I moaned out loud when I realized I'd gotten the bad Troi romance episode. At least the idea of a stable wormhole connecting to a far off part of the galaxy was pretty darned interesting. So let's postpone the painful part of this review, and talk about the wormhole first.
The idea of a stable wormhole is very cool and gee, it could be the source of a zillion new Star Trek stories. The early scene at the reception in Ten Forward was fun, and reminded me a lot of "Journey to Babel". I liked the little detail that the wormhole popped up every 233 minutes, because it's so weirdly specific. I also liked that the Barzan were represented by Bhavani, a middle-aged woman, because in the 1980s and 1990s, that was usually a guy. And I liked the metal things that curved over her face to her mouth because even though they didn't state it out loud, I could assume it was to help her breathe in an alien atmosphere. Nice detail.
But did they have to bring in the Ferengi, my least favorite recurring Star Trek aliens ever? They're the worst, aren't they? Am I forgetting a species that is even more dislikable? And tell me why would anyone volunteer to check out that wormhole in a tiny shuttle and risk getting stuck in the Delta quadrant a century away at warp nine, and hey, that's a whole other quadrant than the one they were originally selling, where Geordi might have spent the rest of his short life starving in a shuttlecraft alone with Data?
Most importantly, why would the Federation bid on a supposedly stable wormhole that hasn't even been fully tested yet?
Okay, back to the A plot. Or was it the B plot?
Unlike many Next Gen fans, I like Troi, and always have. Marina Sirtis isn't Meryl Streep, but she did the best she could with a character that, let's face it, was mostly just stuffed in sexy outfits and always got shortchanged in the plot department. And there isn't anything wrong with the actual Troi plot in this episode. It showed that like all of us, she gets tired when she has a long day, that she has a favorite indulgence, that she is capable of going overboard and not thinking clearly when she's strongly attracted to someone, and that when it comes right down to it, her loyalty to the Enterprise and its captain and crew is unshakeable.
So why is this episode reeking of uncomfortable sexism? Is it just that I can't imagine instantly falling for a guy that obviously smarmy, electric blue eyes or not? Is it the way he messed up her hairdo before they'd spent two minutes together? Was it the cringeworthy oil scene, or the one where he carried her off to bed like Rhett Butler and Scarlett O'Hara? (I hope I didn't just spoil Gone With the Wind for you.) And if she's half Betazoid and he's only a quarter, how come she didn't know what he was? (And if they'd had kids, how much Betazoid would those kids have had? I'm terrible with fractions.)
Ral went over the line so quickly, too, tracking down Riker and practically going "Nyah nyah ni-nyah nyah, I'm having sex with Troi and you're not." Fortunately, Riker wasn't thrown an iota. (Of course, he's a Zen master of the poker face, so maybe I'm wrong and he was deeply pissed.) And Ral topped that off by trying to convince Troi that reading emotions and using his secret knowledge to manipulate people during critical negotiations was exactly like Troi doing her job on the Enterprise, helping her captain figure out what aliens with dangerous weapons might do, counseling crew members under stress and dealing with grief.
And then he goes, please run away with me and help me develop a conscience. He actually pretty much said that exact thing. Did anyone think she'd go? She has an actual important job on a starship and everything, while he had a date to the reception that he dropped like a hot potato, making it easy to assume he'd do the same with Troi next week. She obviously would have been much better off with the chocolate sundae. Except the replicator was giving her a hard time about it, which just isn't fair.
One more thing. I have to give a special mention to the Troi/Crusher exercise scene in very tight, colorful leotards, green for the redhead, pink for the brunette, holding hands as they stretched and talked girl talk about sex. This was an opportunity for a good scene, too, because when you think about it, who else can the ship's chief medical officer and head shrink confide in but each other? Why couldn't they have shown the two of them lounging around in Crusher's office eating lunch together and talking shop? (Where is that image coming from? Is there a future scene with them doing that?)
But no. "Who needs rational when your toes curl?" A swing and a miss. Strike out.
Bits and pieces:
-- Star date 43385.6. Barzan 2. and the Delta quadrant.
-- Our lovers were calling each other Troi and Ral. Not Deanna and Devinoni. If my name was Devinoni, I'd probably prefer my last name, too.
-- The Chrysalians, who sounded like a planetary Switzerland, had a human negotiating for them. Were they human, too? If not, and I got the impression they weren't (correct me if I'm wrong), why would they trust a human with something so critical? I hope they fired him.
-- Two Ferengi got stuck in the Delta quadrant forever. Too bad. Am I remembering that we get back to them at some future time? [And that's a big yes! Here's a link to Juliette's review of the Voyager episode, "False Profits".]
-- Beverly's shorter hair was back. I seem to recall that Gates McFadden had very long hair she wouldn't have cut, so maybe last week they were trying out her real hair. And then maybe they changed their minds. Wigs take less time than styling really long hair.
Riker: "May I escort you, Ms. Troi?"
Troi: "Just tell me there's some chocolate here."
DaiMon Goss:"We'll need chairs."
Picard: "I am Captain Picard of the Enterprise. I am serving as host for these proceedings."
DaiMon Goss: "Good. Then see to it that we get some chairs."
Picard: "Let me explain..."
DaiMon Goss:"Fine, fine! Just have your Klingon servant get us some chairs."
Worf: (furious) "I'm in charge of security."
DaiMon Goss: "Then who gets the chairs?"
Mendoza: "You must play poker, Commander."
Riker: "Poker. Is that a game of some sort?"
I loved Riker's poker face during this exchange.
Picard: "The Federation could end up owning the proverbial lemon."
Data: "Proverbial lemon, sir?"
Picard: "Later, Data."
Three out of four proverbial lemons for the stable wormhole plot. One out of four proverbial lemons for the romance plot. Zero out of four for the exercise scene. What does that make? Probably lemonade,
Billie Doux is the founder of Doux Reviews and has been reviewing her favorite shows for quite some time. More Billie Doux.
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