet Weiss singing. “Oh, Brad!” “Janet, Dammit!”

The scenes of Doggett, Reyes, and Scully walking through the corridors of that ship with flashlights is semi-interesting. I noticed that Reyes always walks ahead of Scully, like she is protecting her. That’s sweet, I guess?


I couldn’t find many quotes in this episode that were compelling. I did think of this great quote from WKRP In Cincinnati:

(Les Nessman pays Little Arthur to learn what Mrs. Carlson says about him.)
Little Arthur: “She says that you're obtuse.”
Les Nessman: “Ooh!”
Herb: (reading dictionary) “Adultery... Admire...”
Les: “Let me see that.”
(snatches dictionary away from Herb)
Les: “Obtuse...”
Herb: (snatching dictionary back from Les) “Addle-minded!”
Les: (snatching back the dictionary) “Obtuse! According to Webster’s - exceeding ninety degrees but less than one-hundred eighty degrees; lacking sharpness or quickness of sensibility; rounded at the free end… dull!” (Look of triumph followed by dawning understanding)

Ever since I saw that episode of WKRP, “obtuse” has been my favorite word. I use it in conversation as much as I can. I also think it perfectly describes this episode of The X-Files: rounded at the free end.

Okay, can you tell that I’m not a fan of the beginning of season nine? Don’t worry about too much negativity from me, dear readers. There are some great episodes ahead that redeem season nine. On rewatch, I just skip the opening to this season and watch the good episodes that come after. The super-soldier program just doesn’t have enough story behind it to make it appealing. Adam Baldwin, Lucy Lawless, and Carey Elwes just don’t add anything special to these episodes, and I know that they’re all capable actors, so what went wrong? All the actors in this episode appear very earnest, intense, and committed to delivering their lines with dramatic flair. Unfortunately, there isn’t anything worth getting excited about, so I just keep wondering what they are all yelling/discussing/emoting about while the soundtrack plays it’s menacing score.

One out of five flashlights.

Mallena loves other episodes of The X-Files… just not this one.


  1. This review is next level amazing. The puppy pic and WKRP quotes, alone, made me throw my computer across the room.

  2. Heather, thanks so much! Your comment made me very happy.


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